In the springtime of life, [people] dream, speak, write and sing of love – of love’s gracious birth and beautiful youth. But it is not in the springtime of life that love’s deepest depths can be fathomed, its vastness measured, and its endurance tested. There is a love which surmounts all trials and discipline, all the petty vexations and worries . . .
Josephine Butler in When Courage Calls by Sarah C. Williams
And in this article, I will teach you how to gather power for later use!
Thanks for liking me! I like you too! Let’s journey together!
As background, our friends were praying for us over our marriage recently. Yes! We have great friends!
If you come to church, the Pastor may ask your friends to pray for your marriage, too, and that’s one of the many benefits of a church community!
My purpose in writing is simply this: . . . how bold and free we then become in his presence, freely asking according to his will, sure that he’s listening.
On reflection, that MIGHT be ANOTHER reason why we are happily married – because we and others pray for our marriage and also work on learning about marriage? We are also going through this book with our spouses and talking about what we are learning with some friends. That kind of prayer and learning stuff can’t hurt, I suppose, but I have my own advice to share with you today!
Anyway, one friend said (to me!) during this time of prayer for our marriage to, “Think of kind little things to do for each other” (!) Why did she have to say that to ME? Of course, I already know this stuff!
To clarify, thinking of small1 acts of service to do for others might not be what I’m naturally good at, but we’re all good at SOMETHING, right?
As proof that I know EXACTLY how to do little kind things for my spouse- THANK YOU VERY MUCH! – I have written this list to help you!
How To Do Little Kind Things For Your Spouse (so that the power balance is shifted in your favor):
”Don’t worry,” you can say, gently, as you pat them understandably on the back the next time they make a mistake. “That’s just fine.” But this kindness, understanding and forgiveness is actually storing up extra power in your pocket that you can dole out later, the next time you make a mistake! Try it, friends! It’s helpful to have extra power in your pocket!
Then, the next time they make a mistake, “Forget” that you “forgot” what they did wrong! Then remember in detail his every mistake! The whys of this were explained fully LAST TIME.
Another way to store up power is to do something kind for your spouse when they least expect it. For example, when I had a back injury, my spouse brought me coffee every morning in bed! Of course, I couldn’t get out of bed, but the fact that he brought me coffee in bed was awesome.
And this is another way we can reverse-power grab! Which is when we subtly “hint” at little things they used to do and moan about how much better our lives would be if they would (simply!) do these things again (Every day, for example)! As an example, I’m hoping my husband reads this, and if so, I hope he is “encouraged” to keep doing nice things for me!
Being happily married for 25 years like me can be easy, friend!
We celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary this month. And you know, on reflection, it’s actually easy to be married for 25 years! The trick is to understand power.
The power must stay balanced.
Thank you for liking me! I like you too! Let’s journey together!
For example, you’ll want to reserve some power for later, when you make the inevitable mistakes all of us tend to make. It’s handy to have some extra power in your pocket for moments like these. This is so you have the upper hand and can wield some power, so you don’t have to spend quite as long in the slumps or groveling.
So, for example, for our 25th wedding anniversary dinner, I brought a small surprise present for my husband.
This is a perfect way to gather little memories to cherish forever! And also, this is a perfect opportunity for you to put some extra power into your pocket! Here’s how to store up power, using this ACTUAL example1 from my own life!
I gave a small, surprise present to my spouse in FRONT OF my spouse’s friends at our anniversary celebration dinner without telling him first that I was going to do this!
I also gave this present on a day that wasn’t our actual anniversary (To reduce the risk of him giving me a present! See the no-fail beauty in this advice?)
He (therefore) didn’t know I was going to give him a present or that I’m doing this so all of our friends will assume (of course!) what a great spouse I am and what a terrible spouse my husband is!
It’s moments like these that help you keep power in your pocket so that you can dole it out later when necessary, friends!
When You Need A Little Extra Power:
For example, that morning I drank all the cream for our morning coffees because I didn’t feel like sharing the last little bit, my husband COULD be mad at me for that, but THANKFULLY I had a little extra power in my pocket saved up. It was wrong of me to drink ALL the remaining coffee cream2 but thankfully, I had a bit of extra power in my pocket, from remembering in detail the last mistake he made, from times that I had stored it up for occasions just such as this! And voila!
The power balance is restored.
Love . . . doesn’t keep score of the sins of others
Caveat: I find that the source for this quote isn’t ALWAYS completely helpful in proving my point of view, as noted above, though it does have many useful bits that help me see the world in ways that align with how I see things! The rest of this chapter of this ancient text says a LOT about loving well, but I, for one, always find the rest of the chapter completely confusing! Well, “Learn what you can where you can!” as I always say!
The summary of this helpful advice is really CYA.
CYA is an acronym that stands for “Cover Your…” I dunno. I think it’s “Arsenal.” I can’t remember the last word of that acronym.
In CYA, you want to build up protection, cover your troops and have enough arsenal in your pockets and at your disposal for your next battle.
But you see, friends? With helpful strategies such as these, it’s easy! Being married for 25 years is a snap!
For more helpful advice, check out additional marriage advice HERE, HERE and more coming as we enter our 26th year.
You’re welcome, everyone!
Good luck!
Thank you for liking me! I like you too! Let’s journey together!
Photo Credits: US! by A Friend, A Kind And Considerate Present! by Me, And “US” In Another 25 Years! by Godz1 on Unsplash
Pull up a chair and laugh WITH (Wait – AT?!) us, friend!
As clearly and thoroughly elaborated in THIS ARTICLE, I require an EXCESSIVE amount of time this holiday season skiing and soaking in a hot tub.
However, given that some of you in the over fifty countries1 who read this drivel (no-STUFF!) can barely function without my constant wisdom flooding your inbox, I will be posting some of our previous Christmas letters here to help you through this season with adequate wisdom and insight to complete the bare minimum of your Christmas activities.
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
We enjoy publishing a letter and sending it to all our friends and family for the Holidays.
Earlier this week, I offered some excellent1 marriage advice on how to laugh together (at others)! Here’s some more unsolicited marriage advice! You’re welcome! Good luck!
We were preparing our family to go skiing for the first time this year.
Part 1 – A story (about ME!!!) – Written by my daughter, Esther!
Part 2 – An explanation (also by ME!) of why I randomly thought of porcupines after reading this!
Additional profound extrapolations of the text (by ME! – Of course!) are in the footnotes!
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
Part 1: Story by Esther
Sparse and invisible rain floats gently from the sky, sometimes merging on the skin or the pavement as several droplets.
The speckled street gives way to the cars that cruise amiably down it.
There is no rush in this town; there is a sense of welcome and leisure despite busy schedules and people filled with excitement for the day. Everyone knows everyone else by name, and even if one wanted to stay anonymous, one could not. The small businesses are like people; each one has their personality.
Or perhaps it is due to the lack of stores that each of them stands out all the more brightly.
One couple meanders down the street, hand in hand.
He is tall and strong, but his face radiates gentleness, and his laughter shows not only on his face but also in his eyes. The woman1 mirrors many of the same features, but her eyes gleam with a fire of intensity not commonly found. Despite this, her kindness (See Footnote 1) is evident in the smile lines around her mouth and her loving (See Footnote 1) eyes.
Woe unto the person who stumbles across the man’s path while he is hungry.
And woe unto the person who stumbles across the woman’s path when the woman is tired.2 Yet, they grow together. They challenge each other. They fight the battles of life together, side by side. They complement each other (See Footnote 1) with a bond made one of the strongest in the world.
The couple passes by the library, a place steeped in magic.
It is a chest that holds the secrets of life and beauty, and its key is given generously, though not many take it. Those who deem it ridiculous are those who refuse the key, but to the one who graciously takes it, wonders are in store. The couple’s two children are currently there, for the couple sees their melancholy dog sitting patiently outside, waiting for someone to pet him. He gets up and furiously wags his tail, assured that this means he is finally going home. After reassuring the dog that they would be back soon and trying to ignore the forsaken and betrayed look in his eyes, the couple wanders up the steps and into the library.
There they find a friend and exchange greetings. The man is asked about his work. His hands, though gentle and unassuming, have ministered to and helped thousands, but by his humble3 nature, he never boasts.
His wife, who stands beside him, is just as accomplished (See Footnote 1), with a heart for the betterment of people’s lives (See Footnote 1) and a passion for the preservation of the planet (See Footnote 1).
She sacrificed her career (See Footnote 1) for her children’s careers, homeschooling and helping them find what interests and motivates them. Sometimes, they drive her crazy. Well, maybe it’s a lot of the time. And sometimes she drives them crazy, too (See Footnote 2). Perhaps it is God growing everyone’s patience4.
The family checks out their stacks of literature and heads to the car, picking up the relieved5 dog on the way. The car slowly pulls out and heads leisurely home. There’s no rush. Or, maybe there is because now the man is hungry.
Part 2: Random Thoughts Including: Porcupine Quills Can Eventually Bring Joy! by Me
I think of porcupines who quill each other when I think of this story. For example, I am mad at my daughter for writing things that are BLATANT lies about me and that don’t make me look as stupendous as I know I am deep down! Anyway, we (for example – HER) each come with our own set of quills, like porcupines, and we accidentally and purposefully (sometimes) quill each other and even ourselves. I.e., Remember when “the man” in the story above gets hungry? Watch out!
However, being quilled by porcupines (ironically) promotes our healing.
Why?
Because in our inevitable relational pain (that THEY cause), we finally draw near to God, who has been calling out and wooing us our entire lives.
And so, as we bring our faces full of another’s (and our own?) quills, God can use this situation to heal US, as He lovingly tends to each quill, sometimes removing it immediately and sometimes giving us healing oil and the strength to persevere.
1 Author of this blog’s note – This is ME! She is talking about ME in this story! That’s how you know I’m famous and important, by the way!!!
2 WAIT – WHA…? I thought she only said NICE stuff about me in public! I’m going to ground her to her room for a month! But wait – she’s flying back to her job and University tomorrow!
We enjoy publishing a letter and sending it to all our friends and family for the Holidays.
In this letter, we tell you some of the embarrassing things they (the other family members and friends) said last year!
(Yes, I take notes on what my friends and family say all year, JUST for this express purpose!)
For some reason, however, not many people talk to me much at the beginning of each year, and they seem a bit sulky. But don’t worry – it doesn’t last long!
I was looking at my husband with tears filling my eyes after I opened a glimpse of pain deep within my heart.
Andy looked back at me and . . . smirked (!)
Me: “Why are you smirking!?”
Andy: “I think you’re just PMS-ing.”
Andy laughs.
I realize he’s probably right and think, “You know you’ve been married a long time when…”
While driving to the ski hill:
Me to Andy: “Why don’t we drop off our ski boots first this time and then…” etc.
Andy: “But I always do it the same way!”
I thought, “Well, I guess that topic has now been exhausted for all time!”
I can sense a compliment coming. I wait in eager anticipation:
Andy: “Thank you for being so… nice.”
Me: (!!!)
On Homeschooling
The perils of playing board games with homeschooled kids:
I borrowed a board game from the library based on the movie “Dune.” We recently watched the movie together as a family.
Kyah: “I can’t play that board game!” she announced, frustrated.
Me: “Why?”
Kyah: “I haven’t finished reading the book yet!”
Me: “Maybe you want to play squash with me sometime, Kyah?”
Kyah: “Well, I don’t know. I’m pretty aggressive…” (Even though the wind blows her over sometimes)
Kyah continued, “And I also have martial arts, so I’m pretty busy…”
Kyah: “But I love you so… Yeah, sure.”
On Choosing Healthy Food
Andy called me when he was out buying groceries from the list I wrote for him:
Andy: “So when it says, ‘soy sauce,’ do you mean… ?” He lists 10 related items and brands.
Me: “No, when I say ‘soy sauce,’ I mean the stuff that isn’t actually soy sauce. It says ‘liquid aminos’ or something like that on the bottle.”
Andy: “Oh, ok.”
Andy: “When it says ‘noodles- mushroom’, what kind of noodles are those?”
Me: “Those are the ones that aren’t actually noodles. They just look like noodles. They’re long and thin. They’re in the mushroom section. I don’t know what they’re called.”
Etc.
Etc.
Me: “I feel better because I fasted and prayed today. It gives me hope.”
Andy: “I didn’t fast, but I did have a chicken salad sandwich from X restaurant today, so . . . that probably counts.”
Me: (?) “And why is that?”
Andy: “Because it’s not very good! I didn’t have lunch from Y restaurant!”
So, “fasting” for Andy means eating out at a lower-star-eating establishment. Well, we all start somewhere!
I offered our friend a chocolate chip cookie. She excitedly stretched out her hand to take one, but then a look of horror came over her face, and her hand hovered above the plate mid-air.
She asked with increasing trepidation, “Wait. These don’t have black beans or something like that in them again, do they?!”
Happy New Year, friends.
(May you laugh much at your ridiculousness in the coming year, too!)
We start working on our marriage by successfully applying two nonsense words to our marriages. But you are ready for the blue runs, the intermediate terrain. One blue ski run (or intermediate acronym) for the daring only is:
Click here to continue reading this (previously published) post.
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When we were newly married, my husband left his shoes on the floor instead of the shoe rack, and I tripped on them.
When I tripped on them again, I politely asked him not to do this anymore.
Then I cried and hoped tears would implore him to put his shoes away after taking them off, a life lesson that was perhaps taught on a day he was absent from Kindergarten, so he never learned, even 45 years later.
Manipulative, imploring tears didn’t work either.
I tried anger, and nope – Nothing.
It looks like this one bad habit came WITH my husband, and so we fudged along, as couples who have been married for a long time do, until even this habit became “cute.”
Until it wasn’t.
After I broke my ankle, and for some reason, the “leaving shoes/ slippers” in the middle of where I am walking seemed to get a steroid hit. I found myself tripping over my husband’s shoes multiple times a day. So, I did the only rational thing a rational person WOULD do in this situation!
I began throwing his shoes outside.
However, this wasn’t the magic bean solution I had hoped for.
(Did I mention that I offer marriage advice as well?*)
And why, you are asking, are you airing your dirty shoe laundry ALL OVER the internet? Good question. It’s because of what happened next.
I poured out my poor, misunderstood heart (She didn’t QUITE have those words to describe me, though – Why not?) to a friend.
And she’s a great friend.
The kind who may even kick you in the rear once or twice, and your life often starts looking up after the pain.
Here is what she said the following week, “Lori, I’ve finally figured out the solution to your shoe problem!” she began excitedly.
We found a quieter corner of the church so she could impart her wisdom.
“Every time you stoop to pick up shoes and put them on the shoe rack, this is an opportunity for you!”
“Huh?” I asked, confused, remembering how my blood boils in righteous indignation at the sight of misplaced shoes.
“Yes,” she continued. “You can pray for where his feet go, and that the souls of his walking will be soft, and that God will lead his feet to travel wherever He wills for him and . . .” She was gushing now. “And I’ve calculated how long this will take you. It will be about 3 minutes of your day.”
She was right, of course.
And after the bruise on my butt heals where she kicked me, I think things are looking up in our marriage, too!
She gave me some INCREDIBLE, UNIQUE advice I could NEVER have figured out on my own!
And that’s why we need a community that loves us.
Because after the pain comes the healing.
If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you’ll get slapped in the face; confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins. So don’t waste your time on a scoffer . . . Save your breath for the wise—they’ll be wiser for it.
Recent update on this situation: After this conversation with my friend, I asked God what to do about this situation. (Novel idea!) I envisioned my husband and I discussing this situation over a glass of wine, dinner, and a date.
On the date, he saw things in a new light – It seems my rational mouth spoke more forcefully than throwing his stuff outside.
The following week, he said, “Darn! I didn’t put my shoes away!” and ran to get them before I got to the front door.
“Darn! I lost my opportunity to pray for your feet!” I said, watching him put away his shoes instead of me.
God’s way is better. God is good. To Him be praised.
(And let’s thank God for a whack from a friend, too.)
Need a whack?
Reach out anytime!
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
Footnotes
*More marriage advice is coming in tomorrow’s post!
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