Children

If We Laugh More, We Can Dominate Others More!

/ Lori Lawe / 3 Comments

I was frustrated, kicking the ground as I walked. Homeschooling is impossible enough without this additional hurdle lying prostrate before me. I didn’t have enough speed to make it through the regular hurdles of life. . .

. . . nevermind this race I’m running strewn with toppled school desks, kid’s toys, and homeschooling supplies.

We did a personality test for a fun homeschooling project.

The results scared me to my core.

My daughter, the one who has been slowly asserting dominance over me every time my back has been turned since she was, oh, about two months old, has a personality that is – get this – most similar to a lion.

And my personality?

Not a lion tamer. Nope.

Not a blue whale, larger than life.

Not a great white shark, terrifying those within a several kilometre radius.

My personality, most unfortunately, given that I have a lion-like child trying to bite me whenever I’m not looking, is best compared to . . .

. . . a sweet and gentle creature whose favorite past time is to play.

My personality is most similar to that of an otter.

“And HOW is an otter supposed to lead a lion?” I yelled at God that day, kicking the path as I walked.

“All that kid wants to do is eat me!”

Try being David when your child is Goliath. Sure, it’s one thing to vanquish Goliath in a one-off contest using an unexpected weapon. But LEAD Goliath, David? Day after day? Good luck!

And that’s my job.

Also the strategy of “hide a bit and hope to survive until, oh, 8:30 am when the school bus comes each day” won’t work for me.

Nope.

This kid is with me 24/7.

We homeschool.

What was I thinking taking on this mammoth task?

“God!” I called out, my anger turned to desperation. “How is an otter supposed to parent a lion?”

And the picture He gave me in my mind that day as I walked changed everything.

The picture was of an otter, front legs straight out and entirely touching the ground, tail wagging.

Now pause here because this picture has meaning to dog owners. This is the position dogs assume to indicate it’s playtime.

And the rest of the picture?

The lion assumed the same pose, following the cues of the otter. Behind the roaring facade, she wanted to have fun.

She just didn’t know how.

Play with her, God whispered.

And I was given a tool that unlocked my daughter’s heart and opened a new parenting door for us, leading to a beautiful place.

I understood what He was whispering.

The lion will WILLINGLY submit to the otter so she can play.

The next day, when that little lion led me to an emotional place I never wanted to visit again, I stopped myself from following her lead.

I wasn’t in the mood to play.

But “Let’s play,” I announced.

I thought, “Let’s play a game where I try not to wring your little neck.”

But when I took the reigns, went with my natural strengths, and played with her, even though I didn’t feel like it, the little lion unwound herself and laughed a bit. And she hugged me.

And she was so dang cute that we played a little longer, and soon, I was having a great time, too.

I was leading again.

She naturally followed.

But this is the weird thing.

She came under my leadership for the rest of the day.

Fifteen minutes of play transformed her into a little lion-otter, expectantly waiting for me to help fun tickle her side at any moment.

And I made it through that homeschooling day.

Reflecting that night with a glass of wine, I asked my husband to promise to help me remember to proactively PLAY with my little lion so I could dominate her.

Er. . . LEAD her, I meant to write.

Whatever.

The point is that God has a solution to our EVERY problem.

And who knows? Maybe this strategy would work in other situations?

Try it with your boss. Tell him he’s a loser, and then laugh. See if you get that promotion after all!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

God, thank you that our mammoth problems are tiny piles of sand to You, that can be blown away with one breath of Your Spirit. Speak to us and remind us to hide beneath Your wings, the place where You hand out both love for us, and wisdom for our myriad challenges, we pray.

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

Ancient Text

The Funniest Christmas Letter?*

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Someone (who?) once said that a picture is worth 1,000 words. But what do they know? We think the funny things we say to each other are worth thousands of words.

So here you go. Funny things our family said last year in the categories of love, homeschooling, confidence, random thoughts, and flatulence.

On Love

Andy to me: “You look pretty.”

Me: Thinking, “After 22 years of marriage I don’t get that compliment every day!”

“Why” I ask him aloud, thinking, “Is it my hair? I just went swimming. My new exercise outfit?”

Me . . . persistent . . . “Why?”

Andy: “I think it’s because you told me to lie down and rest instead of help clean up after supper.”

Me: (!) (!!) (!!!)

Andy to me: “If we didn’t have a dog, where would you put all your affection?

Would you hug and squeeze us to death?”

Me… “Whaaa???”

– 5 minutes later –

Me: “I squeeze you. I squeeze you.” Kiss, kiss to Siri, our dog. Then wait! I remember…

Kyah: “Good morning! I missed you all night long!”

On Homeschooling

Usual unusual homeschooling moments

There was a homeschooling event a two-hours drive away.

Kyah called her friend’s mom: “Hi. Can you please drive me to the homeschooling event because my mom doesn’t want to because it’s too far and she doesn’t feel like it. So is it OK if you drive me instead?”

First-world homeschooling problem.

Esther: “Ah! I’m going to be late for class!”

– A few seconds later –

Esther: “Ah! I forgot to re-curl my hair after our walk! I’m going to be very late for class!!!”

Kyah, one Wednesday morning after math class: “Hi Mom! I decided what two new languages I want to learn, besides Spanish!” (Braille and sign language)

On Confidence

Andy to me: “You’ll be awesome!”

“Wait, is that snot on your face?”

Me: “How was church today?”

Andy: “I had a big hunk of peanut butter on my face from breakfast the whole time I was at church today. I went and spoke at the front and everything!”

Me: “Oh bummer! How did you know that?”

Andy: “Kyah told me in the car on the way home from church.”

Esther after doing hours of scholarship applications: “I never thought I would get tired of thinking about how amazing I am. I never want to talk about how amazing I am ever again!”

Random Thoughts

The words in brackets below are what I imagine the owners of the store to say in response to the questions on their street signs.

(Toilets inside)

(Cold showers inside)

Flatulence

I wish I was mature enough to leave out the fart jokes, but alas . . .

Person to remain unnamed: “Watch out for my silent laugh.

It’s usually a sign that I’m going to fart.”

I was using the microphone function to draft a text. Andy said to one of the girls “Who farted? Was it you?”

Those exact words were transcribed into the text to my friend.

Finally, the big news, if you haven’t heard is that Esther grew up and moved out to attend University (We’re very proud of her!). We got both a super cute bunny to play with . . .

and a large houseplant to sit in her old homeschooling area to replace her.

(To find out how I’m actually adjusting to this life transition, check out this post, or this one, or this one).

I’m fine, ok!

One last quote to finish off this letter:

Me: “I feel like I have a lot of stuff going on right now.”

Andy: “I do too, but I don’t know what they all are.”

What a great summary of our year!

That’s all. We hope you can read between the lines and feel updated with all that’s happened in our family last year!

Merry Christmas!

May your joy deepen profoundly this season as you ponder and reflect on the true meaning of Christmas.

Blogpost Footnotes

*Does that mean you’re making fun of us?

The Best Christmas Was The Most Painful Christmas

/ Lori Lawe / 3 Comments

I held my head in my hands, the non-physical pain consuming me, twisting my body to reflect my inner state.

The mother placed the baby in my arms and spoke of WHEN I took her home, enveloped her in our family. This baby was the gift that came no less miraculously than a child that emerges, astonishingly from one’s own womb. Except she traversed from God, through another’s womb, through the arms of another mother, into my arms.

And like a child ripped from her mother’s arms, she was taken from my arms and placed in another home.

We were pleased that the child would be taken care of, her needs met, thrive in a loving home.

And yet the pain in our hearts was only partially placated.

Every human soul carries its own pain within.

A loved one passes, an illness, a broken relationship, broken dreams, general ennui, desperation, hopelessness, despair. . . The waves of trouble that break over the human soul break us too, as our souls hit the rocks, making us bleed from the trials that have arrived on our doorstep, unbidden.

We open the door to today and the tidal wave of disappointment has arrived. We are left sitting on the floor alone in our world, unable to stand.

As we look around for a hand to help us up, something to hold onto, it seems hope is a long way away sometimes.

Can you see it?

I couldn’t either.

And then Christmas knocks on our door with the request to give to the needy, to distract ourselves with shallow merrymaking, to make ourselves sick with food that is sweet in the mouth and cancerous to the bones.

“Is this all there is?” we ask, our Santa hats adorning our heads in an effort to embrace the spirit of the season, our TV remote flipping from channel to channel, waxed chocolate at the fingertips.

Numb, again.

Another Christmas season has arrived, and we are numb.

No!

The old life is gone; a new life emerges!

The Message

That Christmas, the one when I could hardly breathe, I took off the old.

I crossed off the list of people that we were “supposed” to buy presents for. No more presents for friends, friend’s kids, extended family, parents, grandparents, my spouse. “And no presents for me,” I announced. We bought a few small gifts for a few children. And joy returned.

I crossed off the list the duty to make the Christmas treats I made every year, unthinkingly. I tried a few simple treats with a healthier spin. And joy returned.

I left the box of Christmas decorations in the basement unopened. When I finally gazed inside, I pulled out a few items that were handmade by friends or had sparked a particular delight, or a cherished memory. And joy returned.

I said no to every party, to the ones we were expected to attend that were too loud, had too much drinking, and too much shallow joy. We had a couple of quiet celebrations with a handful of friends or family, and good food. And joy returned.

No more expectations. The old has gone.

And the new life emerging?

And like the caterpillar that makes time for the quiet of the chrysalis, we too made time for the quiet.

– Time in the quiet morning hours, seeking my King

– Time for Christmas church services, as we sought to awaken our senses to the awe of the season through the life of the babe in a manger

– Time for a hug or a smile or an understanding look, more, more often from those around me

I spent time every evening that season with our little toddler at the outdoor skating rink. The one that is free.

When we fell, we would laugh and then sit quietly together for a moment noticing how the lights rimmed the rink, peering through the darkness. I could almost discern the light of the season through those lights.

And like the lights shining in the darkness, at the skating rink that is free, His free gift of love burst through my heart a little more often in the quiet mornings, in the moments of quiet at the worship services, in the quiet smiles of those whose lives I stumbled across.

And each smile was like gazing into another’s soul because I took the extra moment to see them, to know that they too, being human, have heart wounds. Can my smile, my love, be a drop of healing ointment to them, as theirs is to me?

And it was the best Christmas of my life.

As the song plays, consider asking God: How can any anticipated pain of this Christmas season be transformed into joy?

Anyone Else Find Some Parts Of Halloween Disgusting? Let’s Steal Halloween! (Shhhh…)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Yes, I did design a blog post around this picture.

This is my dog.

I had to find a way to get this picture in front of your eyes. We can end this post now. Some things are just worth 20 bucks including this dog Superman costume.

Now where was I? Oh yeah, I told you all to leave now.

But…

Since you obviously have nothing better to do, I will tell you my thoughts on why we should take over Halloween! We should all host a “Pentecost-Halloween Party”.

Now before all of you go to Wiki to look up a term I will spare you that hassle. Yes, Pentecost has something to do with God.

And yes, Halloween, at least now in our culture, has a lot more to do with the religion of Satanism (I said the word that must not be said in our culture! Satanism! Satanism is a religion! Open your eyes, people!)

For those of you rubbing your eyes trying not to go to sleep as this post irritatingly blasts its contents into your ears, the point I’m trying to make is that Halloween and Pentecost don’t go together very well on their own terms.

Here’s my logic for hosting a “Pentecost Party” on October 31:

  • December 25, what we now celebrate as Christmas, used to be an important pagan celebration, the birthday of the sun.
  • The Christians got together and (essentially) said, “Hey! We don’t like that a pagan holiday is the most important celebration in our culture! Let’s pretend that Jesus was born on December 25, even though he wasn’t, and we’ll slowly steal the focus away from these weird pagan rituals (killing cats etc). towards baby Jesus as a hope for the world.”

They will name [Jesus] Immanuel (Hebrew for “God is with us”)

The Message
  • And like many crazy ideas it worked!

Now, let’s not get technical in calling Christmas a purely spiritual holiday because I know that buying a lot of presents and then returning them the following week when your relatives aren’t looking isn’t exactly the pinnacle of Christian high culture.

Some Christmas carols, however, are essentially hymns, and many of these songs are the pinnacle of high Christian culture, even if our hearts need a little stirring to unblind our eyes to this reality.

The point is, that Christmas still has a holy essence to it if you know where to look, shining your flashlight into the darkest corners of our holiday culture.

So my rationale is let’s do this for Halloween!

Halloween is now the weird Satanic holiday. (I.e., killing cats and pretending that other fearful or gross things are actually funny! They’re not, by the way.)

So sure, the liturgical calendar may be out of order a bit, but let’s change the date of Pentecost to coincide with Halloween for the same reason the early Christians changed the date of Jesus’ birth to coincide with the birthday of the sun.

Pentecost was the day that Holy Spirit breathed on the disciples. This was the day when a bunch of his cowardly followers changed into bold outspoken preachers for Jesus Christ, most of whom were eventually murdered for their beliefs.

So that’s why my dog got a new costume.

And that’s why I asked some homeschooled kids (because let’s face it, homeschooled kids are a part of the hope for our society) to join us for a Pentecost dress-up party coincidentally on the day we used to call Halloween.

Go on! Have your own Pentecost Party on October 31! Have more fun than them! Then invite them to your party!

Three ways to take over Halloween at your Pentecost Party on October 31:

  1. Carve pumpkins because – well, it’s fun. Why wouldn’t we? Carve crosses into the pumpkins. This was my daughter’s idea. Let the candle inside shine it’s light through the cross of Jesus Christ and remind us that His kingdom is hope for our culture.
  2. Have you seen those dog dress-up costumes that look like a monkey riding on the back of your dog? If you find one, can you please send it to me? Thanks. Oh yeah, point number to dress up! Why not? It’s fun!
  3. Remind each other that a few loser fishermen (have you ever noticed what the disciples were like before Jesus was resurrected?) by the power of Holy Spirit, ushered in The Message that altered the course of our world.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.

Margaret Mead

What are you waiting for?

Go eat some candy and change culture!

Bond With Your Homeschooled Child By Teaching Her To Swear!

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Today I thought I’d teach you how to bond with your homeschooled kid by swearing at him!

This is a real-world example from my own life. 

The weirdest stuff in life is true so that’s how you can be assured I am telling the truth today.

So one day, I found my 12-year-old looking downcast, despondent. 

“What’s wrong, honey?” I asked.

“Well, Mom, I’m 12 years old and I don’t know any swear words!”

“Oh, hon! I’m so sorry to hear that!” I said, reaching down to hug her.

“Tell you what,” I continued. “Do you want me to teach you some swear words?”

“Oh, would you?” Her eyes filled with admiration for me and the wonderful real-life wisdom I possessed. She hugged me, unable to contain her emotions. Kids DO want to learn what parents have to teach them! These homeschooling moments are precious!

All that week we planned the best time to have our special mother-daughter date so I could impart my wisdom to her. 

Finally, the magical day arrived. We skipped math that morning so we’d have ample time to connect through profanity (Another important benefit of homeschooling). We walked on the beach so the ambiance would be just right, and so we’d remember this special mother-daughter homeschool bonding time.

“So what is one of the swear words?” she impatiently asked.

I found myself spelling out the F-word for her.

She sounded it out in her mind and then said aloud, “FOO-ka?” “Close enough,” I answered. 

I’m not sure how she muddled through junior high with friends from all sides of the innocence-experience continuum. 

And she may have had a few more black eyes from friends who didn’t think she was cool enough that year, come to think of it, but she got to the other side.

And what a wonderful homeschool bonding experience we enjoyed!

And now, you too, can enjoy this special bonding experience with your homeschooled child! Here’s how: 

  1. Don’t swear for at least a decade. Yes! I know this is impossible, which is why I included Point #2! Be patient! I can’t share all my wisdom at once!
  2. If you do swear (i.e., You can ignore Point # 1 now. You’re welcome), swear with tricks up your sleeve so you have the advantage*. For example, in our home, it’s not that we didn’t say any swear words for 12 years. It’s just how you swear that matters. If you swear, quickly distract them with a random question about cupcakes as in, “Do you want a cupcake now?” And they won’t even remember the swear word!
  3. Recognize the limitations of this approach. One problem with this approach is that they suddenly figure out you swear a LOT once you teach them what the bad words are. Oh well, I guess we have to prepare these homeschooled kids for real life!
  4. Watch them soar! And now that they know how to swear like the other kids, the world is their oyster!
  5. Forgive yourself for swearing and for other ways you may have accidentally messed up your kids! 

Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.

The Message

Translation: This ancient text basically says that God already knows you’re a dork!

And since God already knows you’re a bit pathetic most of the time, you can relax and have some fun with your kids!

Blogpost Footnotes

*Bonus parenting wisdom: Check out magician and master of trickery David Copperfield for additional excellent tricks that can be applied with surprisingly little variation to parenting!

You’re welcome!

Good luck!

An Encouragement: What is the ULTIMATE Homeschool Rhythm?

/ Lori Lawe / 1 Comment

I was sipping a summer drink, my shoulders draped with a blanket. I can’t QUITE bring myself to wear a sweater yet, but the leaves of fall are dropping, reminding me with the cool breeze that the days of summer are ending.

I found myself pondering the successes and challenges of the past homeschooling year, hoping that the total number of wins outscored the total number of defeats.

Then I took a fresh page, another sip of my iced drink, and pondered the coming year.

There is a certain RHYTHM to homeschooling, as there is a RHYTHM to the best things of life: summer-fall-winter-spring, or sunrise-daytime-sunset.

What is the ULTIMATE homeschool rhythm?

After much strategic thinking, erasing, and pulling from my wisdom of X years (I will NEVER admit I homeschooled THAT LONG!) of homeschooling, I think the ultimate rhythm goes something like this:

1) Read good books aloud to our children.

2) Focus on the relationship with each child. Talk to and listen to them.

3) Spend a 1/2 hour yelling at them and watching them cry during “math”.

And that’s it!

The ULTIMATE life of a homeschooler!

Repeat tomorrow!

By the way, both of my kids made it to high school math (pat on the back for me please). I’m thinking there are a LOT of martinis I’ve earned and saved for getting them that far.

Well done, mom, dad! You made it through math today! (Don’t have a martini yet – I was just joking).

Or maybe it’s not math but insert-monster-of-choice-here: toilet training, setting limits on technology, grammar, drawing lessons. (True story. One of my friend’s kids cried every time the art supplies emerged).

We all have our own battles but you get it.

On reflecting a bit more after writing this out (I process my thoughts via writing – thank you for reading and therefore helping me to think more clearly) I think the conclusive ALL ENCOMPASSING homeschool rhythm is the following:

1. Kids are trying to drive us crazy, to lose our sanity. This is called “sanctification” to us. It’s good for you (albeit eventually).

2. Don’t let them.

3. Bake cookies with them, or declare Pajama Day and watch a movie and eat popcorn with them.

4. Repeat.

(5. My editor keeps trying to delete this next one – I don’t know why!) When your kids are about to leave home, drink all the martinis you didn’t have on every bad homeschooling day. (And let’s admit it, there were a lot of bad days).

OK! OK! I won’t include that one!

My editor reminds me that I am in a sort of grieving process as my oldest child is getting ready to leave the nest and fly off to University.

Whole can of crazy is down there in my heart, waiting to get stirred up.

Well – ENOUGH writing for today! I’m fine!!!

Encouragement For When You Can’t Take Another Step Down Homeschooling Road

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

“You. You have nice kids.” People say this to us. Often. And this is what I want to reply: If you put plants in partially acidic soil and leave them there, they will grow but not to their full height. They won’t blossom with flowers of kindness. They are hunkering down, in survival mode.

If you want your plants to thrive, you need to put them in well-aerated soil of the proper pH. How much kindness is in the soil that your kids are stuck in?

Then we pull our little plants out of that soil and stick them in other soil with just as low of a pH or perhaps even more acidic. Time for hockey culture and dance practice. We wonder why they are withering, skinny characters blown by the wind into an awkward shape. We wonder why they are so fragile, so easily broken, with so little inner strength to stand against the wind, in joy.

It’s the soil. The rocky, sandy, paltry soil.

And the truth is, dumping manure on our plants is a hard job, that makes us sweat and that only seems to make the problem worse. The plants scream in protest. It burns.

But as we hold their hand, bring water on a cloth to cool their foreheads and to pour on the plant, the water seeps, bringing much-needed nutrients to their roots. They taste of your love, your love tinged with your sweat and your blood, and the water fills their small, malnourished bellies and satiates.

Your sacrifice is what is encouraging them to flourish.

And when little flowers of kindness bloom on your child, you can lean in close, smell the fragrance and let the rich scent soothe your soul.

Well done, homeschooling Mom, Dad.

And when our child graduates from high school or from our homeschool, that is the time to put our feet up and rest, not years earlier.

So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. The Message

And now, brush off your knees where you skinned them when you fell, wipe your eyes, dear homeschooling parent, and let’s take another step, Jesus holding your arm to steady you.

You’ve got this.

Let’s take it one year, one day at a time, shall we? Where is Jesus leading you next?

Blogpost Footnotes

Homeschooling is one of the many ways to pour water of kindness onto the parched soil our kids are trying to grow in. What are some other ways?

Homeschooling Will Probably Drive You Crazy (But Do It Anyway)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Those cement factories overseas, where people labor in dust and despair, with no relief in sight by the power of unions, would be a hard place to work.

Homeschooling our kids is not as hard as working in one of those factories.

But neither is homeschooling sitting next to the pool, a martini in hand, flipping through a magazine as we ring a small bell every hour to usher our kids onto their next subject.

Homeschooling kids would eat you alive if you tried that.

Homeschooling your kids is not the hardest job on the planet.

But neither is it as easy as we thought, right?

Sort of like parenting.

Because homeschooling is also about kids.

Consider taking our kids to a baseball game, as any good parent does.

(Wait! I’ve never taken my kids to a baseball game! Ahhh! Now I have to have many long evening baths to appease my guilt for messing up yet ANOTHER aspect of parenting! “No!” I yell at my family. “I won’t be available to help clean up the kitchen for a few weeks after supper again because I have to take many long baths to appease my homeschooling guilt!” We all find our own ways to get downtime, but that is a topic for another blog post.)

Now where was I?

I actually forgot where the baseball analogy was going. True story.

But yes, parenting has, even for the most accomplished-looking of us, had us all on our knees at some point, begging for mercy.

Why was it that we decided to raise kids, we all wondered at some point?

Ah, yes, it was because we need them to sanctify us.

So God made babies cute, we want one, and before we know it, our tyrannical children are regularly winning battles against us.

“Time to get stronger,” we think, as parents, going to the gym to increase our muscles to fight against these ultra-small beings. Except the muscles we are building are metaphorical. We are getting stronger in selflessness, in empathy, in understanding more clearly our need for grace, in spirituality, as we cry out to God for help.

And so, in exactly the same way that parenting sanctifies us, homeschooling provides an even deeper opportunity to sanctify us.

Because those tricky little kids are involved, the ones that came out of the womb stronger than us, we have met our match in the work of homeschooling.

They have an advantage over us because they already know their need for God.

Jesus . . . said . . . “Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom.” The Message

And homeschooling forces us to remember that we need Him to complete our tasks successfully.

And so this homeschooling journey is a marathon that will transform us. Not from sloth to athlete, but from capable to incapable. From standing and shouting orders to kneeling and begging for wisdom.

And just as an athlete is rightfully happy in their new body after the race, the stronger, more capable one, we can be rightfully happy as our hearts are cleansed a bit more, thanks to this homeschooling adventure.

Ready for your spiritual life to be supercharged?

Keep homeschooling, mom, dad.

God’s homeschooling adventure is equally for you as for your children.

Sanity is overrated anyway.

Science Proves Your Teen Doesn’t Have To Be A Jerk! (Part 2)

/ Lori Lawe / Leave a comment

Last time I gave scientific evidence to begin to prove teens don’t HAVE to be jerks!

Here are some more nails in the coffin of the idea that teens are generally jerks. The kids from the homeschooling culture we encountered were not in the habit of constantly being jerks. Also consider:

2. My eyes didn’t have to unwillingly be subjected to myriad low-cut cleavages and to buts mysteriously falling out of swimwear (wait – you mean they DESIGN modern bathing suits to do that? WHAT now?) when we were at the swimming pool with many of the kids from the conference.

The young men were not lurking nearby with half-crazed hormone-induced semi-leers, noticing with appreciation the buts and cleavages so mentioned above.

They were just kids having fun.

Even the older ones.

In fact, assuming they would behave like this, with their cerebral cortex’ filled exclusively with ideations of sex, would be dishonoring to them all.

The adults who assume this is all our teens think about are the ones with the problem.

It’s almost as if these adults assume self-control isn’t a real thing.

These kids know better.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Ancient Text

We moderns like all this fruit of the spirit, except, of course, self-control. Who wants that? It turns out that the fruit all come together as one big package. Joy and self-control are linked.

Why would these youth grovel in the mud when they can soar into God’s purposes?

So they just had fun together, playing random games with all ages of the kids there, laughing, and creating a whirlpool with 50 kids running in a circle in the small hotel pool. One tried to dive into the shallow end of the pool on one occasion (they definitely didn’t all have FULLY developed cerebral cortexes yet). A random parent yelled at them and they cut it out.

Which brings me to my next point.

3) Parents were welcome, and generally unnoticed at all of these get-togethers. Reminds me of the study mentioned in the last post that they WOULD hang around adults willingly.

Why? Because it didn’t actually matter if the adults saw what they were doing or not.

And ironically, of course, the parents are bored making the decision of whether they should actually be there with their kids.

It doesn’t matter if they are there.

They yawn and go to bed, as my husband and I did, and we let our teen girls frolic around with a hundred youths we didn’t know until 2:00 in the morning.

We heard later that was when they got back. We were asleep.

We found them in the conference room of the hotel singing praise songs to God together late into the night, when I got up to get a drink of filtered water. They had a couple of guitars, a violin. Some younger kids were playing cards nearby.

Sometimes a table of adults sat nearby, sometimes not. No one was really paying that close attention.

These were good kids, in general.

They were used to having healthy, hearty fun.

And so they blew the expectations we had for youth wide open.

Maybe our expectations are too low.

Maybe we are the ones with the problem.

These homeschooled kids open a door to another culture for us to glimpse into for a short time, a weekend.

May this glimpse be enough to blow open our current expectations for our youth.

Is this another way that homeschooled kids may offer hope to our society and discussed here, here, and here?

Science Proves Your Teen Doesn’t Have To Be A Jerk! (Part 1)

/ Lori Lawe / 5 Comments

It was the kind of research results that make you readjust your position in your seat, sit up straighter. Your hand automatically reaches out to tap the audiobook’s 10-second replay button a few times.

Huh?

Yup. Your teen doesn’t HAVE to be a jerk!!!

I was listening to the audiobook Your Best Brain: The Science of Brain Improvement by John Medina. Consider the following excerpt from Lecture 17:

“Epstein makes several important observations about the powerful effect of culture [on teens] . . . Epstein points to a study . . . looking at adolescent behaviour in 186 pre-industrialized societies. The research did NOT find lots of classic impulsive, obnoxious, get me away from my parent’s teenage behaviour in ALL of them. In fact, they found the opposite. More than half the young males exhibited no rebellious behaviour at all. Teens in these cultures spent most of their time hanging around their parents. They often helped with the chores both in family and in broader social activities”.

It kind of sounds like the homeschooled kids I met.

We attended a 4-day get-together with classically homeschooled kids from almost every US state and many Canadian provinces recently.

It was a culture shock.

In fact, the previous year, I attended this same event with only my kids. “You have to come to this event next year with us,” I pleaded with my husband. “This is culture shock.”

So my husband rearranged his holidays to attend this year with us.

“Uh-huh,” he agreed. He was glad he came. Some things just have to be seen to be believed.

The biggest culture shock is that all the teens weren’t jerks.*

“That must be your own rosy glasses you have put on only when you observe homeschooled kids!” you protest. “You don’t even know most of these kids for Pete’s sake!” you spit. (Wait- I know you don’t spit but it kind of ruins the effect if I say “You say politely”. Stay with me on this one.)

Consider the following reasons why it seems to me that these kids were not in the habit of constantly being jerks:

1) At the family barn dance (Can I stop there?) in which parents and all ages of family members including teens danced in the same big hall (Can I stop there?), often a very young child would join in the fray. Partners switched every few seconds sometimes, in a (deliberately) Jane Austen style. EVERY SINGLE TEENAGE BOY that I saw whose turn it was to dance with the 3-year-old, hunched down, smiled and spun the little girl in time to the music. EVERY SINGLE ONE.

Photo Source: Logos Online School Website

It was so sweet to watch teen after teen do this, it made me tear up.

These are not the teens skulking in corners, hoping for a chance to get outside and smoke some more pot.

As if this itself is not enough nails in the coffin of the myth that all teens HAVE to be aloof jerks, there is more evidence to follow that I will talk about next time.

Hold onto your hat. Adjust your position to sit up straighter and to take more notice. 

Entering this homeschooling culture, even through reading this blog post, may be enough to seriously damage your low expectations of today’s teens.

Check out this site below to blow another sock off the low expectations we so often hold for our teens.

the rebelution – rebelling against low expectations

Blogpost Footnotes

*Yes, of course, there are homeschooled kids who are jerks. I’m a jerk sometimes. So are you. And, similarly, there are myriad amazing public schooled kids. Of course!

We are observing cultural norms among various groups of teens. And the culture of these homeschooled teens aligns well with the science quoted in the study.