education

How Not To Be A Jerk When You Homeschool AND How To Have An Awesome Year!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment
woman in black crew neck shirt

I have already written my best advice on this topic HERE, where I clearly explain that the way to sidestep being a complete JERK is to PRETEND to be someone you’re not.

Today, we continue the same theme with more helpful advice on how to NOT be a jerk when you Homeschool.

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I learned many of these lessons from my (failed) efforts to train my dog, and let’s face it, we all know that the lessons we learn from shepherding our pets can be directly applied without any variation at all to lessons about God and parenting.

I was running behind my dog, yelling STOP again as the door opened and a visitor stared wide-eyed as our tiny goldendoodle pounced toward him, intent on humping his leg (again). I chased the dog around the yard hollering at him to behave while our visitor watched, which is the usual routine whenever someone knocks on our door. I finally catch the dog and then explain that our dog had a bad night’s sleep, or an upset stomach, so that’s why he didn’t obey today, AS HE USUALLY DOES, OF COURSE.

So yeah, dog training is EXACTLY like parenting.

Which gently directs this conversation very naturally into parenting advice.

So, how do we not long to give up altogether on this Homeschooling adventure and toss them into public school and hope for the best, even though it may only be our first month or day of Homeschooling?

An excellent question, and that is the topic of today’s newsletter.

Here are my top three recommendations (with four more recommendations in the following newsletter) containing my best advice on how to have a fantastic time Homeschooling:

  1. Try to be someone else. See HERE or the first few paragraphs of this newsletter. (Note to my editor: Yes! I could edit this newsletter so that all of my advice is in one list, but editing is boring, and I have my Duo-lingo streak to maintain, in addition to this writing! I’m busy!)
  2. Have VERY low expectations. Most people have problems with Homeschooling simply because their expectations are too high. Looking to have a GREAT year (or even day) Homeschooling? We experienced Homeschooling ones are laughing our guts out, and the reason why is explained HERE. When your kids cry a bit, grab yourself a martini and read a magazine for a while until that passes! It’s just another Homeschooling day, friends!
  3. Keep the big picture in mind – This is why you have a manifesto. Then you can remember that playing Snakes and Ladders IS your top priority! (See the last bullet in Point #3 of THIS MANIFESTO for an explanation). She is your best friend, so squeeze moments of joy out of every moment someone isn’t crying, friend!

Join us next time for four more tips on having the best Homeschooling year you can (which means not a perfect year or that every day is fantastic, but we got through it, friends, and that’s what matters most!) Oh! I almost forgot the following quote!

Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. . . So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the . . . help.

The Message

So enjoy your transformation because you’ll find that many of your sharp edges fall off as you Homeschool because you will have to return to God on your knees, asking for help every day. (Do that too! It helps!)

A butterfly is flying over a piece of wood

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

Photo Credit – Mom Not Having The Best Day by OSPAN ALI on Unsplash, Butterfly by Lin Qiu Yi Wan on Unsplash

Thank you for liking me! I like you too! Let’s journey together!

Overwhelm Threatening To Suffocate = This One Surprising Opportunity

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

men's white top

Head in hands again. Trying to shut out the noise. The kids with their needs swirling around me.

We are homeschooling in February.

Continuing this thankless task in February becomes my annual despair, one shared with all homeschooling families (Except for the perfect families we all hate. Don’t feel jealous. They’ll crash and burn out too. I’ve been homeschooling for a while, so I’ve seen a few things.)

If you are not homeschooling in February, what is your despair?

We all have the odd despair that tries to attach itself to us like an unwelcome leech.

Anyway, I sat on the couch, my overwhelm consuming me. Do I declare (another) fun day and take the kids cross-country skiing?

Should we call all our homeschooling friends and organize (another) hockey party on the free outdoor ice rink?

Do I give them as much “independent work” as I can and try to tackle the mess of stuff in the basement, the pile that seems to have acquired a life of its own and that roars at me as I pass like a Yeti in the basement?

Or do I confront the emotions in my heart that are spilling out onto the couch next to me, a mess I am trying to hide but that is emerging despite my best efforts to pretend I am confidently steering this homeschooling ship?

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to hide behind the fun. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the fact that our home is so disorganized that we can no longer find pencils to do our math. Or that no one cares. “I like using a green crayon to do my math, Mommy!” she asserts.

She is not trying to make me feel better. She is genuinely happy. Her needs are met.

And mine?

“I’m not worried about the kids,” my husband would assert. “I’m worried about you.”

So I offer you tea and a listening ear, dear friend, and ask:

How are you?

Not how are your kids?

Not how is the state of your home (We know it’s a disaster. You homeschool!)

How are you?

People who suppress feelings experience less positive and more negative emotions.

APA PsycNet

And then your tears, and your head in hands, and I put my arm around you to comfort you.

And as we:

  1. Admit to first ourselves and then another, through our tears, that all is not well . . .
  2. And after we put the ridiculous plans we cling to for creating super kids off the shelves of our egos . . .
  3. After we slow down and watch our kids learn for a while (Healthy plants in healthy soil grow. Similarly, healthy kids in a healthy environment learn, even and especially when we don’t beat them with rods to “encourage” them to know exactly what WE want) . . .
  4. Then we’re finally ready…

For what, you ask?

To learn the one most important lesson that overwhelm teaches us, which is that:

When we feed ourselves with unhealthy food, our tummies won’t feel very good for a while.

However, This is GOOD NEWS because we can go to the store and buy carrots today!

And how does this relate to homeschooling, for example?

If you follow the crowd and eat whatever they eat (50% highly processed foods), your tummy will get a bit upset afterward. Similarly, if you follow the crowds and set up your homeschool to mimic public school goals, for example, you’ll find that burnout is as certain as feeling bad after eating an entire box of Oreos.

Overwhelm is the blaring red light that tells us that letting our minds and actions drift with the crowd isn’t a healthy option.

There is a better way, friend, and overwhelm, our teacher and friend, unlocks a higher path.

a bird flying over some rocks and grass

More on the first step of HOW to get out of overwhelm next time.

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Image Credits: Man Upset by Dmitry Vechorko on Unsplash, Bird Soaring by Kshithij Chandrashekar on Unsplash

Advice: Your Bridge To Hope After Your Kid Moves Out

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment
green trees near brown wooden bridge during daytime
Photo by Dave Hoefler on Unsplash

I’m mad at you! At all of you with a child over seventeen years old who left home! I hate you all! Why didn’t you tell me it would be this hard to say goodbye when they left for college!?

And all of you with babies too, babies that are older than my oldest baby, I hate you all too!

Before we had babies, why didn’t you tell us that looking after babies would be so hard!?

Ah, yes . . .

It is because we wouldn’t have believed you even if you would have spoken up.

And if our teens truly understood the depth of our loss, many of these kids wouldn’t leave home. They are good kids. I relayed these thoughts to my husband, processing them aloud through my tears.

“And we want them to leave,” I cried out. “Yes, we do,” my husband comforted. Then he shoots me a sideways, knowing look. I remembered that this morning, our teen was DEFINITELY right when she was DEFINITELY wrong, and instead of bursting into tears, I burst into laughter.

I feel some joy mixed with some sorrow.

And so, “Goodbye!” we say as we wave.

Except it’s not kindergarten, and they are heading to school on a bus. We homeschooled, so we missed that milestone. It’s 600 km away, and the tearing, the necessary, painful cleaving continues.

Reflecting God’s nature, He created them male and female. . . Therefore, a [person] leaves his father and mother

The Message

I told you it would be that way, Jesus reminds me softly. Many years earlier, in prayer, Jesus showed me a picture of my daughters, one after the other, ready to board a plane to soar off on their journeys of independence. He began preparing my heart to say goodbye many years ago, even then.

Many of us homeschooling parents pushed the love boundary of our hearts a little further than expected when we cracked open those brand new math texts on day one of homeschooling.

The depth of love surprises us all and surpasses the boundary markers we set up to protect ourselves. If we love what we know, we will get to know these kids, and our love for them will transform us. Love always does.

I’m not saying that homeschooling is one domino after the other of perfect days.

I have homeschooled for 4,745 days (I’m convinced you don’t have enough math skills to figure out how many years I have spent homeschooling- Who does?). Of those days, I have NEVER yet had one perfect day.

Nope.

Not one. Just daily joy mixed with daily sorrow. Master storyteller J.R.R. Tolkien explains it this way:

The possibility of [sorrow and failure] is necessary to the joy of deliverance . . . giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.

And so saying goodbye to the teen as she flies off to college is just another homeschooling day: some joy mixed with some sorrow.

We are used to that. We’ve gotten stronger over the years. It’s just another part of the daily homeschooling rhythm.

We will be ready because we have been practicing daily for this: some joy and some sorrow, repeat tomorrow.

We’re going to be OK.

And so, as we watch them soar, we nurse our grief a little and then flap our baby wings and listen for the call from Him into a new adventure.

And in the same way that we invest in our future by putting aside a few dollars each month, is He asking us to invest in our spiritual future by putting aside a few minutes each day to listen to Him calling us, comforting us, asking us to set aside the old, and to pick up the new?

How is he calling you to wake up?

Where to next, God?

I can’t quite fly yet, but I am sensing another adventure.

Yes, I’ll follow!

(How about you?)