Humor

How To Avoid Humiliation (Or Worse – Missing Out On God!)

/ Lori Lawe / 4 Comments

Our neighbour at the lake was working on his house.

He told us the story of running out of roofing screws. Now, where we live, we can’t walk or even drive 10 minutes to the hardware store to buy supplies. We must wait until the intense storm on the lake has passed (insert dramatic music here) before attempting to dodge large waves in a small boat to get to the other side.

(It’s not that bad most of the time – It could be a lovely kayak in sunny weather, but you get my point).

Anyway, THEN, you have to pay money to park your boat, or get the trailer and take it out of the water. Then there’s the 20-minute drive to civilization. Picking up supplies is a significant hassle. Being lake people, we share stuff.

So, I offered to share.

“Well, anytime you want a screw, just come on over,” I offered helpfully, smiling.

(Yep. True story. Anyway, back to the tale.)

The man and his grown son burst into laughter. My husband turned and walked away. The wife stared at me with her head cocked to one side, trying to discern if I had always had a significant head injury.

But the most facinitating part of this story was my inability to see.

I literally meant roofing screws, of course. And I rationalized all of the hints that I had said something askew. When the man and his son burst into laughter, I reasoned, “Must be an inside joke.”

When my husband suddenly left, I blamed him by assuming he was in a bad mood. When the wife stared at me, I internally rationalized that too. “An interesting bird behind me?” I reasoned, also looking over my shoulder.

I was seeking evidence that fit my worldview.

The point is that I couldn’t see the clues. I wouldn’t see the clues. How often I do that in other areas of life is the question that keeps me up at night.

Jesus said, “If you were really blind, you would be blameless, but since you claim to see everything so well, you’re accountable for every fault and failure.”

The Message

How else are we blind?

How are we worse than blind and UNWILLING to see the truth?

To avoid humiliating ourselves again, or worse, to avoid missing out on God showing up in our lives, consider three ways to prevent willful blindness:

  1. Notice the clues. Why did everyone behave strangely (a clue!) after my comment? Similarly, could God speak through the clues of another’s spiritual experience?
  2. Ask for help. My husband gave me the key that opened the door to a more nuanced understanding of my comment. Similarly, others sometimes hold the key to our spiritual growth.
  3. Expect the unexpected. Did I, the caricature of Ned Flanders from the Simpsons, speak with sexual innuendo to a random neighbour? Of course! Did God speak to you? Of course!

Holy Spirit, remove the blinders we construct, carefully keeping You out of our lives. Help us to BE WILLING to see the obvious, we pray. As I finally saw the truth of my speech faux pas, Jesus, help us finally see, with fresh insight, how You are at work in our lives today, we pray.

After a moment of quiet, considering asking God, “How am I blind?”

Need Solutions For 4 Problems? Laugh! (And Other “Real” Advice!)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I know what your problem is.

Like a well-trained doctor who assesses your symptoms and states with certainty your sickness, I (though not trained in this stuff at all*) also state with certainty your malady:

You need to laugh more.

Come on!

Everyone around you is ridiculous!

Laugh at them!

You are ridiculous, too!

(Implications of this rationale are implied.)

And before we begin, I must start by saying I am well aware that, for some reason that I do not quite understand, when I give excellent advice on how to live your life, you say things like, “That’s funny!” And thus, sometimes you laugh at the wrong times or things. And yet, despite this blatant persecution, misjudgment and bullying (what’s the difference?) I will continue giving my sage advice.

To get your belly laughs warmed up, here are some unusual things my brain has noticed lately.

Advice #1: How To Rise And Shine With Enthusiasm Every Day!

I hate my alarm clock.

The little “chirp, chirp” sound startles me, so the last time I went camping, I found myself swearing loudly at 4 am at the little birdies chirping in the trees outside, thinking they were my blasted alarm clock. My cussing woke the other campers, who were still glaring at me over their thick campfire coffee brew several hours later. Why do they make “bird chirp sound” as an option on alarm clocks anyway?

If they REALLY wanted me to get out of bed quickly in the morning, they would make an alarm clock that makes the sound my dog makes just before he throws up beside my bed.

Advice #2: How to Enjoy Marital Bliss, Even When You Feel (Just A Little Bit) Like Choking Your Spouse!

Certified professionals, the ones that charge $160/hr – who knows why? Is it just because they have training?* – often say annoying things like “Talk about your problems.” That only backfires from my experience. How do you have marital bliss? Keep your mouth shut! Follow the saying:

“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half closed after that!”

So, for example, if your spouse keeps running out of gas (I speak in idioms – NOT that anyone you know would ever do this!), make sure that “gasoline” is one of those words that must NEVER be mentioned! Except when he runs out of gas next time, the word “gasoline” can be used as ammunition for why you should win the next disagreement! Trust me!

It works!

Advice #3: How To Be Attractive, Even When You Are Getting A Bit Older!

With back pain, showering or brushing your teeth can be difficult.

Yet, do this if at all you think you can!

(Also remember to take the laxative EARLIER in the day so that the house doesn’t smell as bad at night when you and your spouse are relaxing and enjoying a romantic evening at home together!)

Advice #4: How To Choose The Best Pet That Fits Your Family Perfectly!

How long does it take for the excitement of a new puppy, or bunny or pony, to wear off, and then the kids return to cratering their iPhones like a newborn baby while we entice our kids to PLEASE take poor Alfred for a walk and to brush his mangy hair! And yet, buying pets is what good parents do, and we want to be like everyone else!

So the next time one of our children wanted another animal, I surprised myself by confiding to the clerk at the pet store when my child was out of earshot:

“I’ll pay extra for a pet that’s almost dead.”

And the summary of this sage advice?

A cheerful disposition is good for your health

The Message

Translated, that ancient text could perhaps also read along the lines of:

Laugh at others! Laugh at yourself! We’re ridiculous, remember?

You’ll feel much better soon.

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Blogpost Footnotes

*Does that matter to anyone anymore? We have YouTube!

The Secret To Easily Swap Embarrassment For Healthy Relationships

/ Lori Lawe / 1 Comment

When we were five years old, we thought everyone was laughing AT us until we suddenly realized they were laughing WITH us.

Remember that?

Well, that happened to me recently. I’m unsure which side of the laughing AT me/ laughing WITH me continuum I ended up on. But at least my rear end isn’t THAT sore from the fall.

This story starts, like all good narratives, with dog barf.

So after the dog… ahem… expelled his undesirable digestive remains (well said?) . . . we looked around at each other, wondering what to do next. We were enjoying heartfelt gut-level sharing. I guess the dog wanted to join in in his own way.

We only had a few minutes left together and desperately needed time to pray together, to invite God into the messes of our lives that had been unearthed.

Thinking that we won’t have time to pray, I fetched paper towels to clean up the mess the dog had unearthed. Someone pleaded with me to stay. “Let’s pray together while we have time,” he said.

At another’s brilliant suggestion, I quickly covered the dog’s mess with paper towels, and we stood in a circle, sharing hearts, tears and compassion.

“Don’t step in the dog barf on your way out!” I called cheerfully.

They genuinely thanked me for the reminder, side-stepped the soaked paper towels, and left with a wave and a smile.

Years later, our dear friends complimented us about that meeting.

“Recently, we were learning about the levels of friendship,” they explained. “There are friends that you dress up for. You wear a corset under your sparkling dress to ensure you look as good as possible. You enjoy an evening with them and then put your feet up. Your stomach fat and your real selves come out later.”

Who needs another “See how great I look when I suck in my stomach” kind of friend?

“Then,” she continued, “you have the friends who invite you onto their couch when you are crying and simply move the laundry hamper to the floor so there is room for you to sit down. These are true friends.“

I teared up at her warm assessment of our friendship.

I was about to hug her, but she was still speaking.

“And you guys took it to a whole new level. We come over, and you just suggest walking around the dog barf”. The others in the room stared at us, mouths agape, not wanting to ask for elaboration. I didn’t blame them.

But yes, a compliment . . . right???

And so the secret to a healthy relationship? Get real. We get real because we want to be authentic.

1. Authentic in how we REALLY look. For example, we don’t use the “Make me look better than in real life” filters on our Zoom meetings. (Have you SEEN that function? It’s AMAZING! I WANT to turn that filter off but wow! Do I EVER look better!) Give me a break! We are all a work in progress, ok?!

2. Authentic in how we REALLY feel. For example, maybe we ask our friends to clean up the dog barf later. What we just unearthed emotionally or spiritually is a lot viler and should take precedence.

3. Authentic in our RESPONSE to our friends. We are humans clothed in the limits of time. We can clean up the dog’s barf or clean up you. Which do you prefer?

So, let’s get real.

And if that sometimes means standing around dog barf, so be it.

As a dog eats its own vomit, so fools recycle silliness.

The Message

This saying doesn’t quite fit this post, but it perfectly fits in another, less profound way. Let’s go with a partial fit today and move on. There is someone at my door ready for a cry.

Lord, teach us to order our values to reflect your heart more accurately. After a moment of stillness, consider asking God where your life may not be aligned with the upside-down priorities of the kingdom of God. Maybe He is asking you to stand around the dog barf, too!

Feel Empty? Surprisingly, God’s Strange Reward For Winter Is Spring

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

That time when I was discouraged, when I sensed God calling me into something new, something that made my knees quake, she said she saw a picture of something in her mind whenever she prayed for me.

It was a picture of a dead plant.

The dead plant was me.

“Well, there is a bit more,” she explained. The plant was in the winter season. All that could be seen were a few branches poking above the ground.

Sounded like my life at that moment.

“But spring is coming,” she encouraged me. I picked up my discouragement and continued walking on this ill-marked path that it seemed God was leading me down, wondering if, in the future, sometime, there would be fruit.

Come here every morning, God seemed to whisper.

So I sat each day in my office chair, which seemed to be on fire because it was so uncomfortable to sit in. You want me to write, I clarified? I don’t see myself the way God sees me.

How do you want to work within my life, Jesus?

It seemed I had to follow Him to find out.

But I was learning to walk in obedience, even if I was blind to where we were going. I sat with Him each day long enough for my discouragement to be appeased by a God who knows who I was created to be. Could I learn to trust that if he can use other losers He can use my tattered, edited pages, too?

God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it . . . by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

The Message

He seemed to say enough, sometimes after only one letter, one word typed, bidding me to dance in joy with Him.

And so, to return to the start of this post, “A winter season,” she had suggested that day.

And then a few people read these blog posts. (Yes! Accidental clicks count!) And I still write boring things and even you read them!

And so I rejoice this spring with one amaryllis blooming and one lilac blooming after a decade or more of relative death for each.

I look back in awe at where He has been leading me. People from 23 countries so far have read the neurotic ramblings of a spiritually intense person, walking in circles but seeking God and falling and getting up again. And since people from so many countries are reading this blog, this is how we can know my life has meaning!

But He does take our pathetic gardening efforts and redeem them to give strength to each other.

God saw to it that I was equipped, but you can be sure it had nothing to do with my natural abilities. And so here I am . . . writing about things that are way over my head . . .

The Message

And he reminds us that spring, the season of blooming and life, follows winter, the season of rest, as we work with the master gardener to see life bloom as He leads.

Where is He leading you, friend?

May you soar on the wind as He leads you deeper into the wormhole of His purposes that always lead to life, growth and joy as we take one tentative step and another in the direction He is travelling, holding his hand as we go.

God, help each of us to see further than we could before, using your glasses.

While listening to the song below, consider quieting your heart, being thankful, and asking God, “What is one next step you are asking me to take that will eventually lead to blooming in my life?”

May you find the strength to follow.

Despairing? Unlikely People Carry Startling Crumbs Of Hope (Again)

/ Lori Lawe / 2 Comments

Crumbs of hope that whisper or nudge from God can be found in the oddest places.

Sometimes even through strangers.

Are our ears glued on?

It seemed that God wasn’t finished speaking to this clerk at Tim Hortons yet, but I had some pressing paperwork to do. Would I trust Him to interrupt my more essential tasks again? Was I too busy?

My bagel was burned.

I could eat a bagel, slightly dark at the edges. Tell them it seemed God may have been saying. Really?

I already had one interaction where God somehow fed this young man a crumb.

Why did I have to ruin it by criticizing the food? I obeyed, and co-incidentally, perhaps, it was the same young man whose turn it was to speak to me. Several others were working the till.

I showed him my bagel and explained that I recently learned that burned food contains carcinogens, substances capable of causing cancer.

I apologized for the nuisance. “Maybe I should come to you for advice,” the clerk called loudly across the restaurant, as I walked away. I smiled.

He thinks he is drawn to me, but he is drawn to You in me.

May he learn the difference.

As I was about to leave, I thought the Lord said to buy another coffee. But I didn’t want another coffee! “Maybe my life is not entirely about what I want,” I reminded myself.

I stood in line.

Clerks were running everywhere, and many different people were taking orders. Again, I wasn’t surprised when I got the same clerk because this felt like a God appointment. Ask him about his church, God seemed to nudge as I ordered coffee.

“Hey, you said you are a Christian. Have you found a good group of people at a church around here to belong to?”

I wasn’t surprised when he said no. Theology that revolved around the type and frequency of product he smoked, the topic of our earlier conversation, didn’t seem completely orthodox. “Even though my mom is an atheist, I used to go to church. But I don’t have a ride right now,” he said as he gave me my change.

Again, a nudge from the Lord.

Do you have a car? God seemed to ask me, tongue in cheek. I offered him a ride to our thriving church. He declined, and I presumed there were deeper reasons why He wasn’t in a church community.

I walked away, carrying a bagel I was too full to eat.

Use me, Lord. There is so much food here at Your table. I pray this young man’s hunger pains will be satisfied one day.

May he truly know he is accepted and thus seek his next step in a relationship with You and other believers.

May he find another who can lead him to the feast.

Teach us more clearly to scatter a bounty of crumbs from Your voice, and with Your love, we pray.

Authentic Fruit Is What Happens When Parents Pour Into Kids, Creating Spiritual Desperation

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

After gabbing it up with my teenage daughter as they waited in line that day, the stranger grabbed my arm and whispered, “You did a great job with her. She is so kind. Well done, Mama.”

After I picked my ego up off the floor, where it has been the last two decades, trampled by societal expectations for a productive life (Hint – Homeschooling is not a candidate in this employment contest), I pinned my self-esteem back onto my chest, and thought, “Yes! You are right! She IS amazing!”

But the thing is, she didn’t come out of the womb this way

Even after 10,893,231 conversations in which I turned blue in the face and explained how to fit into society (i.e. NOT by wearing pasta in our hair when in a restaurant), she STILL wasn’t that easy to be around.

The POINT is that homeschooled kids are often well-adjusted because:

(1) Parents KNOW what is going on, in terms of that naughty behaviour we would rather not deal with, but that we have to address because we are spending 10,000 minutes (almost all the time) with them again this week,

(2) Parents can’t ship them off on a bus every morning, even BECAUSE they know what is going on (They would say “Thank God” if they would go on a bus SOMETIMES), and,

(3) Parents are confronted day after day, hour after hour, minute after long minute some days with the FACT that they are spending INORDINATE amounts of time with unsanctified humans.

Worse, parents are confronted with the reality of OUR need for sanctification, and this is humiliating for us. So, we run to God and beg for help on our knees BECAUSE we are ALL such desperate losers. But the sweat and tears of our prayers eventually sanctify our kids BECAUSE they receive this message of grace through our lives, as God sanctifies us.

Translation: We ADMIT we parents are losers, and then we gently reveal the truth to our child that she, too, did the wrong thing again when she smacked that kid on the head with her firetruck because she wanted HIS cupcake too.

But this grace in our lives, this deep understanding of our need for forgiveness, softens our speech a little.

do not provoke your children . . . by the way you treat them

Ancient Text

And this broccoli seasoned with the melted cheese of our own desperate need for forgiveness becomes a food our kids can swallow.

And we both grow a little more today, our plant’s roots grasping a little more of the water that truly satisfies, and so fruit in our lives and our kid’s lives will begin to grow.

It’s a law of nature.

So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit.

The Message

And when they compliment you again for having kind kids?

You can sit back, relax, take a sip of a cold summer drink and know that the path of life you chose was a good one, which is bearing fruit in your life, too.

Pick some fruit from the tree of your life and enjoy it today.

Well done, Mom and Dad.

God sees your investment in your kids. His praise that you followed His lead is the food that truly satisfies. Nothing good comes without sweat and handing over our fears to God.

How are you choosing to invest your life?

Despairing? Unlikely People Sometimes Carry Startling Crumbs Of Hope

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Why does it always have to start with trust?

Was that a whisper or a nudge from God as we live our lives in the mundane ordinary? Will we listen? He speaks, and it can seem so small and easy to ignore.

Will we obey?

The Father trusts those with big things to those who have been faithful in the small stuff.

Make some for yourself, too, God seemed to whisper to me that day several years ago. God had been nudging me to make fleece pants with my kids and their friends. Now, he seemed to be nudging to make fleece pants for me, too.

So, I was online ordering fleece fabric.

A particular type of fabric seemed to stand out to me as joy bubbled from the inside. I bought the fabric with the golden retrievers stamped all over them (true story). I made my pants.

And now, I will try to convey something challenging to articulate.

These doggy fleece pants are like a key opening a door between another culture and me. Once, someone exclaimed jubilantly that she loved my pants and then recounted a surprising quantity of her life story as I stood listening, stunned and speechless, my to-go coffee cup waiting in my hand mid-air for her to finish. This kind of thing happens often.

It happened today.

The teenage guy working at Tim Horton’s spent five minutes before he took my order telling me he loved my pants, told me a story about his dog, and then spoke with the lady next to him about whether she liked dogs or cats better.

I listened mutely and smiled.

My table was laden with crumbs, so I asked for a napkin to clean it. The young man leaned in to confide that they are understaffed but insisted on cleaning the table for me. As he wiped, he said, “People really surprise me sometimes.”

“How do you mean?” I asked.

He was quiet, so I offered, “You mean how people are always making messes?”

He nodded.

I wondered what I could say in the several seconds left of our interaction that could be like a crumb to feed him just a little. “Well, it’s a good thing that God forgives us after we create our messes.” I looked innocently away, waiting for the metaphor to nourish his soul.

The crumb nourished, and his hunger pangs caused him to sputter forcefully.

“I can’t believe people don’t know I’m a Christian,” he exclaimed. “I don’t smoke.” My brain was overheating as I was trying to deduce the connection between not smoking and being a Christian.

He was in his own world, however, and felt the need, for some reason, to be honest with me, a perfect stranger.

“Well, I do smoke weed.”

Where do we go from here, God? Clearly, he was being nourished, somehow, by the crumbs from Your table. What do I say in the 30 nanoseconds before he departs?

I settled on, “Well, if we can truly understand that God loves us, that’s the important part, right?”

He stared at me, fumbled, and then dropped his cleaning cloth. His hat fell off as he bent over to pick up the fabric. He stared at me a moment before picking that up, too.

He was deep in thought.

Eye contact one more time before he walked away.

Was there a nanosecond of redemption, a glimpse of light lit for a moment, so that You redeemed this ordinary day for the clerk at Tim Horton’s, God? May this generation find messy tables wherever they go, we pray. And may the crumbs somehow, by your grace, be multiplied to nourish the soul.

There is more, there is more, there is more, He is saying to the teenage boy working at Tim Hortons.

I’ll continue this story another time.

Relax and Have More Fun! They HAVE to Love You!

/ Lori Lawe / 3 Comments

What if people HAD to love you?

I figured out what my family REALLY thought about me lately, and it was a bit of a shock.

Here’s what happened.

We were reading an excellent book together as a family.

Caveat: Before you get the wrong idea of us all drinking hot chocolate and stringing popcorn and cranberries by the fire as we each take turns reading aloud together, singing a song between each chapter, aka Little House on the Prairie style, no, it wasn’t like that. It was an audiobook played in the car during our day-long drive to visit extended family. The book just helped us not to want to kill each other.

Setting the mood.

Anyway, the book was excellent. It was called Jesus Revolution. I would highly recommend it*. We all got into the story, and even the child we initially had to bribe to listen to the story with us asked for more!

At one point in the book, the author, Greg Laurie, is described as having something like “deep spiritual depth and a bit of an unpredictable, crazy personality. You never knew what he was going to do next.”

My husband looked at me sneakily out of the corner of his eye, smirking. “WHAT???” I asked. “What are you smirking about??”

“Oh,” he replied, looking away casually, “just something said in the book.”

“What??” I protested. “I’m not…!” And then he laughed, and there was a muffled chuckle, I think, from the back seats.

So I guess my family thinks that his personality describes me!

Hmmm. . .

But that’s okay because my family HAS to love me.

What do I mean, you ask?

Well, we homeschool them, so we read to them from books that say things like this:

Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it.

The Message

Then, we go to a church where they read the same stuff.

At church, they HAVE to love you, too! If you find people who don’t love you there, find some others to love. You’ll find true believers who promise to love you no matter what your personality – even the “unusual” ones – whew!

So we can finally relax and have fun.

We’re loved!

And this reminds me of what we did last night. I bought a gift for my family – well, sort of. Okay, yes! I did buy it for myself and pretended to give it to the family!

It is called The Adventure Challenge. You scratch off an “Adventure,” and then the family HAS (Yes, teens, that word is “HAS”) to do the Adventure together. Last night, we strung out yarn as an obstacle course through the basement, and we had to go through it as fast as we could, being sprayed in the face with water each time we accidentally touched a string.

It was fun.

And my superhero outfit? Yeah, I am wearing a bathing suit over the top of my leotards. And yes, the big “S” on my shirt WAS made a spur of the moment. It helped me go faster!

I even got first place!

Before any of the others went, I was ranked first, that is.

So relax! Make your teens do fun and crazy stuff with you! If you’re unsure how, try making “fun” a prerequisite to “food,” for example! They’ll thank you later (Okay – maybe MUCH later).

Your kids are loved, too!

And that was the message of the Jesus Revolution book, actually. It was about a bunch of crazy hippy kids who were overcome, in some cases literally, by the love of God. That love overflowed to others and transformed a nation (Even Time Magazine did a cover article about this movement on June 21, 1971).

So go ahead and be the real you, whatever that looks like.

They HAVE to love you!

Blogpost Footnotes

* If bribing your kids to watch a movie with you is less expensive than bribing them to read a book, the movie Jesus Revolution can be rented here.

Young Men – Why Chase Young Women? How To Be Awesome

/ Lori Lawe / 5 Comments

I am writing this post for my daughter’s blog.

Yes, I KNOW that TECHNICALLY, if I am writing a guest post, I should be invited by that person to publish a blog post on THEIR site. . .

Yes, I KNOW that this blog is on MY site and not ESTHER’S site. . .

But what if she doesn’t WANT me to guest post on HER site? Have you THOUGHT of that? In case she doesn’t, I thought I would write here on my blog and then link to her blog when she isn’t looking.

Wait. I meant my daughter could link this blog post to her site later. WHATEVER. So, let’s start.

~

Esther, my teenage daughter: “Mom, it seemed like Joe* (youth at our church) was upset with you today. What happened?”

Me: “Oh, I pushed him out of the way at the buffet to get the cheese.”

So, as you can see, I relate well to youth. This is one of many examples indicating my high-quality relationships with the youth of our church.

As another example, during the October 31 party at our church, in which no one else was dressed up except me (why?) I sat next to some of the high school students. I know that they enjoyed seeing my pink unicorn costume, even if their eyes were rolling inexplicably. Youth!

Fred*, another young person, said under his breath as I got up (I heard about it later): “Esther, your mom is really annoying sometimes.” But I know Fred*, and I know that he meant that ALL people can be annoying at times, but he likes me a lot.

So, as you can see, I relate well to the youth.

So, using that relational capital that has been hard won, I feel I ought to speak into your life.

Ahem. Now, if I knew you better, I would invite you to my place and talk about this stuff while we ate popcorn. But since that’s not an easy option, I’ll write it here for you to read.

Guys, DON’T chase girls**.

To expound on this . . .

Now, I know that all of you Christian young men are amazing -all of you. Christian guys ARE amazing.

Most of you are not primarily chasing young women, but you are working hard at school, enjoying your life, and otherwise being amazing.

But you could be MORE amazing.

Just saying.

If you read your Bibles every day, led a Bible study, obeyed God, got a job, and worked hard, then here’s the thing – you and an amazing girl WILL find each other.

My promise.***

God’s promise, too.***

For example, check this out:

Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

The Message

Think of all the girls that read this website – they are ALL beautiful and unique.

That’s what is weird – if you seek God, God brings the other stuff to you.

If you don’t feel you are amazing or are having trouble getting off the couch because online entertainment is too tempting, read this.

The World is Filled With Boys Who Can Shave

But get off the couch.

Pick up your Bibles.

Keep being amazing.

But be even more amazing.

And one day, you’ll turn around and find that the most incredible girl is already there serving at the Mustard Seed beside you! (For example).

That’s it for the advice.

And sorry for pushing you out of the way that day, Joe.* Just remember to turn the other cheek if someone wrongs you like a good Christian person!

I hope this advice has been helpful!

Oh – and I may have to bribe Esther to link this blog to her website. I may have promised Esther a future second-hand car to link this post to her website. (WAIT – JUST KIDDING ESTHER! FUNNY FUNNY JOKE!!!).

Anyway, now that I’m here at her website, let’s continue before Esther returns from the other room. How DO you upload posts onto her website …? Ah!

Blogpost Notes

* The names have been changed because I bug them enough and want to give them a break, and luckily they are amazing young people.

** To be equally irritating for everyone and therefore “inclusive” I should also say that guys also shouldn’t chase guys.

*** Disclaimer – Unless that’s not God’s plan or timing for you. Results are not guaranteed.

This blog post was reprinted with or without permission on Esther’s blog.

This post is part of our “Say-It-Again-On-Fridays” blog post series, where we say it again on Fridays!

Don’t Attend Church Looking Bad – How To Look Good!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

As you know or can presume from the style and classiness of these posts, I have excellent taste.

Ahem.

And I hesitate to point out, most reluctantly, that in this post, the exact BRANDS and style of clothing I was wearing were noted for interested readers! (I mention that cautiously and with true humility, of course.) In this post, I describe the fancy hat collection I am developing for use in my old age.

So yes!

I CAN EASILY advise on how to look good!

So, HOW do we look VERY GOOD at church, you ask? Great question! I’m SO glad you asked! Ahem!

First, set aside your pride and go ahead and have a big ‘ol ugly cry at church. Seriously! I describe my own (rare) undignified moment here.

You’re welcome.

But wait, wait, you ask, “How does ugly crying make us look good?” It seems the opposite would be true! You hang on my every word, waiting to discover how to lock and seal this seemingly disparent advice into a philosophically coherent indisputable argument.

I’ll explain.

The more we air our neuroses (sorry for the analogy, but it’s like flatulence), the less we smell bad! Seriously! Now, you know that I never even like to MENTION the word flatulence, as described here. However, the analogy fits SO perfectly.

When we hold in, er- what SHOULD be aired – the inside of us smells terrible, though the outside has no odour. Okay, this analogy MAY be breaking down a bit, but you get my point, I think? If we HOLD IN our neuroses, and pretend everything is okay when it isn’t, the inner neuroses pick away at us, and the rotten stench that all of us carry around with us festers there, though often we are the only ones who can smell it.

(If you think you always smell good, have you ever wondered – “AH! What IS the meaning of my life?” – JUST before you fall asleep? If so, that’s a case in point. You are more messed up than you let on, too!)

So, let out the uglies! A little cry at church is just the thing. You’ll find that people who love you bring you a Kleenex and a pat on the shoulder.

They may not be able to help you much, but they genuinely want to, which counts for something.

You see, at church, God COMMANDS others to love you. Now, granted, NONE of us are that good at loving others, but some have figured out how to channel a morsel of God’s love for us through their arms into compassion.

These are the people we can be honest with, and -no surprises here – they have already taken their turn in the ugly seat.

They are not surprised by your big cry!

And somehow, expressing what we feel is enough to keep the evil dragon at bay for a while.

Knowing that someone is praying for us helps too.

Add a little time with the Father to ask Him a bit more about WHY we were neurotic freaks at church last week and He gives us the Kleenex that is the softest kind that dries all of our tears because His Kleenex is fragranced with hope.

At church, they will read to you from a book, and it may say something like this:

For everyone. . . fall[s] short of God’s glorious standard.

Ancient Text

And this will put a bounce in our step and hope in our hearts.

We’re not as neurotic as we thought!

Well, we are if we dig deeper, but that’s for next Sunday.

The point is, we’re not sucking in our guts anymore, pretending our way through life.

‘May it be the real I who speaks. May it be the real Thou that I speak to.’

CS Lewis – Letters to Malcolm

Whatever we bring to the light can be healed.

Whatever we hide infects us, rotting away at our insides.

So let’s let our neuroses out!

And maybe after we’ve let out some of the uglies, we may shift the direction of the ship we are sailing a little closer to true north.

And as we go about our week, we’ll find we are starting to smell better!

We’ll look better, too, through God’s eyes.