And in this article, I will teach you how to gather power for later use!
Thanks for liking me! I like you too! Let’s journey together!
As background, our friends were praying for us over our marriage recently. Yes! We have great friends!
If you come to church, the Pastor may ask your friends to pray for your marriage, too, and that’s one of the many benefits of a church community!
My purpose in writing is simply this: . . . how bold and free we then become in his presence, freely asking according to his will, sure that he’s listening.
On reflection, that MIGHT be ANOTHER reason why we are happily married – because we and others pray for our marriage and also work on learning about marriage? We are also going through this book with our spouses and talking about what we are learning with some friends. That kind of prayer and learning stuff can’t hurt, I suppose, but I have my own advice to share with you today!
Anyway, one friend said (to me!) during this time of prayer for our marriage to, “Think of kind little things to do for each other” (!) Why did she have to say that to ME? Of course, I already know this stuff!
To clarify, thinking of small1 acts of service to do for others might not be what I’m naturally good at, but we’re all good at SOMETHING, right?
As proof that I know EXACTLY how to do little kind things for my spouse- THANK YOU VERY MUCH! – I have written this list to help you!
How To Do Little Kind Things For Your Spouse (so that the power balance is shifted in your favor):
”Don’t worry,” you can say, gently, as you pat them understandably on the back the next time they make a mistake. “That’s just fine.” But this kindness, understanding and forgiveness is actually storing up extra power in your pocket that you can dole out later, the next time you make a mistake! Try it, friends! It’s helpful to have extra power in your pocket!
Then, the next time they make a mistake, “Forget” that you “forgot” what they did wrong! Then remember in detail his every mistake! The whys of this were explained fully LAST TIME.
Another way to store up power is to do something kind for your spouse when they least expect it. For example, when I had a back injury, my spouse brought me coffee every morning in bed! Of course, I couldn’t get out of bed, but the fact that he brought me coffee in bed was awesome.
And this is another way we can reverse-power grab! Which is when we subtly “hint” at little things they used to do and moan about how much better our lives would be if they would (simply!) do these things again (Every day, for example)! As an example, I’m hoping my husband reads this, and if so, I hope he is “encouraged” to keep doing nice things for me!
Being happily married for 25 years like me can be easy, friend!
We celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary this month. And you know, on reflection, it’s actually easy to be married for 25 years! The trick is to understand power.
The power must stay balanced.
Thank you for liking me! I like you too! Let’s journey together!
For example, you’ll want to reserve some power for later, when you make the inevitable mistakes all of us tend to make. It’s handy to have some extra power in your pocket for moments like these. This is so you have the upper hand and can wield some power, so you don’t have to spend quite as long in the slumps or groveling.
So, for example, for our 25th wedding anniversary dinner, I brought a small surprise present for my husband.
This is a perfect way to gather little memories to cherish forever! And also, this is a perfect opportunity for you to put some extra power into your pocket! Here’s how to store up power, using this ACTUAL example1 from my own life!
I gave a small, surprise present to my spouse in FRONT OF my spouse’s friends at our anniversary celebration dinner without telling him first that I was going to do this!
I also gave this present on a day that wasn’t our actual anniversary (To reduce the risk of him giving me a present! See the no-fail beauty in this advice?)
He (therefore) didn’t know I was going to give him a present or that I’m doing this so all of our friends will assume (of course!) what a great spouse I am and what a terrible spouse my husband is!
It’s moments like these that help you keep power in your pocket so that you can dole it out later when necessary, friends!
When You Need A Little Extra Power:
For example, that morning I drank all the cream for our morning coffees because I didn’t feel like sharing the last little bit, my husband COULD be mad at me for that, but THANKFULLY I had a little extra power in my pocket saved up. It was wrong of me to drink ALL the remaining coffee cream2 but thankfully, I had a bit of extra power in my pocket, from remembering in detail the last mistake he made, from times that I had stored it up for occasions just such as this! And voila!
The power balance is restored.
Love . . . doesn’t keep score of the sins of others
Caveat: I find that the source for this quote isn’t ALWAYS completely helpful in proving my point of view, as noted above, though it does have many useful bits that help me see the world in ways that align with how I see things! The rest of this chapter of this ancient text says a LOT about loving well, but I, for one, always find the rest of the chapter completely confusing! Well, “Learn what you can where you can!” as I always say!
The summary of this helpful advice is really CYA.
CYA is an acronym that stands for “Cover Your…” I dunno. I think it’s “Arsenal.” I can’t remember the last word of that acronym.
In CYA, you want to build up protection, cover your troops and have enough arsenal in your pockets and at your disposal for your next battle.
But you see, friends? With helpful strategies such as these, it’s easy! Being married for 25 years is a snap!
For more helpful advice, check out additional marriage advice HERE, HERE and more coming as we enter our 26th year.
You’re welcome, everyone!
Good luck!
Thank you for liking me! I like you too! Let’s journey together!
Photo Credits: US! by A Friend, A Kind And Considerate Present! by Me, And “US” In Another 25 Years! by Godz1 on Unsplash
Last night, I was up at three AM because our dog had his semiregular hair elastic emergency poo in which he eats a hair elastic and has trouble with the elimination thereof.
Surprisingly, my auto dictate function accidentally captured my monologue directed toward my dog, Siri, the last time this happened. “Are you kidding me? Okay, okay, okay! Let me help you, Siri! Just a minute! Stay, stay, stay, stay, STAY!”
However, he was able to get everything out all by himself last night!
I didn’t even need to reach down and pull it out like I usually do!
This morning, as I type this, I have just returned from a lovely spring walk with my dog, Siri, and my teen daughter. After enjoying the sweet spring air, part of this beautiful ritual includes finding an old stick nearby to “hockey puck,” our dog’s you-know-what off the middle of the road, the location our dog knew would be the perfect spot to place it.
To tie these miscellaneous thoughts together, I must admit to feeling astonished at how much time I had spent at the rear end of my dog the last time my dog was unwell (in his rear-end parts, of course)!
I wonder why people don’t tell pet owners this ahead of time?
Maybe it’s the same reason why they didn’t tell me it would be so much work to raise my kids. Because we would watch TV and eat junk food for eighteen years instead, the lifespan of dogs or the approximate time kids are in our home if we knew the truth!
Anyway, at least kids sometimes turn out useful!
Our kids may even help drive us to a Doctor’s appointment when we age! They will choose our old folks’ home! (My dad often reminded himself of this under his breath when he was furious at me, which helped him have increased patience with me!)
But are dogs EVER useful?
Why do we love dogs, given they aren’t even helpful? (Note: I’m not sure why my editor fought me SO much over that sentence! We all know that the only reason to “love” another is that we hope to get something in return eventually! Hello?)
Anyway, why do we love our DOGS? Because of the healing that occurs in our soul, of course!
For example:
Dogs model how to forgive. Remember when I accidentally slammed your tail in the car door, Little Buddy? After your squeal, you immediately licked me to let me know you knew everything was okay between us. Thank you!
Dogs comfort us. Remember when you hid behind me, Little Buddy when that scary dark shape approached as we walked that night? Wait -That analogy doesn’t quite measure up. Scratch that! Sometimes, I have the ILLUSION of being comforted because of a dog’s big, scary teeth, which he COULD use (instead of asking for a pet when a stranger entered our home, which is what he actually did). FEELING LIKE you are comforted is ALMOST the same thing as ACTUALLY BEING comforted, anyway!
A dog’s love fits nicely inside the dark hole each of our souls carries- the part that screams for love!
If you want to make sure of keeping [your heart] intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal . . . To love is to be vulnerable.
God’s love fits perfectly inside that dark emptiness within us, too! And His love is a (much) healthier alternative to heroin, booze, sugar and other “regular” vices we otherwise need to get through life!
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
As the song below plays, consider asking God to pour out His love on you in a tangible way that you can pick up, treasure, and carry close to your heart.
But we are trying not to use that language. So we corrected each other. “That’s normal life as a Christian,” we corrected ourselves.
But deep down, we thought, “That’s kind of crazy.”
The crazy hasn’t become routine yet, though if you peruse through this writing, some published and some not (I’m working on it!), you may see hints, blips, or sparks of true Christian livening peeking through the darkness of this writing.
You may see moments where He has been showing up.
And though it is not every day that such experiences happen, they are happening more frequently, as we have been pressing into Him in prayer, scouring our Bibles like thirsty drunks, and asking more profound questions of others in our community.
As we surrender more fully and squeeze moments to pray from the busyness of the day, we have noticed His tangible presence more often. He is always with us – yes – but perhaps a more mute version of Jesus is who we expect. And actually, it is not that Jesus is mute but, more accurately, that we’re deaf. The volume of the noise of our life is turned up so high that we can’t hear Him for the headache-inducing drum beat.
Anyway, here is what happened.
I paid for my to-go coffee and snack.
Leave a tip, I sensed the Lord nudge as I hesitated on the “Add a tip” button.
It was a to-go item. Do they need a tip? I sensed God’s compassion for the barista for a moment. What would it be like to work in this cafe that hardly anyone comes to, and people are brisk all day as they get their coffee? He looked downcast, and I unwillingly felt my heart go out to him.
I had just quickly snipped that I wanted X decaf coffee with one pump of X syrup, and . . . I was in a hurry, ok?! So . . .
I didn’t leave a tip.
Did I hear from God? Maybe not. How can one REALLY be sure anyway and . . .
After paying for my coffee, I handed back the Interac machine, and my mind involuntarily returned to the growing rush of to-do items coming at me during my day like an ever-increasing tsunami. But then, I again sensed that still small voice, gently and patiently. Leave a tip. He spoke again as if I hadn’t just ignored Him. That’s when I noticed a tip jar.
I am trying to grow in obedience, and if I’m honest, all that change in my wallet is a drag, so I dropped one of the heavy, annoying coins into the tip jar.
Immediately after this, I felt a profound wave of God’s love for this young person working as a barista. I felt God say the word Mine, and I knew this young man was one of God’s children, whether he realized it himself or not. At the same time that I heard those words, I felt God’s love for him, which was overwhelming. It made me want to cry. Of course, theologically, this is only a tiny bit of God’s love for this person, but that small amount felt so overwhelming to me.
And that was enough.
Sensing more love for another is enough. God showed up. Love was passed, invisibly, imperfectly to another because God showed up.
But there was more.
And there was a surprise. But perhaps these surprises should become less surprising because we are learning to dance with God. And I’ll finish this story next time.
For now, how do we accept God’s invitation to dance with Him?
We expect God to speak, not only at church but even and especially in the most mundane of places. (Did you hear God asking you to dance?)
We get up after we fall. That day, would I tip the second time He nudged me? (What is God patiently whispering to your heart again?)
We obey the nudges of His Spirit. We get up and dance. (Will you rise from your seat and take His outstretched hand?)
We open our hearts to God’s love for others, as our hearts overfill with His love for us, as we are held close to His cheek, dancing with Him. (Will you let God open your heart to sense his love for those around you?)
As the song below plays, consider giving some thanks to God and then ask Him, “How are you asking me to dance? Do I hear Your invitations?” Sit quietly as the song plays. What does your heart sense?
God told them, “I’ve never quit loving you and never will.
God, help us hear your invitation to dance with You more clearly, we pray. Clean out our ears. Clean out our hearts to notice the people You love all around us, we pray. Help us learn to touch them with the love for them that You want to pass through Your arm, to our hand, to touch their hearts, we pray.
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We enjoy publishing a letter and sending it to all our friends and family for the Holidays.
In this letter, we tell you some of the embarrassing things they (the other family members and friends) said last year!
(Yes, I take notes on what my friends and family say all year, JUST for this express purpose!)
For some reason, however, not many people talk to me much at the beginning of each year, and they seem a bit sulky. But don’t worry – it doesn’t last long!
I was looking at my husband with tears filling my eyes after I opened a glimpse of pain deep within my heart.
Andy looked back at me and . . . smirked (!)
Me: “Why are you smirking!?”
Andy: “I think you’re just PMS-ing.”
Andy laughs.
I realize he’s probably right and think, “You know you’ve been married a long time when…”
While driving to the ski hill:
Me to Andy: “Why don’t we drop off our ski boots first this time and then…” etc.
Andy: “But I always do it the same way!”
I thought, “Well, I guess that topic has now been exhausted for all time!”
I can sense a compliment coming. I wait in eager anticipation:
Andy: “Thank you for being so… nice.”
Me: (!!!)
On Homeschooling
The perils of playing board games with homeschooled kids:
I borrowed a board game from the library based on the movie “Dune.” We recently watched the movie together as a family.
Kyah: “I can’t play that board game!” she announced, frustrated.
Me: “Why?”
Kyah: “I haven’t finished reading the book yet!”
Me: “Maybe you want to play squash with me sometime, Kyah?”
Kyah: “Well, I don’t know. I’m pretty aggressive…” (Even though the wind blows her over sometimes)
Kyah continued, “And I also have martial arts, so I’m pretty busy…”
Kyah: “But I love you so… Yeah, sure.”
On Choosing Healthy Food
Andy called me when he was out buying groceries from the list I wrote for him:
Andy: “So when it says, ‘soy sauce,’ do you mean… ?” He lists 10 related items and brands.
Me: “No, when I say ‘soy sauce,’ I mean the stuff that isn’t actually soy sauce. It says ‘liquid aminos’ or something like that on the bottle.”
Andy: “Oh, ok.”
Andy: “When it says ‘noodles- mushroom’, what kind of noodles are those?”
Me: “Those are the ones that aren’t actually noodles. They just look like noodles. They’re long and thin. They’re in the mushroom section. I don’t know what they’re called.”
Etc.
Etc.
Me: “I feel better because I fasted and prayed today. It gives me hope.”
Andy: “I didn’t fast, but I did have a chicken salad sandwich from X restaurant today, so . . . that probably counts.”
Me: (?) “And why is that?”
Andy: “Because it’s not very good! I didn’t have lunch from Y restaurant!”
So, “fasting” for Andy means eating out at a lower-star-eating establishment. Well, we all start somewhere!
I offered our friend a chocolate chip cookie. She excitedly stretched out her hand to take one, but then a look of horror came over her face, and her hand hovered above the plate mid-air.
She asked with increasing trepidation, “Wait. These don’t have black beans or something like that in them again, do they?!”
Happy New Year, friends.
(May you laugh much at your ridiculousness in the coming year, too!)
I put on my gloves, breathing in the brisk fall air and preparing to stomp on some fallen leaves with her as we walked together.
I excitedly anticipated hearing what ups and downs on the journey of life had coaxed her to recently move to our little town by the river, and to join our homey little church.
[God will give] a thorough housecleaning, getting rid of all the historical and religious junk so that the unshakeable essentials stand clear and uncluttered.
“Oh, there’s Raymond,” my new friend muttered under her breath as we passed by a disheveled, drug-addled young man. I was anxious to get back to our conversation and see what happened next in her life story. I coaxed, “but what made you move to . . . ”
She wasn’t listening.
“Hi, Raymond,” she called out. He smiled, genuinely pleased to see my friend, and waved at the three of us. At that exact moment, I looked around to see who must have smacked my new friend, as her eyes were inexplicably filling with tears. The cold fall air, I wondered. A brisk walk often made my eyes run, too.
But she was still talking about Raymond.
“Sometimes I just hold him in my arms and tell him God loves him,” she whispered, her eyes tearing. I looked around for who she could be speaking about. Had an old friend of hers just passed us as well? There was no one else around. My neck craned in all directions, and I stared wide-eyed at my new friend, slowly understanding she was still talking about Raymond.
“You do WHAT??” I wondered, horrified.
I quickly composed myself. I mean, I am a Christian, so of course, I – ahem – knew EXACTLY what she was talking about . . . er . . . knew of people who knew exactly what she was talking about . . . er . . . I mean, who doesn’t grab the odd smelly bum we pass on the street and hold them in our arms, crying tears of God’s love for them?
To reassure me, however, I made a mental note to check my “Christian Club Membership Card” when I got home to ensure it hadn’t expired.
Her heart mirrored a tiny piece of the heart of Jesus, and her words seemed to mirror what would have fallen from His lips.
I stared wide-eyed at this new friend.
She was still silently weeping. “I sense such a Spirit of God on him,” she said so quietly it was almost a whisper. I looked back at Raymond, who was walking away from us. He had waved and walked on.
The image of tears of love spilling from her face onto Raymond reminded me of another woman whose tears of love spilled onto Jesus.
Just then a woman of the village . . . came with a bottle of very expensive perfume and stood at [Jesus’] feet, weeping, raining tears on his feet. Letting down her hair, she dried his feet [and] kissed them, and anointed them with the perfume.
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