Of course, we all expect our teen children to hate us, be embarrassed around us, talk down about us to their friends, and find every way they can to show that they are rebelling against everything we stand for as the authority figures in their lives.
We wag our fingers at them and say, “YOU SHOULD do this or that!” even though we didn’t do this or that when we were their age, and getting up off the couch to talk to our kids is hard for us sometimes because our snacks and our devices call us to do more important things.
What if there is a different reality to parenting?
Even if we’ve rolled up our sleeves over the last nearly two decades and gotten “Good Parent Points” on our clipboards for throwing balls with our kids, giving them birthday parties, and teaching them to drive, what if even then, deep down, we still expect our teens to be embarrassed around us, spend as little time with us as possible and talk disrespectfully about us behind our backs until they are finally “Free.”
What if the expectations we have of our teens are too small?
It turns out they are.
Check out this NEW1 research.
Lecture 17 of Your Best Brain: The Science of Brain Improvement by John Medina says:
“[The scientist] makes several important observations about the powerful effect of culture [on teens] . . . [He] points to a study . . . looking at adolescent behaviour in 186 pre-industrialized societies. The research did NOT find lots of classic impulsive, obnoxious, get me away from my parent’s teenage behaviour in ALL of them. In fact, they found the opposite. More than half the young males exhibited no rebellious behaviour at all. Teens in these cultures spent most of their time hanging around their parents. They often helped with the chores both in family and in broader social activities”.
We saw an example of this kind of teen culture in reality at the homeschooling conference we recently attended.
It was a culture shock because not all the teens were jerks!
Consider the following:
(1) At the homeschooling family barn dance (Can I stop there?) . . .
(2) In which parents and all ages of family members, including teens, danced in the same big hall (Can I stop there?) . . .
(3) Often a very young child would join in the fray. Partners switched every few seconds sometimes, in a (deliberately) Jane Austen style. EVERY SINGLE TEENAGE BOY that I saw whose turn it was to dance with the 3-year-old, hunched down, smiled and spun the little girl in time to the music. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
Watching teen after teen do this was so sweet – It made me tear up.
(4) These are not the teens skulking in corners, hoping for a chance to get outside and smoke more pot.
Entering this homeschooling culture, even through reading this newsletter, may be enough to destroy culturally low expectations of today’s teens.
Check out this site for teens for another example: The Rebelution – Rebelling Against Low Expectations
So friend, now that you feel empowered to refuse low expectations of your teens, I recommend you go home, yell at your kids, throw some stuff around the house and make your point VERY clear that now you KNOW they don’t HAVE to be jerks anymore!
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
After that advice, consider asking God how you may need to throw out the way that you see that child and see them instead through the glasses that God gives you, the way He sees that child.
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
Oh, and by the way, the expectations of the Father for your life are greater than you imagine for yourself, too.
Do you have time for coffee and fresh vision?
Thank you for liking me! I like you too! Let’s journey together!
Photo Credits: Teen by Микола Тонкодуб on Unsplash, Barn Dance From Logos Online School Website
1This book by John Medina is over 10 years old, but “New” is a relative term, and let’s admit that we all have forgotten half the stuff we need to know to do well in life, anyway! Related, consider the following quote:
If you want a new idea, read an old book.
Ivan Pavlov
This quote proves that you have no idea what you are doing, either, as you parent your kids, and any information, whether new OR old, will help you!
Restoring Life 