My kid casually mentioned she may want to move out.
That’s okay!
That’s a NORMAL milestone! Hello!? Of course I don’t care!
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Most people fail at the gym because they look down on the wrong people at the wrong time.
The proper way to be successful at the gym is to choose WHO EXACTLY to look down on, and WHEN. Let me explain. A new guy in our gym class worked out using too much weight and bad form.
I saw him nursing a sore bicep immediately following this exercise.
The reason why so many people pump too much weight at the beginning before they have strength or skill in lifting is because, of course, they don’t want others to look down on them.
But here’s the little twist of fate that makes all that sweat at the gym worthwhile after a few months:
If you can suffer through the humility of having others at the gym looking down on you for just a short season then . . .
You can be the one looking down on others VERY soon because you will have a strong physique, and someone new will show up at the gym, so you can (therefore, of course!) look down on the latest people in just a few months!
So the trick then, as mentioned in my opening sentence, is to:
CHOOSE CAREFULLY WHO EXACTLY YOU WANT TO LOOK DOWN ON AND WHEN.
However, MAYBE you’re one of those morally superior people who NEVER looks down on others or tells others that you think you are morally superior! Well GOOD for you! But since I’ve never met anyone like that, let’s keep discussing these points for the rest of us, “not-so-amazing ones”.
And then we’ve come full circle, and now YOU are the one making fun of the new people at the gym!
PS – As an aside, I know this may be surprising to you, but I recently read a book that has a chapter about humility in it, and in fact, on reflection, the definition below from this book fits in perfectly with this Newsletter:
Humility (Definition): “The simple and freeing . . . assessment of who God is and who I am. It is rooted in our belovedness and adoption of the Father, so we aren’t tricked into timidity or start feeing like a worm.”
So as another strategy, you could also get fit by going to the gym, working out, and not noticing or caring whether others are judging you or not, because you already found your self-esteem somewhere else!
However, this strategy seems impossible, so I don’t recommend the approach.
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
1 Try to do this humbly.
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So discouraged. Head in hands. I haven’t seen the sun in weeks. It’s just cloudy skies day after day. I feel stuck inside this small room that confines me.
Where is the sunny sky, and how do these skinny arms transform into wings?
When is it my turn to fly?
I sit on the wooden box, my only piece of furniture in this cement box of a room and read.
I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
And a glimmer of sun – Is it? Peeking through the clouds?
I go outside, for the first time in weeks, to look up at the sky and get a closer look. I shield my eyes now, for the sun shines with unstoppable radiance through the clouds. The sun reaches EVEN ME.
And I am pierced to the heart with this light that illuminates my chest and then expands upward and downward as I stand, mesmerized, as the sun peaks more and more of its light through the clouds that reluctantly part.
Is that hope I sense on the horizon, too? My heart stirs a little at the sight of something blurry, something I can’t quite bring into focus past the horizon. (Have you looked yet beyond your horizons?)
In your great love revive me . . . I see the limits to everything human, but the horizons can’t contain your commands
I am warmer now, and I take off my sweater.
The sun’s rays, which are even brighter now, moments later, seem to warm me from the inside out.
Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
The clouds part further, making room.
I reach deep, deep into my heart and pull out the weights that hold me to the earth.
I’ll take that, I sense the wind whispering.
Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders
And I feel an itch, now, and the urge to scratch at my back is almost unbearable . . .
The old skin falls off.
You’ll be changed from the inside out
And as I rest outside now, in the sun, my wings warming in the spring air, I feel almost enough hope to flap, flap my wings, as they dry here in the sun and then . . .
Do I have the courage to try them out?
Do you?
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar
One species of dragonfly lives underwater for more than five years.
Yet some dragonfly species live only for a few short weeks on land.
Yet in this short time, dragonflies are a keystone species, meaning they play a crucial role in the health of their ecosystem.
And so, why do you, too, friend, love dragonfly décor?
P.S. – For more in-depth Fashion Analysis, check out my other Newsletters HERE, HERE and HERE.
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
Photo Credits: Parting Clouds by Marieke Verhoeven on Unsplash, Horizon by by Lucas Davies on Unsplash, Dragonfly Alive by Buddha Elemental on Unsplash
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To encourage you (Well, it MAY have been to encourage the unfillable void of my ego needs, but who’s counting?) I wrote two posts about Mother’s Day HERE and HERE!
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
Kyah: “You are the best Mom.” Me: “Well thank you, Kyah, but I don’t think that’s true.” Kyah: “No one is perfect but you are the best Mom for me.”
And so we may not be perfect, but we are the best people God put in our lives for each other. I know that’s true with your family and friends, too! In this same spirit, know that despite the shortcomings that all of us (even me!) have, YOU are exactly the VERY BEST parent for the children God entrusted you to guide.
And to those of us who are waiting for a child, and this gift from God has not arrived yet, we send you our love and pray you are as blessed with your waiting or adoption journey as we have been.
God places the lonely in families
As you listen to the song below, consider pouring out your heart to God concerning your children, the ones He has already placed in your arms and the ones you are hoping He will put in your arms.
Let’s join hands and help each other as we walk with courage on the journeys God calls each of us into.
Our examples, even with (mainly because of) our many falls, free our children.
God, we pray each one of us would have the courage to take the next step on our journeys following You, we pray. Holy Spirit, would you comfort and help us when we fall? Jesus, we pray that we rest in our identities as EXACTLY the right people that our children need, as we follow You, we pray.
Photo Credits: The Child’s Boquet by Mark Stuckey on Unsplash, Birds Flying by gang coo on Unsplash
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The eagle tucked its wings as it landed.
The eagle is a woman who has mentored me. In other versions of herself, she is also known as the bedraggled stranger in a well-worn, dusty cloak, who pulls those who are drowning from the depths of their unbelief as it wraps tighter around their necks, strangling them.
But in the spiritual realm, with the eyes of God, she is an eagle.
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I was sipping a drink, my shoulders draped with a blanket. I can’t QUITE bring myself to stay inside as much anymore, as the days are getting a bit warmer, reminding me with the warming breeze that the school days are ending soon.
I pondered the successes and challenges of the past homeschooling year, hoping that the total number of wins outscored the total number of defeats.
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Of course, we all expect our teen children to hate us, be embarrassed around us, talk down about us to their friends, and find every way they can to show that they are rebelling against everything we stand for as the authority figures in their lives.
We wag our fingers at them and say, “YOU SHOULD do this or that!” even though we didn’t do this or that when we were their age, and getting up off the couch to talk to our kids is hard for us sometimes because our snacks and our devices call us to do more important things.
What if there is a different reality to parenting?
Even if we’ve rolled up our sleeves over the last nearly two decades and gotten “Good Parent Points” on our clipboards for throwing balls with our kids, giving them birthday parties, and teaching them to drive, what if even then, deep down, we still expect our teens to be embarrassed around us, spend as little time with us as possible and talk disrespectfully about us behind our backs until they are finally “Free.”
What if the expectations we have of our teens are too small?
It turns out they are.
Check out this NEW1 research.
Lecture 17 of Your Best Brain: The Science of Brain Improvement by John Medina says:
“[The scientist] makes several important observations about the powerful effect of culture [on teens] . . . [He] points to a study . . . looking at adolescent behaviour in 186 pre-industrialized societies. The research did NOT find lots of classic impulsive, obnoxious, get me away from my parent’s teenage behaviour in ALL of them. In fact, they found the opposite. More than half the young males exhibited no rebellious behaviour at all. Teens in these cultures spent most of their time hanging around their parents. They often helped with the chores both in family and in broader social activities”.
We saw an example of this kind of teen culture in reality at the homeschooling conference we recently attended.
It was a culture shock because not all the teens were jerks!
Consider the following:
(1) At the homeschooling family barn dance (Can I stop there?) . . .
(2) In which parents and all ages of family members, including teens, danced in the same big hall (Can I stop there?) . . .
(3) Often a very young child would join in the fray. Partners switched every few seconds sometimes, in a (deliberately) Jane Austen style. EVERY SINGLE TEENAGE BOY that I saw whose turn it was to dance with the 3-year-old, hunched down, smiled and spun the little girl in time to the music. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
Watching teen after teen do this was so sweet – It made me tear up.
(4) These are not the teens skulking in corners, hoping for a chance to get outside and smoke more pot.
Entering this homeschooling culture, even through reading this newsletter, may be enough to destroy culturally low expectations of today’s teens.
Check out this site for teens for another example: The Rebelution – Rebelling Against Low Expectations
So friend, now that you feel empowered to refuse low expectations of your teens, I recommend you go home, yell at your kids, throw some stuff around the house and make your point VERY clear that now you KNOW they don’t HAVE to be jerks anymore!
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
After that advice, consider asking God how you may need to throw out the way that you see that child and see them instead through the glasses that God gives you, the way He sees that child.
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
Oh, and by the way, the expectations of the Father for your life are greater than you imagine for yourself, too.
Do you have time for coffee and fresh vision?
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Photo Credits: Teen by Микола Тонкодуб on Unsplash, Barn Dance From Logos Online School Website
1This book by John Medina is over 10 years old, but “New” is a relative term, and let’s admit that we all have forgotten half the stuff we need to know to do well in life, anyway! Related, consider the following quote:
If you want a new idea, read an old book.
Ivan Pavlov
This quote proves that you have no idea what you are doing, either, as you parent your kids, and any information, whether new OR old, will help you!
Last night, I was up at three AM because our dog had his semiregular hair elastic emergency poo in which he eats a hair elastic and has trouble with the elimination thereof.
Surprisingly, my auto dictate function accidentally captured my monologue directed toward my dog, Siri, the last time this happened. “Are you kidding me? Okay, okay, okay! Let me help you, Siri! Just a minute! Stay, stay, stay, stay, STAY!”
However, he was able to get everything out all by himself last night!
I didn’t even need to reach down and pull it out like I usually do!
This morning, as I type this, I have just returned from a lovely spring walk with my dog, Siri, and my teen daughter. After enjoying the sweet spring air, part of this beautiful ritual includes finding an old stick nearby to “hockey puck,” our dog’s you-know-what off the middle of the road, the location our dog knew would be the perfect spot to place it.
To tie these miscellaneous thoughts together, I must admit to feeling astonished at how much time I had spent at the rear end of my dog the last time my dog was unwell (in his rear-end parts, of course)!
I wonder why people don’t tell pet owners this ahead of time?
Maybe it’s the same reason why they didn’t tell me it would be so much work to raise my kids. Because we would watch TV and eat junk food for eighteen years instead, the lifespan of dogs or the approximate time kids are in our home if we knew the truth!
Anyway, at least kids sometimes turn out useful!
Our kids may even help drive us to a Doctor’s appointment when we age! They will choose our old folks’ home! (My dad often reminded himself of this under his breath when he was furious at me, which helped him have increased patience with me!)
But are dogs EVER useful?
Why do we love dogs, given they aren’t even helpful? (Note: I’m not sure why my editor fought me SO much over that sentence! We all know that the only reason to “love” another is that we hope to get something in return eventually! Hello?)
Anyway, why do we love our DOGS? Because of the healing that occurs in our soul, of course!
For example:
If you want to make sure of keeping [your heart] intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal . . . To love is to be vulnerable.
C.S. Lewis in The Four Loves
Need I say more?
Now, I have recently been startled at the similarity between how a Dog’s love heals our souls in EXACTLY THE SAME WAY God’s love heals our souls!
For example:
You’re welcome!
Good luck!
As the song below plays, consider asking God to pour out His love on you in a tangible way that you can pick up, treasure, and carry close to your heart.
What are you sensing as your soul’s response?
Photo credit: Love Your Dog Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash
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The Bible story pictures often portray Jesus sitting on the grass, Buddha style, with some children frolicking nearby, spewing truths that people fell over trying to catch.
Which would be true.
But Jesus also got angry.
Anger fueled by the love that erupts within our souls like a volcano sometimes contains the seeds that can eventually heal culture.
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You’re WAY too serious! Loosen your tie, friend, and relax a little! Oh, and laugh with us!1
I wrote this newsletter several years ago, but it’s still funny.
At the end of the newsletter, I offer two INVALUABLE2 tips so you can laugh more often, too!
In the middle is some funny stuff because we need to laugh a bit more.
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Restoring Life 