education

How To NOT Go Insane When Your Kids Move Out – 3 Things You Need To Help Bubble Up

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Get a life, friend! (Yes, I’m talking to me, too.)

Elderly woman with walker on house steps

“No! I’m not going insane. Why do you ask?:

Above was the response I gave all weekend, like hitting a ping-pong ball back to the person who launched it at me, again and again.

Join people in over fifty countries who read this to gain valuable life wisdom! (Or maybe they’re just laughing at me? . . . Whatever!)

I was at an in-person homeschool Year-End Celebration event this weekend with Logos Online School, and I gave the same response (above) to the same question that all the other homeschooling parents kept asking me.

And then even a stranger not at our event rolled down his car window and asked me a question. “What in the WORLD is going on here? I haven’t ever seen that many people in this park since the County Fair!” he exclaimed. We were elbow to elbow at the outdoor English Country dance at the Year-End event, where kids of every age (AND their parents!) danced together for several hours, everyone smiling unwittingly.

I attempted to explain, “Oh! There are simply people from nearly every state in the US and many provinces in Canada, plus some internationals here, dancing together with people of all ages for fun!” I waved him off with a smile. His eyebrows furrowed deeper.

Homeschooling is hard to explain sometimes.

Even God (!) is surprising us with our collective homeschooling adventure because homeschooling has been growing exponentially.

This growth in homeschooling is a good thing for our culture for many reasons, including those discussed HERE, HERE and even HERE.

Oh, and the part about many people asking me if I’m going insane? Oh, that’s because it’s my last year homeschooling my kids after 20 years at this job, teaching them from Kindergarten to Grade 12 (I know! I’m shocked I lasted that long, too!). It’s a new season for me.

So I may be feeling a bit disoriented.

And my last kid is moving out this year. (I’m advanced at keeping my kids nearby! And we missed a few milestones, such as the one for Kindergarten kids, “Watch at the school bus takes them away!”)

So I desperately asked for advice at this homeschooling event to every parent I knew who had just finished or was about to finish homeschooling their kids, like a drowning person asking (politely!) for a life preserver.

A quick summary of what I heard, through their tears and their joy, is that in this changing season, we need to let three things bubble up:

  1. Thankfulness: For example, massive cultural hope is a reason to be thankful, don’t you think? Well done, homeschooling parents. You loved these kids, and a well-loved kid is a gift.Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything.The Message
  2. True Feelings: I, for one, have generally preferred squashing feelings so I can be more productive. However, I’m trying to let my true feelings surface for even 10-15 minutes without judging them. This practice will (hopefully?) reduce the necessity for quite as many expensive counselling sessions if I go a little bit nutso later on from pushing down my feelings.
  3. The Next Thing: What’s the new thing, friend, that God has for you in this next season? Let’s let that bubble up a bit, too. What excites the heart, friend, in the quiet moments of the morning, when you and God are chatting? (Hint – Try to do more of the listening.)

For example, as the song below sings, “it’s gonna to take some time,” and “be patient with the process,” what do you sense God stirring in your soul, friend? God time for a listen? “If you want a resurrection,” what “dying has to happen” in your life, friend?

In my case, I wonder if maybe my kids can go ahead and save the world while I put my feet up for a few decades to celebrate a homeschooling job well done? (See Point #1 above). OK, maybe God has something new for me, too, in this next season, but that’s a discussion for another time. (I keep forgetting to do Point #2, above.)

Yes! I’m OK! I’m NOT going insane!

Why do you ask?

And I will try to forget about all those martinis I DIDN’T drink on the bad homeschooling days. I’m FINE! (I hope you are, too, friend.)

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Thanks for liking me! I like you too! – Proven HERE, HERE, and HERE! Let’s journey together!

Photo Credit – FINALLY Leaving Home, Are We? by Mobio Marketing on Unsplash

Surprise! Look In Your Tears To Find Your Authentic, Best Mothering Gift

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Some gifts arrive in surprising packages. I hope you find yours, friend.

woman in black shirt with yellow hair

If you are downcast and wondering how ON EARTH to be a great mother, look no further because I am wearing my cape of excellent motherhood for you!

(I will also write about humility, but that’s not till next week, so we are safe for now!)

Join people in over fifty countries who read this to gain valuable life wisdom! (Or maybe they’re just laughing at me? . . . Whatever!)

How can I assert myself as a great mother so you will listen to my advice? Good question! As I have recently learned, we have to find a way to convince others that we are experts before we tell them what to do, with enough confidence that they MAY even listen to us!

Well, here is some proof:

My kids drew these pictures for me over ten years ago!

Note the following close-up details:

One child wrote, “I wanna [sic] to be like you when I grow up.” Should I remind you all that perhaps the 10th item on my list of nine reasons to homeschool is that if you keep them at home with the curtains drawn and doors locked all the time1, your children MAY actually find that if there are no other adults in your children’s lives to look up to, so the adult they look up to is surprisingly . . .YOU!

Also, in the details of these pictures my children drew, you can see that one child wrote “Power” on her drawing of me! This comment is proof of my gentle assertiveness, I can assume! I don’t think she is talking about being afraid of me, like she said here, as that would be unhealthy, and the point of these introductory paragraphs is for you to realize that I am an expert.

However, unlike my usual writing, today I DO ACTUALLY have ONE piece of advice that can help you, so before you slam your laptop shut, you may want to stick around for that tasty candy I’ll soon toss your way.

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Wait for it . . . (Building suspense)

Fifteen years ago, I was at the women’s retreat, and my tears surprised me.

Something a woman said at the conference echoed and clarified something God seemed to be whispering to my soul.

One wise woman figured there was probably a lesson for me in these surprising tears, so she patiently sat down to listen and to help me find the message after handing me the box of Kleenex.

And this message within my tears became one of the important anchors that helped to salvage my parenting from shipwreck.

Sometimes the message within our tears and prayers frees us.

Unfortunately, we’ll have to discuss this next time because this newsletter is getting too long – I think it’s your attention span is too short, by the way, not mine.2

However, you’re in luck because I have no idea what topics I’m even writing about,3 and so I accidentally posted two articles out of order! So this month, I ALREADY posted that amazing advice I found in my tears HERE!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Thanks for liking me! I like you too! – Proven HERE, HERE, and HERE! Let’s journey together!

Photo Credits – Woman Weeping Holding Hope by engin akyurt on Unsplash, Drawings And Notes by Two Incredible Children

1 That statement was a trick because homeschoolers are out doing stuff WAY more often than they should be if they were actually serious about meeting every Learning Objective the teachers tell us is essential (They are not essential). For definitive proof that we homeschoolers are home much less than we “should” be, watch this funny video on homeschooling myths.

2 Just sayin’. Wait – What were we talking about?

3 (Or why – But that’s another topic!)

How Not To Be A Jerk When You Homeschool AND How To Have An Awesome Year!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment
woman in black crew neck shirt

I have already written my best advice on this topic HERE, where I clearly explain that the way to sidestep being a complete JERK is to PRETEND to be someone you’re not.

Today, we continue the same theme with more helpful advice on how to NOT be a jerk when you Homeschool.

Thank you for liking me! I like you too! Let’s journey together!

I learned many of these lessons from my (failed) efforts to train my dog, and let’s face it, we all know that the lessons we learn from shepherding our pets can be directly applied without any variation at all to lessons about God and parenting.

I was running behind my dog, yelling STOP again as the door opened and a visitor stared wide-eyed as our tiny goldendoodle pounced toward him, intent on humping his leg (again). I chased the dog around the yard hollering at him to behave while our visitor watched, which is the usual routine whenever someone knocks on our door. I finally catch the dog and then explain that our dog had a bad night’s sleep, or an upset stomach, so that’s why he didn’t obey today, AS HE USUALLY DOES, OF COURSE.

So yeah, dog training is EXACTLY like parenting.

Which gently directs this conversation very naturally into parenting advice.

So, how do we not long to give up altogether on this Homeschooling adventure and toss them into public school and hope for the best, even though it may only be our first month or day of Homeschooling?

An excellent question, and that is the topic of today’s newsletter.

Here are my top three recommendations (with four more recommendations in the following newsletter) containing my best advice on how to have a fantastic time Homeschooling:

  1. Try to be someone else. See HERE or the first few paragraphs of this newsletter. (Note to my editor: Yes! I could edit this newsletter so that all of my advice is in one list, but editing is boring, and I have my Duo-lingo streak to maintain, in addition to this writing! I’m busy!)
  2. Have VERY low expectations. Most people have problems with Homeschooling simply because their expectations are too high. Looking to have a GREAT year (or even day) Homeschooling? We experienced Homeschooling ones are laughing our guts out, and the reason why is explained HERE. When your kids cry a bit, grab yourself a martini and read a magazine for a while until that passes! It’s just another Homeschooling day, friends!
  3. Keep the big picture in mind – This is why you have a manifesto. Then you can remember that playing Snakes and Ladders IS your top priority! (See the last bullet in Point #3 of THIS MANIFESTO for an explanation). She is your best friend, so squeeze moments of joy out of every moment someone isn’t crying, friend!

Join us next time for four more tips on having the best Homeschooling year you can (which means not a perfect year or that every day is fantastic, but we got through it, friends, and that’s what matters most!) Oh! I almost forgot the following quote!

Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. . . So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the . . . help.

The Message

So enjoy your transformation because you’ll find that many of your sharp edges fall off as you Homeschool because you will have to return to God on your knees, asking for help every day. (Do that too! It helps!)

A butterfly is flying over a piece of wood

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Photo Credit – Mom Not Having The Best Day by OSPAN ALI on Unsplash, Butterfly by Lin Qiu Yi Wan on Unsplash

Thank you for liking me! I like you too! Let’s journey together!

Overwhelm Threatening To Suffocate = This One Surprising Opportunity

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

men's white top

Head in hands again. Trying to shut out the noise. The kids with their needs swirling around me.

We are homeschooling in February.

Continuing this thankless task in February becomes my annual despair, one shared with all homeschooling families (Except for the perfect families we all hate. Don’t feel jealous. They’ll crash and burn out too. I’ve been homeschooling for a while, so I’ve seen a few things.)

If you are not homeschooling in February, what is your despair?

We all have the odd despair that tries to attach itself to us like an unwelcome leech.

Anyway, I sat on the couch, my overwhelm consuming me. Do I declare (another) fun day and take the kids cross-country skiing?

Should we call all our homeschooling friends and organize (another) hockey party on the free outdoor ice rink?

Do I give them as much “independent work” as I can and try to tackle the mess of stuff in the basement, the pile that seems to have acquired a life of its own and that roars at me as I pass like a Yeti in the basement?

Or do I confront the emotions in my heart that are spilling out onto the couch next to me, a mess I am trying to hide but that is emerging despite my best efforts to pretend I am confidently steering this homeschooling ship?

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to hide behind the fun. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the fact that our home is so disorganized that we can no longer find pencils to do our math. Or that no one cares. “I like using a green crayon to do my math, Mommy!” she asserts.

She is not trying to make me feel better. She is genuinely happy. Her needs are met.

And mine?

“I’m not worried about the kids,” my husband would assert. “I’m worried about you.”

So I offer you tea and a listening ear, dear friend, and ask:

How are you?

Not how are your kids?

Not how is the state of your home (We know it’s a disaster. You homeschool!)

How are you?

People who suppress feelings experience less positive and more negative emotions.

APA PsycNet

And then your tears, and your head in hands, and I put my arm around you to comfort you.

And as we:

  1. Admit to first ourselves and then another, through our tears, that all is not well . . .
  2. And after we put the ridiculous plans we cling to for creating super kids off the shelves of our egos . . .
  3. After we slow down and watch our kids learn for a while (Healthy plants in healthy soil grow. Similarly, healthy kids in a healthy environment learn, even and especially when we don’t beat them with rods to “encourage” them to know exactly what WE want) . . .
  4. Then we’re finally ready…

For what, you ask?

To learn the one most important lesson that overwhelm teaches us, which is that:

When we feed ourselves with unhealthy food, our tummies won’t feel very good for a while.

However, This is GOOD NEWS because we can go to the store and buy carrots today!

And how does this relate to homeschooling, for example?

If you follow the crowd and eat whatever they eat (50% highly processed foods), your tummy will get a bit upset afterward. Similarly, if you follow the crowds and set up your homeschool to mimic public school goals, for example, you’ll find that burnout is as certain as feeling bad after eating an entire box of Oreos.

Overwhelm is the blaring red light that tells us that letting our minds and actions drift with the crowd isn’t a healthy option.

There is a better way, friend, and overwhelm, our teacher and friend, unlocks a higher path.

a bird flying over some rocks and grass

More on the first step of HOW to get out of overwhelm next time.

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Image Credits: Man Upset by Dmitry Vechorko on Unsplash, Bird Soaring by Kshithij Chandrashekar on Unsplash

Advice: Your Bridge To Hope After Your Kid Moves Out

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment
green trees near brown wooden bridge during daytime
Photo by Dave Hoefler on Unsplash

I’m mad at you! At all of you with a child over seventeen years old who left home! I hate you all! Why didn’t you tell me it would be this hard to say goodbye when they left for college!?

And all of you with babies too, babies that are older than my oldest baby, I hate you all too!

Before we had babies, why didn’t you tell us that looking after babies would be so hard!?

Ah, yes . . .

It is because we wouldn’t have believed you even if you would have spoken up.

And if our teens truly understood the depth of our loss, many of these kids wouldn’t leave home. They are good kids. I relayed these thoughts to my husband, processing them aloud through my tears.

“And we want them to leave,” I cried out. “Yes, we do,” my husband comforted. Then he shoots me a sideways, knowing look. I remembered that this morning, our teen was DEFINITELY right when she was DEFINITELY wrong, and instead of bursting into tears, I burst into laughter.

I feel some joy mixed with some sorrow.

And so, “Goodbye!” we say as we wave.

Except it’s not kindergarten, and they are heading to school on a bus. We homeschooled, so we missed that milestone. It’s 600 km away, and the tearing, the necessary, painful cleaving continues.

Reflecting God’s nature, He created them male and female. . . Therefore, a [person] leaves his father and mother

The Message

I told you it would be that way, Jesus reminds me softly. Many years earlier, in prayer, Jesus showed me a picture of my daughters, one after the other, ready to board a plane to soar off on their journeys of independence. He began preparing my heart to say goodbye many years ago, even then.

Many of us homeschooling parents pushed the love boundary of our hearts a little further than expected when we cracked open those brand new math texts on day one of homeschooling.

The depth of love surprises us all and surpasses the boundary markers we set up to protect ourselves. If we love what we know, we will get to know these kids, and our love for them will transform us. Love always does.

I’m not saying that homeschooling is one domino after the other of perfect days.

I have homeschooled for 4,745 days (I’m convinced you don’t have enough math skills to figure out how many years I have spent homeschooling- Who does?). Of those days, I have NEVER yet had one perfect day.

Nope.

Not one. Just daily joy mixed with daily sorrow. Master storyteller J.R.R. Tolkien explains it this way:

The possibility of [sorrow and failure] is necessary to the joy of deliverance . . . giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.

And so saying goodbye to the teen as she flies off to college is just another homeschooling day: some joy mixed with some sorrow.

We are used to that. We’ve gotten stronger over the years. It’s just another part of the daily homeschooling rhythm.

We will be ready because we have been practicing daily for this: some joy and some sorrow, repeat tomorrow.

We’re going to be OK.

And so, as we watch them soar, we nurse our grief a little and then flap our baby wings and listen for the call from Him into a new adventure.

And in the same way that we invest in our future by putting aside a few dollars each month, is He asking us to invest in our spiritual future by putting aside a few minutes each day to listen to Him calling us, comforting us, asking us to set aside the old, and to pick up the new?

How is he calling you to wake up?

Where to next, God?

I can’t quite fly yet, but I am sensing another adventure.

Yes, I’ll follow!

(How about you?)