Everyone Can Learn From Snails – 3 Lessons

yellow snail on purple flower
Photo by Dustin Humes on Unsplash

There was a snail on the inside of her forearm.

She was our waitress and the sight of the snail was jolting.

But luckily, I FULLY “get” modern fashion trends, including tattoos of snails!

(The snail on her forearm was a tattoo, not a real snail, if you haven’t figured that out yet. Don’t you like my artistic writing? Sometimes, you are completely confused when you read this, but that’s called “art,” not “bad writing.” I’m surprised you don’t know the difference!)

As proven here, I FULLY understand all contemporary styles, including tattoo trends, of course! It’s not like I don’t! But I still thought, “REALLY? – A SNAIL?”

Anyway, I tried to shake off the vision of the weird snail tattoo and order my lunch like regular people who don’t care about that stuff.

That’s when I noticed it.

On the wall of this restaurant, next to the beautiful, artistic photos of the “regular” animals – foxes, bears, salmon, killer whales, eagles, there was a painting of . . . you guessed it – a snail.

(There was also a prominent human smiling skull above all these photos, but OF COURSE, we expect that! See here for a CLEAR explanation of this type of fashion trend. You’re welcome!)

“What the deal with the snails?” my mind pondered, against its will.

I researched snails on Wikipedia – or I mean – I used my innate fashion wisdom to begin to unravel this enigma for you. Fertility symbol from ancient Egypt? Greek symbol of hard work?

“Why the heck do you have a SNAIL tattoo of all animals!” I accidentally blurted as she distractedly approached to take our order. Her eyes were fixed on me, not unlike when we turn a camera lens dial, trying to get it to focus. She was assessing whether she should bare her heart or smack me upside the head.

I suddenly and regrettably remembered the last time I asked a person, “WHY did he have THAT tattoo!” He very firmly told me to (equivalent of) stick my head up my rear end (what a WEIRD saying!) and not to ask such personal questions. “But the tattoo is THERE – for all to see!” I wanted to protest. He was bigger than me, so I nodded, took my coffee from him, and looked down submissively.

But a SNAIL!? Really! WHO can keep their curiosity at bay!

Luckily, this stranger opened her heart to me after sizing me up.

I’m not sure why. She did HAPPEN to be smaller than me. Perhaps I intimidated her with my ( – what it that Trump has? – ) POWER LOOK.

Photo: Regular look
Photo: POWER look

Or maybe she could inherently sense that I was lost on this journey of life, too, and could use some direction.

“Well,” she gushed, “I feel that a snail fits because I am always rushing around and want to slow…”

Rest. God reminded me as she spoke. My word for the year was Rest.

And our hearts melded into one – this stranger and I. It wasn’t the first time this had happened.

two white-and-black birds flying
Photo by Patrick Hendry on Unsplash

I excitedly told her about last month when our church was celebrating its fifteenth-year anniversary. The year Fifteen, God highlighted somehow in my Spirit. I was to research this.

Two ancient feasts that symbolize Rest occurred on the 15th of the month. Jesus’ body was placed in the tomb on the 15th, symbolizing Rest. However, this is not a rest as in doing nothing, but a rest that comes as a bulb in the spring gathers water and warmth from the soil before it does what it must – produce a bloom, creating life from death.

It’s a rest that comes from sitting close to the One we love, listening to His whispers, picking up our shovels in response, and then doing some gardening.

Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me.

The Message

(Everyone can learn to slow down to listen to our hearts.)

And so, what are the lessons we can learn from snail tattoos, if we are listening?

  1. We are all sailing together on this crazy journey of life and encounter the same storms, though we may not have the language to talk about our travails to each other. (Do you also need a snail tattoo?)
  2. There is more, there is more, there is more . . . (Do you also need to slow down a little, friend?)
  3. Jesus is sipping coffee even now and waiting for you to join Him. (Do you have time to exit this reality for a few minutes to find the water your soul needs to grow its blossoms?)

As the song below plays, consider taking a few deep breaths and then asking God, “How do I need to slow down a little, like a snail?”

Jesus is handing you a sandwich. Got time to take a bite? (May you, too, find your inner or outer snail.)

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Overwhelm Threatening To Suffocate = This One Surprising Opportunity

men's white top

Head in hands again. Trying to shut out the noise. The kids with their needs swirling around me.

We are homeschooling in February.

Continuing this thankless task in February becomes my annual despair, one shared with all homeschooling families (Except for the perfect families we all hate. Don’t feel jealous. They’ll crash and burn out too. I’ve been homeschooling for a while, so I’ve seen a few things.)

If you are not homeschooling in February, what is your despair?

We all have the odd despair that tries to attach itself to us like an unwelcome leech.

Anyway, I sat on the couch, my overwhelm consuming me. Do I declare (another) fun day and take the kids cross-country skiing?

Should we call all our homeschooling friends and organize (another) hockey party on the free outdoor ice rink?

Do I give them as much “independent work” as I can and try to tackle the mess of stuff in the basement, the pile that seems to have acquired a life of its own and that roars at me as I pass like a Yeti in the basement?

Or do I confront the emotions in my heart that are spilling out onto the couch next to me, a mess I am trying to hide but that is emerging despite my best efforts to pretend I am confidently steering this homeschooling ship?

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to hide behind the fun. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the fact that our home is so disorganized that we can no longer find pencils to do our math. Or that no one cares. “I like using a green crayon to do my math, Mommy!” she asserts.

She is not trying to make me feel better. She is genuinely happy. Her needs are met.

And mine?

“I’m not worried about the kids,” my husband would assert. “I’m worried about you.”

So I offer you tea and a listening ear, dear friend, and ask:

How are you?

Not how are your kids?

Not how is the state of your home (We know it’s a disaster. You homeschool!)

How are you?

People who suppress feelings experience less positive and more negative emotions.

APA PsycNet

And then your tears, and your head in hands, and I put my arm around you to comfort you.

And as we:

  1. Admit to first ourselves and then another, through our tears, that all is not well . . .
  2. And after we put the ridiculous plans we cling to for creating super kids off the shelves of our egos . . .
  3. After we slow down and watch our kids learn for a while (Healthy plants in healthy soil grow. Similarly, healthy kids in a healthy environment learn, even and especially when we don’t beat them with rods to “encourage” them to know exactly what WE want) . . .
  4. Then we’re finally ready…

For what, you ask?

To learn the one most important lesson that overwhelm teaches us, which is that:

When we feed ourselves with unhealthy food, our tummies won’t feel very good for a while.

However, This is GOOD NEWS because we can go to the store and buy carrots today!

And how does this relate to homeschooling, for example?

If you follow the crowd and eat whatever they eat (50% highly processed foods), your tummy will get a bit upset afterward. Similarly, if you follow the crowds and set up your homeschool to mimic public school goals, for example, you’ll find that burnout is as certain as feeling bad after eating an entire box of Oreos.

Overwhelm is the blaring red light that tells us that letting our minds and actions drift with the crowd isn’t a healthy option.

There is a better way, friend, and overwhelm, our teacher and friend, unlocks a higher path.

a bird flying over some rocks and grass

More on the first step of HOW to get out of overwhelm next time.

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Image Credits: Man Upset by Dmitry Vechorko on Unsplash, Bird Soaring by Kshithij Chandrashekar on Unsplash

LIKE Yourself By Receiving Champagne Poured On Something New – You!

A man in a bathtub drinking from a bottle
Photo by Antonio Araujo on Unsplash

Yes! I pressed the “like” button on my previous post to “like” my post! Now, before you throw rotten tomatoes at me and throw me off the internet, watching me spiral away like a free-floating astronaut, hear me out! We agree that we are ALL (sort of – not REALLY me*, but I have to say it for humility’s sake) losers, right? (If not, see HERE).

But being a loser, if displayed with enough gusto, can ACTUALLY become part of our superpower! Let me explain. That loser-ness contributes to our awesomeness because we know who we are so that we can relax!

We no longer have to spew boasts describing ever so covertly our successes in attempts to impress people.

And this is freedom.

Maybe we didn’t find gold stars all over ourselves when we dressed this morning. Or perhaps our stars have rusted and fallen off. (Does NO ONE care anymore that they voted ME one of the best dressed in my red-necked high school? It was a BIG THING back then. I’m just saying.)

silhoeutte of woman making a jump shot
Photo by Mesh on Unsplash

I guess no one cares anymore.

But that proves my point!

We can, in our best redneck attire, STILL pat others on the shoulder with love to encourage them, even though we sometimes (in theory, and I speak of OTHERS MOSTLY here), have a big “L” on our forehead for “loser”.

And we can “like” ourselves too because we are just little bundles of love dressed up in whatever old rags we could find as we wandered through life.

And love is enough!

So, if you don’t have any gold stars that our culture handed out, or if you were late for the lineup for these accolades, don’t worry!

The stars wouldn’t stick to our old rags anyway.

If we find we have stars, tearing them off is still the way to true freedom. Because in the dark of night, just before we fall asleep, more often than you’d like to admit, friend, your esoteric anxiety startles you for a moment with, “What AM I doing on planet Earth??” (It happens to the best of us! Even the wisest of us are SOMETIMES confused!) In those moments, our gold stars earned in high school or passed out to us last week don’t satisfy us. We know this stuff, but saying it aloud helps us understand who we are. You’re welcome.

And now that you know your true state (You can take the “L” off your forehead now), we can all stand together and hold hands.

And what’s next?

Let’s stand here in a circle and … sing. Yes, sing.

We praise the one who IS the standard of the world’s excellence. We wonder at Jesus (He’s the guy 1/3 of the people on the planet claim to follow – Know him?) and find that as we gaze at the One who is genuinely excellent, he gives us new clothing, too. We can throw away our old torn redneck outfits and other cultural achievements because he has new clothes for us – the stuff princes and princesses wear when we become children of the King, his dad – God.

The point is that He is pleased with us.

And so you should be, too.

So you can “like” yourself!

You can even “like” your own posts.

Whenever, though, [we] turn to face God . . . we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.

The Message

God, help us to see ourselves the way You see us, both in our true brokenness before we turn to You and in our glorious attire as we fix our eyes on Your beauty. Help us to “like” who we are becoming by Your grace, we pray. As the song below plays, take some deep breaths and then ask God in the quiet of your soul: How do You see me?

If you knew who God made you to be, you’d never want to be anyone else.

Pastor Bill Johnson


Footnotes

*(My editor said I should write that part about me being a loser, too, so that you feel there is someone you can relate to.)

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

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Hack: Choose God Over An Extra Cookie! Here’s How My Life Got Better!

person holding round copper-colored coin
Photo by Tim Foster on Unsplash

His t-shirt said, “Do what feels good.”

With only a bit of reflection, this worldview may have some flaws. For example, eating whatever we want whenever we want would feel good – wouldn’t it? But I think my knees would feel rebellious about that mantra if my weight increased without stopping, correlating to food consumption that “feels good.”

No, this worldview doesn’t quite line up with reality.

We all know that short-term joy can lead to long-term pain and vice versa. There must be a wiser worldview than this one. For example, Jesus said, “WHEN (emphasis mine) you fast . . .”

When.

Ouch. I had been a Christian for 30 years, and the time hadn’t seem to have yet come when I needed to fast! I didn’t want to create a bunch of rules about how to live!

Being a REAL Christian is not about ticking off a bunch of boxes!

We have the advantage of being modern, so we know now that the early monks and nuns from centuries ago got a whole BUNCH of theology COMPLETELY wrong!

“Fasting weekly or taking longer fasts sounds like archaic Christianity!” I admonish, crumbs from a half-eaten box of cookies spewing from my mouth. I hear the notifications binging on my phone – just a minute.

Anyway, we know what spirituality REALLY is because we’re moderns.

“Huh? What?” I accidentally spew more crumbs in my effort to talk. Sorry. I gallantly wipe crumbs off your shirt.

“Do you think the early monks and nuns may have gotten some things RIGHT that many of us don’t do today?” I scoff and wait.

“Yes. The monks and nuns fasted regularly,” you continue.

Every time I read my bible and get to the part about Jesus saying that we WILL fast, of course, I feel a pang of guilt.

Why didn’t I fast, anyway?

So, that day, I started fasting.

I decided to start with fasting to sort out some global mishaps. I would pray about Ukraine and Russia – stuff like that.

World-changing stuff.

I put away my cereal and milk for an hour one morning and had a go at fasting and prayer.

And Jesus was pleased.

Me?

I wasn’t so pleased with myself. I fell flat on my face. I was distracted, hungry, and then gave up after half an hour. What’s the point?

Get up, Jesus seemed to be saying, holding out His hand to me. Try again. He gave me a smile and a hug.

How could He be pleased with me?

The following week, another fall, a big, lamentable flail. And the next and the next. Jesus helped me up each time, and His pleasure grew with my impending sense of failure.

The two are not unrelated.

My strength comes into its own in your weakness

The Message

Finally, I asked a friend to pray with me, to fast breakfast together, and to encourage one another. He prayed that I could complete this most pathetic of tasks. And I did it.

Not with a conspicuous finish, like a victor, sweeping across the finish line, grabbing the trophy before heading to the winner’s platform.

But more like a worm slithering in the rain, some worm friends encouraging me, “Keep going!”

a close up of a worm crawling on the ground
Photo by Julian Zwengel on Unsplash

Ultimately, I didn’t pray about world peace or anything outside myself.

I prayed, “God, help me to fast breakfast this morning!”

And God was very pleased.

Because I was beginning to realize my need for God to grow spiritually and therefore to live well.

Well done, He said, the Father embracing the teen longing for affirmation.

I became more aware of my understanding of who I am and my feeble state. No, I’m not a bold warrior, with God blessing me so that my superpowers can help solve world crises. I am pathetic and can barely delay my breakfast without His constant help.

And He is pleased with me.

And who will we become as we rely on God to help us to have the strength to learn to pray?

Demons quiver at the thought.

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Two More Funny Things They Said About Nature And Growth That Will Make You Laugh (NOT at ME!)

Two autistic friends sitting outside using stim toys and laughing at their phones
Photo by Hiki App on Unsplash

My family, it seems, is seeking some sort of revenge because of the embarrassing things I wrote about them and posted on the internet this week.

But I don’t think that kind of attitude is a very Christian response! We are supposed to forgive those who wrong us! Wait – Let me find the right Bible passage to support my cause.

Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

The Message

You see?

I am right. And what’s the big deal about posting embarrassing stuff about them on the internet, anyway? I mean, just because there are 5 billion people online, it’s not like everyone is going to read it ALL! People are so sensitive and get easily offended nowadays!

Since that post, my friends and family have been looking for the notebook where they wrote the embarrassing and stupid things that I said last year, but I lost it.

Or – I mean, THEY lost it.

Whatever.

Well, I think I’ll publish a few more silly things they said because we all should learn to have a bit thicker skin in life!

Here’s another bible verse that also, coincidentally, supports my cause!

The fear of human opinion disables . . .

The Message

We’re all learning and growing together, in love and good will, which is what matters most anyway!

May you be blessed with many fruitful and supportive relationships in this year, too!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!


On Appreciating The Important Things In Life

I heard one family member loudly yelling, while he was still a long way off:

He said: “NATURE IS . . .”

There was a long pause as he searched for a an exact word to express his strong emotion –

“. . . STUPID!!!”

(This happened the day the mice chewed through the rubber bottom of our garage door, the bear destroyed the new apple tree we planted that year, and he opened the barbeque to discover a rat looking sweetly up at him.)


On Learning New Things

We’re all learning new languages on Duolingo

A family member shouted one day: “Hey, I can understand everything!”

He thinks momentarily and then clarifies, “But I can’t say much.”

He thinks a bit longer and then says: “No, wait. I can’t understand anything really, yet either.”


Happy New Year!

May you learn a lot of new things this year, too!

a large fireworks display with a castle in the background
Photo by Joshua Kettle on Unsplash

Another voice: Oh yes! I know how to publish on her blog when she isn’t looking. She did the same thing to me one year by publishing her stuff on my blog when I wasn’t looking!

Here:


Kyah: “Mom is very good at apologizing.”

Me, feeling pretty good about myself!

Kyah: “She’s very good at being mean and then apologizing.”


I was upset: “I just got a big food stain on my new yellow sweater!”

Andy: “You do too much work around the house to wear clean stuff like that!”

Me: (!!!)


Andy: Remember when you started crying when the other people took the last hummus at the grocery store?

Me: Yes, but what’s the point! They eventually gave me the hummus because they felt sorry for me!

Me: There were FOUR DIFFERENT FLAVORS of hummus!


Esther: “That movie character* reminds me of you.”

Me: “Oh really? Why?”

Esther: “Well, she’s really sweet and wise, but she’s also a bit of a spitfire, and her kids are kind of afraid of her.”

Me: (!!!) Huh?!

*Mrs. Weasley in Harry Potter and Edna in The Incredibles


Andy: “You’re so wise. You’re like a female version of Gandalf.”

Me: (!!!)

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8 Funny Things They Said About Love, Homeschooling, And Healthy Food That Will Make You Laugh (At Them)

woman in black and white crew neck shirt smiling

We enjoy publishing a letter and sending it to all our friends and family for the Holidays.

In this letter, we tell you some of the embarrassing things they (the other family members and friends) said last year!

(Yes, I take notes on what my friends and family say all year, JUST for this express purpose!)

For some reason, however, not many people talk to me much at the beginning of each year, and they seem a bit sulky. But don’t worry – it doesn’t last long!

I’m glad that YOU like me, at least!


On Love

I was looking at my husband with tears filling my eyes after I opened a glimpse of pain deep within my heart.

Andy looked back at me and . . . smirked (!)

Me: “Why are you smirking!?”

Andy: “I think you’re just PMS-ing.”

Andy laughs.

I realize he’s probably right and think, “You know you’ve been married a long time when…”


While driving to the ski hill:

Me to Andy: “Why don’t we drop off our ski boots first this time and then…” etc.

Andy: “But I always do it the same way!”

I thought, “Well, I guess that topic has now been exhausted for all time!”


I can sense a compliment coming. I wait in eager anticipation:

Andy: “Thank you for being so… nice.”

Me: (!!!)


On Homeschooling

The perils of playing board games with homeschooled kids:

I borrowed a board game from the library based on the movie “Dune.” We recently watched the movie together as a family.

Kyah: “I can’t play that board game!” she announced, frustrated.

Me: “Why?”

Kyah: “I haven’t finished reading the book yet!”


Me: “Maybe you want to play squash with me sometime, Kyah?”

Kyah: “Well, I don’t know. I’m pretty aggressive…” (Even though the wind blows her over sometimes)

Kyah continued, “And I also have martial arts, so I’m pretty busy…”

Kyah: “But I love you so… Yeah, sure.”


On Choosing Healthy Food

Andy called me when he was out buying groceries from the list I wrote for him:

Andy: “So when it says, ‘soy sauce,’ do you mean… ?” He lists 10 related items and brands.

Me: “No, when I say ‘soy sauce,’ I mean the stuff that isn’t actually soy sauce. It says ‘liquid aminos’ or something like that on the bottle.”

Andy: “Oh, ok.”

Andy: “When it says ‘noodles- mushroom’, what kind of noodles are those?”

Me: “Those are the ones that aren’t actually noodles. They just look like noodles. They’re long and thin. They’re in the mushroom section. I don’t know what they’re called.”

Etc.

Etc.


Me: “I feel better because I fasted and prayed today. It gives me hope.”

Andy: “I didn’t fast, but I did have a chicken salad sandwich from X restaurant today, so . . . that probably counts.”

Me: (?) “And why is that?”

Andy: “Because it’s not very good! I didn’t have lunch from Y restaurant!”

So, “fasting” for Andy means eating out at a lower-star-eating establishment. Well, we all start somewhere!


I offered our friend a chocolate chip cookie. She excitedly stretched out her hand to take one, but then a look of horror came over her face, and her hand hovered above the plate mid-air.

She asked with increasing trepidation, “Wait. These don’t have black beans or something like that in them again, do they?!”


Happy New Year, friends.

(May you laugh much at your ridiculousness in the coming year, too!)

God will let you laugh again

The Message

Oh, and remember!

The next time you say something stupid (i.e., today?), don’t forget to send it to me so we can laugh at you, too, next January!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

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Advice: Toss Christmas Booze! (Try Drowning Sorrows Here Instead)

I looked for a regular Christmas picture of our family (so I could prove to you all how proper we are and suitably impressive in demeanour), but all I could find were these photos.

Our kids are SO wiggly and annoying that they wouldn’t stand still long enough to get a proper photo!

Yes, that’s me on the right. (Why do you ask?) Well, I guess this one below will have to do.

Merry Christmas!

Oh – and just a little bit of advice – I know that’s why you read this stuff, after all!

Ahem . . .

If you are tempted to turn to the Christmas booze or whatever your vice* of choice is today, remember – try God instead!

Then you can have the enviable advantage over others** of being perceived as (relatively) “regular” like us!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Footnotes

*PS – All of us carry pain within, friend. Seriously, God has a path out of the mess. What’s your next step?

**The point of life is to look normal! (Isn’t it? It’s too bad my editor has the day off, or she could fix this.) “What is the point of life?” I wonder. Well, I’ll tell you the answer next time, friends! In the meantime, I wonder if I should get some booze for this growing existential angst I’m feeling today or … wait – I’ll ask God!

But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don’t take yourself too seriously—
take God seriously.

The Message

I hope you take another step towards the One who quells your chaos, too, friend.

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Rise Above Frantic Holiday Shopping To Immediately Like Yourself More!

red bauble on brown giftbox

It was like he pushed his boot through the book he wrote, the one I was reading, and kicked me in the rear.

Ouch!

“What did you do that for?” I asked the book accusingly.

Click here to continue reading this previously published post.

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I Found This Startling Truth: God Is Wrong! (But Smarter!)

man in white dress shirt wearing black framed eyeglasses
Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

I want to be clear that I don’t think God knows what he’s doing with this one annoying habit of letting everyone use His name and, therefore, call themselves a Christian.

(I.e. Christian comes from the word Christ, as in followers of Jesus Christ.)

Look, I wish all the Christians looked like Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta, too. But they don’t. At least they could all look like Bill Gates and maybe not be super handsome but have an intellectual coolness in their back pocket.

Look, just so it’s clear if I was vetting admittance to the Jesus team, I’d have admittance cards.

Click here to continue reading this (previously published) post.

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How To Be Successful? Loudly Flaunt More Of Your Ego!

monkey looking at mirror
Photo by Andre Mouton on Unsplash

So it’s my birthday!

dog wearing party hat
Photo by Delaney Dawson on Unsplash

My blog’s birthday, that is. My blog is two years old this week*. I can’t believe you found me in this unknown, unvisited corner of the internet!

And wow!

I can’t believe that every day, 10 of you** (No, I didn’t forget any zeros. Why do you ask?) read this stuff! And it’s not just the people in my family I bribe with food anymore! Whisper: Don’t people have anything better to do nowadays?

What I meant to say is: Wow! You must really like me!

Wait. What I meant to say is: Think of all the fame and glory I have!

Click here to continue reading this (previously published) post.

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