Spirit

How To LOVE Exhausting Yourself Exercising! (Healthy Habits Part 3)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Not long ago, I wrote a post outlining Ten Keystone Habits that allowed me to stay within my recommended weight range my entire life. The first keystone habit is to LOVE drinking nothing but water.

The second keystone habit is exercise. Ha! Spellcheck changed EXERcise to EXORcise. Exorcism is a good habit too, but today we’re talking about exercise. The two go hand-in-hand actually. You want to get rid of any negative influences in your life (exorcise) so you can have the energy to do what God is calling you to do.

Tip 1: You want to remember how you feel AFTER you do exercise. Not before. Not during. 

You are going to feel amazing.

In fact, your new identity as a “person who is getting fit” and how you therefore feel is going to fuel this whole thing – all the healthy habits – on losing weight.

So this habit is not to be skipped.

For now, let’s start where we’re at. If all we can do is walk, let’s go for a walk, bring our dog and our friend, get an ice cream after if it’s Sunday – who cares? We did it! Let’s give ourselves a pat on the back.

The passive-aggressive, intense ones among us do better with some challenge to our exercise routines to keep boredom away.

Two examples of exercise challenges from my life:

– I felt God calling me to learn a new sport, squash, in middle age. How is God calling us into a new thing in this next season? Could this be as mundane as exercise, or do we assume God is only interested in more “spiritual” endeavours? (Answer: Nope, He’s interested in guiding us always).

– Dreaming about sports that are sometimes just out of reach due to intermittent back problems keeps me motivated to get stronger: mountain biking, downhill skiing, triathlons, CrossFit, climbing.

Did my 20-year-old climbing gear stored in the basement disintegrate from neglect yet? Dreaming about opening the box again ignites a future challenge that motivates me to do my granny exercises again today.

(Our motivation doesn’t have to necessarily be encumbered by reality).

Tip 2: Have your exercise clothes ready in the bathroom so that as soon as you get up, without thinking, the first thing you do is put them on. Your challenge is to wear exercise clothes all day until you’ve done some exercise. Even if it’s exercising for a few minutes here and there.

Tip 3: Ideally, let’s get out in the morning! This stimulates earlier melatonin release helping us sleep better at night, too.

All in all, we’ve just gotta do it.

So right now, I’m your mother and just do it. The world needs you and your gifts. How are you going to have enough energy to do all the things God is calling you to do if you’re not going to rev your energy levels up by getting some exercise?

This is non-negotiable. 

I feel strongly. You have to listen to me. 

That’s all I have to say for now. Do it or else! 

Goodbye!

How To LOVE Drinking Nothing But Water! (Healthy Habits Part 2)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Not long ago, I wrote a post outlining Ten Keystone Habits that have allowed me to stay within my recommended weight range my entire life. (Whaat? Yes! I did edge VERY close to the overweight category once, but I never QUITE arrived. Yes! 1/100 of a pound IS enough of a margin to count as “NOT there yet!”! Why, are you calling me a liar? Nothing on the internet is true, anyway! So what do you care?)

Now, where was I?

Yes. Healthy habits.

Although at first glance it seems that life would not be worth living if we actually did these healthy habits, we all can learn to ENJOY doing them! Let me explain how.

The first habit is drinking enough water.

I actually still hate drinking enough water. (But please don’t tell myself this! We want to live in the delusional world that tells us we ENJOY doing the right thing!)

Here are FOUR tips to make drinking water more bearable:

Tip 1 – Try carbonated water. This soda stream is an excellent purchase. With a tiny bit of some sort of juice in the bottom, it mimics these awesome cans at a fraction of the cost. And if you close your eyes and dream of Alice in Wonderland, sometimes you can almost trick yourself into believing you are drinking pop!

Tip 2 – Try to keep remembering, as you get older especially, how bad you felt last time you got dehydrated! For example, if you drink enough water, and a bit less coffee, you’ll find your migraines and dizzy spells go away! At least that’s what I’ve noticed!

Another friend doesn’t randomly lose consciousness in fainting spells quite as often when she drinks enough water! Sometimes our goal is not to feel great, but to feel less terrible. Whatever works!

Tip 3 – Try this water bottle because it is super cute!

It also has a place to infuse water with the taste of fruit.

And since it makes others at the gym jealous that they don’t have a strawberry or a mint leaf, or whatever, in their water, YOU have something that others want, and so drinking water becomes fun!

As you drink from your cute water bottle slowly and with relish, try looking at others and thinking “Don’t you wish you were me?” Then we can build our self-esteem at the same time!

A word of caution if you use this last strategy: Don’t forget to read this post about how jealousy is toxic and will eventually kill you.

But at least you’re drinking enough water!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Wait. I think I promised FOUR tips. Hang on while I try to think up another one . . .

Tip 4 – Check out this quote:

On the final and climactic day of the Feast, Jesus took his stand. He cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believes in me this way, just as the Scripture says.” (He said this in regard to the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were about to receive. The Spirit had not yet been given because Jesus had not yet been glorified.)

The Message

My daughter just came downstairs. (I’m not even lying right now.)

“Whatcha writing?” she asked.

“Oh, I’m just writing a post about drinking enough water.“

“Oh! That’s nice! Then they won’t be spiritually thirsty, and they won’t be physically thirsty!”

A perfect last point. Out of the mouth of babes!

How To LOVE Practicing The Healthy Habits You Currently Hate! (Healthy Habits Part 1)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Last time I discussed Ten Keystone Habits that allowed me to stay within my recommended weight range my entire life.

I know, I know. At first glance, these habits seem hard, terrible, uninviting. These habits, if you actually did them all, would kill you, you assume.

To prove you wrong (and why else would we write?) I will be starting a series of blog posts on healthy habits.

These posts will outline how you too, can learn to LOVE practicing healthy habits OR how to at least delude yourself into thinking you enjoy healthy habits. What’s the difference?

First of all, it’s good to know yourself and understand what motivates you. I’m actually the kind of person, for example, who hates it when people tell me what to do.

I figured this out one afternoon when I was frothing at the mouth and making myself some tea. “How DARE they tell me when to drink this tea?”, I thought, fuming. “I’ll drink it in the afternoon instead, just to spite them!” The tea was called English BREAKFAST tea. BREAKFAST.

I guess you’re supposed to drink it at BREAKFAST. How dare they!

Ok, so I know I should probably get counselling about this. And I do get counselling but my hard-working counsellor hasn’t gotten this far down the list of priority items that I need remediation for yet.

I know I could have been, actually a lot more successful in life if I had taken people’s advice a little more easily. You can check out my daughter’s blog for that. For example, in this post, she mentions some stuff she learned from me. I’m sure she’ll go far.

Anyway, we are what we are.

Therefore, none of these Ten Keystone Habits are things you CAN’T do. If I had habits that forced me to NOT do certain things, I’d rather not live, okay?!

This blog post series will describe how to ENJOY the healthy habits that help us maintain a healthy weight, and allow us to have more energy to complete the calling God has for each of our lives. (This stuff matters more than we realize).

For example, check out this ancient quote:

Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.

So let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you’ll see it yet! Now that we’re on the right track, let’s stay on it.

Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal. There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them. I’ve warned you of them many times; sadly, I’m having to do it again. All they want is easy street. They hate Christ’s Cross. But easy street is a dead-end street. Those who live there make their bellies their gods; belches are their praise; all they can think of is their appetites.

But there’s far more to life for us. We’re citizens of high heaven! We’re waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthy bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He’ll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him.

The Message

What more can be said than that?

The second post in this Healthy Habits series, How To LOVE Drinking Nothing But Water! will be posted soon!

Ten Keystone Habits To Achieve A Healthy Weight And Stay There

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

“Well, that must be nice for you,” they spit at me. (Wait, I know you don’t spit, either. We talked about that in another post. But it ruins the effect, if I don’t keep that part. You can’t expect perfect truth in every blog post.)

Anyway, my mouth was full of chocolate, some of it dripping from the corners of my mouth. “Huh?” I asked.

She continued, “Well, you can obviously eat whatever you want.”

I guessed she was referring to the fact that I am a healthy weight and my mouth was currently full of chocolate – overfull actually.

But what she didn’t see were the habits I (ir)regularly follow behind the scenes.

Here they are.

A caveat before we begin is that I’ve never had professional training as a nutritionist. But I’ve read a ton on the side about food and health. And like a boxer in a ring, who has been fighting her entire life with someone about the same strength as her, I have maintained a healthy weight my entire life.

This didn’t come easy.

I’m still fighting.

(Following God’s direction and a neurologist’s advice, I also prepared the food that healed my kid’s learning disabilities, but that is a discussion for another time).

This is what I do to fight the temptations and the cultural normalcy of food that is anything but normal or healthy.

I made my own point system, and give myself two points daily for each healthy habit completed. One point if I grew in habit development that day.

Here are my top ten habits. The total maximum points in a day is 20 points.

1. Two points for drinking the recommended water allocation in a day.

2. Two points for doing one hour of exercise. Must break a sweat to get two points.

3. Two points for eating a green smoothie in the morning.

4. Two points for having a salad for lunch.

5. Two points for having cut-up veggies and a yummy dip available so these can be snacked on during the day.

6. Two points for eating one plate of food and then waiting 20 minutes before having seconds.

7. Two points for having a cup of chamomile tea with honey and nothing else after dinner.

8. Two points for not eating breakfast till 10:00 am.

9. Two points for having an energy ball (fruit and cheese, or fruit and nuts can be substituted in a pinch) in mid-afternoon.

10. This is my favourite habit and I will explain why when I describe it in a minute. Two points for not having any dessert if today is a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday.

The happy side effect of this habit is that since dessert is allowed on Sunday, we get two points for eating dessert on Sunday! Stuff your face with chocolate on Sunday, let it drip from the corners of your mouth (Why does that happen so often to me?) and watch them bemoan the fact that you’ve never even tried, yet you are a healthy weight.

Ha! The joke’s on them.

Why growing in these habits can eventually become an absolute delight will be discussed next time.

Everyone Has Someone To Mourn With!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Last time I talked about mourning together with the group.

I also talked about coyotes, but let’s face it, we all know I just made that stuff up. You should never trust stuff you read on the internet, anyway!

Except this post, of course.

So I spoke to my friend this week about her experiences mourning together in community.

The only problem is that she has read some of this blog once and so if I talked about what she said, I would have to tell the truth.

I’ll stick to my own experience.

So last week I was a blathering mess at church.

This was embarrassing, even for me, but the cool thing is that I didn’t have to purposefully stop the flow.

Imagine you’re in a room and the God of the universe (who exists) commands everyone in that room to love you. And they try their best to obey God (in our pathetic, limited, human way).

That’s what church is supposed to be like actually. We can bring whatever emotion is tagging along behind us and we don’t have to hide it. Sometimes we may need to cry and that’s OK. They have to love you!

Sometimes just sensing the presence of God in communal worship is what starts the tears.

And when we finally open our hearts to God and allow one disappointment to surface, don’t you find that a geyser opens up within us sometimes? There is a lot of other stuff that probably should be released as well.

And just letting some of that stuff emerge is actually healing.

That’s the irony. There is an opportunity for healing to occur if we can just stop holding it together for a few minutes, stop sucking in our guts, and stop pretending our real life matches our online persona (I’m not as neurotic and whiny in person as I seem online of course!).

I accidentally caught his eye -the guy at church I don’t know super well. But his look of empathy towards me, of real empathy, even as he tried to hide his gaze, was enough to open up the cracks on some more layers of disappointment that needed to be released.

Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time. The Message

Sometimes what comes out, weaved into the tapestry of stuff that has wounded our hearts over the years is bitterness and disappointment towards God.

He is standing there, ready with a towel to dry off all the tears that are soaking you. He already knows how you feel. He is so happy that you’re finally bringing who you are, and letting him comfort you.

You can rest in his arms now, like a child sitting on their mother’s lap, clinging to her, and receiving comfort somehow.

It’s going to be OK little one, he whispers to your ear.

I’ve got you now.

As you listen quietly to the song below, may you open up your heart to God, and may you find comfort, dear one.

Everyone Can Find Their Best Friend On The Internet!

/ Lori Lawe / 1 Comment

More and more people like me! What I mean, of course, is that some of my posts have gotten “likes”! That means you like me, right? I tried to “like” your “like” of my post to show you that I like you, too. My daughter, who is all Wise, because she, like all teenagers, has exceptional skills at “liking” things, says you can’t like someone’s “like”. I did “like” my own post once, which says that I like myself, I think, which is not unrelated.

What was I saying? Oh, yes! You seem to like me!! And since you like me, that means you are my friend!!

And since you are my friend, that means that I can call you at 2 AM when I can’t sleep so you can listen to my (real or perceived) problems! That’s what friends do, right?

So can you please send me your phone number? Thanks.

(Oh, and you want my phone number, so I can listen to you? Whaat?) Since so many people spend time liking me, you can’t expect me to have any time to listen to your problems!

This is a one-way street and I like it that way. Thank you very much.

(Wow. People are so needy nowadays.)

Seriously, members of this blog (so far, just me) meet to pray and listen to each other, and there may be someone who also attends one of these meetings, who is outward-focused enough to listen to (some) of your neuroses, IF we’ve spent enough time working through the nuances of my neuroses, of course.

You’re welcome!

. . . speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. The Message

Seriously, (and this is the real Lori Lawe speaking, not the super neurotic persona I use as the voice of this blog. Why is that voice coming out of me when I write anyway??) Huh. Anyway… As mentioned here, distraction can sometimes solve our problems, but when that doesn’t work, Jesus is waiting, patiently, like a true friend waiting for you, to listen to you at a coffee shop even though you’re late again. He longs to hear what’s on your heart.

whisper . . .

And may you find the best friend ever, maybe even on the internet, friend.

Three Keys To Transitioning Gracefully To Life’s Next Season

/ Lori Lawe / 1 Comment

In the last post, I said I would offer advice for how to transition gracefully to life’s next season.

I forgot to actually say something that would help you in that post. Hey, I never promised I would say something useful! The fine print in the Terms and Conditions of this blog was purposefully crafted to avoid high expectations. Wow! People expect so much nowadays!

But I’m not very good at following rules so I thought I’d actually say something useful in this post. Here goes:

Ahem… Clearing throat

Three Keys to Transition Gracefully to Life’s Next Season

Let’s take some pointers from this ancient text:

Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? The Message

1. Forget the old. Stop whining because your kid got a bit older, you don’t have babies anymore, or you hit another milestone birthday. I mean, get over it! Are you going to whine forever just because your kid moved out? (Yes, I do find that I process my thoughts through writing so yes, I am counseling myself right now.)

2. Ask God to remove your blinders so you can see the new thing. For example, who is the new person God may be asking you to serve? One year, while I was praying, Jesus showed me a picture of me washing the feet of one of my children.

Having loved his dear companions, [Jesus] continued to love them right to the end . . .So he got up from the supper table, set aside his robe, and put on an apron. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the feet of the disciples, drying them with his apron. The Message

Help her, Jesus seemed to be silently imploring my heart.

This year, I have a specific homeschooling goal.

You know your goal is from God, by the way, if it’s too big for you to successfully accomplish on your own. He always gives us goals that are too big for us to carry alone, so we will cry out for Him to help us. He wants to walk together with us through every step of life.

The third tip to allow excellence in transitioning to life’s next season doesn’t come from the ancient text written above but is extrapolated from this blog post. (I guess I did say something useful in that blog post! Who knew!)

3. Be thankful you’re alive (I.e., I mean, you’re not dead today!)

I find that this attitude solves 99% of my First World Problems.

If you haven’t heard of First World Problems or FWP, check out this video (produced by nigahiga).

I’m sorry if these problems describe one of your biggest challenges!

(I know, I know! I had to go for counseling after watching this video too!)

Anyway, good luck!

I hope that helps!

You’re welcome!

Gracefully Transitioning To Life’s Seasons?

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I wrote a post about sending our first kid off to college last time.

If you haven’t read it yet, I’ll summarize it for you:

Whiny, whiny, boo-hoo, cry, send our kid away… boring, boring.

But this is the thing that really bothers me, as I think about it a bit more.

It’s not really fair that just when our kids become helpful we send them away.

I mean think about it for a minute. Kids come out of the womb as little Machiavellis. I can give an example from my own life. Before one of my kids could speak she was bossing me around.

“How?” you ask.

We had taught her sign language and she knew about four words. She knew how to say “I love you” and she knew how to say “Milk”. We were teaching her to ask for what she needed. This is good. But we didn’t expect a little tyrant to emerge.

For example, when I walked into her room in the morning she didn’t gaze up at me with loving, thankful eyes and ask for some milk with a smile.

Her face screwed into a scowl, she was standing and angrily clenching both fists, glaring at us, and non-verbally (effectively) yelling the sign for milk.

“WHERE is the hired help?!” her nonverbal cues were sending us. Clearly, we weren’t measuring up to her expectations. And we were only two months in on this parenting journey. (OK maybe it took her longer than two months to become a tyrant but not much more than that.)

And compare that to now. I mean homeschooling teenagers can cook! And they know how to do the dishes!

Why would we get rid of them now?

I think parents should form a union.

We should demand that homeschooled teenagers stay with us forever. They should be massaging our feet and feeding us grey poupon (Do you swallow that stuff whole?) after all the blood, sweat, and tears we poured into them.

If people do need to change and mature over time, then I think that after we’ve had our homeschooled, helpful kids and teens for a long time, then sure, they can change back into babies.

Then we can send them away because we’re losing the unhelpful babies and not the helpful teens.

Wait. What’s that you say? God already designed the universe that way?

Ah!!! I guess you are right!

When God gave teenagers parents, he designed the parents to do just that. Parents are helpful to their teens, and then the parents are the ones that mature into essentially incoherent, helpless babies again.

Ah!!! 

I didn’t think of that!

Maybe it’s all about perspective!? I’m alive today!

This is a good day!

I don’t mind that my helpful, kind, sweet daughter went off to university!

The way the universe works is just fine, come to think of it!

Go away!

If I’m not poised halfway between land and sky, about ready for them to shovel earth on top of me, then this is a great day!

It’s amazing that being grateful that we’re alive is a balm to so many of our problems!

I think I’ll see if my husband wants to learn English country dancing with me now that my daughter has left for university.

We have some extra time.

What a perfect world we live in!

(. . . But if distraction isn’t a perfect solution for you either . . .

As you try desperately to hang onto the rope as you swing through the seasons of life, you could cling to God by praying through the lyrics of this song: “I’m here traveling down this long and winding road. Seasons come, seasons go . . . But I’m still standing on the only rock I know.”)

Every Homeschooling Parent Will Be Ready To Wave Goodbye To Their Teen

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I’m mad at you! At all of you with a child more than 17 years old who left home! I hate you all! Why didn’t you tell me it would be this hard to say goodbye when they left for college!?

And all of you with babies too, babies that are older than my oldest baby, I hate you all too! Before we had babies, why didn’t you tell us that looking after babies would be so hard!?

Ah, yes . . .

It is because we wouldn’t have believed you even if you would have spoken up.

And if our teens truly understood the depth of our loss, many of these kids wouldn’t leave home. They are good kids. I relayed these thoughts to my husband, processing them aloud through my tears.

“And we want them to leave,” I cried out. “Yes, we do,” my husband comforted. Then he shoots me a sideways, knowing look. I remembered that this morning our teen was definitely right when she was definitely wrong and instead of bursting into tears, I burst into laughter.

I feel some joy mixed with some sorrow.

And so, “Goodbye!” we say as we wave. Except it’s not kindergarten they are heading off to on a bus. We homeschooled so we missed that milestone. It’s 600 km away and the tearing, the necessary, painful cleaving continues.

Reflecting God’s nature He created them male and female. . . Therefore, a man leaves his father and mother . . . The Message

I told you it would be that way, Jesus reminds me softly. Many years earlier, in prayer, Jesus showed me a picture of my daughters, one after the other, ready to board a plane, to soar off on their journeys of independence. He was preparing my heart to say goodbye many years ago, even then.

Many of us homeschooling parents pushed the love boundary of our hearts a little further than expected when we cracked open those brand new math texts on day one of homeschooling.

The depth of love surprises us all, and surpasses the boundary markers we set up to protect ourselves.

If we love what we know, then we will get to know these kids and our love for them will transform us, them. Love always does.

I’m not saying that homeschooling is one domino after the other of perfect days. I have homeschooled for 4,745 days (I’m convinced you don’t have enough math skills to figure out how many years I have spent homeschooling- Who does?). Out of all those days, I have NEVER yet had one perfect day.

Nope. Not one.

Just daily joy mixed with daily sorrow.

Master storyteller J.R.R. Tolkien explains it this way:

The possibility of [sorrow and failure] is necessary to the joy of deliverance . . . giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.

And so saying goodbye to the teen as she flies off to college is just another homeschooling day: some joy mixed with some sorrow. We are used to that. We’ve gotten stronger over the years. It’s just another part of the daily homeschooling rhythm.

We will be ready because we have been practicing every day for this: some joy and some sorrow, repeat tomorrow.

We’re going to be OK.

And so as we watch them soar, we nurse our grief a little, and then flap our baby wings and listen for the call from Him into a new adventure.

And in the same way that we invest in our future by putting aside a few dollars each month, is He asking us to invest in our spiritual future by putting aside a few minutes each day to listen to Him calling us, comforting us, asking us to set aside the old, and to pick up the new?

How is he calling you to wake up?

Where to next God?

I can’t quite fly yet but I am sensing another adventure.

Yes, I’ll follow!

(How about you?)

Encouragement For When You Can’t Take Another Step Down Homeschooling Road

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

“You. You have nice kids.” People say this to us. Often. And this is what I want to reply: If you put plants in partially acidic soil and leave them there, they will grow but not to their full height. They won’t blossom with flowers of kindness. They are hunkering down, in survival mode.

If you want your plants to thrive, you need to put them in well-aerated soil of the proper pH. How much kindness is in the soil that your kids are stuck in?

Then we pull our little plants out of that soil and stick them in other soil with just as low of a pH or perhaps even more acidic. Time for hockey culture and dance practice. We wonder why they are withering, skinny characters blown by the wind into an awkward shape. We wonder why they are so fragile, so easily broken, with so little inner strength to stand against the wind, in joy.

It’s the soil. The rocky, sandy, paltry soil.

And the truth is, dumping manure on our plants is a hard job, that makes us sweat and that only seems to make the problem worse. The plants scream in protest. It burns.

But as we hold their hand, bring water on a cloth to cool their foreheads and to pour on the plant, the water seeps, bringing much-needed nutrients to their roots. They taste of your love, your love tinged with your sweat and your blood, and the water fills their small, malnourished bellies and satiates.

Your sacrifice is what is encouraging them to flourish.

And when little flowers of kindness bloom on your child, you can lean in close, smell the fragrance and let the rich scent soothe your soul.

Well done, homeschooling Mom, Dad.

And when our child graduates from high school or from our homeschool, that is the time to put our feet up and rest, not years earlier.

So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. The Message

And now, brush off your knees where you skinned them when you fell, wipe your eyes, dear homeschooling parent, and let’s take another step, Jesus holding your arm to steady you.

You’ve got this.

Let’s take it one year, one day at a time, shall we? Where is Jesus leading you next?

Blogpost Footnotes

Homeschooling is one of the many ways to pour water of kindness onto the parched soil our kids are trying to grow in. What are some other ways?