I know what your problem is.
Like a well-trained doctor who assesses your symptoms and states with certainty your sickness, I (though not trained in this stuff at all*) also state with certainty your malady:
You need to laugh more.
Come on!
Everyone around you is ridiculous!
Laugh at them!
You are ridiculous, too!
(Implications of this rationale are implied.)
And before we begin, I must start by saying I am well aware that, for some reason that I do not quite understand, when I give excellent advice on how to live your life, you say things like, “That’s funny!” And thus, sometimes you laugh at the wrong times or things. And yet, despite this blatant persecution, misjudgment and bullying (what’s the difference?) I will continue giving my sage advice.
To get your belly laughs warmed up, here are some unusual things my brain has noticed lately.
Advice #1: How To Rise And Shine With Enthusiasm Every Day!
I hate my alarm clock.
The little “chirp, chirp” sound startles me, so the last time I went camping, I found myself swearing loudly at 4 am at the little birdies chirping in the trees outside, thinking they were my blasted alarm clock. My cussing woke the other campers, who were still glaring at me over their thick campfire coffee brew several hours later. Why do they make “bird chirp sound” as an option on alarm clocks anyway?
If they REALLY wanted me to get out of bed quickly in the morning, they would make an alarm clock that makes the sound my dog makes just before he throws up beside my bed.
Advice #2: How to Enjoy Marital Bliss, Even When You Feel (Just A Little Bit) Like Choking Your Spouse!
Certified professionals, the ones that charge $160/hr – who knows why? Is it just because they have training?* – often say annoying things like “Talk about your problems.” That only backfires from my experience. How do you have marital bliss? Keep your mouth shut! Follow the saying:
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half closed after that!”
So, for example, if your spouse keeps running out of gas (I speak in idioms – NOT that anyone you know would ever do this!), make sure that “gasoline” is one of those words that must NEVER be mentioned! Except when he runs out of gas next time, the word “gasoline” can be used as ammunition for why you should win the next disagreement! Trust me!
It works!
Advice #3: How To Be Attractive, Even When You Are Getting A Bit Older!
With back pain, showering or brushing your teeth can be difficult.
Yet, do this if at all you think you can!
(Also remember to take the laxative EARLIER in the day so that the house doesn’t smell as bad at night when you and your spouse are relaxing and enjoying a romantic evening at home together!)
Advice #4: How To Choose The Best Pet That Fits Your Family Perfectly!
How long does it take for the excitement of a new puppy, or bunny or pony, to wear off, and then the kids return to cratering their iPhones like a newborn baby while we entice our kids to PLEASE take poor Alfred for a walk and to brush his mangy hair! And yet, buying pets is what good parents do, and we want to be like everyone else!
So the next time one of our children wanted another animal, I surprised myself by confiding to the clerk at the pet store when my child was out of earshot:
“I’ll pay extra for a pet that’s almost dead.”
And the summary of this sage advice?
A cheerful disposition is good for your health
Translated, that ancient text could perhaps also read along the lines of:
Laugh at others! Laugh at yourself! We’re ridiculous, remember?
You’ll feel much better soon.
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
Blogpost Footnotes
*Does that matter to anyone anymore? We have YouTube!
Restoring Life 