Family

If We Laugh More, We Can Dominate Others More!

/ Lori Lawe / 3 Comments

I was frustrated, kicking the ground as I walked. Homeschooling is impossible enough without this additional hurdle lying prostrate before me. I didn’t have enough speed to make it through the regular hurdles of life. . .

. . . nevermind this race I’m running strewn with toppled school desks, kid’s toys, and homeschooling supplies.

We did a personality test for a fun homeschooling project.

The results scared me to my core.

My daughter, the one who has been slowly asserting dominance over me every time my back has been turned since she was, oh, about two months old, has a personality that is – get this – most similar to a lion.

And my personality?

Not a lion tamer. Nope.

Not a blue whale, larger than life.

Not a great white shark, terrifying those within a several kilometre radius.

My personality, most unfortunately, given that I have a lion-like child trying to bite me whenever I’m not looking, is best compared to . . .

. . . a sweet and gentle creature whose favorite past time is to play.

My personality is most similar to that of an otter.

“And HOW is an otter supposed to lead a lion?” I yelled at God that day, kicking the path as I walked.

“All that kid wants to do is eat me!”

Try being David when your child is Goliath. Sure, it’s one thing to vanquish Goliath in a one-off contest using an unexpected weapon. But LEAD Goliath, David? Day after day? Good luck!

And that’s my job.

Also the strategy of “hide a bit and hope to survive until, oh, 8:30 am when the school bus comes each day” won’t work for me.

Nope.

This kid is with me 24/7.

We homeschool.

What was I thinking taking on this mammoth task?

“God!” I called out, my anger turned to desperation. “How is an otter supposed to parent a lion?”

And the picture He gave me in my mind that day as I walked changed everything.

The picture was of an otter, front legs straight out and entirely touching the ground, tail wagging.

Now pause here because this picture has meaning to dog owners. This is the position dogs assume to indicate it’s playtime.

And the rest of the picture?

The lion assumed the same pose, following the cues of the otter. Behind the roaring facade, she wanted to have fun.

She just didn’t know how.

Play with her, God whispered.

And I was given a tool that unlocked my daughter’s heart and opened a new parenting door for us, leading to a beautiful place.

I understood what He was whispering.

The lion will WILLINGLY submit to the otter so she can play.

The next day, when that little lion led me to an emotional place I never wanted to visit again, I stopped myself from following her lead.

I wasn’t in the mood to play.

But “Let’s play,” I announced.

I thought, “Let’s play a game where I try not to wring your little neck.”

But when I took the reigns, went with my natural strengths, and played with her, even though I didn’t feel like it, the little lion unwound herself and laughed a bit. And she hugged me.

And she was so dang cute that we played a little longer, and soon, I was having a great time, too.

I was leading again.

She naturally followed.

But this is the weird thing.

She came under my leadership for the rest of the day.

Fifteen minutes of play transformed her into a little lion-otter, expectantly waiting for me to help fun tickle her side at any moment.

And I made it through that homeschooling day.

Reflecting that night with a glass of wine, I asked my husband to promise to help me remember to proactively PLAY with my little lion so I could dominate her.

Er. . . LEAD her, I meant to write.

Whatever.

The point is that God has a solution to our EVERY problem.

And who knows? Maybe this strategy would work in other situations?

Try it with your boss. Tell him he’s a loser, and then laugh. See if you get that promotion after all!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

God, thank you that our mammoth problems are tiny piles of sand to You, that can be blown away with one breath of Your Spirit. Speak to us and remind us to hide beneath Your wings, the place where You hand out both love for us, and wisdom for our myriad challenges, we pray.

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

Ancient Text

The Best Christmas Was The Most Painful Christmas

/ Lori Lawe / 3 Comments

I held my head in my hands, the non-physical pain consuming me, twisting my body to reflect my inner state.

The mother placed the baby in my arms and spoke of WHEN I took her home, enveloped her in our family. This baby was the gift that came no less miraculously than a child that emerges, astonishingly from one’s own womb. Except she traversed from God, through another’s womb, through the arms of another mother, into my arms.

And like a child ripped from her mother’s arms, she was taken from my arms and placed in another home.

We were pleased that the child would be taken care of, her needs met, thrive in a loving home.

And yet the pain in our hearts was only partially placated.

Every human soul carries its own pain within.

A loved one passes, an illness, a broken relationship, broken dreams, general ennui, desperation, hopelessness, despair. . . The waves of trouble that break over the human soul break us too, as our souls hit the rocks, making us bleed from the trials that have arrived on our doorstep, unbidden.

We open the door to today and the tidal wave of disappointment has arrived. We are left sitting on the floor alone in our world, unable to stand.

As we look around for a hand to help us up, something to hold onto, it seems hope is a long way away sometimes.

Can you see it?

I couldn’t either.

And then Christmas knocks on our door with the request to give to the needy, to distract ourselves with shallow merrymaking, to make ourselves sick with food that is sweet in the mouth and cancerous to the bones.

“Is this all there is?” we ask, our Santa hats adorning our heads in an effort to embrace the spirit of the season, our TV remote flipping from channel to channel, waxed chocolate at the fingertips.

Numb, again.

Another Christmas season has arrived, and we are numb.

No!

The old life is gone; a new life emerges!

The Message

That Christmas, the one when I could hardly breathe, I took off the old.

I crossed off the list of people that we were “supposed” to buy presents for. No more presents for friends, friend’s kids, extended family, parents, grandparents, my spouse. “And no presents for me,” I announced. We bought a few small gifts for a few children. And joy returned.

I crossed off the list the duty to make the Christmas treats I made every year, unthinkingly. I tried a few simple treats with a healthier spin. And joy returned.

I left the box of Christmas decorations in the basement unopened. When I finally gazed inside, I pulled out a few items that were handmade by friends or had sparked a particular delight, or a cherished memory. And joy returned.

I said no to every party, to the ones we were expected to attend that were too loud, had too much drinking, and too much shallow joy. We had a couple of quiet celebrations with a handful of friends or family, and good food. And joy returned.

No more expectations. The old has gone.

And the new life emerging?

And like the caterpillar that makes time for the quiet of the chrysalis, we too made time for the quiet.

– Time in the quiet morning hours, seeking my King

– Time for Christmas church services, as we sought to awaken our senses to the awe of the season through the life of the babe in a manger

– Time for a hug or a smile or an understanding look, more, more often from those around me

I spent time every evening that season with our little toddler at the outdoor skating rink. The one that is free.

When we fell, we would laugh and then sit quietly together for a moment noticing how the lights rimmed the rink, peering through the darkness. I could almost discern the light of the season through those lights.

And like the lights shining in the darkness, at the skating rink that is free, His free gift of love burst through my heart a little more often in the quiet mornings, in the moments of quiet at the worship services, in the quiet smiles of those whose lives I stumbled across.

And each smile was like gazing into another’s soul because I took the extra moment to see them, to know that they too, being human, have heart wounds. Can my smile, my love, be a drop of healing ointment to them, as theirs is to me?

And it was the best Christmas of my life.

As the song plays, consider asking God: How can any anticipated pain of this Christmas season be transformed into joy?

The Best Places To Find Healthy Spiritual Food This Season (Healthy Habits Post 7)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I’m going to start this post by quickly summarizing three points from a previous post.

I’m doing this because this post isn’t quite long enough, so I’m repeating myself so that my posts are all about the same length, so I look like a professional blogger.

But I’m not supposed to tell you that because that is boring, but other stuff I say is boring too, and you still read that! (Perfect. This post is exactly the right length).

Ahem . . .

In a previous post, I gave three reasons to indicate we may be eating spiritual cotton candy when we thought we were at the spiritual feast. These three indicators are:

1. We’ve been to a church once and were decidedly underwhelmed.

2. We know a Christian but that person, Ned Flanders, is difficult to be around for long.

3. We’ve figured out church is for losers. Need I say more?

So where do we go to have the best shot at finding healthy spiritual food?

1. Ask where Holy Spirit is moving in your city. After they faint because you asked that question (C’mon! Shocking people is fun!) bring some popcorn and check out that church next week. Listen for God while you’re there.

2. Find a “real” Christian. The way to tell if someone is a “real” Christian? There is no way to tell for sure.

Christian behaviour can be put on like a mask… Spectators… will often break into applause. But there is no applause in heaven.…

Eugene H. Peterson

When you meet someone who is wholeheartedly following Jesus, you’ll know. Sorry. That’s all I got. Keep looking. They’re out there. And when you find them, take them out to lunch. And ask them questions. Don’t throw out your lunch before you’ve even eaten it. Food is waiting for you, too.

3. Hang out with losers. Just because some Christians are losers, doesn’t mean they aren’t God’s children. But the same is true for you actually. When you stop sucking in your gut, stop pretending you’ve got your life together, you are on the right, narrow, spiritual path.

The path to the one who is truth is found by telling the truth.

Knowing we are losers, and stopping trying to be impressive is actually one step towards true spiritual food. 

Jesus is the glorious one. 

Not us. 

Yep, they’re losers at church. Get over it. We’re here to see Jesus, not them. (And not you either. Praise God.)

“Father, I want those you gave me to be with me, right where I am, so they can see my glory, the splendor you gave me . . .”

Jesus Christ

4. Wake up! Now that you know you’re a starving loser, I hope you turn your attention to Holy Spirit right now. He’s here beside you right now. He’s been tapping your shoulder your entire life but you may not have noticed yet.

“Hungry?” he’s asking. “Come to the feast, child,” he offers, holding out an outstretched arm. Will you take one small step down the road toward tasting the only food that truly satisfies . . .?

If so, try feasting on this. If you don’t have spiritual teeth yet to enjoy chewing this food, don’t fret, but try drinking this milk instead.

But don’t ask for milk the way my daughter did here. That’s just rude.

God, help us to follow the scent of fresh bread and other delicious foods to find the feast. May we not go hungry for You again this season, we pray.

Bond With Your Homeschooled Child By Teaching Her To Swear!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Today I thought I’d teach you how to bond with your homeschooled kid by swearing at him!

This is a real-world example from my own life. 

The weirdest stuff in life is true so that’s how you can be assured I am telling the truth today.

So one day, I found my 12-year-old looking downcast, despondent. 

“What’s wrong, honey?” I asked.

“Well, Mom, I’m 12 years old and I don’t know any swear words!”

“Oh, hon! I’m so sorry to hear that!” I said, reaching down to hug her.

“Tell you what,” I continued. “Do you want me to teach you some swear words?”

“Oh, would you?” Her eyes filled with admiration for me and the wonderful real-life wisdom I possessed. She hugged me, unable to contain her emotions. Kids DO want to learn what parents have to teach them! These homeschooling moments are precious!

All that week we planned the best time to have our special mother-daughter date so I could impart my wisdom to her. 

Finally, the magical day arrived. We skipped math that morning so we’d have ample time to connect through profanity (Another important benefit of homeschooling). We walked on the beach so the ambiance would be just right, and so we’d remember this special mother-daughter homeschool bonding time.

“So what is one of the swear words?” she impatiently asked.

I found myself spelling out the F-word for her.

She sounded it out in her mind and then said aloud, “FOO-ka?” “Close enough,” I answered. 

I’m not sure how she muddled through junior high with friends from all sides of the innocence-experience continuum. 

And she may have had a few more black eyes from friends who didn’t think she was cool enough that year, come to think of it, but she got to the other side.

And what a wonderful homeschool bonding experience we enjoyed!

And now, you too, can enjoy this special bonding experience with your homeschooled child! Here’s how: 

  1. Don’t swear for at least a decade. Yes! I know this is impossible, which is why I included Point #2! Be patient! I can’t share all my wisdom at once!
  2. If you do swear (i.e., You can ignore Point # 1 now. You’re welcome), swear with tricks up your sleeve so you have the advantage*. For example, in our home, it’s not that we didn’t say any swear words for 12 years. It’s just how you swear that matters. If you swear, quickly distract them with a random question about cupcakes as in, “Do you want a cupcake now?” And they won’t even remember the swear word!
  3. Recognize the limitations of this approach. One problem with this approach is that they suddenly figure out you swear a LOT once you teach them what the bad words are. Oh well, I guess we have to prepare these homeschooled kids for real life!
  4. Watch them soar! And now that they know how to swear like the other kids, the world is their oyster!
  5. Forgive yourself for swearing and for other ways you may have accidentally messed up your kids! 

Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.

The Message

Translation: This ancient text basically says that God already knows you’re a dork!

And since God already knows you’re a bit pathetic most of the time, you can relax and have some fun with your kids!

Blogpost Footnotes

*Bonus parenting wisdom: Check out magician and master of trickery David Copperfield for additional excellent tricks that can be applied with surprisingly little variation to parenting!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Mourning Together With Coyotes Is Healthy

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

My dog is smarter than he looks.

I mean, he doesn’t look that smart when the fire engine or the coyotes are howling outside, and our dog howls along with them.

Does he not know he is not a fire truck? Or a coyote?

But he is definitely smarter than he looks.

For example, once on a walk, I suddenly heard coyotes howling very close to us. (There is a real world outside of LA where actual trees and flowers exist!).

I quickly grabbed onto his leash. I was certain my fluffy mini-golden doodle would head for the middle of the pack and howl along with them, making his dog dreams a reality (Being called a “doodle” is never cool in coyote society. Being called “fluffy” doesn’t help either. Or “mini.”)

But instead, tail between his legs, he hunkered down and ran home, me stumbling along behind him.

When we got safely inside, and he was protected by a locked door, he opened his mouth wide, and howled in freedom, just one of the pack.

He somehow knew that the coyotes would eat him if they got a chance. But that didn’t stop him from also knowing that mourning with others is healthy.

I feel the same way actually.

I know I will never be accepted into a pack of coyotes.

But that doesn’t change the fact that I want to learn to mourn, to lament in my community with the freedom of a coyote.

“. . . weep with those who weep” Ancient Text

You may think you’ve heard coyotes wail because you watched a John Wayne movie once, but the lamenting, prolonged howl of a group of coyotes is really nothing like that.

Coyotes send shivers down your spine when you hear them mournfully wailing.

You kind of think they’ll shut up after a few minutes but they don’t. It can go on for hours, sometimes in the middle of the day.

“What in the world are they crying about?” I finally wondered.

Coyotes mourn in packs in the fall, when a younger coyote sets off on his own. (I read that on the internet*.)

And so this is what we can learn from coyotes:

1. They mourn together as a group and out loud.

2. They mourn about one thing, and then gracefully interweave their sadness to other stuff that is also breaking their little hearts. (Give me a break here – I know we can’t read the minds of coyotes, but this is my interpretation of what they’re saying. Do you have a better idea of what coyotes think about when they mourn in the fall? No, I thought not!)

3. This grieving process helps them. I mean most of the time coyotes are pretty well-adjusted, right? 50% of them are not sucking back Prozac or the equivalent, like us humans. Maybe we can learn from them.

I’ll explain what we can learn next time.

* Scientific Information Source

The Nature Conservancy: “There’s also a lot of contradictory information – and complete nonsense – written about coyotes.”

Blogpost Footnotes

No! I’m not a coyote-ologist or whatever that’s called. No! I’ve never even studied coyotes. Why do you ask?

Oh! I did read a really funny Canadian classic book once called Never Cry Wolf, and wolves are sort of like coyotes, I think. Does that count?

Anyway, I know the next blog post outlining what I’ve learned from coyotes will help you.

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Every Homeschooling Parent Will Be Ready To Wave Goodbye To Their Teen

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

I’m mad at you! At all of you with a child more than 17 years old who left home! I hate you all! Why didn’t you tell me it would be this hard to say goodbye when they left for college!?

And all of you with babies too, babies that are older than my oldest baby, I hate you all too! Before we had babies, why didn’t you tell us that looking after babies would be so hard!?

Ah, yes . . .

It is because we wouldn’t have believed you even if you would have spoken up.

And if our teens truly understood the depth of our loss, many of these kids wouldn’t leave home. They are good kids. I relayed these thoughts to my husband, processing them aloud through my tears.

“And we want them to leave,” I cried out. “Yes, we do,” my husband comforted. Then he shoots me a sideways, knowing look. I remembered that this morning our teen was definitely right when she was definitely wrong and instead of bursting into tears, I burst into laughter.

I feel some joy mixed with some sorrow.

And so, “Goodbye!” we say as we wave. Except it’s not kindergarten they are heading off to on a bus. We homeschooled so we missed that milestone. It’s 600 km away and the tearing, the necessary, painful cleaving continues.

Reflecting God’s nature He created them male and female. . . Therefore, a man leaves his father and mother . . . The Message

I told you it would be that way, Jesus reminds me softly. Many years earlier, in prayer, Jesus showed me a picture of my daughters, one after the other, ready to board a plane, to soar off on their journeys of independence. He was preparing my heart to say goodbye many years ago, even then.

Many of us homeschooling parents pushed the love boundary of our hearts a little further than expected when we cracked open those brand new math texts on day one of homeschooling.

The depth of love surprises us all, and surpasses the boundary markers we set up to protect ourselves.

If we love what we know, then we will get to know these kids and our love for them will transform us, them. Love always does.

I’m not saying that homeschooling is one domino after the other of perfect days. I have homeschooled for 4,745 days (I’m convinced you don’t have enough math skills to figure out how many years I have spent homeschooling- Who does?). Out of all those days, I have NEVER yet had one perfect day.

Nope. Not one.

Just daily joy mixed with daily sorrow.

Master storyteller J.R.R. Tolkien explains it this way:

The possibility of [sorrow and failure] is necessary to the joy of deliverance . . . giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.

And so saying goodbye to the teen as she flies off to college is just another homeschooling day: some joy mixed with some sorrow. We are used to that. We’ve gotten stronger over the years. It’s just another part of the daily homeschooling rhythm.

We will be ready because we have been practicing every day for this: some joy and some sorrow, repeat tomorrow.

We’re going to be OK.

And so as we watch them soar, we nurse our grief a little, and then flap our baby wings and listen for the call from Him into a new adventure.

And in the same way that we invest in our future by putting aside a few dollars each month, is He asking us to invest in our spiritual future by putting aside a few minutes each day to listen to Him calling us, comforting us, asking us to set aside the old, and to pick up the new?

How is he calling you to wake up?

Where to next God?

I can’t quite fly yet but I am sensing another adventure.

Yes, I’ll follow!

(How about you?)

An Encouragement: What is the ULTIMATE Homeschool Rhythm?

/ Lori Lawe / 1 Comment

I was sipping a summer drink, my shoulders draped with a blanket. I can’t QUITE bring myself to wear a sweater yet, but the leaves of fall are dropping, reminding me with the cool breeze that the days of summer are ending.

I found myself pondering the successes and challenges of the past homeschooling year, hoping that the total number of wins outscored the total number of defeats.

Then I took a fresh page, another sip of my iced drink, and pondered the coming year.

There is a certain RHYTHM to homeschooling, as there is a RHYTHM to the best things of life: summer-fall-winter-spring, or sunrise-daytime-sunset.

What is the ULTIMATE homeschool rhythm?

After much strategic thinking, erasing, and pulling from my wisdom of X years (I will NEVER admit I homeschooled THAT LONG!) of homeschooling, I think the ultimate rhythm goes something like this:

1) Read good books aloud to our children.

2) Focus on the relationship with each child. Talk to and listen to them.

3) Spend a 1/2 hour yelling at them and watching them cry during “math”.

And that’s it!

The ULTIMATE life of a homeschooler!

Repeat tomorrow!

By the way, both of my kids made it to high school math (pat on the back for me please). I’m thinking there are a LOT of martinis I’ve earned and saved for getting them that far.

Well done, mom, dad! You made it through math today! (Don’t have a martini yet – I was just joking).

Or maybe it’s not math but insert-monster-of-choice-here: toilet training, setting limits on technology, grammar, drawing lessons. (True story. One of my friend’s kids cried every time the art supplies emerged).

We all have our own battles but you get it.

On reflecting a bit more after writing this out (I process my thoughts via writing – thank you for reading and therefore helping me to think more clearly) I think the conclusive ALL ENCOMPASSING homeschool rhythm is the following:

1. Kids are trying to drive us crazy, to lose our sanity. This is called “sanctification” to us. It’s good for you (albeit eventually).

2. Don’t let them.

3. Bake cookies with them, or declare Pajama Day and watch a movie and eat popcorn with them.

4. Repeat.

(5. My editor keeps trying to delete this next one – I don’t know why!) When your kids are about to leave home, drink all the martinis you didn’t have on every bad homeschooling day. (And let’s admit it, there were a lot of bad days).

OK! OK! I won’t include that one!

My editor reminds me that I am in a sort of grieving process as my oldest child is getting ready to leave the nest and fly off to University.

Whole can of crazy is down there in my heart, waiting to get stirred up.

Well – ENOUGH writing for today! I’m fine!!!

Encouragement For When You Can’t Take Another Step Down Homeschooling Road

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

“You. You have nice kids.” People say this to us. Often. And this is what I want to reply: If you put plants in partially acidic soil and leave them there, they will grow but not to their full height. They won’t blossom with flowers of kindness. They are hunkering down, in survival mode.

If you want your plants to thrive, you need to put them in well-aerated soil of the proper pH. How much kindness is in the soil that your kids are stuck in?

Then we pull our little plants out of that soil and stick them in other soil with just as low of a pH or perhaps even more acidic. Time for hockey culture and dance practice. We wonder why they are withering, skinny characters blown by the wind into an awkward shape. We wonder why they are so fragile, so easily broken, with so little inner strength to stand against the wind, in joy.

It’s the soil. The rocky, sandy, paltry soil.

And the truth is, dumping manure on our plants is a hard job, that makes us sweat and that only seems to make the problem worse. The plants scream in protest. It burns.

But as we hold their hand, bring water on a cloth to cool their foreheads and to pour on the plant, the water seeps, bringing much-needed nutrients to their roots. They taste of your love, your love tinged with your sweat and your blood, and the water fills their small, malnourished bellies and satiates.

Your sacrifice is what is encouraging them to flourish.

And when little flowers of kindness bloom on your child, you can lean in close, smell the fragrance and let the rich scent soothe your soul.

Well done, homeschooling Mom, Dad.

And when our child graduates from high school or from our homeschool, that is the time to put our feet up and rest, not years earlier.

So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. The Message

And now, brush off your knees where you skinned them when you fell, wipe your eyes, dear homeschooling parent, and let’s take another step, Jesus holding your arm to steady you.

You’ve got this.

Let’s take it one year, one day at a time, shall we? Where is Jesus leading you next?

Blogpost Footnotes

Homeschooling is one of the many ways to pour water of kindness onto the parched soil our kids are trying to grow in. What are some other ways?

Science Proves Your Teen Doesn’t Have To Be A Jerk! (Part 1)

/ Lori Lawe / 5 Comments

It was the kind of research results that make you readjust your position in your seat, sit up straighter. Your hand automatically reaches out to tap the audiobook’s 10-second replay button a few times.

Huh?

Yup. Your teen doesn’t HAVE to be a jerk!!!

I was listening to the audiobook Your Best Brain: The Science of Brain Improvement by John Medina. Consider the following excerpt from Lecture 17:

“Epstein makes several important observations about the powerful effect of culture [on teens] . . . Epstein points to a study . . . looking at adolescent behaviour in 186 pre-industrialized societies. The research did NOT find lots of classic impulsive, obnoxious, get me away from my parent’s teenage behaviour in ALL of them. In fact, they found the opposite. More than half the young males exhibited no rebellious behaviour at all. Teens in these cultures spent most of their time hanging around their parents. They often helped with the chores both in family and in broader social activities”.

It kind of sounds like the homeschooled kids I met.

We attended a 4-day get-together with classically homeschooled kids from almost every US state and many Canadian provinces recently.

It was a culture shock.

In fact, the previous year, I attended this same event with only my kids. “You have to come to this event next year with us,” I pleaded with my husband. “This is culture shock.”

So my husband rearranged his holidays to attend this year with us.

“Uh-huh,” he agreed. He was glad he came. Some things just have to be seen to be believed.

The biggest culture shock is that all the teens weren’t jerks.*

“That must be your own rosy glasses you have put on only when you observe homeschooled kids!” you protest. “You don’t even know most of these kids for Pete’s sake!” you spit. (Wait- I know you don’t spit but it kind of ruins the effect if I say “You say politely”. Stay with me on this one.)

Consider the following reasons why it seems to me that these kids were not in the habit of constantly being jerks:

1) At the family barn dance (Can I stop there?) in which parents and all ages of family members including teens danced in the same big hall (Can I stop there?), often a very young child would join in the fray. Partners switched every few seconds sometimes, in a (deliberately) Jane Austen style. EVERY SINGLE TEENAGE BOY that I saw whose turn it was to dance with the 3-year-old, hunched down, smiled and spun the little girl in time to the music. EVERY SINGLE ONE.

Photo Source: Logos Online School Website

It was so sweet to watch teen after teen do this, it made me tear up.

These are not the teens skulking in corners, hoping for a chance to get outside and smoke some more pot.

As if this itself is not enough nails in the coffin of the myth that all teens HAVE to be aloof jerks, there is more evidence to follow that I will talk about next time.

Hold onto your hat. Adjust your position to sit up straighter and to take more notice. 

Entering this homeschooling culture, even through reading this blog post, may be enough to seriously damage your low expectations of today’s teens.

Check out this site below to blow another sock off the low expectations we so often hold for our teens.

the rebelution – rebelling against low expectations

Blogpost Footnotes

*Yes, of course, there are homeschooled kids who are jerks. I’m a jerk sometimes. So are you. And, similarly, there are myriad amazing public schooled kids. Of course!

We are observing cultural norms among various groups of teens. And the culture of these homeschooled teens aligns well with the science quoted in the study.

Are Ordinary Homeschooled Kids Reading Books Hope For Our Society?

/ Lori Lawe / 5 Comments

It started off as an ordinary day.

We were visiting the largest city in our region and decided to stop in at the library to borrow some books for our youngest daughter’s summer reading cache.

We walked in awe, looking up in wonder at the size of the magnificent building. So many books inside!

I headed to the children’s section to seek some advice on finding excellent books.

My daughter perused the shelves as I asked the librarian for classic books that my daughter hadn’t read yet.

He jumped up, taking us on a tour through several sections and a couple of different floors of the library in our quest for books.

“These are the most popular books for her age group,” he began. My daughter scowled. Trashy and scary novels without much depth weren’t her cup of tea.

“No, I’m looking for classic books,” I said again.

He was visibly excited.

“This is such a joy,” he said, his voice quaking. “I don’t meet many kids who actually like to read.”

“Huh? What?” I thought? I was distracted by another book he placed in my hands.

“I’ve read that,” my daughter stated absently, going back to a nearby shelf.

Together the librarian and I found ten classic books. My daughter had read five of them, which we returned.

“Wow!” He was still excited. He was venting at me now, in a state of catharsis.

“You know, usually I only get requests to print things for kids when they are on computers. I don’t get to actually look for BOOKS.”

“WHAT now!?” I thought, again distracted as he showed me another book.

I shook my head, looking at my daughter’s reaction to yet another trashy, popular vampire page-turner.

“Could I ask,” he began hesitantly, “why you and your daughters prefer classic books?”

I wasn’t sure where to begin. He works in the children’s section of one of the largest libraries in our Province. (“Province” is the Canadian word for the American term “State”, Google Translate told me). Shouldn’t HE be trying to convince ME to choose books with more depth for my child?

I shrugged off the WHY of the question and spoke for a few minutes about mentors as the main characters of books, helping us to learn how best to navigate through life’s challenges.

He wasn’t convinced. “Well, I don’t know about THAT,” he countered.

The pieces of the puzzle of what he had been saying all morning came together into one unfinished whole. I was seeing a bigger picture, though I had to guess as some of the puzzle pieces were still not available.

But definitely, this ordinary day for us at the library was NOT an ordinary day for the librarians.

My homeschooled kids, who actually LIKE to read, were neon flashing lights in that place, screaming NOT ORDINARY! NOT ORDINARY!

Do we look in wonder at my kids?

No. Classically homeschooled kids consume challenging literature like fires consume water from fire hoses. They all read a lot.

We look in wonder at our culture, seen afresh through the contrast of our kids.

They’re missing out on all this?

Is this another way that homeschooling kids are hope for our society?

Ways that children reading classic books offer hope for our culture will be discussed in a future post.