How To Avoid A Midlife Crisis – 3 Drops of Preventative Medicine

So we decided to take surfing lessons in our summer holidays this year.

I had never tried surfing on the ocean before, but as you know, I tried surfing for the first time behind a surf boat on a lake this summer.

As I was putting on my wetsuit for my first ocean surfing lesson yesterday, I was surprised that our group consisted of about two dozen teenagers, with my husband and me. We have kids their age. There were three parents nearby.

“I’m glad at least there are a few parents,” I whispered to my husband.

He nodded appreciatively. The parents didn’t suit up. They were there to watch.

“Should we be concerned about that?” my huband and I asked each other silently.

I wasn’t quite sure of the wisdom of this whole surfing gig, even without the fact that this seemed to be a teen activity. As you know, I spent a month this fall in bed with a back problem. Was this really wise?

I felt God whisper to try, to do less of the lesson, but to give it a go.

Also, the pain specialist said that often, people get stuck and won’t do anything new after their injury. Their backs freeze up, and they get stuck in cycles of every-more-limited mobility.

I don’t want to be constrained by fear.

The surfing lesson was super fun! Except I did have to ask one of the teens to help me carry my surfboard down to the beach because it was too heavy for me, and I didn’t want to explain about having a sore back last fall lest one of them ask, “Lady, what the heck are you doing in a surf lesson then???” But apart from the minor hiccups, it was great fun!

My husband said we should continue to do this kind of stuff, meaning that we should push ourselves outside of the limits that we set for ourselves, i.e. as non-surfers. I agree with his philosophy. Before the trip, he said, “This will be a great trip because we have aspirin!”

But this got me thinking about midlife crises.

The teen instructor asked us, “What made you want to get into surfing?”

“Trying to avoid a midlife crisis?” I offered.

But there may be some truth in expanding our horizons a little bit and in allowing ourselves some room to grow to avoid a midlife crisis.

So here are some thoughts on avoiding a midlife crisis:

  1. Here’s a picture of me surfing. I didn’t stand up on the thing, but it can’t be that much harder to stand when you’re surfing, can it? And then it’s not much of a jump to imagine myself as a surfer person with a few more (billion) hours at the beach under my belt. Sometimes, stretching our identities and ideas of who we are takes a bit of a physical challenge.
  2. I think many of us get fat in middle age because we obsess about constantly seeking comfort. Our lives of comfort become boring. For example, do you ever notice yourself dreaming about lunch right after breakfast? Or thinking about your afternoon sugar snack right after lunch? This could signify that our lives need a little spicing up instead of our menus.
  3. If we’re open to adventure, God has something new, friend, and exciting for each one of us. If we open our spiritual eyes and are willing be honest, thirsty and surrendered.

Why be satisfied with our old identities and a boring turkey sandwich when God offers us His world to soar into, friend?

Ready yet for adventure?

How To Make People Like And Listen To You!

The first step is to be cool.

You’ve always wanted to know how to be cool, too.

And I’ve figured out how to find our inner cool!

But why do you want to be cool? It’s essential to evaluate our motives. If we are cool, then people will like us! And by “like,” I mean “like” the things we say on social media! Then we can feel important!

And this is how we know we have significant lives!

For example, in the book Deep Work, Cal Newport says that social media is popular because we agree to certain codes of conduct with our friends that make us feel important! For example, we agree to like every inane and boring comment that our list of friends says, as long as they obey the unwritten rule to also like our inane, superficial and uninteresting comments.

Cal Newport states that if we wrote the comments on a blog that we write on social media, we would have precisely 0 readers.

In contrast, people read this blog! Last week, I learned that people from 24 countries have read this blog (Seriously!). Why this level of success, you ask?

1. One reason could be that I constantly write incredibly jaw-dropping, interesting facts. However, we all know that you laugh at me whenever I say something particularly insightful, so saying interesting things can’t be why you read this blog.

2. The unusual favour could be because God sometimes whispers between the words to mysteriously touch your soul, which should be the case for all of us who learn to listen to and follow Jesus- He speaks through our lives. (So no, I’m NOT saying I’m special (you Loser!) because we’re all losers -but this is good news!– remember?)

3. I am finding my inner cool. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am cool quite yet, but perhaps that is a matter of opinion.

I prefer to assume it’s Option 3.

So yes, how do we find our inner cool? Good question. This way:

1. Think of things that cool people do!

2. Do those things.

3. Wait to be covered in cool, too!

Here’s an example from my own life recently.

1. Cool people surf.

2. So I tried surfing for the first time last week!

3. Now I’m waiting for the cool to glom itself onto me.

That hasn’t entirely seemed to happen yet. And in the photo above, for some reason, I don’t look quite as cool as those cool super dudes, but that must be the camera angle or something.

We drove to a surfing location recently, and I will have my first ocean surfing lesson soon. Wish me luck! I’ll let you know what I learn to share my insights into being cool with you!

I’m not sure exactly why, but I sense God hinting that this ancient verse below fits perfectly with today’s theme.

The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. 

The Message

My husband said that being cool is overrated. But since he’s married to me, obviously, being cool is a big part of our image! How is it possible he has never noticed that before?!

Anyway, you’re welcome!

Good luck!

How To Exercise When You Are A Busy Homeschooling Parent!

How do we become the kind of homeschooling parent with time to exercise?

Good question.

As discussed here and here, we throw our old identities of competent, non-butt-smelling parents out the window. Then, we think up a new plan that is dissonant with the parent we thought we would become. We embrace our inner loser.

And so, when I therefore stopped trying to be excellent as a homeschooling parent, the solution became apparent:

Let them rot their brains!

I decided, in my excess of homeschooling wisdom born from a recognition of my incompetencies, to begin each day by pouring into my children’s brains not challenging academic subjects, but . . . content dribbled from online devices straight into their beautiful little brains as they stared intently at screens!

I essentially bribed them.

“Look,” I said that morning as I pulled out their new to-do lists. “Do the stuff on the list this morning and then you will get to rot your brains with time online!” I promised them that big carrot held out tantalizingly close.

And so they finally got up, brushed their little teeth, put away the milk (one of their to-do items in that season), got dressed, combed their cute little hair, and then sat down to veg out on a device.

I let them watch anything they wanted from the RightNow Media app. I can trust what this company produces. And for a high-tech tip, if you triple-click your iPad or iPhone the kids can’t suddenly switch from the app of your choice to their favourite “Candy Plus Violence!” (or whatever) app.

We all won!

I got my sweat on downstairs on my elliptical machine for half an hour while they watched something that was loosely a morning character development program. (That was the rationale of the old “I must be an exceptional homeschooling parent” tiny voice remnant that still lurked in the recesses of my mind.) I got my sweat on, and the best thing was that I could find them all at 8:00 am, and they were ready to go!

When I sneakily put pencils into their hands in the last 10 seconds of their program, it was a transition they barely even noticed, from vegging out to doing math!

By 10:00 am every single day, I felt I should have won a homeschooling award. (I didn’t. No one cared. God does though!*)

So, lose your respectable homeschooling parent identity!

Let them rot their brains online early every morning instead!

You’ll feel amazing AFTER exercising! (Not before or during exercising – Let it be known). It feels pretty great (eventually) to shift identity, too. And so, how do we change our identity to the kind of parent who exercises?

1. All of our initial ideas about who we will become as homeschooling parents are kind of nut-so if we’re honest! Let’s toss those ideas with our huge egos and embrace mediocrity for our children instead! 

2. Our children may need their brains to rot a little so that this homeschooling journey is sustainable for all of us. So be it! 

3. Time for popcorn and a group educational video at 11:00 am, little family? We did something useful today! Let’s celebrate! We give each other a high five, and I have time for a visit with a homeschooling mom that afternoon. (While the kids build a mini-nuclear reactor or do whatever it is homeschooled kids do in their spare time). 

This homeschooling ship is on course!

When a mom’s long-term well-being matters EQUALLY as much as the (nut-so, unrealistic) goals we have for our children*, this homeschooling ship can sail into the future as long and as far as God calls us.

Well done, parents!

Love others as well as you love yourself

Jesus of Nazareth, a guy with tons of wisdom!

As you listen to this song below, consider asking the King of Kings, the guy who longs to pour love on you as your Father, what gifts He longs to put into the hands of His favourite child, you.

(Because we’re all His favourite child. Shhh… that’s God’s secret that He is whispering to you even now. Hear Him?)

Blogpost Footnotes

*That discussion is for next time – we are all works in progress!

New Proof That No One Cares About Hygiene Since Covid!

The photo below shows undeniable proof that no one cares about hygiene now that the Covid pandemic has ended!

They put the baby changing station right on top of the water fountain!

The photo above is a REAL, unadulterated photo taken in Banff, Canada, at the Banff Gondola Interpretive Center, so that is ANOTHER reason to prove the validity of what is written in these blogposts!

(And the point of this blogpost? Laugh more! You know you need to.)

You can finally relax and have more fun when you realize that everyone is ridiculous, and you are, too!

In Your presence is fullness of joy

Ancient Text

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Confused About Life? Have You Tried Advice From This Person?


When we don’t fit in with the crowd’s way of living life

who can offer relevant advice for the unique challenge we encounter?


When the promises on bolded signs aren’t as enticing as anticipated

who is the one who will deliver more than expected?


When life is confusing

who do we turn to?


Wouldn’t it be amazing if someone we trust could suddenly appear in each of these circumstances, offer us their hand and point us to the best path?

Wouldn’t it be outstanding if that person never tired or gave up on us but offered grace and strength and sometimes even rubbed our aching feet as we rested?

What if this person offered us a cold drink, a healthy snack and a plan to follow?

Wouldn’t it be wondrous if this person was always by our side, could be leaned on when we lacked strength and helped to calm the chaos in our lives?

Any of us would give the world to find someone like this.

The substitute people that we esteem so highly instead, including movie stars, sports heroes, self-help experts and billionaires, eventually fall off their pedestals, and we trample them in our disappointment.

But wait . . .

Before we choose another human we highly esteem to take their place (someone with eventual skeletons in their closet, too), let’s pause and reassess . . . for just a moment.

Is there anyone who can be trusted, admired and in some ways, even followed?

Yep. There is. The grand unveiling reveals

the person your soul most longs to meet

He’s here entwined within the pages of this best-selling book.

Have time for a read?

Destroy People’s Self Esteem To Help Them Feel Better (Eventually) In These 3 Ways

“Wait, what are you doing right now?” he asked me.

I was melodramatically pretending to cry as the youth left the party.

“Oh, I’m just pretending I’m sad to see him leave,” I explained. “I made fun of him a lot tonight, and so now I’m building up his self-esteem.” The youth listened, mouth agape, staring at me.

As I’ve said before, my magnetism to youth is remarkable.

But unfortunately, we’re not supposed to make fun of millennials anymore. In fact, we’re not supposed to make fun of anyone anymore. So, at the next party, I tried to conform. 

I stuffed snack after snack into my mouth in an effort not to speak.

The problem is that if we really want to do this self-esteem thing right, we shouldn’t say anything true at all. Millennials, for example, have self-esteem that is 1/4 inch thick. If we accidentally blow the truth in their vicinity, they cry or get upset. “How dare you assault me with the truth?” they retort. “Don’t you know I’m sensitive?”

And so we apologize and cower to the needs of their egos.

“You’re doing great!” we assert, every time they look up from their iPhones or get out of bed.

“I can see you are trying to do some math! You get a star!”

“You ran in a race that you didn’t even train for? You get a medal! Everyone gets a medal!”

And with all of this self-esteem and encouragement, and “Well done!” floating around, you’d think our youth would be boyoed up by all this praise and floating happily on their circumstances in life.

Of course, we all know that youth depression and mental illness are at an all-time high.

So why not try another approach?

What if we tell everyone they’re losers?

It’s counterintuitive (like all my best advice), but we can finally let our stomach fat out and relax! We can stop pretending to be someone we’re not. We can get on with enjoying the party games, popcorn and time together.

“What are you talking about?” you ask.

Well, if we could relax and let our kids relax, I think we’d have a lot more fun. We don’t have to, in fact, shield our kids from the fact that they’re messed up and that we are, too. There is surprising freedom in realizing that we are all losers.

If we are at the bottom of the pit, there’s nowhere to go but up!

Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. 

The Message

Hope abounds because things can only get better!

Once we stop showering accolades on each other, and accept that we are all dorks, lost on the ship we call life, the adventure can begin!

Anyone around here seen a Captain? We could certainly use some help getting cleaned up a bit, and figuring out how to work together to get all of our oars on this boat pulling in the same direction.

And so, how do we feel better? 

1. We realize we are a directionless loser.

2. We find someone to help clean us up a bit.

3. We follow this person and therefore, all grow together in the same direction.

He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.

The Message

And life gets a little easier!

Spiritual people, for example, those who know that they are losers because they desperately need someone to clean them up, lead them and help them all row in a similar direction, tend to struggle a bit less frequently with their mental health.*

So stop building up people’s self-esteem! Trash them instead, knowing that this is the best way to build them up! They’ll (eventually) feel better!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!


Blogpost Footnotes

*Of course, many people within the church struggle with mental health, and research is based on averages.

The One Valuable Ingredient To Find God And Lose Weight

I was shocked when the notification blared its announcement.

I was in the top 3% of users of a new nutrition app I was using.

The TOP 3%.

Everyone else (or 97% of people – whatever! – stay with me!) had already given up.

Now, I have to back up a bit to explain.

As you know, and have been forever changed by, I wrote a riveting blog post series last fall on weight loss. (To my editor: Why DIDN’T anyone read those posts, anyway?)

I have been (more or less) within the healthy weight range (basically – okay!) for my entire life, which has been no small feat.

However, when following my advice failed me, I decided to switch it up and buy a nutrition app. Truthfully, I am constantly trying new approaches and programs and learning a bit more about implementing healthy habits, which is the point of this post. But I’m not talking about that right now.

I’m talking about the notification that startled me.

I thought I was the ultimate failure in using this nutrition app. Check this out. The photo below is an actual graph of my progress over two months, showing NO improvement in achieving my ideal weight.

None.

There are normal fluctuations, but the graph of this line is flat.

Same, same, samers.

I immediately unsubscribed to the “encouragement” texts accompanying this app because so many people complained in a way I could not comprehend.

“I only lost 5 pounds this month!” they would complain.

Huh?

I hadn’t lost anything, so I could not relate.

But I kept going with the program.

And the results EVENTUALLY paid off. EVENTUALLY. I lost 10 pounds recently and feel a lot better.

And I believe the results would have also paid off for many, many other app users.

If only they kept trying.

And now, we’ll switch gears to talk about God, but it’s not changing gears, because the concept is the same.

MOST PEOPLE GIVE UP TOO SOON IN THEIR SEARCH FOR GOD

Is it annoying people that keep you away from your search for God? Get over them! (Get over yourself too, but that’s for when you are MUCH more spiritually sanctified and you realize that you are a loser too!)

Is God distant, just out of reach? You’re on the right path. God hides Himself as a critical component of his character.

God delights in concealing things

The Message

Why, you ask?

He is not a dictator, shouting orders and wanting us to go off somewhere and obey every minute detail of his complicated directives. He longs to walk WITH us on this journey we call life. He wants us to WANT to want Him.

And so, right now, He is bending down low but right next to you. Will you reach out, tag his back, and say, “Gotcha!”

Will you seek Him?

If we don’t give up, even though most people do, and keep walking forward, following where we last saw his footsteps and carving out time in our busy day to sit with Him, unhurried, if we read his word, and ask others what it means even when we don’t understand it, then we will find God.

He’s waiting for you right now, holding out His hand to you.

And so, what is the one valuable ingredient to lose weight and find God?

Perseverance.

There’s more to come . . . keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.

The Message

Keep walking, friend.

Hunger for Jesus attracts the manifest (felt) presence of His Spirit. Does your hunger for God outweigh your discouragement? He’ll help you up, point you in a new direction, lighten the weight on your feet, help you soar.

Don’t give up just before your breakthrough, friend.

The Secret To Easily Swap Embarrassment For Healthy Relationships

When we were five years old, we thought everyone was laughing AT us until we suddenly realized they were laughing WITH us.

Remember that?

Well, that happened to me recently. I’m unsure which side of the laughing AT me/ laughing WITH me continuum I ended up on. But at least my rear end isn’t THAT sore from the fall.

This story starts, like all good narratives, with dog barf.

So after the dog… ahem… expelled his undesirable digestive remains (well said?) . . . we looked around at each other, wondering what to do next. We were enjoying heartfelt gut-level sharing. I guess the dog wanted to join in in his own way.

We only had a few minutes left together and desperately needed time to pray together, to invite God into the messes of our lives that had been unearthed.

Thinking that we won’t have time to pray, I fetched paper towels to clean up the mess the dog had unearthed. Someone pleaded with me to stay. “Let’s pray together while we have time,” he said.

At another’s brilliant suggestion, I quickly covered the dog’s mess with paper towels, and we stood in a circle, sharing hearts, tears and compassion.

“Don’t step in the dog barf on your way out!” I called cheerfully.

They genuinely thanked me for the reminder, side-stepped the soaked paper towels, and left with a wave and a smile.

Years later, our dear friends complimented us about that meeting.

“Recently, we were learning about the levels of friendship,” they explained. “There are friends that you dress up for. You wear a corset under your sparkling dress to ensure you look as good as possible. You enjoy an evening with them and then put your feet up. Your stomach fat and your real selves come out later.”

Who needs another “See how great I look when I suck in my stomach” kind of friend?

“Then,” she continued, “you have the friends who invite you onto their couch when you are crying and simply move the laundry hamper to the floor so there is room for you to sit down. These are true friends.“

I teared up at her warm assessment of our friendship.

I was about to hug her, but she was still speaking.

“And you guys took it to a whole new level. We come over, and you just suggest walking around the dog barf”. The others in the room stared at us, mouths agape, not wanting to ask for elaboration. I didn’t blame them.

But yes, a compliment . . . right???

And so the secret to a healthy relationship? Get real. We get real because we want to be authentic.

1. Authentic in how we REALLY look. For example, we don’t use the “Make me look better than in real life” filters on our Zoom meetings. (Have you SEEN that function? It’s AMAZING! I WANT to turn that filter off but wow! Do I EVER look better!) Give me a break! We are all a work in progress, ok?!

2. Authentic in how we REALLY feel. For example, maybe we ask our friends to clean up the dog barf later. What we just unearthed emotionally or spiritually is a lot viler and should take precedence.

3. Authentic in our RESPONSE to our friends. We are humans clothed in the limits of time. We can clean up the dog’s barf or clean up you. Which do you prefer?

So, let’s get real.

And if that sometimes means standing around dog barf, so be it.

As a dog eats its own vomit, so fools recycle silliness.

The Message

This saying doesn’t quite fit this post, but it perfectly fits in another, less profound way. Let’s go with a partial fit today and move on. There is someone at my door ready for a cry.

Lord, teach us to order our values to reflect your heart more accurately. After a moment of stillness, consider asking God where your life may not be aligned with the upside-down priorities of the kingdom of God. Maybe He is asking you to stand around the dog barf, too!

Overwhelmed? How To Receive Comfort, Guidance, Strength We Need

She held her head in her hands, tears flowing.

Her child stood next to her. The girl look worried for her mother. She wanted to help.

The girl held a wildflower she had just picked and extended her arm to her mom with this offering.

It was all she had.

The flower drooped in her hand. This child desperately longed for her mother to feel better. Would this flower help, as hope extended from her heart through her arm?

The girl’s dress shone bright, pure, like her unhidden love for her mother.

She didn’t have much to offer. Only a wilted flower and a heart of need and love. Would it be enough?

It was.

The mother wrapped her arms around her daughter, drawing her in close, inhaling the fresh air scent. The aroma of this love strengthened her and gave her the courage to get up, to continue journeying hand in hand with this little one.

And Jesus walked next to them, though he couldn’t be seen.

He spoke to the daughter of ways to love her mother – a gentle touch here, an eye connection there, a wilted flower at the right moment, laughter in her play. And the mother’s heart was strengthened.

And Jesus also spoke to this tired and worn mother, in a whisper, a nudge, urging her to use the language of love that this child could receive – a game here, some good food there, given with eye connection and a silent “I love you.”

The mom’s movements, the swaying of her skirt as she walked, reminded the child that someone more significant, someone with more wisdom, someone who loved deeply, could be trusted to be followed.

The mom remembered this, too. She held Jesus’ hand with her free hand as she journeyed, following the path set before her. Someone else walked with her, had more wisdom than her and loved with a depth that surpassed her strength for love.

And remembering this lightened the load she carried on her back. As she walked, the gentle squeeze from his hand reminded her to turn this way, not that, on the path of life.

Some dangers were avoided, but not all. Some dangers drew her closer to the arms of Jesus as she drew her child next to her. On that scary stormy night outside, they heard the strange animals howling and felt the beating of their hearts.

But their trust grew more robust.

. . . if you’ll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times

The Message

When the rain stopped, and they continued their journey together, Jesus spoke wisdom, quietly and inaudibly to this good mother.

And she walked a little further. And her legs grew stronger. And her child’s legs grew stronger and longer, and they walked further than they thought they could.

His love strengthened their hearts and their love for one another.

And walking the path of life got a little easier.

Up for a journey, friend?

He is standing next to you, too, as you cry. Do you need a Kleenex? He is offering you one, too.

Ready for some comfort?

Jesus, may our eyes function with the capacity to see how You are already at work in each of our lives, we pray.

The Eye-Opening Way To Soar Like A Bird Over The Desert Of A Wasted Life

I was flying one day, soaring like a bird. I could see for miles around. I could hear God whisper, even though I doubted I heard correctly or well.

He said He was pleased with me.

I had a life the world scrunched up like used paper, ready to toss in the garbage.

But God saw a world of possibilities on the horizon of my life as we soared that day above the clouds.

I had invested my life. I had spent my life, out of the world’s horizon of possibilities, in one tiny area. I had invested most of my health and youthful vitality into two small children.

Homeschool them, He had whispered that day.

And through my tears, and hopes, I obeyed, never imagining how far into the horizon of my life this journey would take me.

And again, He said, year after year.

And when I look back now, with my hurting back of older age and the gray hairs that crown my face, it was a worthless life, one the world throws away.

“Heaven always recognizes the fathers and the mothers who pay the price and create momentum for following generations. Fathers and mothers, in eternity, always receive benefits (if you will) from what their investment provided in future generations . . .

Be willing to be the first in your family to break into something.

Be willing to pay the price to get a breakthrough that the rest of your descendants will benefit from because heaven applauds those whose . . . anointing is less, but they created the momentum so that another generation could inherit it and take it to a place they never had time to go.”

Bill Johnson in The Test For Promotion

“She threw away her talents!” they exclaim. My national government, the university and others had thrown money at me in my youth. “Study and take this valued position,” they offered.

And I did, for a while.

And then I homeschooled my kids for many, many years.

Why?

I don’t know.

I’m following my Saviour, and this is where He led me.

He seems to be leading some others there, too.

I am not a chess player, but only one of His pieces.

I must trust that my life, rightly lived, opens the door to the wind of the spirit of His work in the world.

And where is He leading me next?

It doesn’t matter.

Because in His arms, I can place the stewardship of my life. I feel alive there. I pray for you, too, to be set free from the snares of the approval our society offers, entangled by the search for ever more wealth, when we have enough food for today.

I pray for the strength to invest in little people if He calls you to set aside time for this.

And not everyone is called to homeschool, of course.

But wherever He calls you, I pray you follow.

And in each season of our lives, may we lay down how we thought life would be and pick up the strange reality of His life at work through a group of people ready to join the adventure.

Where is He leading you in this season?

Need some water for the journey? I hold out my canteen to you. And come on, let’s rest in this cabin we stumbled across before we start again, journeying tomorrow.

A little rest will do us good.

“Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest . . . Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

The Message

Have any food to share?

And may you have the strength to journey on again tomorrow, friend.

May the food God sends you be enough for today.

God then told Elijah . . . “You can drink fresh water from the brook; I’ve ordered the ravens to feed you.”

The Message

God, may we be awakened to see with Your eyes we pray.