Spirit

God Is Wrong But Do You Think He’s Still Smarter Than Us?

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I want to be clear that I really don’t think God knows what he’s doing with this one annoying habit of his of letting everyone use His name and therefore call themselves a Christian. (I.e. Christian comes from the word Christ, as in followers of Jesus Christ.)

Look, I wish that all the Christians looked like Olivia Newton-John, and John Travolta, too. But they don’t. At least they could all look like Bill Gates, and maybe not be super handsome, but have an intellectual coolness in their back pocket.

Look, just so it’s clear, if I was vetting admittance to the Jesus team, I’d have admittance cards. All human-made groups have this if we’re honest. Think of the Rotary club, certain brands of cars, pretentious golf clubs, fancy timeshare opportunities, etc. Now that’s identifying with sophistication!*

But Jesus went and had the audacity of getting buddy-buddy with the biggest losers of his culture and calling them his friends.

In fact, on reflection, this may be good news for me, because I probably wouldn’t have been let into the Christian club by my own standards. I wobble so much in 6-inch heels that whoever is deciding whether I should be in the club or not would be sure to spot an imposter.

And I definitely have not accumulated enough “cultural cool points” in my lifetime to justify admittance to the Jesus team by my own qualifiers.

Maybe it’s best that God has things his own way come to think of it.

Which brings me to my next point: We can relax! Our stomach fat can hang out, we can wear our tattered, comfiest, sweatpants, or a pink one-piece jumper. (My article of clothing of choice if I’m honest. If cultural fashion trends ever sway close to that style, please advise so I can quickly find one).

Whew! The “They can be them” curse is the other side of the coin of the “I can be me” freedom.

The biggest thing I want to say is:

STOP defining Christians by the people in His club

They’re losers! Jesus is the only one who is cool.

Still, if you find someone who looks like Olivia Newton-John, talks like Tim Keller, and loves like Mother Theresa, that’s my personal vote for a Christian mascot.

Paste her image everywhere! “Don’t you want to be in her group?” the advertising signs could read. Too bad she’ll disappoint FOR SURE too.

we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us

The Message

No, we better just stick with Jesus as the one we want to identify with, come to think of it.

Maybe God IS smarter than me?

Blogpost Footnotes
*No, I don’t belong to any of those types of groups. Why do you ask?

What I Am Learning About Suffering Well After Twenty-Nine Days Of Bed Rest

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

The first week on bed rest wasn’t too bad.

I was pretty sure my body would figure itself out, my back would crack in the right direction, and I would be up and running in no time.

I opened an office on my bed, barking orders at my homeschooled kid, and attending meetings online.

I forgot to tell one male teacher why I was in bed during the online call which was a bit embarrassing after the fact. But I’ve done more embarrassing things in good health.

My husband brought me coffee each morning. My daughters brought me tea. All in all, it wasn’t the end of the world.

But I’m on day twenty-nine today of near constant bed rest. The allure has lost its charm.

I was struggling to hang onto my mood today, meaning I was trying to kick a foul mood and find some fruits of the spirit somewhere, but I was coming up empty-handed again.

A friend texted me “How are you?”

I shut off the phone and rolled over. Where do I begin? I’m trying to hold onto a positive attitude.

Don’t shut her out, I felt God whisper.

I answered her text.

Be honest, I felt him whisper again.

She phoned later that night. And again, despite my foul mood, I felt God prompting me to pick up the phone, to say something.

I answered the phone and chatted imbecilely about happy things in our life – toilet training our new rabbit, our daughter home from university this week.

And when we got to the subject of my back I tried to keep up a brave front for a while. No one likes a bother. We all have stuff we walk through, after all.

But I was surprised when I felt emotional as I babbled my feelings to her. I’ve seen her tears before so it was safe for her to see mine. So I let them flow a little. And I learned a bit more about myself, about the lessons I’m learning on this journey of suffering. Here are a few:

1. It’s fear again that’s robbing my joy. I couldn’t figure out why the first week of bed rest was not too bad but today with a regression of symptoms was so upsetting. Yes. It’s because fear has shown itself again, reared its ugly head again, gnawing away at the courage in my heart. What if I get worse? Fear. And fear fed by my unfiltered thoughts grew bigger, overpowering my peace.

2. I was also afraid I wasn’t doing enough. Apparently, this is the a very common fear most humans feel, I recently learned*. What if I should be taking one healthcare provider’s advice and not the other’s, or vice versa? What if I try to get up and move around too much or too little? Fear. Fear that I am not walking the tight-rope of expectations for a temperamental back that randomly punishes me no matter what I do.

3. The remedy to fear? Repentance. I actually feel powerful when I repent of fear, ironically. Try saying this: God I’m sorry for being fearful of something way far out in my future when you promised me only enough grace for today. Jesus, I’m sorry for thinking that I’m going to pull myself up by the bootstraps and fix this back problem when I can’t even see my own back, never mind have any idea what knots my back nerves and muscles inside have gotten themselves into. Forgive me for thinking, again, that I will save me. Instead, guide me and whisper to me, and help me to learn from you how much rest and movement my body needs to heal.

And so the phone call ended.

My situation hasn’t changed but my heart of a lion was feeling stronger. I could sense it beating within me again. Whatever I go through You will strengthen me. Whatever difficulty I face You are there with me. When I go through the valley, You comfort me.

As you listen to this song, try repenting of your fear, repenting of your self-sufficiency, and thanking God for the glimmers of hope in your life. Then ask Holy Spirit how to have enough strength to face today. What do you hear Him whisper?

Blogpost Footnotes

* Joyce Meyer – Do It Afraid! Obeying God In The Face Of Fear

You Love Eating Only Air Instead of Feasting On Turkey – Admit it! (Healthy Habits Post 8)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

One of these days I’m going to write a book about how to have copious financial resources. The key premise:

To accumulate more money, simply buy less stuff!

Lori Lawe, TM*

I’m writing this blog post series about healthy weight, however, but a similar key premise applies:

If we want to stop carrying around all that extra jiggly stuff in the middle, at some point, we may have to talk about eating a bit less food.

Lori Lawe, TM*

Today’s blog post is about ENJOYING eating less.

I’m the kind of person that likes to have fun. So if we have to do something that’s not fun, let’s trick ourselves into thinking that we are having fun! So, as you are learning these helpful tips and habits, try to keep in the back of your mind the key lesson which is: Eating air is way more fun than eating tempting and delicious food!

Today we will learn to trick ourselves that we:

1. Are eating dessert when we are not,
2. Love God more than we love padding our belly fat, and
3. Are stuffing ourselves when we’re not eating anything at all.

  1. No dessert anyone? Back when I remembered I was writing a series of posts about healthy habits, I wrote that one of the habits was to have camomile tea just before bed. This is a great tip I picked up on the internet that actually helped me! I guess there IS useful information out there somewhere! You put quite a bit of extra honey in your camomile tea after supper. Then you tell yourself “This is dessert!” You’re having extra honey so it is a bit of a treat. Then you drink your tea with the relish of eating an entire cheesecake, and wait until Sunday for real dessert. You can do it!
  2. God or more belly fat? The next habit is kind of cool and it’s a way to develop the habit of fasting and seeking God, without having to do any work (Oh wait, did I say that out loud?) As you know, and I’ve discussed here, I found fasting for spiritual purposes, for even more than – oh – 10 minutes, to be a little challenging. So this is a compromise. I just try to delay my breakfast. We all have to start somewhere! Use that time of being a bit hungry to push yourself into God, to ask Him why you’re such a spaz most of the time, to pour out your heart, and you’ll realize that breakfast kind of loses its allure. Your deeper needs are emerging. And so, this habit has become one of my favorite habits, if I’m honest. Plus your body thanks you. There’s a lot of good research about intermittent fasting. And the way I’ve structured these habits, where you kind of trick yourself into thinking you’re eating dessert when you’re not after supper (so you’re not eating), and you just delay your breakfast for a bit turns into a temporary fast. But don’t tell your body that because your mind might not like it, and it’s all about keeping your mind happy, right? Even if you are deceiving your mind a bit. Who’s counting?
  3. Top secret tip for tricking yourself into thinking you are eating copious amounts of food when you’re not eating anything at all. Don’t tell anyone I said this, or at least don’t link back to this site if you do. (I won’t admit I ever said this), but here’s an AMAZING tip. Shh…. Top secret. . . Lean your head over the food dish of choice, when no one is looking, of course. Close your eyes, inhale, enjoy the smells, and pretend you’re chewing. Say, “Yum!” A second plate without any calories, anyone? (Was anyone looking when I said that? Whew! No one heard!) Remember you didn’t hear it from me! Enjoy!

Whoever can figure out how to market the promise: How to enjoy whatever foods you want, whenever you want them, and not gain any weight, and then link to Point 3 above will be a millionaire! Cut me 10% of your profits, please! (I still won’t admit I had anything to do with you, however.)

Hey maybe you want to ghostwrite my financial book discussed in the first paragraph, come to think of it!

We could call it, “How to ENJOY Getting Rich And Thin!”

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Blogpost Footnotes

*Trademarked

(My conscience finds it ironic, for some reason, that I’m eating a 482g bag of “snacking chocolate” as I write this. Don’t forget to eat lots of chocolate when people are looking to confuse them! Because confusing people is fun.)

The Best Places To Find Healthy Spiritual Food This Season (Healthy Habits Post 7)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I’m going to start this post by quickly summarizing three points from a previous post.

I’m doing this because this post isn’t quite long enough, so I’m repeating myself so that my posts are all about the same length, so I look like a professional blogger.

But I’m not supposed to tell you that because that is boring, but other stuff I say is boring too, and you still read that! (Perfect. This post is exactly the right length).

Ahem . . .

In a previous post, I gave three reasons to indicate we may be eating spiritual cotton candy when we thought we were at the spiritual feast. These three indicators are:

1. We’ve been to a church once and were decidedly underwhelmed.

2. We know a Christian but that person, Ned Flanders, is difficult to be around for long.

3. We’ve figured out church is for losers. Need I say more?

So where do we go to have the best shot at finding healthy spiritual food?

1. Ask where Holy Spirit is moving in your city. After they faint because you asked that question (C’mon! Shocking people is fun!) bring some popcorn and check out that church next week. Listen for God while you’re there.

2. Find a “real” Christian. The way to tell if someone is a “real” Christian? There is no way to tell for sure.

Christian behaviour can be put on like a mask… Spectators… will often break into applause. But there is no applause in heaven.…

Eugene H. Peterson

When you meet someone who is wholeheartedly following Jesus, you’ll know. Sorry. That’s all I got. Keep looking. They’re out there. And when you find them, take them out to lunch. And ask them questions. Don’t throw out your lunch before you’ve even eaten it. Food is waiting for you, too.

3. Hang out with losers. Just because some Christians are losers, doesn’t mean they aren’t God’s children. But the same is true for you actually. When you stop sucking in your gut, stop pretending you’ve got your life together, you are on the right, narrow, spiritual path.

The path to the one who is truth is found by telling the truth.

Knowing we are losers, and stopping trying to be impressive is actually one step towards true spiritual food. 

Jesus is the glorious one. 

Not us. 

Yep, they’re losers at church. Get over it. We’re here to see Jesus, not them. (And not you either. Praise God.)

“Father, I want those you gave me to be with me, right where I am, so they can see my glory, the splendor you gave me . . .”

Jesus Christ

4. Wake up! Now that you know you’re a starving loser, I hope you turn your attention to Holy Spirit right now. He’s here beside you right now. He’s been tapping your shoulder your entire life but you may not have noticed yet.

“Hungry?” he’s asking. “Come to the feast, child,” he offers, holding out an outstretched arm. Will you take one small step down the road toward tasting the only food that truly satisfies . . .?

If so, try feasting on this. If you don’t have spiritual teeth yet to enjoy chewing this food, don’t fret, but try drinking this milk instead.

But don’t ask for milk the way my daughter did here. That’s just rude.

God, help us to follow the scent of fresh bread and other delicious foods to find the feast. May we not go hungry for You again this season, we pray.

The Best Path To Real Success Is To Loudly Flaunt Your Ego

/ Lori Lawe / 2 Comments

So it’s my birthday! My blog’s birthday, that is.

My blog is one year old this week.

I can’t believe you found me in this unknown, unvisited corner of the internet!

And wow!

I can’t believe that every day, 10 of you (. . . no, I didn’t forget any zeros . . . why do you ask?) read this stuff!

And it’s not just the people I bribe anymore!

(Don’t people have anything better to do nowadays?)

What I meant to say, is: Wow! You must really like me!

Wait. What I meant to say is: Think of all the fame and glory I have!

Wait. What I meant to say is: My life must have meaning now!

Anyway, what are we going to do because it’s my birthday?

Well, it’s actually my blog’s birthday, but since my blog has more worldly success than I do as a homeschooling parent, I will link my identity to my blog. I mean in regular life I tell people what I’ve been doing (for about two decades), and their eyes glaze off, and coincidentally, they always become desperately interested in talking to someone just behind me at the party instead.

Ha! But I have a secret successful altar ego now! I am like Clark Kent and Superman(/woman)! If only the rest of them knew!

Actually, it’s OK that they don’t. My ego can’t handle any more success because I’m no longer just a measly, societally unimportant, homeschooling parent!

But wait- sorry.

You, however, can be VERY proud of yourself for being a measly homeschooling parent! This post is about encouraging you after all!

For those of you who are new to this blog, or who have never watched the Simpsons* this is called “satire”, where we make fun of an opposite view to help draw out our own neuroses.

You’re welcome!

And now that we’ve been smacked in the face with how neurotic we really are, consider this quote from Watchman Nee, a Minister in China, who suffered greatly for his choice to follow Jesus:

One day I was walking along the street with a stick, very weak, and in broken health, and I met one of my old college professors . . . My career, my health everything had gone and here was my old professor who taught me law in the school asking me “Are you still in this condition with no success, no progress, nothing to show?” But the very next moment . . . I really knew what it meant to have the Spirit of Glory resting on me. The thought of being able to pour out my life for my Lord flooded my soul with glory… I could look up, and without reservation say, “Lord, I praise thee! This is the best thing possible; it is the right course I have chosen!” To my professor, it seemed a total waste to serve the Lord, but that is what the gospel is for – to bring each one of us to a true estimate of His worth.

The Normal Christian Life


Don’t you wish you were as free as people like him to follow your own Northstar and not care what society thinks of you?

Wait!

You are!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

So by the way, what should we do together to celebrate my blog’s birthday? Virtual cake is super lame. So are virtual party hats. And I just deleted my “Zoom party ideas” bookmarks this week. Which brings me to my next initiative:

You are very welcome to join us at our online prayer and encouragement events.

When I started this blog, I was the only one at this site, of course. Similarly, I’m the only one attending the online prayer and encouragement events right now, as these were just launched.

However, since there are many more who read my blog now than there were before, there will be many more who join our online events later than there are now. This prediction is due to mathematical extrapolation within a closed set system. See the graph below for further clarification.

It will be great to meet you.

And so, Happy Birthday! To me! Wait. What I meant to say is: To my ego!

Blogpost Footnotes
*I can’t stomach watching The Simpsons for long because I am a real-life amalgamation of Lisa Simpson and Ned Flanders. I don’t want to know that much about myself; I’d rather project my ego at you, instead.

Does Your Spiritual Food Taste Rotten? (Healthy Habits Post 6)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Of course, who doesn’t LOVE to tuck into that holiday feast and eat so much we can barely move? We sit on the couch, our stomachs in pain, contentment bringing a smile to our faces.

(Yes, I will soon be publishing an apparently contrasting post called “You LOVE To Breathe Only Air Instead Of Eating That Tempting Turkey Dinner- Admit It!” but let’s face it, no one knows WHAT is true on the internet anymore!).

Ahem . . . As I was saying . . .

In a previous post, I proved definitively that you LOVE to eat green food AND you LOVE to be nourished with healthy spiritual food.

But we actually eat popsicles, cotton candy, and fast food burgers more often than we should.

Similarly, we’ve tasted the equivalent of spiritual cotton candy and we sometimes assume that we’ve attended a spiritual feast

“That food gives me a stomachache, heartburn, and nausea,” you conclude after a trip to church in Grade 5. “That food doesn’t nourish me”

And you’re right. It doesn’t. The problem is many of you never tasted, proper, nourishing, spiritual food. The kind you eat with relish and that leaves you on the couch in pain but with a delighted smile of contentment.

(There will be pain too at this spiritual feast because God will bring to the surface those unhealthy desires in your body that are poking you like cocaine needles. His operation, like any operation, hurts. But along with the pain comes contentment, which also makes us smile . . . eventually.)

Proof you may have been eating spiritual cotton candy when you thought you were at the full feast include the following:

  1. You’ve been to church. Most churches are empty shells. They are the plates that the food comes in. You have your fork and knife and you’re ready to eat but no food is there. They forgot to invite God to the party. They forgot to invite God to church every Sunday. So just because you’ve been to church doesn’t NECESSARILY mean you’ve been to a spiritual feast and tasted the food.
  2. You know a Christian. Your neighbour down the street, Ned Flanders (Me!), your coworker, your distant or near relative, your friend, or whoever, who calls themselves a Christian may or may not be a Christian. Sorry for the shock. When I was at Bible college, a mentor suggested that out of those who call themselves Christians, possibly only 2% are true Christians, learning to abide with Holy Spirit. So just because you know a Christian, doesn’t mean you’ve enjoyed the main course of a spiritual feast NECESSARILY.
  3. You’ve noticed Church is for losers. Yep. That’s true. In a previous post, I describe how you shouldn’t let the losers be a barrier to you reaching God. (The truth is that you’re a loser too, but you may be too spiritually blind to realize that yet. It’s OK! They have to love you!) That’s actually the coolest part about Church! You’re accepted exactly as you are, a loser among losers.

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

The Message

The best places to begin the hunt to increase our chances of finding healthy spiritual food will be discussed in a future post.

After we celebrate my birthday.

(My blog’s birthday, I mean.)

Of course!

Anyone Else Find Some Parts Of Halloween Disgusting? Let’s Steal Halloween! (Shhhh…)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Yes, I did design a blog post around this picture.

This is my dog.

I had to find a way to get this picture in front of your eyes. We can end this post now. Some things are just worth 20 bucks including this dog Superman costume.

Now where was I? Oh yeah, I told you all to leave now.

But…

Since you obviously have nothing better to do, I will tell you my thoughts on why we should take over Halloween! We should all host a “Pentecost-Halloween Party”.

Now before all of you go to Wiki to look up a term I will spare you that hassle. Yes, Pentecost has something to do with God.

And yes, Halloween, at least now in our culture, has a lot more to do with the religion of Satanism (I said the word that must not be said in our culture! Satanism! Satanism is a religion! Open your eyes, people!)

For those of you rubbing your eyes trying not to go to sleep as this post irritatingly blasts its contents into your ears, the point I’m trying to make is that Halloween and Pentecost don’t go together very well on their own terms.

Here’s my logic for hosting a “Pentecost Party” on October 31:

  • December 25, what we now celebrate as Christmas, used to be an important pagan celebration, the birthday of the sun.
  • The Christians got together and (essentially) said, “Hey! We don’t like that a pagan holiday is the most important celebration in our culture! Let’s pretend that Jesus was born on December 25, even though he wasn’t, and we’ll slowly steal the focus away from these weird pagan rituals (killing cats etc). towards baby Jesus as a hope for the world.”

They will name [Jesus] Immanuel (Hebrew for “God is with us”)

The Message
  • And like many crazy ideas it worked!

Now, let’s not get technical in calling Christmas a purely spiritual holiday because I know that buying a lot of presents and then returning them the following week when your relatives aren’t looking isn’t exactly the pinnacle of Christian high culture.

Some Christmas carols, however, are essentially hymns, and many of these songs are the pinnacle of high Christian culture, even if our hearts need a little stirring to unblind our eyes to this reality.

The point is, that Christmas still has a holy essence to it if you know where to look, shining your flashlight into the darkest corners of our holiday culture.

So my rationale is let’s do this for Halloween!

Halloween is now the weird Satanic holiday. (I.e., killing cats and pretending that other fearful or gross things are actually funny! They’re not, by the way.)

So sure, the liturgical calendar may be out of order a bit, but let’s change the date of Pentecost to coincide with Halloween for the same reason the early Christians changed the date of Jesus’ birth to coincide with the birthday of the sun.

Pentecost was the day that Holy Spirit breathed on the disciples. This was the day when a bunch of his cowardly followers changed into bold outspoken preachers for Jesus Christ, most of whom were eventually murdered for their beliefs.

So that’s why my dog got a new costume.

And that’s why I asked some homeschooled kids (because let’s face it, homeschooled kids are a part of the hope for our society) to join us for a Pentecost dress-up party coincidentally on the day we used to call Halloween.

Go on! Have your own Pentecost Party on October 31! Have more fun than them! Then invite them to your party!

Three ways to take over Halloween at your Pentecost Party on October 31:

  1. Carve pumpkins because – well, it’s fun. Why wouldn’t we? Carve crosses into the pumpkins. This was my daughter’s idea. Let the candle inside shine it’s light through the cross of Jesus Christ and remind us that His kingdom is hope for our culture.
  2. Have you seen those dog dress-up costumes that look like a monkey riding on the back of your dog? If you find one, can you please send it to me? Thanks. Oh yeah, point number to dress up! Why not? It’s fun!
  3. Remind each other that a few loser fishermen (have you ever noticed what the disciples were like before Jesus was resurrected?) by the power of Holy Spirit, ushered in The Message that altered the course of our world.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.

Margaret Mead

What are you waiting for?

Go eat some candy and change culture!

You LOVE Eating Green Food, Remember? (Healthy Habits Post 5)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

The point of today’s blog post is to remind you that you ACTUALLY LOVE eating green food!

Three examples to prove this to you:

1. Green smoothies for breakfast. Have you ever had a green smoothie at Jugo Juice or a local smoothie shop and you think – “Wow! I should make that!”

But then you get home, and the cat is on your lap, and another episode of Downton Abby auto started, and you can’t easily get up, and then it’s the next morning, and you’ve forgotten all about the fact that you ever had a green smoothie?

(I know who hasn’t, right?)

Well, the thing is:

You actually enjoyed drinking the green smoothie, and it was good for you.

So just make one, OK?

You actually WANT to drink green smoothies, if you get the right green smoothie, and if someone (Your mother?) puts it in front of you in the morning.

I make green smoothies that people who don’t even like green smoothies say taste good. Or check out this website for delicious green smoothie ideas on steroids.

But don’t whine about the fact that drinking a green smoothie is one of your habits. You LIKE drinking green smoothies, remember?

2. Another habit is having salads for lunch.

When I was a “working” person (I guess therefore I haven’t “worked” in decades! Ha! Hilarious!) and had extra dollars to spare, I would buy my lunch every day (What was I thinking? Did I not think I’d ever have kids?).

And I actually CHOSE a salad.

It was an amazing salad a bit like these ones. It had protein and tons of lettuce.

It actually filled me up. And it tasted good.

The thing is, now that I’m homeschooling my kids, I look in the fridge and (even though yes, I do organize the cooking in our family) nobody cooked the chicken breast again. It’s lunchtime and I’m hungry! I guess I’ll just have some tortilla chips and chocolate.

But here’s the thing – if someone (Your mom? Your homeschooled teen) put this delicious salad in front of you at lunch with homemade dressing, you will love it! You’re just not organized enough to figure out how to get all the parts moving in one place.

The HOW of making a green salad will be discussed another time, but for now, open up your eyes and realize – eating green salads for lunch is – BLEEP! – (You don’t swear remember?)* awesome!

3. Veggies and dip for snacks. OK, this is the thing about cut-up veggies and dip. If you have a delicious, appetizing dip, and the veggies are right there, it’s amazing how many vegetables our kids will eat! Try it!

Oh – One important caveat –they’ll eat it all day long IF we hide the chips and candy, that is. The trick is, basically if they’re starving and you don’t offer them any other food, they’ll eat their veggies! It’s like magic!

And just like my dog LOVES to cuddle, your kids will LOVE eating vegetables too!

Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton candy?

THE MESSAGE

The point is that what you WANT is green stuff.

It’s not your desires that are off.

It’s just that your organization sucks.

Making green smoothies, having everything ready for a delicious salad at lunch, and seeing a veggie tray with delicious dip waiting to greet you each morning is not as easy as it seems.

Now that you’ve realized what you like to eat (and if you still don’t LONG for green food, read this), we’ll talk about HOW to have green food ready to bite into with thankful and glorious abandon in a future blog post.

Proof you LOVE feasting on green spiritual food (as well as green physical food) will be discussed in a future post.

Blogpost Footnotes

* Do you want a cupcake?

Hey! Let’s Stop Choosing Nutritional Death And Spiritual Death! (Healthy Habits Post 4)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Why do you spend your money on junk food,
your hard-earned cash on cotton candy?
Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best,
fill yourself with only the finest.
Pay attention, come close now,
listen carefully to my life-giving, life-nourishing words.

The Message

Just because we make stupid choices sometimes doesn’t mean we have to stay stupid.

In order for us to soar into the purposes and plans God has for us, we have to DESIRE the right things.

Why does the cocaine addict again choose to pick up and use the half-full needle he just found? (Do you use needles for cocaine? Dang! My inner Ned Flanders just can’t be suppressed! At least I didn’t say “Don’t drink drugs” like one of my kids does!)

Why do we, the societally privileged people that we are, look down on the cocaine addict mentioned above, and then again and again, we choose slow death over a victorious, energetic life?

Clearly stated: Why do we CHOOSE junk food?

Exactly like the cocaine addict mentioned above, we DESIRE the wrong things.

Truly soaring can only happen when we DESIRE the right things.

When DESIRE outside of God’s BEST plan for our lives defines us, and we follow the fulfilment of this desire, we are zombies following death wherever it leads.

So WAKE UP!

And eat your vegetables.

And just as we desire the wrongful foods that don’t let us soar, we desire placebos over spiritual fulfillment as well.

So what is the solution to not desiring nutritional health or spiritual health?

God help me to desire the best kind of physical food that will help me to soar in life.

And this prayer:

God help me to desire the best kind of spiritual food that will help me to soar in life.

So let’s ask God to help us DESIRE healthier food more often. For example, we’ll talk about how to ENJOYING eating our vegetables next time.

And let’s listen to uplifting music instead of listening to that gross crap that gets pumped into our ears in every department store we visit.

As we listen to something like this:

Let’s ask God questions like these:

Jesus, how am I chasing my deadly DESIRE when I should be chasing You? How am I blind, like the cocaine addict mentioned above, and think I know what is best for me, by following my desires, when really, I need You to help me completely change my desires?

Can you help me WANT to desire the right things?

There are many, many stories of people who experience a taste of God and then never touch their addictive substance of choice again. That’s cool too.

So let’s keep making time for Jesus by reading God’s word and listening to Holy Spirit in our times of prayer, and by connecting with God-seeking community.

Freedom from desire that leads to death and that masks our desperate need for God is on its way, if we will but stretch out our hands and receive.

Bond With Your Homeschooled Child By Teaching Her To Swear!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Today I thought I’d teach you how to bond with your homeschooled kid by swearing at him!

This is a real-world example from my own life. 

The weirdest stuff in life is true so that’s how you can be assured I am telling the truth today.

So one day, I found my 12-year-old looking downcast, despondent. 

“What’s wrong, honey?” I asked.

“Well, Mom, I’m 12 years old and I don’t know any swear words!”

“Oh, hon! I’m so sorry to hear that!” I said, reaching down to hug her.

“Tell you what,” I continued. “Do you want me to teach you some swear words?”

“Oh, would you?” Her eyes filled with admiration for me and the wonderful real-life wisdom I possessed. She hugged me, unable to contain her emotions. Kids DO want to learn what parents have to teach them! These homeschooling moments are precious!

All that week we planned the best time to have our special mother-daughter date so I could impart my wisdom to her. 

Finally, the magical day arrived. We skipped math that morning so we’d have ample time to connect through profanity (Another important benefit of homeschooling). We walked on the beach so the ambiance would be just right, and so we’d remember this special mother-daughter homeschool bonding time.

“So what is one of the swear words?” she impatiently asked.

I found myself spelling out the F-word for her.

She sounded it out in her mind and then said aloud, “FOO-ka?” “Close enough,” I answered. 

I’m not sure how she muddled through junior high with friends from all sides of the innocence-experience continuum. 

And she may have had a few more black eyes from friends who didn’t think she was cool enough that year, come to think of it, but she got to the other side.

And what a wonderful homeschool bonding experience we enjoyed!

And now, you too, can enjoy this special bonding experience with your homeschooled child! Here’s how: 

  1. Don’t swear for at least a decade. Yes! I know this is impossible, which is why I included Point #2! Be patient! I can’t share all my wisdom at once!
  2. If you do swear (i.e., You can ignore Point # 1 now. You’re welcome), swear with tricks up your sleeve so you have the advantage*. For example, in our home, it’s not that we didn’t say any swear words for 12 years. It’s just how you swear that matters. If you swear, quickly distract them with a random question about cupcakes as in, “Do you want a cupcake now?” And they won’t even remember the swear word!
  3. Recognize the limitations of this approach. One problem with this approach is that they suddenly figure out you swear a LOT once you teach them what the bad words are. Oh well, I guess we have to prepare these homeschooled kids for real life!
  4. Watch them soar! And now that they know how to swear like the other kids, the world is their oyster!
  5. Forgive yourself for swearing and for other ways you may have accidentally messed up your kids! 

Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.

The Message

Translation: This ancient text basically says that God already knows you’re a dork!

And since God already knows you’re a bit pathetic most of the time, you can relax and have some fun with your kids!

Blogpost Footnotes

*Bonus parenting wisdom: Check out magician and master of trickery David Copperfield for additional excellent tricks that can be applied with surprisingly little variation to parenting!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!