I was at the vacation place when my thoughts took me in a direction I didn’t want to go.
“Come back!” I yelled at my thoughts.
“I just want to let my brain think about NOTHING and enjoy my holiday here today, okay? Do I HAVE to go over there with you?” Yet my thoughts beckoned me again and again as I relaxed, floating on the surface of the waters of this glorious hot spring.
I couldn’t help but remember that my grandfather had visited this same vacation spot decades ago.
And then he and my grandmother brought my mother, then a small child.
Then, my mother and father vacationed here with my brother and me when we were small children. (YES! It IS an AMAZING PLACE! NO! I’m NOT going to tell you where it is! That would be for when I know you better – a LOT better! We like that it’s not too crowded, okay?)*
And then I vacationed again with my husband and our small children years before, and now one of my babies ALREADY LEFT HOME (Of course I’m okay with that! WHAT – Are you accusing ME of being maladjusted or something? I would NEVER admit to that! Or BE that. Whatever.)
Anyway, here I was at this same glorious place, with our youngest child, who was already almost a young woman. (No! Why WOULD I be crying!)
I suddenly realized that these people, many of whom had been deep anchors in my life, drawing me near with their love for me, had moved on or moved out or passed by or passed on, yet the younger generations were continuing our tradition and….
“What does it all mean, God?…”
I finally allowed my soul cry out.
“[let] God know your concerns”
I am learning to bear my heart, to lift my questions to God, for Him to analyze like a well-trained Physician. I am having trouble describing my symptoms in words, but this doctor can assess the situation himself. And He knows exactly what drop of medicine my heart healing requires.
He didn’t give me words to make this angst go away with one breath of wind, but I did sense Him draw me close, lean His head against mine, and kiss the top of my head with His love.
Exactly how, I will tell you next time.
For now, I am learning to open my heart to allow the questions that have no words to be lifted to the One who can read the deepest longings of my heart.
Even the soul questions that can’t quite be articulated.
Knowing that He hears me, that He is listening, that He speaks comfort with His love when words aren’t enough is the first step of my journey.
What questions do you have of God? What questions that have no words does your heart long to ask? Let’s help each other lift these feelings of angst to the One that exchanges our mixed-up emotions for His peace.
But being honest about the mess inside was already releasing some pressure.
As the song below plays, when you hear the line, “Days of my youth – Where you going now,” what feelings in your heart can you offer to God as a gift that He so longs to receive? What gift do You sense He longs to offer you in response. Will you take what He is offering you even now, friend?
Footnotes
*And did you know that people from 25 countries read this newsletter? Yeah! I didn’t know there were that many people with nothing to do either! I mean – ahem! – so many people that get such wisdom to run their lives from me! (Or whyever people read this stuff. How would I know why?)
Anyway – You’re welcome! Good luck!
Image Credit: Person floating by Jernej Graj on Unsplash
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Restoring Life 