Pull up a chair and laugh WITH (Wait – AT?!) us, friend!
As clearly and thoroughly elaborated in THIS ARTICLE, I require an EXCESSIVE amount of time this holiday season skiing and soaking in a hot tub.
However, given that some of you in the over fifty countries1 who read this drivel (no-STUFF!) can barely function without my constant wisdom flooding your inbox, I will be posting some of our previous Christmas letters here to help you through this season with adequate wisdom and insight to complete the bare minimum of your Christmas activities.
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
We enjoy publishing a letter and sending it to all our friends and family for the Holidays.
This is where we update you on our family and share some insightful sayings that our family members shared this year to encourage you! And so, “What happened this year?” You ask? I’m glad you asked!
Thanks for liking me! I like you too! – Proven HERE, HERE, and HERE! Let’s journey together!
Well, our youngest child decided to leave home a year earlier than anticipated.
She’s planning to move out this summer, which sent me into a (SLIGHT!) identity spiral:
Luckily, I have been researching starting another Master’s Degree (I’m smarter than I let on) or a certificate, or additional schooling of some sort, to try to claw my way into some sort of cultural significance. (Or should I get more counselling instead to work on the neuroses that drive me? Well, I guess we’ll see whether a year of schooling or a year of therapy is cheaper.)
So, yes, given my new plans, as described above, for when all the kids move out, everything is great!
Now that we’ve got all that sappy and annoying “real” stuff out of the way, not much has really changed around here.
We putter around a bit. Our kids putter around a bit, do their homeschooling, and then they move out and leave us, one after the other. (That’s FINE! Who cares?). Our animals, a dog and a rabbit, putter around a bit, too, as usual.
That’s about it.
Anyway, without further ado, here are some quotes family members said last year. May you have a good laugh (At our expense?! – WAIT! IF you laugh, EVEN ONCE, MAKE SURE you send us some of the stupid stuff YOU said so we can laugh at you, too!)
Andy to me: “Yes! I DO want you to come to the hockey game with me! Why? Because I’ll have more fun if you’re there! Everything is better with you. You’re like whipped cream.”
Did I mention that we are celebrating twenty-five years of marriage this year? If you’re marriage is on the rocks, copy and paste what Andy said here to your wife! More marriage advice HERE and HERE and below!
Kyah, as she was about to do math – “Oh wait. I have to get my headset so I can listen to classical music so I won’t cry.”
Me to a young man from our church, “You’re a good boy.”
Kyah: “Mom! Why do you talk to him like that! That’s the same way you talk to the dog!”
Young man: “She’s trying to embarrass me, but she ends up embarrassing herself.”
Me: (!)
THE POINT is that not much seems to change with me, either, despite my pouring money into (obviously useless) therapy! However, more articles on how to excel relationally and even to have fun with others can be found HERE and HERE!
Significant changes in our home INCLUDE that our predator (dog) and prey (bunny) ARE changing!
A LOT!
Andy to me: “You are like Cesar Millan. You ARE the dog whisperer.” The dog was peacefully lying at my feet during supper2.
Then Andy said, “I NEVER thought I would say THAT about YOU!”
Me, thinking: “WHY did he have to say that last line?”
However, we can now leave our dog and bunny alone together – unattended! Actually, our bunny gently (but manipulatively) nibbled at the dog’s toes once. Our dog is so sweet and good-natured that the bunny now terrifies the dog when she jumps around the house, asserting her dominance.
(I’m sure there’s some great marriage advice in there somewhere, but I’ll need some careful reflection time to extract it from this life situation. So I may require a lot of time for skiing, relaxing in the hot tub, etc., during this Christmas break. However stay tuned and expectantly anticipate more helpful relationship advice this coming year!)
Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
Today is Remembrance Day in Canada, also known as Veterans Day in the USA, and previously referred to as Memorial Day for a similar, earlier holiday.
The best thing about these days (all variations on the same theme) is that they force us to think about . . . wait for it . . . our own individual deaths.
(Sorry for saying it out loud. But good news follows! Keep reading!)
We are the Dead. Short days ago. We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, loved and were loved, and now we lie, in Flanders fields.
This thought is the one we close our eyes to and try to forget with movies, popcorn, and laughs with friends, and other healthy distractions.
This thought is one of the ones that bolts us awake at night just before we fall asleep with, “Oh yeah! I’m going to die!”
And then we frantically check our email and update our social media profiles to further distance ourselves from this thought.
“Oh! And what time is it?” Time to run off somewhere else and distract ourselves some more! But what if we sat with some tea and really had a good look at this irritating thing called “Death”?
For example:
We are all rolling the dice every day, wondering if today is the day we meet our maker. Let’s add a little statistical reasoning to our end-of-life dice roll. Why not? What can it hurt? Try it HERE.
Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal.
I have already written my best advice on this topic HERE, where I clearly explain that the way to sidestep being a complete JERK is to PRETEND to be someone you’re not.
Today, we continue the same theme with more helpful advice on how to NOT be a jerk when you Homeschool.
Thank you for liking me! I like you too! Let’s journey together!
I learned many of these lessons from my (failed) efforts to train my dog, and let’s face it, we all know that the lessons we learn from shepherding our pets can be directly applied without any variation at all to lessons about God and parenting.
I was running behind my dog, yelling STOP again as the door opened and a visitor stared wide-eyed as our tiny goldendoodle pounced toward him, intent on humping his leg (again). I chased the dog around the yard hollering at him to behave while our visitor watched, which is the usual routine whenever someone knocks on our door. I finally catch the dog and then explain that our dog had a bad night’s sleep, or an upset stomach, so that’s why he didn’t obey today, AS HE USUALLY DOES, OF COURSE.
So yeah, dog training is EXACTLY like parenting.
Which gently directs this conversation very naturally into parenting advice.
An excellent question, and that is the topic of today’s newsletter.
Here are my top three recommendations (with four more recommendations in the following newsletter) containing my best advice on how to have a fantastic time Homeschooling:
Try to be someone else. See HERE or the first few paragraphs of this newsletter. (Note to my editor: Yes! I could edit this newsletter so that all of my advice is in one list, but editing is boring, and I have my Duo-lingo streak to maintain, in addition to this writing! I’m busy!)
Have VERY low expectations. Most people have problems with Homeschooling simply because their expectations are too high. Looking to have a GREAT year (or even day) Homeschooling? We experienced Homeschooling ones are laughing our guts out, and the reason why is explained HERE. When your kids cry a bit, grab yourself a martini and read a magazine for a while until that passes! It’s just another Homeschooling day, friends!
Keep the big picture in mind – This is why you have a manifesto. Then you can remember that playing Snakes and Ladders IS your top priority! (See the last bullet in Point #3 of THIS MANIFESTO for an explanation). She is your best friend, so squeeze moments of joy out of every moment someone isn’t crying, friend!
Join us next time for four more tips on having the best Homeschooling year you can (which means not a perfect year or that every day is fantastic, but we got through it, friends, and that’s what matters most!) Oh! I almost forgot the following quote!
Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. . . So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the . . . help.
So enjoy your transformation because you’ll find that many of your sharp edges fall off as you Homeschool because you will have to return to God on your knees, asking for help every day. (Do that too! It helps!)
Part 1 – A story (about ME!!!) – Written by my daughter, Esther!
Part 2 – An explanation (also by ME!) of why I randomly thought of porcupines after reading this!
Additional profound extrapolations of the text (by ME! – Of course!) are in the footnotes!
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
Part 1: Story by Esther
Sparse and invisible rain floats gently from the sky, sometimes merging on the skin or the pavement as several droplets.
The speckled street gives way to the cars that cruise amiably down it.
There is no rush in this town; there is a sense of welcome and leisure despite busy schedules and people filled with excitement for the day. Everyone knows everyone else by name, and even if one wanted to stay anonymous, one could not. The small businesses are like people; each one has their personality.
Or perhaps it is due to the lack of stores that each of them stands out all the more brightly.
One couple meanders down the street, hand in hand.
He is tall and strong, but his face radiates gentleness, and his laughter shows not only on his face but also in his eyes. The woman1 mirrors many of the same features, but her eyes gleam with a fire of intensity not commonly found. Despite this, her kindness (See Footnote 1) is evident in the smile lines around her mouth and her loving (See Footnote 1) eyes.
Woe unto the person who stumbles across the man’s path while he is hungry.
And woe unto the person who stumbles across the woman’s path when the woman is tired.2 Yet, they grow together. They challenge each other. They fight the battles of life together, side by side. They complement each other (See Footnote 1) with a bond made one of the strongest in the world.
The couple passes by the library, a place steeped in magic.
It is a chest that holds the secrets of life and beauty, and its key is given generously, though not many take it. Those who deem it ridiculous are those who refuse the key, but to the one who graciously takes it, wonders are in store. The couple’s two children are currently there, for the couple sees their melancholy dog sitting patiently outside, waiting for someone to pet him. He gets up and furiously wags his tail, assured that this means he is finally going home. After reassuring the dog that they would be back soon and trying to ignore the forsaken and betrayed look in his eyes, the couple wanders up the steps and into the library.
There they find a friend and exchange greetings. The man is asked about his work. His hands, though gentle and unassuming, have ministered to and helped thousands, but by his humble3 nature, he never boasts.
His wife, who stands beside him, is just as accomplished (See Footnote 1), with a heart for the betterment of people’s lives (See Footnote 1) and a passion for the preservation of the planet (See Footnote 1).
She sacrificed her career (See Footnote 1) for her children’s careers, homeschooling and helping them find what interests and motivates them. Sometimes, they drive her crazy. Well, maybe it’s a lot of the time. And sometimes she drives them crazy, too (See Footnote 2). Perhaps it is God growing everyone’s patience4.
The family checks out their stacks of literature and heads to the car, picking up the relieved5 dog on the way. The car slowly pulls out and heads leisurely home. There’s no rush. Or, maybe there is because now the man is hungry.
Part 2: Random Thoughts Including: Porcupine Quills Can Eventually Bring Joy! by Me
I think of porcupines who quill each other when I think of this story. For example, I am mad at my daughter for writing things that are BLATANT lies about me and that don’t make me look as stupendous as I know I am deep down! Anyway, we (for example – HER) each come with our own set of quills, like porcupines, and we accidentally and purposefully (sometimes) quill each other and even ourselves. I.e., Remember when “the man” in the story above gets hungry? Watch out!
However, being quilled by porcupines (ironically) promotes our healing.
Why?
Because in our inevitable relational pain (that THEY cause), we finally draw near to God, who has been calling out and wooing us our entire lives.
And so, as we bring our faces full of another’s (and our own?) quills, God can use this situation to heal US, as He lovingly tends to each quill, sometimes removing it immediately and sometimes giving us healing oil and the strength to persevere.
1 Author of this blog’s note – This is ME! She is talking about ME in this story! That’s how you know I’m famous and important, by the way!!!
2 WAIT – WHA…? I thought she only said NICE stuff about me in public! I’m going to ground her to her room for a month! But wait – she’s flying back to her job and University tomorrow!
Of course, we all expect our teen children to hate us, be embarrassed around us, talk down about us to their friends, and find every way they can to show that they are rebelling against everything we stand for as the authority figures in their lives.
We wag our fingers at them and say, “YOU SHOULD do this or that!” even though we didn’t do this or that when we were their age, and getting up off the couch to talk to our kids is hard for us sometimes because our snacks and our devices call us to do more important things.
What if there is a different reality to parenting?
Even if we’ve rolled up our sleeves over the last nearly two decades and gotten “Good Parent Points” on our clipboards for throwing balls with our kids, giving them birthday parties, and teaching them to drive, what if even then, deep down, we still expect our teens to be embarrassed around us, spend as little time with us as possible and talk disrespectfully about us behind our backs until they are finally “Free.”
What if the expectations we have of our teens are too small?
“[The scientist] makes several important observations about the powerful effect of culture [on teens] . . . [He] points to a study . . . looking at adolescent behaviour in 186 pre-industrialized societies. The research did NOT find lots of classic impulsive, obnoxious, get me away from my parent’s teenage behaviour in ALL of them. In fact, they found the opposite. More than half the young males exhibited no rebellious behaviour at all. Teens in these cultures spent most of their time hanging around their parents. They often helped with the chores both in family and in broader social activities”.
We saw an example of this kind of teen culture in reality at the homeschooling conference we recently attended.
It was a culture shock because not all the teens were jerks!
Consider the following:
(1) At the homeschooling family barn dance (Can I stop there?) . . .
(2) In which parents and all ages of family members, including teens, danced in the same big hall (Can I stop there?) . . .
(3) Often a very young child would join in the fray. Partners switched every few seconds sometimes, in a (deliberately) Jane Austen style. EVERY SINGLE TEENAGE BOY that I saw whose turn it was to dance with the 3-year-old, hunched down, smiled and spun the little girl in time to the music. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
Watching teen after teen do this was so sweet – It made me tear up.
(4) These are not the teens skulking in corners, hoping for a chance to get outside and smoke more pot.
Entering this homeschooling culture, even through reading this newsletter, may be enough to destroy culturally low expectations of today’s teens.
So friend, now that you feel empowered to refuse low expectations of your teens, I recommend you go home, yell at your kids, throw some stuff around the house and make your point VERY clear that now you KNOW they don’t HAVE to be jerks anymore!
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
After that advice, consider asking God how you may need to throw out the way that you see that child and see them instead through the glasses that God gives you, the way He sees that child.
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
1This book by John Medina is over 10 years old, but “New” is a relative term, and let’s admit that we all have forgotten half the stuff we need to know to do well in life, anyway! Related, consider the following quote:
If you want a new idea, read an old book.
Ivan Pavlov
This quote proves that you have no idea what you are doing, either, as you parent your kids, and any information, whether new OR old, will help you!
Head in hands again. Trying to shut out the noise. The kids with their needs swirling around me.
We are homeschooling in February.
Continuing this thankless task in February becomes my annual despair, one shared with all homeschooling families (Except for the perfect families we all hate. Don’t feel jealous. They’ll crash and burn out too. I’ve been homeschooling for a while, so I’ve seen a few things.)
If you are not homeschooling in February, what is your despair?
We all have the odd despair that tries to attach itself to us like an unwelcome leech.
Anyway, I sat on the couch, my overwhelm consuming me. Do I declare (another) fun day and take the kids cross-country skiing?
Should we call all our homeschooling friends and organize (another) hockey party on the free outdoor ice rink?
Do I give them as much “independent work” as I can and try to tackle the mess of stuff in the basement, the pile that seems to have acquired a life of its own and that roars at me as I pass like a Yeti in the basement?
It’s becoming increasingly difficult to hide behind the fun. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the fact that our home is so disorganized that we can no longer find pencils to do our math. Or that no one cares. “I like using a green crayon to do my math, Mommy!” she asserts.
She is not trying to make me feel better. She is genuinely happy. Her needs are met.
And mine?
“I’m not worried about the kids,” my husband would assert. “I’m worried about you.”
So I offer you tea and a listening ear, dear friend, and ask:
And after we put the ridiculous plans we cling to for creating super kids off the shelves of our egos . . .
After we slow down and watch our kids learn for a while (Healthy plants in healthy soil grow. Similarly, healthy kids in a healthy environment learn, even and especially when we don’t beat them with rods to “encourage” them to know exactly what WE want) . . .
Then we’re finally ready…
For what, you ask?
To learn the one most important lesson that overwhelm teaches us, which is that:
When we feed ourselves with unhealthy food, our tummies won’t feel very good for a while.
However, This is GOOD NEWS because we can go to the store and buy carrots today!
And how does this relate to homeschooling, for example?
If you follow the crowd and eat whatever they eat (50% highly processed foods), your tummy will get a bit upset afterward. Similarly, if you follow the crowds and set up your homeschool to mimic public school goals, for example, you’ll find that burnout is as certain as feeling bad after eating an entire box of Oreos.
Overwhelm is the blaring red light that tells us that letting our minds and actions drift with the crowd isn’t a healthy option.
There is a better way, friend, and overwhelm, our teacher and friend, unlocks a higher path.
More on the first step of HOW to get out of overwhelm next time.
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I’m mad at you! At all of you with a child over seventeen years old who left home! I hate you all! Why didn’t you tell me it would be this hard to say goodbye when they left for college!?
And all of you with babies too, babies that are older than my oldest baby, I hate you all too!
Before we had babies, why didn’t you tell us that looking after babies would be so hard!?
Ah, yes . . .
It is because we wouldn’t have believed you even if you would have spoken up.
And if our teens truly understood the depth of our loss, many of these kids wouldn’t leave home. They are good kids. I relayed these thoughts to my husband, processing them aloud through my tears.
“And we want them to leave,” I cried out. “Yes, we do,” my husband comforted. Then he shoots me a sideways, knowing look. I remembered that this morning, our teen was DEFINITELY right when she was DEFINITELY wrong, and instead of bursting into tears, I burst into laughter.
I feel some joy mixed with some sorrow.
And so, “Goodbye!” we say as we wave.
Except it’s not kindergarten, and they are heading to school on a bus. We homeschooled, so we missed that milestone. It’s 600 km away, and the tearing, the necessary, painful cleaving continues.
Reflecting God’s nature, He created them male and female. . . Therefore, a [person] leaves his father and mother
I told you it would be that way, Jesus reminds me softly. Many years earlier, in prayer, Jesus showed me a picture of my daughters, one after the other, ready to board a plane to soar off on their journeys of independence. He began preparing my heart to say goodbye many years ago, even then.
Many of us homeschooling parents pushed the love boundary of our hearts a little further than expected when we cracked open those brand new math texts on day one of homeschooling.
The depth of love surprises us all and surpasses the boundary markers we set up to protect ourselves. If we love what we know, we will get to know these kids, and our love for them will transform us. Love always does.
I’m not saying that homeschooling is one domino after the other of perfect days.
I have homeschooled for 4,745 days (I’m convinced you don’t have enough math skills to figure out how many years I have spent homeschooling- Who does?). Of those days, I have NEVER yet had one perfect day.
The possibility of [sorrow and failure] is necessary to the joy of deliverance . . . giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.
And so saying goodbye to the teen as she flies off to college is just another homeschooling day: some joy mixed with some sorrow.
We will be ready because we have been practicing daily for this: some joy and some sorrow, repeat tomorrow.
We’re going to be OK.
And so, as we watch them soar, we nurse our grief a little and then flap our baby wings and listen for the call from Him into a new adventure.
And in the same way that we invest in our future by putting aside a few dollars each month, is He asking us to invest in our spiritual future by putting aside a few minutes each day to listen to Him calling us, comforting us, asking us to set aside the old, and to pick up the new?
But I don’t think that kind of attitude is a very Christian response! We are supposed to forgive those who wrong us! Wait – Let me find the right Bible passage to support my cause.
Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.
I am right. And what’s the big deal about posting embarrassing stuff about them on the internet, anyway? I mean, just because there are 5 billion people online, it’s not like everyone is going to read it ALL! People are so sensitive and get easily offended nowadays!
Since that post, my friends and family have been looking for the notebook where they wrote the embarrassing and stupid things that I said last year, but I lost it.
Or – I mean, THEY lost it.
Whatever.
Well, I think I’ll publish a few more silly things they said because we all should learn to have a bit thicker skin in life!
Here’s another bible verse that also, coincidentally, supports my cause!
We’re all learning and growing together, in love and good will, which is what matters most anyway!
May you be blessed with many fruitful and supportive relationships in this year, too!
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
On Appreciating The Important Things In Life
I heard one family member loudly yelling, while he was still a long way off:
He said: “NATURE IS . . .”
There was a long pause as he searched for a an exact word to express his strong emotion –
“. . . STUPID!!!”
(This happened the day the mice chewed through the rubber bottom of our garage door, the bear destroyed the new apple tree we planted that year, and he opened the barbeque to discover a rat looking sweetly up at him.)
On Learning New Things
We’re all learning new languages on Duolingo
A family member shouted one day: “Hey, I can understand everything!”
He thinks momentarily and then clarifies, “But I can’t say much.”
He thinks a bit longer and then says: “No, wait. I can’t understand anything really, yet either.”
We enjoy publishing a letter and sending it to all our friends and family for the Holidays.
In this letter, we tell you some of the embarrassing things they (the other family members and friends) said last year!
(Yes, I take notes on what my friends and family say all year, JUST for this express purpose!)
For some reason, however, not many people talk to me much at the beginning of each year, and they seem a bit sulky. But don’t worry – it doesn’t last long!
I was looking at my husband with tears filling my eyes after I opened a glimpse of pain deep within my heart.
Andy looked back at me and . . . smirked (!)
Me: “Why are you smirking!?”
Andy: “I think you’re just PMS-ing.”
Andy laughs.
I realize he’s probably right and think, “You know you’ve been married a long time when…”
While driving to the ski hill:
Me to Andy: “Why don’t we drop off our ski boots first this time and then…” etc.
Andy: “But I always do it the same way!”
I thought, “Well, I guess that topic has now been exhausted for all time!”
I can sense a compliment coming. I wait in eager anticipation:
Andy: “Thank you for being so… nice.”
Me: (!!!)
On Homeschooling
The perils of playing board games with homeschooled kids:
I borrowed a board game from the library based on the movie “Dune.” We recently watched the movie together as a family.
Kyah: “I can’t play that board game!” she announced, frustrated.
Me: “Why?”
Kyah: “I haven’t finished reading the book yet!”
Me: “Maybe you want to play squash with me sometime, Kyah?”
Kyah: “Well, I don’t know. I’m pretty aggressive…” (Even though the wind blows her over sometimes)
Kyah continued, “And I also have martial arts, so I’m pretty busy…”
Kyah: “But I love you so… Yeah, sure.”
On Choosing Healthy Food
Andy called me when he was out buying groceries from the list I wrote for him:
Andy: “So when it says, ‘soy sauce,’ do you mean… ?” He lists 10 related items and brands.
Me: “No, when I say ‘soy sauce,’ I mean the stuff that isn’t actually soy sauce. It says ‘liquid aminos’ or something like that on the bottle.”
Andy: “Oh, ok.”
Andy: “When it says ‘noodles- mushroom’, what kind of noodles are those?”
Me: “Those are the ones that aren’t actually noodles. They just look like noodles. They’re long and thin. They’re in the mushroom section. I don’t know what they’re called.”
Etc.
Etc.
Me: “I feel better because I fasted and prayed today. It gives me hope.”
Andy: “I didn’t fast, but I did have a chicken salad sandwich from X restaurant today, so . . . that probably counts.”
Me: (?) “And why is that?”
Andy: “Because it’s not very good! I didn’t have lunch from Y restaurant!”
So, “fasting” for Andy means eating out at a lower-star-eating establishment. Well, we all start somewhere!
I offered our friend a chocolate chip cookie. She excitedly stretched out her hand to take one, but then a look of horror came over her face, and her hand hovered above the plate mid-air.
She asked with increasing trepidation, “Wait. These don’t have black beans or something like that in them again, do they?!”
Happy New Year, friends.
(May you laugh much at your ridiculousness in the coming year, too!)
Restoring Life 