Previously, we discussed how a random stranger showed me that homeschooled kids provided hope for our culture.
It happened again with another random stranger a year later.
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It started as an ordinary day.
We were visiting the largest city in our region and decided to stop at the library to borrow some books for our youngest daughter’s summer reading cache. We walked in awe, looking up in wonder at the size of the magnificent building. There are so many books inside!
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I was slipping into the dark abyss.
My fingernails scratched the side of the dark tube I was falling. I was trying to hold on, to stop myself from falling. Nothing worked.
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I felt shame when I read in the news that the Christian organization that I love had allegations of “sexual misconduct” splattered across their building.
I felt shame when I read in the news that the country that we are associated with, that is our friend, has allegations of “extortion” splattered across that beautiful landscape.
Why did I feel shame?
Similarly, I read Lord of the Flies this week, and when Jack stole Piggy’s glasses and purposely smashed them, that was wrong.
Jack stole Piggy’s glasses just before he and his cronies felt justified to do worse stuff.
And so, if we wonder where some parts of Christian culture and some parts of American culture are headed, check out Lord of the Flies to find out.
Thankfully, Jesus is seated on his throne, far, far above those who define themselves by His name. Thankfully, He sits far enough above us that the splatters of dirt and messes we make on Earth don’t reach His robe. His identity is not affected by what we do in His name.
HE defines US, instead.
And this is the good news.
Jesus, when He walked on Earth for thirty-three years didn’t intentionally pick up the banners to support the various political or religious quarrels of His day, and so neither will I.
Instead, I will continue to receive the love the Father so generously pours out when I stop to listen to His whispers.
And I will give away some of the overflow of the love I receive to others.
Jesus’ kingdom of love is the only powerful kingdom still standing thousands of years after Jesus roamed a tiny piece of Earth for thirty-three years. This kingdom of love is the only powerful kingdom guaranteed to stand indefinitely in the future. (For example, a dozen uneducated followers in a remote unknown town have turned into almost one third of the planet who claim to follow Him.*)
Thankfully, I’ve found a leader I am always proud to serve.
And so, I can curl up next to Him, feel the comfort of His presence, and know that since I’m His child, bearing His name, I can soar on the wind of His presence into whatever turbulence I encounter in the world.
Who defines you, friend?
When the lyrics of the song below sing, “You are the peace that settles around us,” are you ready to reach down in humility and pick up this peace, friend, carrying it close to your heart? God, we pray that everyone reading these smudged, messy, and grimy words will be surprised to find a handful more of peace they can carry today.
Footnotes
*Have you carefully examined some of the evidence for why?
Photo Credit: Dirty hands by Stormseeker on Unsplash
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“You. You have nice kids.” People say this to us.
Often.
And this is what I want to reply: If you put plants in partially acidic soil and leave them there, they will grow but not to their full height.
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My mouth hung open. I stared at the woman walking past me. It was not polite to stare (I know, okay!), but I forgot that my mouth was still hanging open.
I had just worked out at the gym. My muscles were getting EVEN stronger! For example, this time, I didn’t have to go to the far edge of the gym to find lighter weights than the weights set out by our instructor for the group class.
I could use the lightest weights that were ALREADY placed there for the group class INSTEAD of locating even lighter ones!
My muscles were growing, and that’s why I was there! My ego was growing, too! “Look how strong I am getting!” I thought proudly, appreciating my thin little arms with increasing pride.
At the end of the class, as we were putting the weights away, I wiped my brow after picking up and putting away a hefty 10-pound weight.
And that’s when my mouth fell open.
I tried to keep it closed, but I would need both hands to do so, and I didn’t want to drop the weight I was carrying on my foot.
That older woman was carrying 50-pound weights in EACH arm as she helped re-stack the weights.
(!)
I instantly remembered the stories relatives told me of my strapping great-uncle. He was over 6 feet tall, built like a farmer (He was a farmer!) and threw 100-pound sacks of potatoes. “Wow!” I had thought, the day I heard this story.
That same day, I played another game of Candy Crush on my iPad while finishing my ice cream bowl, hoping I could be strong like that!
And so, this year, I joined a gym and began pumping 5-pound weights with full energy and gusto! “Wha-hooo!” I thought, imagining myself pumping 6-pound weights in another six months or so and maybe eventually moving up to 10 pounds in EACH ARM one day!
It turned out that my vision was too small.
Like in a lot of areas of life, during various seasons.
Like for many of us.
How is your vision for who you are becoming, friend?
And so, why should we go to the gym if it’s not solely to work out?
We place ourselves next to others who have a vision for themselves that is greater than the vision we have for ourselves. And seeing another get stronger helps me to have faith that one day, with patience and persistence, I can get a bit stronger, too. Stronger than I ever thought I could be, actually.
Am I willing to pay the price of a bit of sweat?
“One of the standards we ask of our male patients is that they can carry half their body weight in each hand (so full body weight in total) for at least one minute, and for our female patients, we push for 75 percent of that weight.”
Outlive by Peter Attia, MD (Chapter 12)
This goal is not only for the 0.00001% elite but is something that antiaging physicians like Peter Attia recommend that ALL of us who can (barring injuries and ill health) strive to work towards.
I didn’t even know this was possible for someone my age.
And on a not unrelated theme, who do you know, friend, who:
– Seeks to listen to the whispers from God,
– Obeys and is following Him on a journey of adventure,
– Is not (always) a jerk?
Are you willing to pay the price of their lunch? Can you meet with them to have your vision expanded as you listen to them for what is spiritually possible in your life, too?
May you become all that God intended for you, friend.
As the song below plays, consider asking God, can you please recall to my mind or introduce me to someone with an inspiring spiritual vision for their life? What nudges do you sense from God, friend?
You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another.
Image Credits: Woman kneeling beside man by by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash, Bird soaring by by Wolfgang Hasselmann on Unsplash, Tough guy by Xenia Bogarova on Unsplash.
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Last time, we talked about offering to God those hints of angst that have no words.
For example, while floating in the hot springs pool and minding my own business, I randomly asked God the meaning of life.
“What did it all mean, God?” I found my soul exclaiming, revealing the angst within, if only to my thoughts and to God.
I got no answer.
So, I kept floating and enjoying my life and my family. I forgot I had even asked the question. But I received my answer later that night.
That night, when it was dark, I found myself floating on my back outside in that lonely hot springs pool. As I floated, my eyes gazed heavenward at the wondrous starry display above me. It was calm and quiet, and I was floating – Who knows where?
I found I was wondering if this floating feeling:
. . . if this was – perhaps?- what it would feel like to be close to death, to be in that “not-quite-here” but “not-quite-there-yet” expanse?
I remembered feeling something like this once before when I had nearly finished my degree.
I had to decide WHERE to move to next, to begin my job. I felt like a fish in a directionless fishbowl. Where WOULD I go? And did it matter? Indeed, I could move to the same hometown I grew up in, to my parents, but that wasn’t a given, necessarily, nor even a necessary possibility given employment prospects.
I had no roots to tie me or to pull me.
“Which way do fish in fishbowls travel?” my heart frequently wondered in that season.
Luckily, I married and gravitated to his world, so I didn’t have to think too long of this angst, but that . . . unattached . . . feeling surfaced now and then.
Like all of us, I had been a fish in a fishbowl that generally gravitated toward people I loved. In this way, I was like a small magnet in a fishbowl that would gravitate to a magnet on the side of the bowl. But what if these people are torn from me, like a kid moving out or on, or another relative or friend suddenly moving on or passing on?
Then what?
And that’s when I realized that there is one who is holding me even now, helping me float on my back like my dad did when I was a child. He has always been holding me. Even in the waters of the womb, He held me.
. . you formed me in my mother’s womb . . . Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
And I suddenly understood what it means to be grounded, to have a foundation.
And the people we gravitate towards?
We are attracted to those we love and those who love us – that’s all.
We receive and give love where we can because we are held in the arms of love.
Love for and from others are magnets that we drift towards.
Your love, God, is the trunk that grounds us.
. . the younger son . . . undisciplined and dissipated . . . had gone through all his money . . . He said, ‘All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. I’m going back to my father. . .”
When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. [His father’s] heart pounding, [his father] ran out, embraced him, and kissed him.
And your love, pursuing us, holding us as we float through life, is what grounds us like the roots of a great tree.
And so, I felt a little less lost as I dried off and exited the swimming pool that night.
Try it, friend!
I hope you feel lost sometimes, too.
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
“How can we remember our ignorance, which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all the time?”
Henry David Thoreau
When the lyrics of this song whisper, “You’re the strength to carry on,” how do you feel? Can you express your thoughts to God? (He’s listening.)
Photo credit: Person lost by Andrew Neel on Unsplash
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I was at the vacation place when my thoughts took me in a direction I didn’t want to go.
“Come back!” I yelled at my thoughts.
“I just want to let my brain think about NOTHING and enjoy my holiday here today, okay? Do I HAVE to go over there with you?” Yet my thoughts beckoned me again and again as I relaxed, floating on the surface of the waters of this glorious hot spring.
I couldn’t help but remember that my grandfather had visited this same vacation spot decades ago.
And then he and my grandmother brought my mother, then a small child.
Then, my mother and father vacationed here with my brother and me when we were small children. (YES! It IS an AMAZING PLACE! NO! I’m NOT going to tell you where it is! That would be for when I know you better – a LOT better! We like that it’s not too crowded, okay?)*
And then I vacationed again with my husband and our small children years before, and now one of my babies ALREADY LEFT HOME (Of course I’m okay with that! WHAT – Are you accusing ME of being maladjusted or something? I would NEVER admit to that! Or BE that. Whatever.)
Anyway, here I was at this same glorious place, with our youngest child, who was already almost a young woman. (No! Why WOULD I be crying!)
I suddenly realized that these people, many of whom had been deep anchors in my life, drawing me near with their love for me, had moved on or moved out or passed by or passed on, yet the younger generations were continuing our tradition and….
“What does it all mean, God?…”
I finally allowed my soul cry out.
“[let] God know your concerns”
I am learning to bear my heart, to lift my questions to God, for Him to analyze like a well-trained Physician. I am having trouble describing my symptoms in words, but this doctor can assess the situation himself. And He knows exactly what drop of medicine my heart healing requires.
He didn’t give me words to make this angst go away with one breath of wind, but I did sense Him draw me close, lean His head against mine, and kiss the top of my head with His love.
Exactly how, I will tell you next time.
For now, I am learning to open my heart to allow the questions that have no words to be lifted to the One who can read the deepest longings of my heart.
Even the soul questions that can’t quite be articulated.
Knowing that He hears me, that He is listening, that He speaks comfort with His love when words aren’t enough is the first step of my journey.
What questions do you have of God? What questions that have no words does your heart long to ask? Let’s help each other lift these feelings of angst to the One that exchanges our mixed-up emotions for His peace.
But being honest about the mess inside was already releasing some pressure.
As the song below plays, when you hear the line, “Days of my youth – Where you going now,” what feelings in your heart can you offer to God as a gift that He so longs to receive? What gift do You sense He longs to offer you in response. Will you take what He is offering you even now, friend?
Footnotes
*And did you know that people from 25 countries read this newsletter? Yeah! I didn’t know there were that many people with nothing to do either! I mean – ahem! – so many people that get such wisdom to run their lives from me! (Or whyever people read this stuff. How would I know why?)
Anyway – You’re welcome! Good luck!
Image Credit: Person floating by Jernej Graj on Unsplash
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Head in hands again. Trying to shut out the noise. The kids with their needs swirling around me.
We are homeschooling in February.
Continuing this thankless task in February becomes my annual despair, one shared with all homeschooling families (Except for the perfect families we all hate. Don’t feel jealous. They’ll crash and burn out too. I’ve been homeschooling for a while, so I’ve seen a few things.)
If you are not homeschooling in February, what is your despair?
We all have the odd despair that tries to attach itself to us like an unwelcome leech.
Anyway, I sat on the couch, my overwhelm consuming me. Do I declare (another) fun day and take the kids cross-country skiing?
Should we call all our homeschooling friends and organize (another) hockey party on the free outdoor ice rink?
Do I give them as much “independent work” as I can and try to tackle the mess of stuff in the basement, the pile that seems to have acquired a life of its own and that roars at me as I pass like a Yeti in the basement?
Or do I confront the emotions in my heart that are spilling out onto the couch next to me, a mess I am trying to hide but that is emerging despite my best efforts to pretend I am confidently steering this homeschooling ship?
It’s becoming increasingly difficult to hide behind the fun. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the fact that our home is so disorganized that we can no longer find pencils to do our math. Or that no one cares. “I like using a green crayon to do my math, Mommy!” she asserts.
She is not trying to make me feel better. She is genuinely happy. Her needs are met.
And mine?
“I’m not worried about the kids,” my husband would assert. “I’m worried about you.”
So I offer you tea and a listening ear, dear friend, and ask:
How are you?
Not how are your kids?
Not how is the state of your home (We know it’s a disaster. You homeschool!)
How are you?
People who suppress feelings experience less positive and more negative emotions.
And then your tears, and your head in hands, and I put my arm around you to comfort you.
And as we:
For what, you ask?
To learn the one most important lesson that overwhelm teaches us, which is that:
When we feed ourselves with unhealthy food, our tummies won’t feel very good for a while.
However, This is GOOD NEWS because we can go to the store and buy carrots today!
And how does this relate to homeschooling, for example?
If you follow the crowd and eat whatever they eat (50% highly processed foods), your tummy will get a bit upset afterward. Similarly, if you follow the crowds and set up your homeschool to mimic public school goals, for example, you’ll find that burnout is as certain as feeling bad after eating an entire box of Oreos.
Overwhelm is the blaring red light that tells us that letting our minds and actions drift with the crowd isn’t a healthy option.
There is a better way, friend, and overwhelm, our teacher and friend, unlocks a higher path.
More on the first step of HOW to get out of overwhelm next time.
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Image Credits: Man Upset by Dmitry Vechorko on Unsplash, Bird Soaring by Kshithij Chandrashekar on Unsplash
I’m mad at you! At all of you with a child over seventeen years old who left home! I hate you all! Why didn’t you tell me it would be this hard to say goodbye when they left for college!?
And all of you with babies too, babies that are older than my oldest baby, I hate you all too!
Before we had babies, why didn’t you tell us that looking after babies would be so hard!?
Ah, yes . . .
It is because we wouldn’t have believed you even if you would have spoken up.
And if our teens truly understood the depth of our loss, many of these kids wouldn’t leave home. They are good kids. I relayed these thoughts to my husband, processing them aloud through my tears.
“And we want them to leave,” I cried out. “Yes, we do,” my husband comforted. Then he shoots me a sideways, knowing look. I remembered that this morning, our teen was DEFINITELY right when she was DEFINITELY wrong, and instead of bursting into tears, I burst into laughter.
I feel some joy mixed with some sorrow.
And so, “Goodbye!” we say as we wave.
Except it’s not kindergarten, and they are heading to school on a bus. We homeschooled, so we missed that milestone. It’s 600 km away, and the tearing, the necessary, painful cleaving continues.
Reflecting God’s nature, He created them male and female. . . Therefore, a [person] leaves his father and mother
I told you it would be that way, Jesus reminds me softly. Many years earlier, in prayer, Jesus showed me a picture of my daughters, one after the other, ready to board a plane to soar off on their journeys of independence. He began preparing my heart to say goodbye many years ago, even then.
Many of us homeschooling parents pushed the love boundary of our hearts a little further than expected when we cracked open those brand new math texts on day one of homeschooling.
The depth of love surprises us all and surpasses the boundary markers we set up to protect ourselves. If we love what we know, we will get to know these kids, and our love for them will transform us. Love always does.
I’m not saying that homeschooling is one domino after the other of perfect days.
I have homeschooled for 4,745 days (I’m convinced you don’t have enough math skills to figure out how many years I have spent homeschooling- Who does?). Of those days, I have NEVER yet had one perfect day.
Nope.
Not one. Just daily joy mixed with daily sorrow. Master storyteller J.R.R. Tolkien explains it this way:
The possibility of [sorrow and failure] is necessary to the joy of deliverance . . . giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.
And so saying goodbye to the teen as she flies off to college is just another homeschooling day: some joy mixed with some sorrow.
We are used to that. We’ve gotten stronger over the years. It’s just another part of the daily homeschooling rhythm.
We will be ready because we have been practicing daily for this: some joy and some sorrow, repeat tomorrow.
We’re going to be OK.
And so, as we watch them soar, we nurse our grief a little and then flap our baby wings and listen for the call from Him into a new adventure.
And in the same way that we invest in our future by putting aside a few dollars each month, is He asking us to invest in our spiritual future by putting aside a few minutes each day to listen to Him calling us, comforting us, asking us to set aside the old, and to pick up the new?
How is he calling you to wake up?
Where to next, God?
I can’t quite fly yet, but I am sensing another adventure.
Yes, I’ll follow!
(How about you?)
Restoring Life 