Yeah, OK. I lied again.

I said I FORGOT to finish the blog post series I started on Healthy Habits. That is only PARTIALLY true. I am more organized than you think!

The TRUTH is that I didn’t think we would want to discuss fasting the week before Christmas when we are constantly stuffing our faces with stuffing and turkey and homemade treats and eggnog.

But now that we are on the couch, stomachs in pain and feeling like losers (Losers in a good way, if you haven’t read that post), let me help you get off the couch and let’s punish our bodies again by doing things we don’t like: eating less food, exercising etc.

Or let’s trick ourselves into believing we like doing the stuff we may not always feel like doing.

Whatever.

So January is here!

I would recommend starting off the year by re-reading my blogpost series about Healthy Habits.

Time to get fit!

This post in the Healthy Habits series is a recommendation to try to (more or less) eat dessert on Sundays only.

But that is impossible, right?

Yeah, I know, but we have to try to wean ourselves off the hourly Christmas treats, eventually.

Here’s how:

1. Trick yourself into thinking you are eating dessert when you are not.

Like a cocaine addict (are they the ones that use needles, again?) seeking a fix, I MUST HAVE a snack like this one every day. This is the FIRST item I make when I run out. I’ll skip cooking supper to have a week of these on hand.

Why? Because they FEEL like dessert, even though they are not! Fat and sugar and chocolate and yum all rolled up into a ball! But it’s healthy fat (nuts) and healthy sugar (dates) and chocolate (of course). I eat these at 3:00 pm when I’m craving my fix, and there is just enough heroin (substitute) to help me last another few hours till supper and my nightly camomile tea fix.

2. Downscale your addictive personality.

Our church has been reaching out to our city’s homeless population, and it is AMAZING how much sugar these people who have kicked their drug addictions mainline (Can you mainline sugar?) Whatever.

But let’s face it, mainlining sugar is a LOT healthier than mainlining crystal meth!

Since the reality is that we, too, are just nicely dressed balls of addiction, chasing the wrong desires, let’s learn from them!

Let’s downscale our addictions!

For example, I met a lady last week who stopped smoking and then gained 30 pounds. But stuffing our faces with food is better than stuffing our faces with cancer sticks!

In my case, I am more addicted to sugar than I am to processed chips. So I TRY to eat chips instead of sugar. Once I’m addicted to chips, it’s easier to wean myself off of that addiction. I’ve been downscaled!

It’s easier to eat less chips than it is to mainline crystal meth!

Get the pattern?

While we’re at it, downscaling our addictions, let’s upscale our Levels of Happiness!

3. Let’s look forward to making massive pigs of ourselves.

As per the theme of point two above, we don’t start out at the finish line, having already won the race.

Meaning let’s cut ourselves some slack! We are all basically crack-addicted homeless people, seeking happiness in all the wrong places, so let’s cut ourselves some slack!

Let’s LOOK FORWARD to making a COMPLETE PIG of ourselves on Sundays! A COMPLETE cheesecake with Oreos and highly processed foods on Sunday, anyone?

Start where we’re at!

We’ll eat ONE piece of cake with good manners and a napkin sometime on the future Sunday. Even if our progress is WAY OUT in the future, we celebrate successes! You’re awesome!

Good luck!

You’re welcome!