Hope

How To Find Heart Healing (Say What Can’t Be Said)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I was at the vacation place when my thoughts took me in a direction I didn’t want to go.

“Come back!” I yelled at my thoughts.

“I just want to let my brain think about NOTHING and enjoy my holiday here today, okay? Do I HAVE to go over there with you?” Yet my thoughts beckoned me again and again as I relaxed, floating on the surface of the waters of this glorious hot spring.

I couldn’t help but remember that my grandfather had visited this same vacation spot decades ago.

And then he and my grandmother brought my mother, then a small child.

Then, my mother and father vacationed here with my brother and me when we were small children. (YES! It IS an AMAZING PLACE! NO! I’m NOT going to tell you where it is! That would be for when I know you better – a LOT better! We like that it’s not too crowded, okay?)*

And then I vacationed again with my husband and our small children years before, and now one of my babies ALREADY LEFT HOME (Of course I’m okay with that! WHAT – Are you accusing ME of being maladjusted or something? I would NEVER admit to that! Or BE that. Whatever.)

Anyway, here I was at this same glorious place, with our youngest child, who was already almost a young woman. (No! Why WOULD I be crying!)

I suddenly realized that these people, many of whom had been deep anchors in my life, drawing me near with their love for me, had moved on or moved out or passed by or passed on, yet the younger generations were continuing our tradition and….

“What does it all mean, God?…”

I finally allowed my soul cry out.

“[let] God know your concerns”

The Message

I am learning to bear my heart, to lift my questions to God, for Him to analyze like a well-trained Physician. I am having trouble describing my symptoms in words, but this doctor can assess the situation himself. And He knows exactly what drop of medicine my heart healing requires.

He didn’t give me words to make this angst go away with one breath of wind, but I did sense Him draw me close, lean His head against mine, and kiss the top of my head with His love.

Exactly how, I will tell you next time.

For now, I am learning to open my heart to allow the questions that have no words to be lifted to the One who can read the deepest longings of my heart.

Even the soul questions that can’t quite be articulated.

Knowing that He hears me, that He is listening, that He speaks comfort with His love when words aren’t enough is the first step of my journey.

What questions do you have of God? What questions that have no words does your heart long to ask? Let’s help each other lift these feelings of angst to the One that exchanges our mixed-up emotions for His peace.

But being honest about the mess inside was already releasing some pressure.

As the song below plays, when you hear the line, “Days of my youth – Where you going now,” what feelings in your heart can you offer to God as a gift that He so longs to receive? What gift do You sense He longs to offer you in response. Will you take what He is offering you even now, friend?

Footnotes

*And did you know that people from 25 countries read this newsletter? Yeah! I didn’t know there were that many people with nothing to do either! I mean – ahem! – so many people that get such wisdom to run their lives from me! (Or whyever people read this stuff. How would I know why?)

Anyway – You’re welcome! Good luck!

Image Credit: Person floating by Jernej Graj on Unsplash

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Overwhelm Threatening To Suffocate = This One Surprising Opportunity

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

men's white top

Head in hands again. Trying to shut out the noise. The kids with their needs swirling around me.

We are homeschooling in February.

Continuing this thankless task in February becomes my annual despair, one shared with all homeschooling families (Except for the perfect families we all hate. Don’t feel jealous. They’ll crash and burn out too. I’ve been homeschooling for a while, so I’ve seen a few things.)

If you are not homeschooling in February, what is your despair?

We all have the odd despair that tries to attach itself to us like an unwelcome leech.

Anyway, I sat on the couch, my overwhelm consuming me. Do I declare (another) fun day and take the kids cross-country skiing?

Should we call all our homeschooling friends and organize (another) hockey party on the free outdoor ice rink?

Do I give them as much “independent work” as I can and try to tackle the mess of stuff in the basement, the pile that seems to have acquired a life of its own and that roars at me as I pass like a Yeti in the basement?

Or do I confront the emotions in my heart that are spilling out onto the couch next to me, a mess I am trying to hide but that is emerging despite my best efforts to pretend I am confidently steering this homeschooling ship?

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to hide behind the fun. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the fact that our home is so disorganized that we can no longer find pencils to do our math. Or that no one cares. “I like using a green crayon to do my math, Mommy!” she asserts.

She is not trying to make me feel better. She is genuinely happy. Her needs are met.

And mine?

“I’m not worried about the kids,” my husband would assert. “I’m worried about you.”

So I offer you tea and a listening ear, dear friend, and ask:

How are you?

Not how are your kids?

Not how is the state of your home (We know it’s a disaster. You homeschool!)

How are you?

People who suppress feelings experience less positive and more negative emotions.

APA PsycNet

And then your tears, and your head in hands, and I put my arm around you to comfort you.

And as we:

  1. Admit to first ourselves and then another, through our tears, that all is not well . . .
  2. And after we put the ridiculous plans we cling to for creating super kids off the shelves of our egos . . .
  3. After we slow down and watch our kids learn for a while (Healthy plants in healthy soil grow. Similarly, healthy kids in a healthy environment learn, even and especially when we don’t beat them with rods to “encourage” them to know exactly what WE want) . . .
  4. Then we’re finally ready…

For what, you ask?

To learn the one most important lesson that overwhelm teaches us, which is that:

When we feed ourselves with unhealthy food, our tummies won’t feel very good for a while.

However, This is GOOD NEWS because we can go to the store and buy carrots today!

And how does this relate to homeschooling, for example?

If you follow the crowd and eat whatever they eat (50% highly processed foods), your tummy will get a bit upset afterward. Similarly, if you follow the crowds and set up your homeschool to mimic public school goals, for example, you’ll find that burnout is as certain as feeling bad after eating an entire box of Oreos.

Overwhelm is the blaring red light that tells us that letting our minds and actions drift with the crowd isn’t a healthy option.

There is a better way, friend, and overwhelm, our teacher and friend, unlocks a higher path.

a bird flying over some rocks and grass

More on the first step of HOW to get out of overwhelm next time.

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Image Credits: Man Upset by Dmitry Vechorko on Unsplash, Bird Soaring by Kshithij Chandrashekar on Unsplash

Advice: Your Bridge To Hope After Your Kid Moves Out

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment
green trees near brown wooden bridge during daytime
Photo by Dave Hoefler on Unsplash

I’m mad at you! At all of you with a child over seventeen years old who left home! I hate you all! Why didn’t you tell me it would be this hard to say goodbye when they left for college!?

And all of you with babies too, babies that are older than my oldest baby, I hate you all too!

Before we had babies, why didn’t you tell us that looking after babies would be so hard!?

Ah, yes . . .

It is because we wouldn’t have believed you even if you would have spoken up.

And if our teens truly understood the depth of our loss, many of these kids wouldn’t leave home. They are good kids. I relayed these thoughts to my husband, processing them aloud through my tears.

“And we want them to leave,” I cried out. “Yes, we do,” my husband comforted. Then he shoots me a sideways, knowing look. I remembered that this morning, our teen was DEFINITELY right when she was DEFINITELY wrong, and instead of bursting into tears, I burst into laughter.

I feel some joy mixed with some sorrow.

And so, “Goodbye!” we say as we wave.

Except it’s not kindergarten, and they are heading to school on a bus. We homeschooled, so we missed that milestone. It’s 600 km away, and the tearing, the necessary, painful cleaving continues.

Reflecting God’s nature, He created them male and female. . . Therefore, a [person] leaves his father and mother

The Message

I told you it would be that way, Jesus reminds me softly. Many years earlier, in prayer, Jesus showed me a picture of my daughters, one after the other, ready to board a plane to soar off on their journeys of independence. He began preparing my heart to say goodbye many years ago, even then.

Many of us homeschooling parents pushed the love boundary of our hearts a little further than expected when we cracked open those brand new math texts on day one of homeschooling.

The depth of love surprises us all and surpasses the boundary markers we set up to protect ourselves. If we love what we know, we will get to know these kids, and our love for them will transform us. Love always does.

I’m not saying that homeschooling is one domino after the other of perfect days.

I have homeschooled for 4,745 days (I’m convinced you don’t have enough math skills to figure out how many years I have spent homeschooling- Who does?). Of those days, I have NEVER yet had one perfect day.

Nope.

Not one. Just daily joy mixed with daily sorrow. Master storyteller J.R.R. Tolkien explains it this way:

The possibility of [sorrow and failure] is necessary to the joy of deliverance . . . giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.

And so saying goodbye to the teen as she flies off to college is just another homeschooling day: some joy mixed with some sorrow.

We are used to that. We’ve gotten stronger over the years. It’s just another part of the daily homeschooling rhythm.

We will be ready because we have been practicing daily for this: some joy and some sorrow, repeat tomorrow.

We’re going to be OK.

And so, as we watch them soar, we nurse our grief a little and then flap our baby wings and listen for the call from Him into a new adventure.

And in the same way that we invest in our future by putting aside a few dollars each month, is He asking us to invest in our spiritual future by putting aside a few minutes each day to listen to Him calling us, comforting us, asking us to set aside the old, and to pick up the new?

How is he calling you to wake up?

Where to next, God?

I can’t quite fly yet, but I am sensing another adventure.

Yes, I’ll follow!

(How about you?)

Social Media Consuming Your Joy? (May You See Breakthrough)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment
person holding clear drinking glass
Photo by Anastasiia Voitenko on Unsplash

I was flying, soaring like a bird, arms outstretched.

Not paying attention, and then AH! – What is that there in the sky? – And a sharp turn that spun me in circles as I nosedived. I was spinning and spinning, the hard ground beckoning closer.

And life sometimes feels like that, with the highs, lows, and pitfalls to avoid and crashing out of control.

One second, a youth raising my hand with all my effort, in fervent desperation to be picked for that promotion or opportunity.

And then, decades later, I’m too, sitting by the side of the road, homeless and friendless, holding my donation cup and wondering if I can find a few coins or some hope to get me through today’s dark night.

(Actually, I’ve never even been close to being homeless, but sometimes my interior life feels just as jumbled as their exterior life appears visibly.)

What do you do when life spins out of control and takes you with it?

Social media is good at depicting the moments in life when we are soaring in the sky like an eagle, enjoying the ocean view. And we’ve all had a few moments like these. But where do we go when the rain comes, we get kicked out of our nest, and our wounds and brokenness keep us stranded, exposing us to the weather as we sit and wait and wonder what to do next?

And as we hold out our cup seeking donations and hope like the other homeless people, as we look through the busy people rushing by us, we finally have the eyes to see that Jesus is crouched beside us, holding a blanket and a snack and offering his arms for a hug.

Got time for some comfort?

After writing the above, I went for a walk with her, the new friend.

She said this:

“Like everyone else, I was enjoying my life and had many good times.”

I imagined her Facebook and Instagram pages as she spoke.

“But then I suddenly crashed, realizing that my social drinks after work couldn’t easily be set aside, though I tried everything I could using my own strength. When I finally turned to Jesus and asked for help, things suddenly didn’t get easy, but He gave me the strength to put that dark chapter behind me. I am six years alcohol-free,” she continued.

“And people say I have fantastic strength to do that alone, but I know it wasn’t on my own – God gave me the strength.”

Her story fits here, that’s all.

What do your social media pages say, friend?

How are you really doing?

If you’ve recently crashed too, got time for a drink?

Jesus . . . cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. 

The Message

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Advice: Toss Christmas Booze! (Try Drowning Sorrows Here Instead)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I looked for a regular Christmas picture of our family (so I could prove to you all how proper we are and suitably impressive in demeanour), but all I could find were these photos.

Our kids are SO wiggly and annoying that they wouldn’t stand still long enough to get a proper photo!

Yes, that’s me on the right. (Why do you ask?) Well, I guess this one below will have to do.

Merry Christmas!

Oh – and just a little bit of advice – I know that’s why you read this stuff, after all!

Ahem . . .

If you are tempted to turn to the Christmas booze or whatever your vice* of choice is today, remember – try God instead!

Then you can have the enviable advantage over others** of being perceived as (relatively) “regular” like us!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Footnotes

*PS – All of us carry pain within, friend. Seriously, God has a path out of the mess. What’s your next step?

**The point of life is to look normal! (Isn’t it? It’s too bad my editor has the day off, or she could fix this.) “What is the point of life?” I wonder. Well, I’ll tell you the answer next time, friends! In the meantime, I wonder if I should get some booze for this growing existential angst I’m feeling today or … wait – I’ll ask God!

But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don’t take yourself too seriously—
take God seriously.

The Message

I hope you take another step towards the One who quells your chaos, too, friend.

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The Best Climate Solution Hack Is To Focus On This One Other Thing Instead

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment
grayscale photo of person inside the plant formation

Just because the battle of [insert famous battle name here – I’m not a Historian, ok?] was lost, doesn’t mean those soldiers lost the war too!

The same is true in the war that many in our culture are fighting to open our eyes to the reality that climate change is real.

We’ve lost a battle or two, granted.

For example, consider the implementation of climate solutions and the recent US election. I am not a Harris supporter by any stretch of the imagination. (Also, I’m Canadian, so no one cares who I would have voted for. AND, it’s much easier to criticize leaders trying to create positive change than to come up with real solutions that work!)

The point is that we lost another battle in the war against recognizing that climate change is even a “thing” with the election win of Mr. Trump.

But just because climate change has lost another battle, that doesn’t mean we have lost the war in finding a solution to our climate woes – Not by any stretch.

It is time to close the chapter in the book “Let’s talk about climate change rationally, using science.”

Instead, let’s focus on applying and implementing this one solution.

Let’s focus on food.

No, I did not leave my rationale mind over there as I wrote this post over here.

Stay with me.

In Paul Hawken’s book “Regeneration: Ending the Climate Crisis in One Generation,” there is surprising hope in implementing Regenerative Agriculture.

Don’t have time to read?

Check out this free movie, Kiss the Ground Film | Official Website

A Hollywood Actor narrates the movie, so that’s how we know it is the truth!

Just kidding – There is LOTS of science here and a growing movement.

“Kiss the Ground is an audience-supported nonprofit promoting regeneration and healthy soil as a viable solution for our wellness, water, and climate crisis. Since 2013, we’ve inspired millions to participate in the Regenerative Movement through storytelling, education and partnerships.”

Kiss the Ground For Regeneration

Oh, and another benefit – when you put less poison in the form of hyper-processed foods into your body and recognize food ITSELF is healing, you’ll probably feel a lot better, too!

There is a movement of people who have started to be accidentally healed of various modern ailments through eating healthier foods, but we’ll talk about that another time.

Oh, and we can avert the climate crisis once this movement snowballs, too, without mentioning the term “climate change.”

The thing is (whisper):

God has a solution to EVERY problem we see in our world.

We have hope! Let’s dance! No problem is too big for our God.

As the song below plays, ask God, “Has my hope been reduced to the size of politics or the problems in my life and our world? Forgive me. Would You help me place my hope in the One who is bigger than every problem?”

“If . . . my people, my God-defined people, respond by humbling themselves, praying, seeking my presence, and turning their backs on their wicked lives, I’ll be there ready for you: I’ll listen from heaven, forgive their sins, and restore their land to health. From now on I’m alert day and night to the prayers offered . . . “

The Message

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Finding God’s Unexpected Path To Healing Is Actually Easy?

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment
grayscale photography of girl lying near field
Photo by The New York Public Library on Unsplash

She was a shell. She was skinny, sickly, and often lost in her little world.

Her stomach racked her in pain. Friends were elusive. She was unhappy, never having exploded in childhood giggles that should have been her right.

My husband and I oscillated between worry and confidence that she would grow out of “this.” One of us, either he or I, carried the ball of fear for this child. The ball never went away.

Occupational and physical therapists dribbled through our home – in and out – like a constant stream, reminding us that something wasn’t quite “right.” The ball of concern for our child, which we took turns carrying, grew heavier.

Doctors punctuated our lives.

An exclamation point with a specialist doctor in September. A question mark with that prominent city specialist who visited in April. The regular full stops of our home doctor, where “many” childhood milestones were missed, again, were a part of the regular background noise.

The cloud of “something” felt suffocating.

It was hard to breathe.

And doctors get so concerned nowadays. Our other daughter was told she “might” have a problem detectable only by modern medicine (pulmonary stenosis!), and yet that asymptomatic “problem” mysteriously resolved itself only a few years later.

“Would the same thing happen with this other daughter?” I wondered on the days when my husband carried our ball of worry.

And then it happened.

God’s voice was carried by the wind of the Spirit that day as I chatted with a friend about her struggling child.

“Try it.”

What now? I looked around, wondering if I had heard right. My heart sensed my Father’s love for me and my daughter as He spoke. Was I imagining things, though?

“Could you repeat that?” I asked

Nothing. Stillness. Quiet.

Had I heard correctly?

I had been learning that God speaks when we remember to attach our spiritual ears. I bent down to look for my spiritual ears which seemed to have fallen off again. Had He spoken?

At the moment that I wondered if God was nudging me, my good friend had been talking about a special diet – Yes, a special diet – that she was preparing for her son, who had developmental delays.

Diet?

But that’s not what the specialists EVER recommended!

But that was what was working for him. I felt God was asking me to try this same approach. Would I obey?

And so, how are we led on God’s specific, chosen path for our lives and families that usher in His healing?

  1. We pick up our spiritual ears and attach them to our heads. Oh! There are your spiritual ears lying next to you on the ground! Shall we learn how to use them?
  2. We do what God says.

That’s it.

And oh – our daughter was healed. But that’s a story for another time.

By faith, Noah built a ship in the middle of dry land. He was warned about something he couldn’t see, and acted on what he was told. . . . As a result, Noah became intimate with God.

The Message

An additional fun result of following Jesus where He leads is buried within the quote above if our eyes are open – Intimacy with God! Wow.

As the song below plays, ask Holy Spirit, “What is the ONE NEXT step, or person you want me to ask advice from, regarding this problem in my life that is literally burning a hole in my gut?”

God:

  • Help us look for our ears, re-attach them so they stick, and pick them up again when they fall off.
  • May our hearts be strengthened by knowing how You delight in watching us take our baby steps toward You.
  • Help us to drink a bigger glass of the gift of Your love, which often carries healing for our bodies, minds and spirits.

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Advice: Stop Being Afraid Of The Wrong Thing! Become Fearless (By Fearing This)! Part 2

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment
person jumping on big rock under gray and white sky during daytime
Photo by The Chaffins on Unsplash

Previously, we talked about the fear that sometimes descends over our culture like an unwelcome blanket, smothering us. And yet, we cling to our fear as a self-soothing exercise. We are used to it

How do we throw away the fear that always seems to linger on our hands, like unwanted gum we are trying to put in the trash?

We can’t entirely eradicate fear.

The reality is that we are tiny little people, and who knows? A comet may arrive in ten minutes, throwing us into another ice age like it did for the dinosaurs. Then we’re hooped!

But this, ironically, like all my best advice, is where we find some of our hope.

What if we didn’t fear “death” (I said THE word!) QUITE so very much?

It is the denial of death that is partially responsible for people living empty, purposeless lives

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

This one fear, the fear of death, instead of being a blanket that twists itself around our neck, strangling us, is the one fear that can ultimately comfort us.

For example, it doesn’t matter to me whether I get two likes or one like on a post (No, that wasn’t 2,000 likes or 1,000 likes – Why do you ask?) when I remember that one day, I will die.

So, one of the best ways to eliminate a bunch of our lingering fears, it turns out, is to confront the biggest, most terrifying fear looming in our bellies’ most bottomless pit.

It’s to confront our mortality.

So, how do we recognize our mortality, though we (kind of) don’t want to?

When we realize that we are resting in the palm of our Saviour’s hand and that His love is the warm blanket that comforts us, we find we can sleep a bit easier, and this life is a little easier to live.

But what if we’re having trouble grasping hold of God as we clench our frightened fists around His Spirit, grasping for something to hold onto?

What if we reach out to touch God, and our fingers, instead, only close around thin air?

Well, let’s return to something I learned in university while wrestling most deeply with this question. (Don’t you find that you thought more interesting things in university? These days, the thing I seem to think about most is when I can next grab some deep-fried chicken or chocolate cheesecake.)

When I wrestled most deeply with this question at University, the philosophical argument called Pascal’s Wager, was a great balm to my soul.

Here it is, summarized. A fuller version can be found here:

  • There is not enough evidence to know with ABSOLUTE certainty that God exists, the mathematician and physicist Blaise Pascal began.
  • So, a game is being played with the endpoint of our deaths. What will be the outcome after our death?
  • The MOST RATIONAL choice is NOT to play this game.
  • However, NOT playing the game is not a choice. We all must die therefore we all MUST play the game.
  • When we play the game, we are wagering on God.
  • If we believe there is a God, and there is, we gain ALL.
  • If we believe there is a God and there is not, we lose NOTHING.

Wager, then, without hesitation that He is. (…) There is here an infinity of an infinitely happy life to gain, a chance of gain against a finite number of chances of loss, and what you stake is finite.

Blaise Pascal

As the song plays, consider asking God, “Am I afraid of the right things?” When we face our fear of death, a most surprising thing happens. Other fears seem to fly away somewhere!

Oh, Death, who’s afraid of you now?

The Message

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