We jump into the fray and try to keep swimming in stormy weather, rescuing pots about ready to boil over (Why DID the homeschooling support teacher phone us again? Doesn’t he know yet that they DO learn some stuff, sometimes?) and then we clean up dog vomit, and listen to the friend who arrives on our doorstep, crying, or maybe she listens to us.
Well done! I tip my martini glass in your direction! We’re giving hope to our culture, as described here and here and here. Let’s celebrate!
We can trust that God has been waking us, calling us into a new adventure, for example, into homeschooling. And if we’ve been taking the next step to follow, His purposes for our lives WILL BE fulfilled, even if we can’t find them in the mess of our houses and hearts.
“I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.” God’s Decree. . . Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, Doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They’ll do the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the assignment I gave them.
“So you’ll go out in joy, you’ll be led into a whole and complete life.”
For more superhero homeschooling resources, or to laugh at another to make yourself feel better (Lori’s comment: Wait – whaa..? What is that editor on about, now? Oh well), check out these encouraging homeschooling posts:
Go here to see me in my own homemade superhero costume.
To discover that even homeschooling dogs can be superheros, go here.
The kids were playing contentedly, cutting out shapes with scissors. Wait – was that my planning notes they were chopping into shreds? And were those my scissors they were using?
Well, you can’t have perfection.
They are playing independently!
It had been an excellent day, in a homeschooling kind of day. We had our usual ups and downs, but my head was still above water, and it was only 5:15 pm! The kids had learned some stuff today.
I felt like a raging success.
The tidal wave of to-do items had flooded us again, but we were still standing.
“I am a success!” I thought, satisfaction bursting open my heart. “A homeschooling success!” Today, I got up early, dressed to kill (that is, I got dressed), put on my lipstick, and taught my kids stuff with (mostly) a smile, only some of the times forced!
The Yeti of disorganized, disregarded homeschool supplies and clothes half the size of my children still yelled at me from the basement, but I couldn’t hear it today.
And when my husband burst open the door that evening, home from work, I was excited to share my success with him.
“Look! Children playing contendedly!” I pointed out. “Look!” I shouted excitedly. “Feel their heads! Their brains are still warm!”
This was definite proof they had learned something under my tutelage. Kids CAN learn something from people who aren’t professional teachers! (In fact, homeschooling is easier if we aren’t professional teachers, but that is a discussion for next time.)
Do you know that noise that plays in the movies that sounds like a record player in reverse for about three seconds? That sound reverberated in my head. Right.
Supper.
I found a couple of limp carrots in the fridge’s bottom drawer, behind some rotting sauerkraut. Why don’t they stand up straight after being in the fridge for a long time? A handful of cabbage, brown spots along one edge. One egg.
Noooo!
I am happy that this situation described above only affected me once (My editor wrote 1,000 times because she insists on truth. Spoils sport!) Eventually, I learned a lesson that saved my ability to homeschool:
After morning coffee, and yes, while I am still in a housecoat and slippers, and as soon as the brain switches on, I take a look in the fridge before I understand the first words of needy children.
Anything there we can eat today?
And if not, grocery shopping is our first homeschooling field trip. We weigh vegetables using those fancy hanging scales in the produce section for our math! Our reading lesson is held in Aisle 4 as the kids try to find a word they recognize on the soup can: tertiary butylhydroquinone, anyone?
We take our lemons and we make lemonade again.
Yes! I have a plan for supper! You?
And we pat ourselves on the back because, just like our kids, we learn and grow as we homeschool, too. We have our priorities in the proper order. Our energy and sanity are limited resources, and we chose well today!
Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.
Albert Einstein
Yes, we may have to start afresh with our planning pages after our kids cut them into shreds to make bunny litter since we forgot to buy more, but we ARE making progress today!
Her heart pain rose up, up out of her chest and demanded expression in deep sobs. Jesus saw her. He stood by her side, his arms outstretched to offer love and guidance.
She didn’t notice Him.
In the prayer room that same week, Jesus communed with another woman, one of his dear ones. In the quiet, she was growing in hearing His voice. And then, prompted by Him later that week, she took a risk.
“Jesus sees the tears of the mother,” she whispered that day to the stranger, to the hurting woman. The stranger was the one who had been sobbing all alone. And in that busy place, at work, hearing the words from God, she burst into tears again.
The hurting woman could now sense Jesus was near. Jesus spoke His words through the mouth of one of His servants. Her words came from the heart of God and were received by another as a hug from Jesus.
The hurting friend relayed the story to me.
“I didn’t tell her anything about my daughter,” she gushed at me, astonished.
But heaven met earth that day. Light from beyond our sun, from the Son himself, streamed into the heart of one of His children and exited her mouth to wrap the hurting woman in a hug from Jesus. And a seed of faith was planted in the heart of that hurting woman that day.
And all heaven rejoiced.
Breakthrough happened in one more heart.
The unseen became visible, if only for a flash of a moment. Will this spark be fanned by the flame of the hurting woman making time for God, giving expressions to her reservations about church and the brokenness of His people? Will she push past the frustrations and find her way, in the quiet, to the place in her soul where Jesus speaks?
May she find her ears.
Will she pick them up, attach them and give them a listen?
They are lying there on the floor next to her. She may put them upside down or not quite in the right location initially. Will she re-attach them and try again tomorrow?
Will you?
Oh God! Open ears! Un blind eyes! Help us exchange our mud puddles of entertainment and distraction for the vast ocean of Your joy and presence! May Your Kingdom come! Help more and more of Your beautiful children, the ones You paid the ultimate price for on the cross, get out of their boxes and realize they have wings! Help them soar, Jesus, we pray.
If so, take a risk. Consider laying down your pride and showing up at the church near you where Holy Spirit is moving. Or join us online as we learn to lay aside our distractions, pick up our ears, and learn to love to pray. And may you, too, friend, be set free.
Caveat: This isn’t a promise of a highway to an easy life. But we do have Someone to help us. And walking with Him leads to more life.
It’s worth it.
What is the next step on your spiritual journey? Do you have time to follow your clues? May you keep travelling, dear friend.
The little girl was clinging to her small blanket, wiping her nose with her arm.
We are busy. We have appointments. We dress to accomplish, checking the time as we walk past.
She stares around her, alone, in a world of busy, busy people.
Jesus sees her.
He kneels, offering her a Kleenex. She spontaneously hugs him, clinging round his neck, and he picks her up. Then he sets her down and guides her by the hand.
They walk away somewhere.
Where did they go?
We turn round for a minute, casting another look, pausing in our day. Where DID she go, we wonder? We MEANT to bring her some food and a warm blanket, to bring her home.
But we were busy.
Oh! And look at the time. And we are off again.
And Jesus is sitting nearby at that busy intersection, watching, watching the people.
He drinks his coffee and waits.
One of the busy men in a suit falls in pain.
Ill health is the cog in the wheel that stops his rush. He falls to his knees. He holds out his arms, willing himself to go faster, but his leg won’t obey. He looks up at the sky for help.
The people sidestep around him.
Jesus bends his knee and offers a brace, a cane and an arm to lean on.
They hobble away together somewhere.
Again, the busy people take a second glance.
“Was that man hurt? I meant to come back and check at lunchtime, on my break, but I got distracted. The good jokes in the lunch room distracted me, and it was too late. I had forgotten.”
“Wasn’t that Bob? He’s not here, walking with us anymore. Where did he go?” We ask each other, but no one knows. We weren’t paying attention.
Closer, nearer, pungent aroma of steamy breath, foul stench of death surrounds me
“HALT!” I yell. “BACK DOWN!”
It cowers at my feet
My raised hand bears the silhouette of a dagger
In this eerie place
I light my torch
It’s blazing fire light comforts
And the dragon vanishes with the darkness
It lurks nearby, I know
Ready to draw nearer, to pounce
Should I forget, again, who I AM
It flies at me again
Like a mosquito
Irritating
Except it is the dragon
It will consume me if I let it
It seems to be only a minor irrigation
But it will leave me cowardly, a broken shrivelled residue of myself if I listen
To my thoughts
And so I pick up my sword
And I fight
Though I am already exhausted
And I win
Only when I remember
Who I AM
The Accuser of our brothers and sisters thrown out, who accused them day and night before God . . . So rejoice, O Heavens, and all who live there . . .
God, may we no longer be blustered by accusations. May we remember who You are, and therefore remember who we are as heirs of the King. Please empty our head of the thoughts that do not align with how You think of us.
May we keep Your thoughts of us, Jesus, closer than the dragon’s.
As you listen to the song below, consider asking Holy Spirit, “How do You see me?”
If our goal is win long-term wars, we will lose short-term battles.
As homeschoolers, we lose many short-term culture battles because the system is not designed for us.
Take swimming, for example.
I signed one daughter up for a private swim lesson, one-on-one with a teacher. Then, wait – I noticed they offered private swim lessons for up to two students. I decided to throw both kids into the pool.
“Oh, Ma’am,” the lifeguard explained apologetically, “we can’t take both of your children simultaneously because they aren’t in EXACTLY THE SAME swim level. The rule is that for a private swim lesson with a MAXIMUM of two students, both kids must be at EXACTLY the same swim level.
As homeschool parents, our brains go into culture shock.
EVERYTHING WE DO, ALL DAY, EVERY DAY HAS TO BY DEFINITION, be tailored to teach multiple students at various levels.
I found myself wanting to explain how to homeschool.
“Oh, come ON!” I wanted to say. The younger kid will undoubtedly learn a BIT of the more complex swim stroke if not the same proficiency! Undoubtedly, the older kid can do a BIT of review and maybe brush up on the nuances of a swim stroke while the younger one gets the main idea.
But if I were to speak, the words would go around the ears and over the head of the lifeguard. These words cannot penetrate -be understood. Two cultures have made their way to the front lines of the battlefield and only one culture wins this war.
I placed only one child in private swim lessons.
Inwardly, I laugh hysterically at the idea that two children of slightly different skill levels can’t be taught simultaneously. But my morale plummeted a little because I lost another battle. We lose a lot of short-term culture battles as homeschooling parents.
We must decide which long-term wars we are ultimately strategizing to win.
I propose the following:
1. We strategize to win the war of, when kids have left home, having kind children.
But they may look like idiots according to middle school report cards (losing a battle) when we are aiming for high SAT scores at graduation (ultimate war to win). “What is she going on about now?” you ask. I’ll explain next time.
3. We strategize to win the war of having passionate and engaged young adults.
For example, consider this post. We don’t kill our children’s natural God-given drive to learn. Similarly, the Homeschool Legal Defence Association found homeschooled students to be particularly diverse, tolerant and civically engaged.
4. We strategize to win the war of having the strength and wisdom, as parents, to finish the race of homeschooling for as long as this is the best option for our family.
In the interim, though, we are in our cocoons and so we are losing cultural battles all over the place, or at least it appears that way since we are blind for a while to what truly matters. Our goal is to win the long-term war of living in alignment with our most authentic intuition of a good life (although the good life almost kills us).
When our transformation finally arrives, and our identity is formed by how God (not our culture) sees us, homeschooling parents can finally relax and have fun.
Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.
Then, our children can survive the most important, long-term wars.
What wars are you preparing your kids for, getting them dressed in armor for, hoping they will survive the fight?
Jesus, give us wisdom, we pray. May we look at each of our children and at our culture, using the glasses You use to look through. And may we strategize well so that our children will win the most important wars. And strengthen us for this challenging journey of parenting and of standing up and of walking upriver in the strong tide of our culture, we pray.
But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don’t take yourself too seriously – take God seriously.The Message
1. To Enjoy – We want to have fun with and enjoy our children while we have them in our home.
It might be hard… but let the mother have the courage to do for themselves what they do for their children… and life would go on far more happily for both children and parents. Charlotte Mason, Developing a Curriculum
2. To Think – We want our children to develop critical thinking before entering the mindset of this culture.
Why do we think they are learning more because we are talking at them, or because they are writing in workbooks? The child’s instinct [for ‘real’ life] is wiser than ours.Susan Schaefer-McCaulay, For the Children’s Sake
For in the end, he was trying to tell us what afflicted the people in ‘Brave New World’ was not that they were laughing instead of thinking, but that they did not know what they were laughing about and why they had stopped thinking.Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
Our politics, religion, news, athletics, education and commerce have been transformed into congenial adjuncts of show business, largely without protest or even much popular notice.Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves To Death
3. To Love – We wish to bond with our children in a stronger way, and to avoid peer orientation.
[Love] comes forth out of a relationship which has to grow and deepen. We can even say that the love between parents and children develops and matures to the degree that they can reach out to each other and discover each other as fellow human beings, who have much to share and whose differences in age, talents and behaviour are much less important than their common humanity. Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life
We forget how deeply they grieved as little ones… there is no greater cause of unhappiness than the lack of parental sympathy (i.e. What is it like to be in their shoes?) Clay Trumbull, Hints on Child Training
I have been giving him treats for “staying” and lying down in one position for more than a minute or two.
One ear cocked to the side, yawning sometimes – the dog’s instinctual response to say, “I’m trying to understand you here!” – sometimes excitedly getting it.
But most of the time, he stares at me, wondering how to get more treats.
And this is a perfect example of what we are like as we come before God.
He has something to give to us. The analogy breaks down here because God doesn’t simply tempt us with crumbs but has the full banqueting table to offer. But you get the point.
My dog sometimes forgets about me and my rewards and lies down distractedly.
And then I give him a treat.
And doesn’t that happen to us too? We forget about God, go about our business, and then we hear His heart whispering. He offers us food when we least expect it.
Well done, God comforted me, excitedly offering me a food reward. Huh? “What the . . .” I had just woken up. In my heart, I looked up at God, my head cocked to the side, confused.
He comforted me in His love, in His presence.
What was I doing right? I stumbled to the coffee machine, trying to put the puzzle together. The machine brewed, and God poured delight into my heart as the coffee machine poured delight into my cup. I scratched my head, trying to figure out why God was pleased with me.
I listened to HIS cues.
I responded to HIS call to obey.
The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.
He had been asking me to wake early, to write, to offer this page of food to you, dear reader.
And I obeyed.
That’s it.
Regardless of outcomes as defined by our culture, in God’s eyes, this writing is a success because it is motivated by obedience. Like a child with a crooked, smudged, stick-figure drawing, the parent is pleased with her art. God, the parent, is pleased with our crooked efforts at responding to His whispers.
And what you are seeing is the actor on the stage, the polished version of me for you to read about.
God says write.
I write.
Applause.
End of show.
But behind the scenes, there is chaos. An entire repertoire of people, those on lights and sound, and the director helped me look polished for you. They cried tears, remade the costumes, and helped me fit into my new identity.
I offer credit where credit is due:
1. Thank you to our friend who scared back the monsters intimidating me and offered me his hand. “Stand,” he said. And he prayed passionately that day in our kitchen, “She is about the King’s business!” he declared.
And I believed him. And I exchanged another piece of my old heart, the one linked to how people judge my life, for a princess robe. And I danced in joy.
And You danced with me, Jesus. Keep dancing, you whispered. Keep following Me where I lead child, regardless of what they say.
And I’m still dancing.
2. Thank you to my husband, the giant man. When I was in the metaphorical hide out, the place I shouldn’t have been, God led him to find me. He ducked to half his height to enter the place that held me captive.
When he entered, the evil shapes fled. He is not scared of the same things I am. His lack of fear terrifies them.
“Come, friend,” he offered, holding out his hand. “Don’t be afraid.” And he held me in his arms and comforted me as I wept. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
And there wasn’t. Because he regularly prays I will dance in freedom, in that grassy place. And so I do.
3. And I say thank you to so many of my friends. You prayed for me. And you told me what you thought God was saying to me, though you didn’t always understand.
And I took those pieces, precious as each one was, and I thought and considered and prayed and placed them into the puzzle of my life. Thank you. I honor you.
4.And I thank you for the eagle you sent, Jesus, who swooped down and woke me and fed me. “Get up.” She nudged me, and I rolled over, trying to go back to sleep.
But she was persistent, unphased by my life’s lack of spiritual success.“Try this food,” she suggested. I tossed that aside, too. I wasn’t used to the taste.
She tried milk, and I drank it with relish. I was thirsty. Later on, my stomach could hold a bite or two of meat. I was growing up.
“How is your time of worship?” she asked me again, and again, and again. Finally, I could answer her to say that I am learning to abide more frequently in Your presence. And the next time I danced, I held the sceptre you gave me, Holy Spirit.
And so thank you, Jesus, for the many, many actors behind the scenes of our lives.
What was the path that took me from there to here?
Good question!
I’m glad you asked.
Here are the key stepping stones that led me across the river, onto a narrower path, without so many hurdles.
1. Pretend to be sick when you aren’t
What I mean is, if a few sniffles and a “headache” can help your kids bring you tea, quietly close the door behind them, and get all their homeschooling work (mostly) done in a hurry to “help” you out, then isn’t that just a helpful parenting strategy?
Yes, they may play a few more video games that day, but sometimes we have to negotiate with the enemy (is there perhaps a more precise word here?)!
And how do we need fewer “emotionally unstable” or “sick” days? This is the obvious question we want to ask ourselvesas the mature adults that we are. We don’t want to HAVE to lie (I prefer the term “play pretend”) to our kids quite so often. What I’ve learned is the following:
2. Try not to be such a nutcase
Oh, come ON, admit it! You ARE a nutcase, too! I haven’t met even ONE homeschooling parent, for example, who didn’t start this way.
We start our homeschooling adventure with our new homeschooling planners (I have paid up to $99.99 for mine – a VERY expensive calendar with a bunch of blank paper inside).
We ALL start with our new, sharp pencils and energy overflowing from within. We purchase a shiny new curriculum or textbook and dutifully divide the book into 36 weeks, the total number of weeks in a school year. When we have completed this exercise with our stack of texts, we wipe the sweat from our brow and think – GREAT! I know EXACTLY what my kids will be learning on March 16, next year!
We ask for ONE or maybe TWO areas of prayer for each child. Oh, and for us.
God’s priorities will not be those we choose for our kids. We prioritize hockey and extra math lessons so that EVERY KID born in this country will be in the NBA (or whatever the popular sports leagues are) and have myriad universities begging them to attend.
Instead, we humbly exchange our vanity, linked to our child’s successes, for God’s chosen priorities for them.
And His priorities for us are interior postures of the heart, a heart sickness within each of our kids, and in us to focus on. Lying? Selfishness? Bickering? Jealousy?
Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
It’s the kids who are born as tyrants, but if you become a tyrant, there is order in the home. Then the true skill we need to learn next is how to become a tyrant to ourselves. We need to grow in the skill of bossing OURSELVES around.
When we show up at a paid job, in our office clothes and clipboard, we say “Yes Ma’am!”, do what we are told, then come home exhausted and put our feet up.
But when we show up on our first day of homeschooling, for example, no terrifying boss threatens to fire us each day.
It’s easy for us and our kids to stay in our pyjamas.
Essentially, what is the MINIMUM work that needs to get done by my kids and by me? CHECKING my kid’s work is MY JOB I need to do, whether I feel like it or not. How am I doing with that job?
And if you find you are in overwhelm again? No problem, dear friend.
1. Declare another sick day!
2. Pray a LOT!
3. Learn a couple of tangible skills to proactively manage the ship!
When do we jump from a sinking ship and when do we bail frantically to save our lives?
When do we decide that the public school system is broken enough that it can’t be fixed and jump ship to homeschooling? When do we stay in the school system, attend PTA meetings and volunteer as a playground supervisor? When do we put our kids in the public school system and do our best to bail out the ship?
How am I supposed to know?
But who wants to screw up their kids?
When my soul welled up with reasons to seriously consider homeschooling, flooding cultural expectations for my life, this is some of what it said:
1. Before we had kids, I would hear something about homeschooling and a random tear would erupt, sliding slowly down my cheek. What was going on? (If you have a lump in your throat right now, you’re done for. Just sayin’. Stay in your pyjamas today to get used to it because you should be homeschooling soon.)
2. A kid tried to beat me up on my way home from school in Grade 3. What was that about? I was “the kindest, most empathetic person” a teacher had “encountered in a long time” (verbatim wording from my report card). Is there any way to spare our kids from UNNECESSARY pain?
Sure, they WILL experience pain, but if we know they will get beat up with a baseball bat emotionally, spiritually or (even) physically day after day, can we at not, at least, flip a coin to see if there are other ways to learn the alphabet?
3. And there were those times when I would walk home from grocery shopping with my mom, hand in hand. We would sing songs. This was most cherished memory of my childhood.
It wasn’t expensive. It wasn’t complicated. How could we live to have a few more of those kinds of moments?
4. Then I read the parenting classic Hold Onto Your Kids by Neufeld and Mate. Their words were a confirmation, like check marks on my intuition. Maybe we AREN’T supposed to structure society so that kids and teens spend most of their time with people exactly the same age as them.
5. And what if some of the ideas we hold dear as a culture, the general beliefs, are wrong? If another culture’s beliefs are (obviously to us) wrong, some of our culture’s commonly held beliefs WILL BE wrong too. Which ones?
6. Maybe kids DON’T need the latest cultural clothing styles as defined by other kids their same age. Maybe a second-hand sweater will do.
7. Maybe kids don’t need their own menus of sugar and hyper-processed foods. Healthy food habits WILL get pulled down to an outlandish level in a culture of extreme bizarreness, of kids eating two-thirds of their diet as highly processed foods. As much as we wax on about eating healthily, stepping into another culture, home, where everyone eats a bowl of soup at lunch is a realistic way to instil normal food habits.
Schools are increasingly mimicking the culture of Brave New World (so my middle school substitute teacher friend asserts), but it’s our kids who suffer there.
It was time for us to jump ship, to swerve onto a narrower road. How about you? Is it time for your family to jump ship? Do you sense the pull of your heart towards giving homeschooling a try?
We have to wean ourselves off the cultural drugs that addict us to the wrong desires first.
Our status in society may drop precipitously. We will have to pick up a new identity, one others may gawk at. The old identity, defined by perhaps lots of stuff, expensive vacations, and value in corporate America (i.e. a job in exchange for money!) may no longer stick with us.
Here’s some food to strengthen you for the journey.
Blogpost Footnotes
Since this post was written, a teen in our community died from a drug overdose. Also, I received a text from a local nurse that youth age 12 – 14 using meth is the new normal. Sheltering kids for a few more years, using whatever resources are available to us, is becoming increasingly important.