Humor

Why Whining Is Remarkably Preferable To Actually Acting Maturely *

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Photo by Marco Aurélio Conde on Unsplash

*(Boring) Administrative Announcement: Hello! I sent this same post from my Substack yesterday. However, I have recently realized that some prefer reading posts here on WordPress instead of Substack. ALL FUTURE POSTS WILL BE SENT FROM WORDPRESS unless I hear otherwise from you. Thank you so much for supporting me so I can feel important!

I prefer whining, usually.

It’s less risky. 

Plus, it’s safer on my ego to point the finger and deride others than to realize that we’re the ones who’ve accidentally fallen on our rears. 

My example:

Hear us whine:

“Hallowe’en is a lot more disgusting than it used to be in years past, etc,” we said. And so we bury our mouths in tubs of candy, fix our eyes on the latest movie, close our ears to the kids knocking upstairs, and hide in our basements, waiting for November, when all is right once more with the world. (Isn’t it? But I digress. . . )

Hoisting oneself by the seat of the pants and leaving the house:

So we asked the grocery store manager to please remove the DISGUSTING display of realistic, cut-off body parts sitting on top of the oranges. These were their “decorations” during October.  “Yes!  Of course!” she exclaimed, running off to remove them before we finished speaking.

And then came another fall on my rear with the following sentence from this store manager, “You are the first person who has said anything about these decorations in ten years.” 

Ouch. Doing the mental math as I sat on my rear after the fall, I quickly realized I had shopped in that store for that long. I have complained every year and yet never once spoke out in love.

And the store manager?

She wasn’t a fierce wolf waiting to attack the foundations of excellence in our culture. But she was a confused sheep, head in her hands, crying, waiting for someone to shine a light on a mess in her store that she couldn’t quite see but knew intuitively needed cleaning up. She had longed for someone to give her a reason to take down the decorations that the rising tide of culture had deposited in her store.

The other thing is – I didn’t create an enemy in this store manager but the reverse happened.

She opened up to me about her cancer struggle and her search for God. Years later, during COVID-19, when the sign at the grocery store exit said in bold letters, “WE WILL NOT HELP YOU CARRY ITEMS TO YOUR CAR”, I didn’t ask for this service, but she carried items to my car. We shared some love in the way that strangers do when they talk about God together (This is another post).

But the point?

Maybe it’s time to grow up a little?

Nah.

I’ve got a bag of candy I’m enjoying tonight (Yes, sugar is a poison – what is your point?), as I watch another episode, and whining is easier, frankly.

But as my joints become enflamed from all this candy, and my spiritual life shrinks with me as I hide in the corners of my culture and complain, I wonder if I should get up off the couch, again?

a woman sitting on a couch holding a cup of coffee

Photo by Julian Bock on Unsplash

How about you?

Should we help each other put down our candy and get up?

Nah.

Oh OK! I’ll tell you about the next time I do something like this in another post. Now leave me alone so I can finish my candy and movie, ok?

(Thanks.)

How To Be A Moth In Darkness Since God Is Light – 3 Hints

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

If we’re honest, we’re all lost and directionless in the snowstorm of life.

And we should be honest because truthfulness with ourselves and God about how lost and scared we often feel is like being a moth in the darkness and then finding a light source and being drawn together.

When we can no longer see because we’ve put blinders over our eyes again, we can sometimes hear God calling us softly through the gobs of earwax we forgot to clean out. (Sorry for the gross illustration, but one of my exceptional talents is producing immense quantities of earwax. This metaphor has an arresting punch for me).

Do you hear God calling?

This song was like a megaphone God used through another’s voice when I was too deaf again to hear him speak.

During my last winter season (spiritually speaking), God whispered in this song in a way that touched my heart, if not my ears in the following ways:

1. The sun shines on every patch of ground on earth. The following lyric was like a knife touching the hardened parts of my heart, the sections that God could not break through with the warmth of his breath because I had locked and sealed it off. God seemed to breath on this lyric, waking a deep part of my soul:

Melt the ice of this wild soul

2. Winter carries the promise of spring. This lyric would quicken my heart and bear the baby of faith:

If you’re not done working, God, I’m not done waiting

Have you been waiting for an exceptionally long time for the voice of God to whisper more clearly to you, too, friend? God might be digging around your soil, preparing to transplant you to a sunnier location, to a spot where you can feel the sun’s rays a little more easily before he breathes on your ears, restoring them. (He’s not done working).

3. Surrendering the throne of my life to its rightful owner, to God, instead of to the insecure, bossy child (me), is what releases life. The voluptuous blossoms in your life will look different than what you imagined.

Like a seed you [Jesus] were sown, for the sake of us all. From Bethlehem’s soil grew calvary’s sequoia

The full blossom of Jesus’ life was the cross, dying to set you free so your ears can be opened to the voice of God and you are free to soar.

Ready to pick up the gift He left for you, friend?

Ready, yet to be awakened?

How To Make People Like And Listen To You!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

The first step is to be cool.

You’ve always wanted to know how to be cool, too.

And I’ve figured out how to find our inner cool!

But why do you want to be cool? It’s essential to evaluate our motives. If we are cool, then people will like us! And by “like,” I mean “like” the things we say on social media! Then we can feel important!

And this is how we know we have significant lives!

For example, in the book Deep Work, Cal Newport says that social media is popular because we agree to certain codes of conduct with our friends that make us feel important! For example, we agree to like every inane and boring comment that our list of friends says, as long as they obey the unwritten rule to also like our inane, superficial and uninteresting comments.

Cal Newport states that if we wrote the comments on a blog that we write on social media, we would have precisely 0 readers.

In contrast, people read this blog! Last week, I learned that people from 24 countries have read this blog (Seriously!). Why this level of success, you ask?

1. One reason could be that I constantly write incredibly jaw-dropping, interesting facts. However, we all know that you laugh at me whenever I say something particularly insightful, so saying interesting things can’t be why you read this blog.

2. The unusual favour could be because God sometimes whispers between the words to mysteriously touch your soul, which should be the case for all of us who learn to listen to and follow Jesus- He speaks through our lives. (So no, I’m NOT saying I’m special (you Loser!) because we’re all losers -but this is good news!– remember?)

3. I am finding my inner cool. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am cool quite yet, but perhaps that is a matter of opinion.

I prefer to assume it’s Option 3.

So yes, how do we find our inner cool? Good question. This way:

1. Think of things that cool people do!

2. Do those things.

3. Wait to be covered in cool, too!

Here’s an example from my own life recently.

1. Cool people surf.

2. So I tried surfing for the first time last week!

3. Now I’m waiting for the cool to glom itself onto me.

That hasn’t entirely seemed to happen yet. And in the photo above, for some reason, I don’t look quite as cool as those cool super dudes, but that must be the camera angle or something.

We drove to a surfing location recently, and I will have my first ocean surfing lesson soon. Wish me luck! I’ll let you know what I learn to share my insights into being cool with you!

I’m not sure exactly why, but I sense God hinting that this ancient verse below fits perfectly with today’s theme.

The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. 

The Message

My husband said that being cool is overrated. But since he’s married to me, obviously, being cool is a big part of our image! How is it possible he has never noticed that before?!

Anyway, you’re welcome!

Good luck!

Follow the Rabbit (Poop?!) to Learn How To Homeschool With Joy!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Discouraged as a homeschooling parent?

Today, let’s talk about the foundations of this discouragement. We will never be able to come up for air, to feel like we are swimming in the lake on a bright summer day (i.e., homeschooling with joy), if public school culture guides the foundation of our homeschooling.

They will be holding our heads under the water. If we do what they tell us, we gasp, struggling for breath during our homeschooling journey.

The truth is teaching kids isn’t as complicated as we thought.

Teaching kids is sort of like the scatological habit of rabbits. (Yes, scatological means poop. Stay with me.)

We have an amazing little bunny that runs all over our house and currently only poops in two locations- in her little toilet and on my husband when he is sitting. If she only pooped in her little toilet, this would be a perfect analogy, but we can’t have perfection. We’re homeschooling!

My point is that you can train rabbits to use their toilet.

Our rabbit has almost attained this lofty goal. But there’s a trick to teaching a rabbit to go to the bathroom. This same trick (well, nearly!) helps us homeschool our kids so that we don’t constantly feel like drowning.

The rabbit decides where she will go to the bathroom.

Similarly, kids decide, at least in part, how (or what or where) they will learn.

Understanding how to work within the nature of rabbits’ scatological habits and kids’ learning habits is the key that sets us free.

I’ll explain.

Pet rabbits were traditionally kept outside in pens, as it was assumed these animals couldn’t be toilet trained.

Someone brilliant figured out that if the rabbits are allowed to choose their place to go to the bathroom inside your home, they will go to that one place with proper training. If a rabbit owner decides on the location of the toilet for the rabbit, complete with carrots, rabbit toys and treats of every kind, this won’t work. They won’t become toilet trained.

But if we set the rabbit free in our home and wait, a fantastic thing happens with some training.

The rabbit chooses her location to go to the bathroom.

So when you find a large pile of about 100 poops (because rabbits poop about 150 times per day), don’t despair, rejoice! Put your little rabbit toilet in that location and let the training begin.

Kids are identical to the pooping habits of rabbits.

If we believe the Ministry of Education that kids need to learn over 300 discreet and tiny bits of information every year and that this changes every year depending on the child’s age, we might as well put the kids outside in those rabbit pens and forget about homeschooling them.

It’s impossible!

Sure, if you have 30 kids exactly the same age and leave them in the same room day after day this could work . . .  (Wait, that analogy breaks down. This approach doesn’t work in the classroom either, if we’re honest. But that’s a discussion for another day).

The point is that this approach will kill our kid’s love of learning, our love of homeschooling, and maybe even change how much we like our  students (which happened to me once) if we work diligently, trying to do what they tell us, and how they ask us to teach our kids.

Instead:

  1. We dig around the soil of the little plants that we have been entrusted to steward, our children, and we transplant their little minds and bodies as often as possible to the place where their joy in learning can be protected.
  2. Sure. We also jump through the hoops and play the game of doing what we are told if we have the energy, but we try to minimize this as much as possible. Required to teach your kids about the Solar System in Grade 3, but they’ve already moved on to studying Astrophysics? We spend half an hour filling out a worksheet if this keeps our teachers happy, but we minimize this as much as possible. (Sometimes your rabbit needs to be in her pen).
  3. Sometimes, we accept the perception of defeat for a more significant cause. For example, our kids might look like idiots for a while because we are after longer-term goals. So be it.
  4. We sit back, put our feet up, and watch them learn. Just like toilet training a rabbit, joyfully homeschooling our children is possible when we let them choose the where (or the how or the when) as often as possible.

How specifically to help them do this while we put up our feet with a cup of tea and watch our rabbit use a toilet inside will be discussed another time.

3 Easy Ways To Find God And Get Drunk, Hoser!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Yes! I forgot to finish the blogpost series about “Hosers” I started last week! Thank you for reminding me!

I meticulously and fastidiously conducted extensive research for this blogpost series.

For example, I made a note to figure out what the slang term “Hoser” means and learned this:

1. The NCAA states that in hockey, before the invention of the Zamboni, the ice would have to be “hosed” down after a game. The losing team would traditionally do this mundane job. Thus, the term “Hoser” is synonymous with the term “Loser.”

2. So when I called you a Hoser, not knowing what that meant, I was calling you a Loser, but I have already done that in other blog posts, where I encourage all of us to embrace our inner loser!

3. “To get hosed” is also a Canadian slang term that means “to get drunk.”

So how can we get drunk on God, Hoser? Great question. This way:

1. We realize that deep down, we are all hosers, or losers. When we want to draw near to God, we must ask, “Are we honest?” We are all a bit like a rat’s behind when we stand next to God.

So let’s bow our knees, get down on our faces, and acknowledge that we aren’t God, but are specks of dust floating through the world until we return to the dust we emerged from.

We all have ego problems if we are honest. For example, MOST people believe they have greater than average intelligence. As we both know, dear reader, only you and I have above average intelligence, and no one else does.

(Wait – wha..? What is my editor yelling at me about now? Whatever!)

The summary is we’re not as impressive as we imagine.

It’s time to be on our faces on the floor. This truthfulness about our human condition allows God, who is truth, to draw a bit nearer with his FELT love, which we can sense, a bit more. (Caveat: He is always near whether we sense His love, but that is a topic for another day).

2. Do we bury the jewels we find along our path in life, the hints of the divine, and trample them in our busyness?

If so, this makes us a bit more deaf to the whispers of God the next time He blows the breath of His wind in our direction.

Are we thirsty for Him, asking Him to draw near, begging Him to touch us with His love? Are we reading about God, asking questions, and seeking Him to help our boxed-up minds open to the new ways He wants to reveal Himself? These actions help us remove the blinders we put over ourselves, making us unwilling to see Him standing at our door, knocking.

3. Will we put aside our maps for our lives that we ask God to follow and instead, will we be willing to follow Him?

Will we surrender?

God is not looking for people who know He is near but who thumb their noses at Him again and again. Will you, friend, pick up your mat and follow Him when he shows you the way out of your mess, the path to healing?

These 3 heart attitudes – honesty, thirst, and surrender – are a bit like a nest for the dove of the Spirit of God to rest awhile, to linger so that our hearts can receive more of His love.

Jesus . . . saw God’s Spirit—it looked like a dove—descending and landing on him.

The Message

Ready to take another step on the path towards being drunk on the love of God, Hoser?

Jesus holds out his arms to you.

He is so glad you came.

(And so are we)

Hey Hoser! Know How To Avoid These 5 Disastrous Mistakes Before Getting Drunk (On God)!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

If you’re wondering why I just called you a “Hoser,” read this post, which begins this discussion.

Now that we’re best friends because of the deep connection formed in the last blogpost, let’s talk about getting hosed. “Getting hosed” is a Canadian slang for “being drunk.”

Getting hosed on alcohol is overrated. Think about the mess of your vomit, which is what happened to me the one time I got drunk 32 years ago. Ew! Plus, there are all the other messes that the actions of getting drunk bring into our lives. No thanks!

Getting drunk on God is much cleaner. For some reason, the messes of our lives that we are currently standing on as we get drunk on God often seem to disappear. Plus the joy!

And so, how do we get drunk on God?

To discuss this, I am dipping my toe across the very well-defined line between the things of people and the things of God.

Now I know that I can be a bit irreverent. I know I have even laughed at myself once, and even in public (!) and on this blog! If I’m honest, I’ve laughed at you several times too, when you weren’t looking.

But today, I feel we are standing on holy ground, on something reverential, and vital that is imperative to understand. Joking doesn’t fit.

Seriously. This topic is so, so essential and has derailed so very many spiritual journeys.

Don’t let these five common mistakes derail your walk with God.

Related to the last post, five common mistakes associated with a felt experience of God, also sometimes called being drunk in the Spirit are:

(1) Being drunk by the Spirit doesn’t mean we are more mature than others who haven’t had this experience. Probably (my inference), it means we are less mature. Maybe we needed this experience to follow God more fully. Others, more mature than me, follow God wholeheartedly without this experience, perhaps. The goal is to recognize, as much as we are able, how much God loves us. If we’re doing this and following God and getting back up again quickly after we fall, then THAT is the definition of spiritual maturity.

(2) It’s imperative we understand how getting drunk on God is NOT like getting drunk on alcohol – We’re not in control of whether or not this experience happens to us. God is. Period. Full stop. For example, we can point you down the road to the Wizard Of Oz, but your experience with him or the shoes is between you and the magic. Remember Point #1.

(3) We seek God, NOT an experience OF God. If experiences are what we’re seeking, we’re a ship off course. All we need is God and the fullest understanding of His love for us on this side of the grass they’ll put our bodies in when our hearts stop. Experiences don’t matter. God matters. Our path is to pursue Him, not the experiences of Him.

(4) We don’t need to wait for God to DO anything TO us or FOR us before we can begin our journey towards Him. He’s already given up His life, so you’ll notice Him. He’s been standing at your door and knocking your entire life. Got time to open the door?

(5) Many of you have had profound spiritual experiences that you can’t nicely fit into your existing categories of understanding. These experiences are one of the ways Jesus wakes His beloved, His Sleeping Beauty. Don’t ignore the spiritual experiences you’ve seen in others or have had yourself, friend. Instead, let’s commit to noticing the clues, praying and seeking advice.

Ready, yet to wake up?

Join us, friend, for the adventure of a lifetime!

(I’m ready to finally get out of these pyjamas and into the clothes God purchased for me, too.)

The Better Way To Overcome Discouragement Is To Get Drunk On God, Hoser!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I can sense that you are confused and perhaps befuddled, too. “Did someone just call me a ‘Hoser’?” you’re asking yourself. Yes, I did!

“And what does ‘Hoser’ mean?” you wonder.

I’m not sure. I heard it once when I was a youth, and since, by definition, youth are cool, we know that I am cool for using that term! And since you now appreciate how cool I am, we’ve instantly built rapport!

That’s what slang is for!

Let’s talk about the word “Hoser” and other slang because this is a way you can trust me due to your intuitive sense of my coolness.

As you know from previous blog posts, I have a surprising rapport with today’s youth. I was using this internal magnetism to show my teenage nephew how cool I am (deep down) recently. As you can see, I was taking his Sea-Doo for a ride.

As I look more closely, I’m unsure why he seems to have a headache in this photo. I’m also not sure why he never let me fully drive the thing without him, but whatever – we can’t expect perfection!

At least we have viable proof that I am a cool Auntie!

Then, I used slang to drive home further the point of my magnetism and ability to connect with younger people. “How do we get back on this thing if we fall off?” I asked him. But because he is a youth and therefore (culturally considered as) cool, I didn’t say “fall off.” I said, “Spill.”

“Huh?” he asked. He asked me to repeat myself three times. Whatever – Now that I think about it, he had no idea what I was talking about. Perhaps that term is too old for him, but let it be known that I’m sure he got the impression that I am cool.

Here’s another example of using slang to show off my magnetism.

I was hiking with some friends. Our younger friends, a married couple, stayed behind us on the trail, and we were waiting for them to take a group photo. After a few minutes I thought it was long enough to wait, so I yelled, “Hey! What are you two doing up there? Necking?” Our pastor, over 30 years older than me, laughed and said, “You’re showing your age! They’re so young! I bet they have no idea what necking is!”

(It means kissing! How can people forget that stuff so quickly? Are you trying to say I’m older than I feel?)

But let’s get to the point: “How do you get drunk on God, Hoser?”

Actually, “CAN you get drunk on God, Hoser?” is perhaps the question to ask first. Yes, you can! Here’s proof from the ancient text that has shaped your life more than you realize (regardless of how frequently, or if ever, you’ve opened it to take to read).

Others joked, “They’re drunk on cheap wine.” That’s when Peter stood up and . . . spoke out with bold urgency: “. . . listen carefully and get this story straight. These people aren’t drunk as some of you suspect. “In the Last Days,” God says, “I will pour out my Spirit on every kind of people . . .”

The Message

I accidentally got drunk on God once, and I’ll tell you about that another time.

For now, you can trust me when I talk about Hosers and getting drunk on both God and alcohol because:

(1) I’m cool.

(2) I’ve been drunk on God.

(3) I’ve been drunk on alcohol.

Using pure, unadulterated logic, if you, for example, have been drunk on alcohol but never been drunk on God, then you can’t say which one is better!

Since I’ve had experience being drunk on both, you can trust me implicitly to tell you that being drunk on God is way, way, way (infinite way) better!

So give it a try, Hoser!

Another time, we’ll discuss the common ingredients that help us have a softer heart towards the things God cares about. This heart posture doesn’t throw water on the fire of His Spirit quite as much as we usually do, so sometimes, if we’re very fortunate, the water of His love can penetrate a smidge further into our hard hearts and thick skulls. This love may make us feel a bit drunk by His Spirit.

But that discussion is for another time.

For now, know that you’re deeply loved by God, Hoser!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

How To Exercise When You Are A Busy Homeschooling Parent!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

How do we become the kind of homeschooling parent with time to exercise?

Good question.

As discussed here and here, we throw our old identities of competent, non-butt-smelling parents out the window. Then, we think up a new plan that is dissonant with the parent we thought we would become. We embrace our inner loser.

And so, when I therefore stopped trying to be excellent as a homeschooling parent, the solution became apparent:

Let them rot their brains!

I decided, in my excess of homeschooling wisdom born from a recognition of my incompetencies, to begin each day by pouring into my children’s brains not challenging academic subjects, but . . . content dribbled from online devices straight into their beautiful little brains as they stared intently at screens!

I essentially bribed them.

“Look,” I said that morning as I pulled out their new to-do lists. “Do the stuff on the list this morning and then you will get to rot your brains with time online!” I promised them that big carrot held out tantalizingly close.

And so they finally got up, brushed their little teeth, put away the milk (one of their to-do items in that season), got dressed, combed their cute little hair, and then sat down to veg out on a device.

I let them watch anything they wanted from the RightNow Media app. I can trust what this company produces. And for a high-tech tip, if you triple-click your iPad or iPhone the kids can’t suddenly switch from the app of your choice to their favourite “Candy Plus Violence!” (or whatever) app.

We all won!

I got my sweat on downstairs on my elliptical machine for half an hour while they watched something that was loosely a morning character development program. (That was the rationale of the old “I must be an exceptional homeschooling parent” tiny voice remnant that still lurked in the recesses of my mind.) I got my sweat on, and the best thing was that I could find them all at 8:00 am, and they were ready to go!

When I sneakily put pencils into their hands in the last 10 seconds of their program, it was a transition they barely even noticed, from vegging out to doing math!

By 10:00 am every single day, I felt I should have won a homeschooling award. (I didn’t. No one cared. God does though!*)

So, lose your respectable homeschooling parent identity!

Let them rot their brains online early every morning instead!

You’ll feel amazing AFTER exercising! (Not before or during exercising – Let it be known). It feels pretty great (eventually) to shift identity, too. And so, how do we change our identity to the kind of parent who exercises?

1. All of our initial ideas about who we will become as homeschooling parents are kind of nut-so if we’re honest! Let’s toss those ideas with our huge egos and embrace mediocrity for our children instead! 

2. Our children may need their brains to rot a little so that this homeschooling journey is sustainable for all of us. So be it! 

3. Time for popcorn and a group educational video at 11:00 am, little family? We did something useful today! Let’s celebrate! We give each other a high five, and I have time for a visit with a homeschooling mom that afternoon. (While the kids build a mini-nuclear reactor or do whatever it is homeschooled kids do in their spare time). 

This homeschooling ship is on course!

When a mom’s long-term well-being matters EQUALLY as much as the (nut-so, unrealistic) goals we have for our children*, this homeschooling ship can sail into the future as long and as far as God calls us.

Well done, parents!

Love others as well as you love yourself

Jesus of Nazareth, a guy with tons of wisdom!

As you listen to this song below, consider asking the King of Kings, the guy who longs to pour love on you as your Father, what gifts He longs to put into the hands of His favourite child, you.

(Because we’re all His favourite child. Shhh… that’s God’s secret that He is whispering to you even now. Hear Him?)

Blogpost Footnotes

*That discussion is for next time – we are all works in progress!

The Best Solutions Suddenly Materialize When We Embrace Our Inner Loser!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

The problem I couldn’t solve in that season was, “How do I, a VERY busy, mentally fragile (We’re around kids a LOT) homeschooling parent, find time to exercise?”

I did, eventually, find a solution to this problem by embracing my inner loser. I hope this problem-solving method helps you find solutions to your biggest problems, too! Here’s what happened, which is a continuation of this post.

And yes, I realize this last post was useless without an explanation, which I didn’t have time to provide.

Now, where was I? Ah yes. Smelling kid’s butts. After the low of us parents becoming butt-sniffers, we hit an even lower low several months later.

Butt-sniffing became our accidental family culture.

Our two-year-old, who loved to mimic our behaviour, stopped next to me as I sat on an office stool and then had a sniff before she carried on with her other little tasks. I looked at her, startled and then smiled lamely at my husband.

How did we become THAT family?*

The point is, as discussed last time, the person we become is not always the person we aspire to be.

Not only did I find it convenient to assume the identity of a butt-sniffing parent, but I also found it convenient to shirk the identity of a homeschooling parent who has all of her ducks in a row.

Which brings me, finally, to embracing our inner loser so we can become a homeschool parent who exercises.

Before I started on this homeschooling journey, I, like you if you homeschool, envisioned myself as a particular type of homeschooling parent. This is not the parent I eventually became. I’m okay with that now.

But the shaky ground of this identity incongruence was a roller coaster ride.

I envisioned myself nicely coifed and looking like my favourite public school teacher in Grade Three, Mrs. Chamberlain. Instead, I very quickly became that parent still wearing a house coat and curlers in my hair at 11:00 am, downing my fourth coffee, and trying to find the kids so I could corral them inside. We began the day with our “Homeschool Morning Routine”, which, for us was trying to find our books or pencils strewn around the house and yard the day before.

A new problem also emerged: I knew my inconvenient, neglected body needed to start exercising again.

I couldn’t even figure out how to encourage, bribe or command my children to put the milk away after they finished breakfast (In fact, I still haven’t figured that out with one of my teenagers). How would I keep these little ones on their homeschooling tasks while I left their side to exercise?

The feat seemed impossible.

Until my new identity as an incompetent homeschooling parent thought up a solution.

Realizing I was – ahem- a BIT of a (whisper) homeschooling loser, once I stopped trying so hard to be an exercise enthusiast, and embraced mediocrity, the solution to my problem was obvious!

I’ll tell you specifically what that is next time.**

The point is, let’s embrace our inner incompetence!

Perhaps the solutions to your problems can be found there, too!

Since we’ve . . . proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God . . . got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.

The Message

Once we accept our identities as people who are incompetent in so many ways, life suddenly gets much more manageable!

Time to stop trying so hard and embrace your inner loser, too?

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Blogpost Footnotes

*See this post for a perfectly reasonable answer, thank you very much, okay?!

**Ah! I forgot to say something useful again!

Not Exercising? Try Shifting Identity To The Parent You Never Wanted To Become

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

How do we develop an exercise routine we can stick to as parents?

We must morph into the parents we never dreamed we’d become.

And I mean to become the parent we feared we would become.

I’ll explain.

It all started the day I started sniffing my kid’s butts.

When I was a well-coiffed, austere young woman in my twenties, I wrinkled up my nose at those homesteading women with several children crowding around them as they made cookies and managed a beehive simultaneously. “Isn’t that disgusting?” my sophisticated friends and I whispered, and we looked away in horror when one of these busy moms lifted her toddler, sniffed around their child’s middle for signs of a “Number two” and quickly set them back down on the floor again. This mom then happily continued stirring cookies, unpasteurized honey, or whatever she did all day.

“I would never do that butt-sniffing manoeuvre!”

When my children were toddlers, I gasped my way to a mom and toddler’s event one morning, my hair dishevelled, unmatched dirty clothing thrown over my and my toddler’s forms. I was clinging to a half-drunk coffee for dear life as I sat next to a fellow mom and empathized delightedly with her. We shared similar tales of near survival, of these miniature beings often holding us hostage to their need.

Suddenly, I remembered that I should probably check the older daughter, who was not yet fully toilet trained.

I grabbed my daughter’s arm and yanked her away from her friend. My daughter morphed from playing contentedly to screaming like a fire truck. I nearly lost the battle of the wills but managed to stuff her into the change-room, where I opened her training diaper and

. . . nothing.

There was nothing there.

When I returned to my friend, she was already chatting with another dishevelled woman, and for the rest of that “mom’s time,” my two toddlers had incessant needs again.

So it didn’t take long before I happily lifted my toddlers when they were playing contentedly, smelled their butts, and set them back down again with a wink and a nod.

I continued my coffee and well-deserved amiable chat with other homeschooling parent survivors,

My identity had shifted.

And similarly, what kind of identity shift do we need to become the kind of homeschooling parent who exercises?

1. We realize that if we are going to stay in this game long-haul we’ve got to surrender our pre-conceived ideas of success as defined by this culture, or worse, by our expectations of ourselves.

2. Our identity must be firmly linked to those who are societally undignified. We delight in our identity as children of the king, not as classy members of a specific culture (i.e. of any culture).

 3. We have fun, dancing with joy with our two-year-olds because we finally figured out that when we are happy, our little ones are too.

Throw off your chains, captive daughter . . . ! God says, “You were sold for nothing. You’re being bought back for nothing.”

The Message

And it was this change in perspective, from “culturally respectable” to “daughter of the King,” that led me to be the kind of parent who exercises regularly, as well.

The link between a shift in identity and exercise will be discussed another time.

I promise to say something useful sometime! That is if I remember to finish this blogpost series on exercising when homeschooling. This post was essential to set the foundation for when we will dive into the nitty-gritty of the shift in identity required to exercise while homeschooling young children.

For now, the first step is to stop trying to be “respectable”!

It doesn’t work anyway!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!