Humor

Four Philosophically Proven Ways To Get Happy

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

1. Eat lots of chocolate

2. Be proud of yourself for being superior to another

3. Let others see how you help the disadvantaged

4. Hang out with losers 

BEFORE YOU SLAM THIS POST CLOSED IN DISGUST… remember that I promised this post was based on peer-reviewed philosophy, which will be clarified in a moment.

These are my examples (admittedly not perfect) of four principles to becoming happy that have been recognized by philosophy!

The 4 Levels of Happiness, undiluted by my own examples and as proposed by Aristotle and later by modern philosophers, are the following:

  1. Happiness Level 1- Happiness found in simple material pleasures. For example, eating a crisp apple while standing right next to the tree we picked it from.
  2. Happiness Level 2 – Happiness found in delayed satisfaction. For example, setting aside other priorities to do the work of training for a race, and the happiness found in completing or wining the race.
  3. Happiness Level 3 – Happiness found in serving others. For example the unexpected joy we feel when we help those less fortunate than us.
  4. (Now, we better not talk about Happiness Level 4 because in order to be sophisticated moderns, we should never talk about spiritual needs. Here goes anyway.) Happiness Level 4 – Happiness found in the pursuit of, or an experience of God. Don’t shoot me! I’m just a messenger!

So now, if we compare my examples to the unfiltered levels of happiness proposed by real philosophers, you can see where I’m coming from.

  1. Happiness Level 1 – Eating chocolate is obviously the ultimate fulfillment of material pleasures. (I’m sure you can think of others).
  2. Happiness Level 2 – Now that I review the Levels of Happiness more thoroughly, I can see that the object of Happiness Level 2 is not entirely ego domination. But I was on the right track in the sense of receiving happiness from completing a race or something. Close enough.
  3. Happiness Level 3 – To expound on my example of Happiness Level 3, put food in the food hamper VERY slowly so people notice. In my case, I tend to do it quickly and run away because I am putting in items that have almost expired. But in your case, if the food hasn’t expired, relish in the fact that you’re helping someone else! Let them exalt you! Wait -As I’m refreshing myself on the general principle of Happiness Level 3, I can see now that the point is actually serving people not having others SEE you serve people. Whatever. I guess we learn new things all the time, even as we’re writing blog posts!
  4. Happiness Level 4 – The last level of happiness, of course, is found in hanging out with losers. I was right about that one. As mentioned here, people who call themselves Christians are losers! (People who don’t call themselves Christians are also losers, but they are too spiritually blind to see that at the moment.)

And of course, by seeking God I’m not talking about swallowing everything thrown at you at church hook, line, and sinker. (Yes, I realize these are mixed metaphors, but who has time to edit their writing these days?)

Ahem . . .

So don’t leave your brain at the door when you walk into a church. Rebuke them sometimes. That’s what you’re there for.

But we also pray that the scales will fall off your eyes and ears so that you can see and hear the real God who is speaking even though he is surrounded by so many weird-os that sometimes it’s hard to get in close enough to get his autograph or to touch the hem of his cloak, or whatever you’re hoping will fill your bucket of need as you draw closer to God.

He will turn everything in your life upside down if you get close enough to touch him. That is his way.

For example, God even talks about happiness coming from suffering.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.

Ancient Text

Joy from problems seems a little crazy if you think about it.

Don’t think about it too much.

Just hold His hand and the hands of the other losers who love being near Him, and may you rise a little higher up the Levels of Happiness (maybe even to a Level 3 or Level 4?) this season.

The Funniest Christmas Letter?*

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Someone (who?) once said that a picture is worth 1,000 words. But what do they know? We think the funny things we say to each other are worth thousands of words.

So here you go. Funny things our family said last year in the categories of love, homeschooling, confidence, random thoughts, and flatulence.

On Love

Andy to me: “You look pretty.”

Me: Thinking, “After 22 years of marriage I don’t get that compliment every day!”

“Why” I ask him aloud, thinking, “Is it my hair? I just went swimming. My new exercise outfit?”

Me . . . persistent . . . “Why?”

Andy: “I think it’s because you told me to lie down and rest instead of help clean up after supper.”

Me: (!) (!!) (!!!)

Andy to me: “If we didn’t have a dog, where would you put all your affection?

Would you hug and squeeze us to death?”

Me… “Whaaa???”

– 5 minutes later –

Me: “I squeeze you. I squeeze you.” Kiss, kiss to Siri, our dog. Then wait! I remember…

Kyah: “Good morning! I missed you all night long!”

On Homeschooling

Usual unusual homeschooling moments

There was a homeschooling event a two-hours drive away.

Kyah called her friend’s mom: “Hi. Can you please drive me to the homeschooling event because my mom doesn’t want to because it’s too far and she doesn’t feel like it. So is it OK if you drive me instead?”

First-world homeschooling problem.

Esther: “Ah! I’m going to be late for class!”

– A few seconds later –

Esther: “Ah! I forgot to re-curl my hair after our walk! I’m going to be very late for class!!!”

Kyah, one Wednesday morning after math class: “Hi Mom! I decided what two new languages I want to learn, besides Spanish!” (Braille and sign language)

On Confidence

Andy to me: “You’ll be awesome!”

“Wait, is that snot on your face?”

Me: “How was church today?”

Andy: “I had a big hunk of peanut butter on my face from breakfast the whole time I was at church today. I went and spoke at the front and everything!”

Me: “Oh bummer! How did you know that?”

Andy: “Kyah told me in the car on the way home from church.”

Esther after doing hours of scholarship applications: “I never thought I would get tired of thinking about how amazing I am. I never want to talk about how amazing I am ever again!”

Random Thoughts

The words in brackets below are what I imagine the owners of the store to say in response to the questions on their street signs.

(Toilets inside)

(Cold showers inside)

Flatulence

I wish I was mature enough to leave out the fart jokes, but alas . . .

Person to remain unnamed: “Watch out for my silent laugh.

It’s usually a sign that I’m going to fart.”

I was using the microphone function to draft a text. Andy said to one of the girls “Who farted? Was it you?”

Those exact words were transcribed into the text to my friend.

Finally, the big news, if you haven’t heard is that Esther grew up and moved out to attend University (We’re very proud of her!). We got both a super cute bunny to play with . . .

and a large houseplant to sit in her old homeschooling area to replace her.

(To find out how I’m actually adjusting to this life transition, check out this post, or this one, or this one).

I’m fine, ok!

One last quote to finish off this letter:

Me: “I feel like I have a lot of stuff going on right now.”

Andy: “I do too, but I don’t know what they all are.”

What a great summary of our year!

That’s all. We hope you can read between the lines and feel updated with all that’s happened in our family last year!

Merry Christmas!

May your joy deepen profoundly this season as you ponder and reflect on the true meaning of Christmas.

Blogpost Footnotes

*Does that mean you’re making fun of us?

Let’s Rise Above The Christmas Shopping Frenzy To Like Ourselves Even More

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

It was like he pushed his boot through the book he wrote, the one I was reading, and kicked me in the rear. Ouch!

“What did you do that for?” I asked the book accusingly.

I had been sitting poolside, enjoying my martini as usual, when this incident occurred.

Let me explain. Ahem . . .

In the book The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer he spoke of learning only recently about the extent and horror of modern-day slavery.

Yeah, I watched the movie Amazing Grace, recounting the true life story of John Newton, a slave ship owner turned religious covert, turned major influence on the abolitionist movement. I yawned, turning the page. I know about all that slavery stuff.

The next page mentioned enormous slave ships in Bangladesh and Vietnam right now. This was ringing a vague bell in the back of my mind somewhere. I sat up a little.

We all know something about modern day slavery but how curious had I allowed myself to become?

I had heard someone talk about this stuff. But when? And who? And the details?

It was a bit fuzzy.

I took another sip of my pina colada, did some research on my own, and then continued reading my book.

A few years years ago, I was shocked and deeply disturbed when I learned about the dark underbelly of globalization. I had no clue that a huge chunk of items in my home were made unjustly, if not with full on human trafficking and child labor.

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry – John Mark Comer

I slammed the book shut angrily. “You know, I’d rather just not know!” I yelled at the book, closed at my feet. The others lounging at the pool looked at me curiously.

I continued the rest of the conversation in my own brain, which is a much saner way to get mad at someone who doesn’t know you exist.

“And what am I supposed to do anyway?” I yelled at him accusingly. “I live in Canada, thousands of miles away! Am I going to row my oar boat to Burma and tell all those scary guys with guns to let their thousands of enslaved people go, the ones that bring them piles of cash every day?”

No.

So I readjust myself in my lounge chair again and pour myself a Bloody Mary. Time for a more mindless book. Time to relax. Maybe I should spend time browsing Amazon for cute shoes to get my mind off things.

But when I had emptied that drink and purchased a pile of cute heels in various shades of pink, I picked up the book “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry” again.

I’m Type A, and if I don’t get a checkmark beside “read X book,” then my self-esteem may plummet to who knows where.

I refilled my drink with a more potent brew, black coffee this time, and sat up a bit, ready to defend myself against an unexpected blow of the author’s hand smashing through the book.

. . . I realized a different outfit every day was kind of ridiculous. I was also made aware of the injustice of the fashion industry, which made buying new clothes a total pain in the neck. So I cut it in half and went down to three outfits per season… I love each outfit. They were . . . ethically made and environmentally sourced and for the first time I can ever remember, I have extra money in my clothing budget . . .

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry – John Mark Comer

Another bell was ringing somewhere. I, too, love to buy items that I know are ethically produced.

I almost only buy jewellery at 10,000 Villages or stores with a similar ethic. And check out the stuff I bought recently!* Beads are made from recycled Saris and support women artisans in India.

My favorite clothing store, besides Value Village, is Blue Sky, a fair-trade company.

But I also buy other stuff.

After reading about John Mark Comer’s choices, I felt like wearing a Blue Sky outfit the next day. Blue Sky from head to toe.

And I felt better about myself, more whole, more aligned to the values that God envelopes me with when He pours out His love on me.

I felt more like a bar of Christmas chocolate (because who doesn’t sometimes compare themselves to chocolate?) that is SOLID chocolate all the way through.

Biting into the kind of Christmas chocolate that is only a chocolate shell, that is hollow, is not quite as satisfying.

Maybe I want to buy people more SOLID chocolate bars this Christmas, more often, the kind that has the same taste all the way from beginning to end.

This feels symbolic of something important, something that makes me like myself even more.

Blogpost Footnotes

*I’m wearing clothes from Blue Sky in this photo. (Yes! I know you don’t care but I always wanted to be the kind of person who had to put a footnote telling others what kind of clothes I’m wearing in photos so I can feel important. Don’t shatter my illusions of grandeur!)

The Best Way To Live – Don’t Try So Hard

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Sometimes we try too hard as we journey through life. Ironically when we don’t try as hard, our lives often improve.

For example, we all realize by now, I’m sure, that a good life consists of:

1) Beautiful hair,

2) Productive work, and

3) Healthy desires.

(Yes, this is a list curated from my own, personal experience. Why do you ask?)

To expound:

1) Like most things in life, it all boils down to having nice hair, really.

When I was camping, my hair looked better than it usually did. I didn’t fuss with it. I jumped in the lake a lot and this made my hair more curly.

And who doesn’t want curly hair? Yes, I know the women who have curly hair don’t want curly hair, and the women who have straight hair don’t want straight hair.

So as you can tell, I usually have straight hair.

We are all messed up, really.

Just pretend you’re well-adjusted to get the point of this blogpost.

A good life is sometimes upside down. Less frantic mouse on a wheel constant “doing”, less meeting our own expectations, is sometimes more soaring.

2) This brings me to my next point – a good life consists of productive work.

You’d think that the longer we work, the more productive we’d be. And yet study after study indicates the opposite. In fact, working long hours makes us less productive overall. For example – this research.

This study just proves the first point I made about hair. Don’t try so hard, and often we’ll do better at life!

3) This brings me to my third point, the most complex of them all – a good life is fuelled by healthy desires.

I often drive myself, with a whip and self-help books, to chase my desires.

I would be the queen of self-help, and self-help would be my religion if Jesus wasn’t on the throne of my life (Thankfully).

I have bowed down to the queen of my own expectations (i.e. Therefore to me) enough to know that I am a brutal master.

My own expectations remain tantalizingly out of reach, no matter how much I serve to please my expectations, spoken forth by Queen “me”.

Get me off the throne of my life!

Why? Because my desires are often wrong. I often start the game chasing after the wrong goal.

Tragically, we continue to chase after our desires ad infinitum. The result? A chronic state of restlessness or, worse, angst, anger, anxiety, disillusionment, depression—all of which lead to a life of hurry, a life of busyness, overload, shopping, materialism, careerism, a life of more…which in turn makes us even more restless. And the cycle spirals out of control.

John Mark Comer, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World

And so, in summary, as we can clearly see by (1) the state of your hair, (2) the fact you missed the promotion at work again, and (3) your chaotic, hectic schedule that you clearly have no idea how to drive the car we call life.

Are you ready to hand the steering wheel of your unhealthy desires to Jesus, yet?

Then Jesus [said] . . . “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am.”

The Message

I am more joyful with Jesus in His rightful place, on the throne of my life, striving to please Him. He is often so very pleased with my pitiful excuses for efforts. See this post about fasting for an example.

As my desires become more aligned with His desires, joy follows. Yes, I can even learn to sometimes DESIRE fasting over Oreos, or fasting over that delicious turkey dinner (Albeit this desire is coming slowly, I do see progress, however dimly).

Are you ready to kick the master of yourself off the throne of your life and to offer the place to Jesus, yet?

And may you too soar more often, friend.

May pleasing the audience of One be enough.

Ultimately, nothing in this life, apart from God, can satisfy our desires.

John Mark Comer, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World

As this song plays, consider asking Holy Spirit: How am I the master of my life, demanding things of me that I could never meet? How am I trying too hard? May you find the path that leads to your best life, friend.

It is far more biblical to learn quiet attentiveness before God than to exhaust ourselves in a flurry of activity.

Eugene Peterson

God Is Wrong But Do You Think He’s Still Smarter Than Us?

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I want to be clear that I really don’t think God knows what he’s doing with this one annoying habit of his of letting everyone use His name and therefore call themselves a Christian. (I.e. Christian comes from the word Christ, as in followers of Jesus Christ.)

Look, I wish that all the Christians looked like Olivia Newton-John, and John Travolta, too. But they don’t. At least they could all look like Bill Gates, and maybe not be super handsome, but have an intellectual coolness in their back pocket.

Look, just so it’s clear, if I was vetting admittance to the Jesus team, I’d have admittance cards. All human-made groups have this if we’re honest. Think of the Rotary club, certain brands of cars, pretentious golf clubs, fancy timeshare opportunities, etc. Now that’s identifying with sophistication!*

But Jesus went and had the audacity of getting buddy-buddy with the biggest losers of his culture and calling them his friends.

In fact, on reflection, this may be good news for me, because I probably wouldn’t have been let into the Christian club by my own standards. I wobble so much in 6-inch heels that whoever is deciding whether I should be in the club or not would be sure to spot an imposter.

And I definitely have not accumulated enough “cultural cool points” in my lifetime to justify admittance to the Jesus team by my own qualifiers.

Maybe it’s best that God has things his own way come to think of it.

Which brings me to my next point: We can relax! Our stomach fat can hang out, we can wear our tattered, comfiest, sweatpants, or a pink one-piece jumper. (My article of clothing of choice if I’m honest. If cultural fashion trends ever sway close to that style, please advise so I can quickly find one).

Whew! The “They can be them” curse is the other side of the coin of the “I can be me” freedom.

The biggest thing I want to say is:

STOP defining Christians by the people in His club

They’re losers! Jesus is the only one who is cool.

Still, if you find someone who looks like Olivia Newton-John, talks like Tim Keller, and loves like Mother Theresa, that’s my personal vote for a Christian mascot.

Paste her image everywhere! “Don’t you want to be in her group?” the advertising signs could read. Too bad she’ll disappoint FOR SURE too.

we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us

The Message

No, we better just stick with Jesus as the one we want to identify with, come to think of it.

Maybe God IS smarter than me?

Blogpost Footnotes
*No, I don’t belong to any of those types of groups. Why do you ask?

You Love Eating Only Air Instead of Feasting On Turkey – Admit it! (Healthy Habits Post 8)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

One of these days I’m going to write a book about how to have copious financial resources. The key premise:

To accumulate more money, simply buy less stuff!

Lori Lawe, TM*

I’m writing this blog post series about healthy weight, however, but a similar key premise applies:

If we want to stop carrying around all that extra jiggly stuff in the middle, at some point, we may have to talk about eating a bit less food.

Lori Lawe, TM*

Today’s blog post is about ENJOYING eating less.

I’m the kind of person that likes to have fun. So if we have to do something that’s not fun, let’s trick ourselves into thinking that we are having fun! So, as you are learning these helpful tips and habits, try to keep in the back of your mind the key lesson which is: Eating air is way more fun than eating tempting and delicious food!

Today we will learn to trick ourselves that we:

1. Are eating dessert when we are not,
2. Love God more than we love padding our belly fat, and
3. Are stuffing ourselves when we’re not eating anything at all.

  1. No dessert anyone? Back when I remembered I was writing a series of posts about healthy habits, I wrote that one of the habits was to have camomile tea just before bed. This is a great tip I picked up on the internet that actually helped me! I guess there IS useful information out there somewhere! You put quite a bit of extra honey in your camomile tea after supper. Then you tell yourself “This is dessert!” You’re having extra honey so it is a bit of a treat. Then you drink your tea with the relish of eating an entire cheesecake, and wait until Sunday for real dessert. You can do it!
  2. God or more belly fat? The next habit is kind of cool and it’s a way to develop the habit of fasting and seeking God, without having to do any work (Oh wait, did I say that out loud?) As you know, and I’ve discussed here, I found fasting for spiritual purposes, for even more than – oh – 10 minutes, to be a little challenging. So this is a compromise. I just try to delay my breakfast. We all have to start somewhere! Use that time of being a bit hungry to push yourself into God, to ask Him why you’re such a spaz most of the time, to pour out your heart, and you’ll realize that breakfast kind of loses its allure. Your deeper needs are emerging. And so, this habit has become one of my favorite habits, if I’m honest. Plus your body thanks you. There’s a lot of good research about intermittent fasting. And the way I’ve structured these habits, where you kind of trick yourself into thinking you’re eating dessert when you’re not after supper (so you’re not eating), and you just delay your breakfast for a bit turns into a temporary fast. But don’t tell your body that because your mind might not like it, and it’s all about keeping your mind happy, right? Even if you are deceiving your mind a bit. Who’s counting?
  3. Top secret tip for tricking yourself into thinking you are eating copious amounts of food when you’re not eating anything at all. Don’t tell anyone I said this, or at least don’t link back to this site if you do. (I won’t admit I ever said this), but here’s an AMAZING tip. Shh…. Top secret. . . Lean your head over the food dish of choice, when no one is looking, of course. Close your eyes, inhale, enjoy the smells, and pretend you’re chewing. Say, “Yum!” A second plate without any calories, anyone? (Was anyone looking when I said that? Whew! No one heard!) Remember you didn’t hear it from me! Enjoy!

Whoever can figure out how to market the promise: How to enjoy whatever foods you want, whenever you want them, and not gain any weight, and then link to Point 3 above will be a millionaire! Cut me 10% of your profits, please! (I still won’t admit I had anything to do with you, however.)

Hey maybe you want to ghostwrite my financial book discussed in the first paragraph, come to think of it!

We could call it, “How to ENJOY Getting Rich And Thin!”

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Blogpost Footnotes

*Trademarked

(My conscience finds it ironic, for some reason, that I’m eating a 482g bag of “snacking chocolate” as I write this. Don’t forget to eat lots of chocolate when people are looking to confuse them! Because confusing people is fun.)

The Best Places To Find Healthy Spiritual Food This Season (Healthy Habits Post 7)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I’m going to start this post by quickly summarizing three points from a previous post.

I’m doing this because this post isn’t quite long enough, so I’m repeating myself so that my posts are all about the same length, so I look like a professional blogger.

But I’m not supposed to tell you that because that is boring, but other stuff I say is boring too, and you still read that! (Perfect. This post is exactly the right length).

Ahem . . .

In a previous post, I gave three reasons to indicate we may be eating spiritual cotton candy when we thought we were at the spiritual feast. These three indicators are:

1. We’ve been to a church once and were decidedly underwhelmed.

2. We know a Christian but that person, Ned Flanders, is difficult to be around for long.

3. We’ve figured out church is for losers. Need I say more?

So where do we go to have the best shot at finding healthy spiritual food?

1. Ask where Holy Spirit is moving in your city. After they faint because you asked that question (C’mon! Shocking people is fun!) bring some popcorn and check out that church next week. Listen for God while you’re there.

2. Find a “real” Christian. The way to tell if someone is a “real” Christian? There is no way to tell for sure.

Christian behaviour can be put on like a mask… Spectators… will often break into applause. But there is no applause in heaven.…

Eugene H. Peterson

When you meet someone who is wholeheartedly following Jesus, you’ll know. Sorry. That’s all I got. Keep looking. They’re out there. And when you find them, take them out to lunch. And ask them questions. Don’t throw out your lunch before you’ve even eaten it. Food is waiting for you, too.

3. Hang out with losers. Just because some Christians are losers, doesn’t mean they aren’t God’s children. But the same is true for you actually. When you stop sucking in your gut, stop pretending you’ve got your life together, you are on the right, narrow, spiritual path.

The path to the one who is truth is found by telling the truth.

Knowing we are losers, and stopping trying to be impressive is actually one step towards true spiritual food. 

Jesus is the glorious one. 

Not us. 

Yep, they’re losers at church. Get over it. We’re here to see Jesus, not them. (And not you either. Praise God.)

“Father, I want those you gave me to be with me, right where I am, so they can see my glory, the splendor you gave me . . .”

Jesus Christ

4. Wake up! Now that you know you’re a starving loser, I hope you turn your attention to Holy Spirit right now. He’s here beside you right now. He’s been tapping your shoulder your entire life but you may not have noticed yet.

“Hungry?” he’s asking. “Come to the feast, child,” he offers, holding out an outstretched arm. Will you take one small step down the road toward tasting the only food that truly satisfies . . .?

If so, try feasting on this. If you don’t have spiritual teeth yet to enjoy chewing this food, don’t fret, but try drinking this milk instead.

But don’t ask for milk the way my daughter did here. That’s just rude.

God, help us to follow the scent of fresh bread and other delicious foods to find the feast. May we not go hungry for You again this season, we pray.

I Lied, OK? Haven’t You Ever Lied?

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

All right, all right! I lied!

Are you happy now?

Yes, it’s true I said I was only going to publish ONCE a week in this blog post here.

And yes, that is the blog post that is titled, “This is NOT a blog post”. Why are people always confused when I write? People nowadays! I blame the school system.

As I was saying, I promised to write a bit less.

This is because I needed time to write my book.

However, it turns out that I missed you!

Well, what I mean to say is that my ego missed you!

You can read this post here if you don’t know what I mean.

It turns out that if I’m not writing anything, then no one can read it, and if no one can read it, then my ego can’t be bolstered up by the people who hang on to my every illuminated thought.

So I have to keep doing and doing in order to feel good about myself!

So that’s why I’m writing more.

That’s why I’m getting more counselling too.

Maybe you can learn from my example of how to be a real success!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

PS- The point of this blog post is to announce that this blog post here is wrong because I will be publishing posts more often than ONCE weekly. I’m not sure how often. It depends on how long my bath is that night and whether or not I remembered I have a blog that day. Cut me some slack! I’m homeschooling!

The Best Path To Real Success Is To Loudly Flaunt Your Ego

/ Lori Lawe / 2 Comments

So it’s my birthday! My blog’s birthday, that is.

My blog is one year old this week.

I can’t believe you found me in this unknown, unvisited corner of the internet!

And wow!

I can’t believe that every day, 10 of you (. . . no, I didn’t forget any zeros . . . why do you ask?) read this stuff!

And it’s not just the people I bribe anymore!

(Don’t people have anything better to do nowadays?)

What I meant to say, is: Wow! You must really like me!

Wait. What I meant to say is: Think of all the fame and glory I have!

Wait. What I meant to say is: My life must have meaning now!

Anyway, what are we going to do because it’s my birthday?

Well, it’s actually my blog’s birthday, but since my blog has more worldly success than I do as a homeschooling parent, I will link my identity to my blog. I mean in regular life I tell people what I’ve been doing (for about two decades), and their eyes glaze off, and coincidentally, they always become desperately interested in talking to someone just behind me at the party instead.

Ha! But I have a secret successful altar ego now! I am like Clark Kent and Superman(/woman)! If only the rest of them knew!

Actually, it’s OK that they don’t. My ego can’t handle any more success because I’m no longer just a measly, societally unimportant, homeschooling parent!

But wait- sorry.

You, however, can be VERY proud of yourself for being a measly homeschooling parent! This post is about encouraging you after all!

For those of you who are new to this blog, or who have never watched the Simpsons* this is called “satire”, where we make fun of an opposite view to help draw out our own neuroses.

You’re welcome!

And now that we’ve been smacked in the face with how neurotic we really are, consider this quote from Watchman Nee, a Minister in China, who suffered greatly for his choice to follow Jesus:

One day I was walking along the street with a stick, very weak, and in broken health, and I met one of my old college professors . . . My career, my health everything had gone and here was my old professor who taught me law in the school asking me “Are you still in this condition with no success, no progress, nothing to show?” But the very next moment . . . I really knew what it meant to have the Spirit of Glory resting on me. The thought of being able to pour out my life for my Lord flooded my soul with glory… I could look up, and without reservation say, “Lord, I praise thee! This is the best thing possible; it is the right course I have chosen!” To my professor, it seemed a total waste to serve the Lord, but that is what the gospel is for – to bring each one of us to a true estimate of His worth.

The Normal Christian Life


Don’t you wish you were as free as people like him to follow your own Northstar and not care what society thinks of you?

Wait!

You are!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

So by the way, what should we do together to celebrate my blog’s birthday? Virtual cake is super lame. So are virtual party hats. And I just deleted my “Zoom party ideas” bookmarks this week. Which brings me to my next initiative:

You are very welcome to join us at our online prayer and encouragement events.

When I started this blog, I was the only one at this site, of course. Similarly, I’m the only one attending the online prayer and encouragement events right now, as these were just launched.

However, since there are many more who read my blog now than there were before, there will be many more who join our online events later than there are now. This prediction is due to mathematical extrapolation within a closed set system. See the graph below for further clarification.

It will be great to meet you.

And so, Happy Birthday! To me! Wait. What I meant to say is: To my ego!

Blogpost Footnotes
*I can’t stomach watching The Simpsons for long because I am a real-life amalgamation of Lisa Simpson and Ned Flanders. I don’t want to know that much about myself; I’d rather project my ego at you, instead.

Does Your Spiritual Food Taste Rotten? (Healthy Habits Post 6)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Of course, who doesn’t LOVE to tuck into that holiday feast and eat so much we can barely move? We sit on the couch, our stomachs in pain, contentment bringing a smile to our faces.

(Yes, I will soon be publishing an apparently contrasting post called “You LOVE To Breathe Only Air Instead Of Eating That Tempting Turkey Dinner- Admit It!” but let’s face it, no one knows WHAT is true on the internet anymore!).

Ahem . . . As I was saying . . .

In a previous post, I proved definitively that you LOVE to eat green food AND you LOVE to be nourished with healthy spiritual food.

But we actually eat popsicles, cotton candy, and fast food burgers more often than we should.

Similarly, we’ve tasted the equivalent of spiritual cotton candy and we sometimes assume that we’ve attended a spiritual feast

“That food gives me a stomachache, heartburn, and nausea,” you conclude after a trip to church in Grade 5. “That food doesn’t nourish me”

And you’re right. It doesn’t. The problem is many of you never tasted, proper, nourishing, spiritual food. The kind you eat with relish and that leaves you on the couch in pain but with a delighted smile of contentment.

(There will be pain too at this spiritual feast because God will bring to the surface those unhealthy desires in your body that are poking you like cocaine needles. His operation, like any operation, hurts. But along with the pain comes contentment, which also makes us smile . . . eventually.)

Proof you may have been eating spiritual cotton candy when you thought you were at the full feast include the following:

  1. You’ve been to church. Most churches are empty shells. They are the plates that the food comes in. You have your fork and knife and you’re ready to eat but no food is there. They forgot to invite God to the party. They forgot to invite God to church every Sunday. So just because you’ve been to church doesn’t NECESSARILY mean you’ve been to a spiritual feast and tasted the food.
  2. You know a Christian. Your neighbour down the street, Ned Flanders (Me!), your coworker, your distant or near relative, your friend, or whoever, who calls themselves a Christian may or may not be a Christian. Sorry for the shock. When I was at Bible college, a mentor suggested that out of those who call themselves Christians, possibly only 2% are true Christians, learning to abide with Holy Spirit. So just because you know a Christian, doesn’t mean you’ve enjoyed the main course of a spiritual feast NECESSARILY.
  3. You’ve noticed Church is for losers. Yep. That’s true. In a previous post, I describe how you shouldn’t let the losers be a barrier to you reaching God. (The truth is that you’re a loser too, but you may be too spiritually blind to realize that yet. It’s OK! They have to love you!) That’s actually the coolest part about Church! You’re accepted exactly as you are, a loser among losers.

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

The Message

The best places to begin the hunt to increase our chances of finding healthy spiritual food will be discussed in a future post.

After we celebrate my birthday.

(My blog’s birthday, I mean.)

Of course!