What caused this back problem? Well me mostly. On waking up from a minor twinge I decided to do some exercises to make myself feel better. Even though there was a minor cautionary twinge of pain as I began this exercise, I continued with determination.

I’m not a wimp. I want this to get better.

But..it turns out that I accidentally did the opposite of the types of exercises that I actually should have been doing. Oops!

I had diligently made myself worse. A lot worse. There’s got to be some sort of a lesson there.

Later that morning as I was dressing, I was drawn to a particular scarf. It’s a scarf with a picture of a hummingbird on it, designed by Kwakwaka’wakw artist, Francis Dick.

I felt God nudging me to wear the scarf. I wasn’t sure why. It didn’t perfectly go with my outfit, to be honest. But I obeyed. I felt God whispering to research the hummingbird.

It turns out the hummingbird isn’t mentioned in the Bible. A quick Google search mentioned that in some Native American cultures, the hummingbird is symbolic of healing.

I sensed Holy Spirit whispering to me do you want to be healed? That question reminded me of something Jesus said:

When Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there, he said, “Do you want to get well?” The Message

I found my heart convicted by this question.

Had I gone to Jesus with my questions about how to get better from this recent back struggle? Did my energetic self-help approach effectively say, “No thanks, I’ve got this. Thanks anyway Jesus!” Did I make a much bigger mess of my situation in my effort to make things better?

I can never seem to remember to maintain proper posture. Although God has been speaking to me of this for years, as has my physiotherapist, as a root of many of these back issues- I CAN’T REMEMBER OK?!

I was looking for an easier solution – a quick fix. But Jesus had a spiritual lesson to teach me as well. Would I submit to grow in the simple discipline of remembering Jesus throughout my day, even as I learn to hold my posture throughout the day? Will I remember Jesus when things are going well? Will I remember to have good posture even when my back is doing well? Will physical healing come from spiritual healing?

And therein lies my hope. Even through this difficulty, You are teaching me to soar (Ha! Soar was autocorrected to sore! Not sore! Soar!).

Three gifts that we can receive from God in exchange for our suffering will be discussed in the next post.

Jesus, thank You that You ask us the questions that invite You deeper into our lives. Help us to open the door that You are knocking on, and not to push You aside again, with our knowledge, and energetic efforts at self-improvement. Teach us to come to You, as a small child runs to their parents in distress, I pray.

After a moment of thanksgiving, press into the quiet and ask Jesus, how have I been pushing You away and doing my own thing? What is the next step I can take to learn to lean on Your strong arm as I walk this path before me, Father?